here comes 30

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.

frasi lolop = April Fools

Well, we all thought/feared that this was coming. My work just called us all into a meeting to tell us that in a week all of our clients will be transferred to the company that we sold our coaching department to about 6 months ago...thus I will be out of a job.

So, if you hear of anybody needing a graphic designer, let me know! ~Much appreciated

who is mother nature, anyway

I woke up this morning and was greeted by this:

I have not been this stunned in a long time. Sure it has been cold lately, and I heard it was supposed to snow yesterday...but after about 2 flurry flakes in the early afternoon, I thought that's all it was referring to. Then, this?! What is that, 6 inches of snow?! Ok, maybe 5....

What in the world is mother nature up to?

Also...speaking of mother nature...(get ready for blond Melissa to reveal herself)...who is she? Growing up I learned that she was the magical force behind the weather. But then people started referring to "the curse" and "aunt flo" as "mother nature's monthly gift". There's even that new commercial that shows mother nature magically appearing to a woman and bringing her a wrapped package with a bow (I know that's how I feel about it...'sweet! it's like my birthday every month!') Then last night someone told me that mother nature was calling so I assumed she meant it was her aunt flo calling...but I never did clarify with her and I think she was actually just referring to needing to use the bathroom. It seems that mother nature is one busy lady covering all those different aspects of our life all around the globe.

I think perhaps when it's just a normal bathroom visit, it's just under the heading of "nature's calling"...am I right? Ugh, I'm so confused.

Whatever she does, this morning's gift was pretty darn amazing.

working on my 4 year food storage

It's payday today and thank heavens. I have been spending the money a little bit too much lately. That's why I decided not to spend any this week (those cheez-its from the vending machine and buying gas yesterday don't count). I came to this conclusion on Sunday when we only had an hour of church and I decided it was high time to "cook" something to eat in all that free time. I opened the pantry door and I swear moths flew out. Then I took a good hard look at what was in there. There are things that I've had for at least 3 years...maybe 4. That was when I realized I was looking at my menu for the next week.

Here are some of the things I will be enjoying this week and reliving the fond memories of when I bought them (after dusting off the moth poop):

Capri Suns: I bought this box probably 4 years ago when I lived with Tracy and Angela and we would go meet at a park for lunch, eat and play frisbee.Schweppes Granadilla soda: Straight from South Africa...these are very special to me and I think I'll save the 2 remaining for a special moment. I bought them about 2.5 years ago and have fond memories of sharing them excitedly with friends who told me it just tastes like fresca...heartbreaking.

Mountain Home Potato soup: I got a pint-sized bag of this for Christmas 2 years ago... It was always too small to make for dinner group and not tasty enough to make just for me.

4 Boxes of Rice a Roni: I bought them 2 years ago thinking I would make them for meals...apparently not.

4 Boxes of Mac and Cheese: The Melissa Staple is back. I had it last night and quite enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure those boxes have been in there for a year or more.

1 Bag of corn meal: Perhaps my oldest item. Jon gave it to me during one of his many moves from BYU. I think 5 years ago.

Here's the short list of what else is in there:

4 boxes of Jiffy muffin mixes
4 Boxes of cold cereal
A 2 liter of Root Beer
1 Can of diced carrots
1 Can of black refried beans
1 Can of regular refried beans
1 Can Spaghetti O's
4 different kinds of Hot Chocolate. Why do I have this?! I don't even like it.
1/2 box of lasagna noodles...I can make the smallest pan of sauceless, meatless lasagna ever.
Various soup/gravy packets
One tiny box of red hots - not sure those are mine.

By all accounts it looks like I could actually live off my pantry for a few weeks...maybe I'll acquire a taste for hot chocolate...with red hots.

tighten those belts: signs of the bad economy

Times are bad...we all know that.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that things really are as bad as they all say (thanks for your help with this, Tracy):

No parking at the rec center - People are buying rec passes instead of forking out the dough for the slightly cleaner, newer, more fashionable and less smelly gym memberships.

Gas prices remain relatively low - This has its own predictable side effect...people will start buying gas guzzlers again because - hey! gas is cheap! (the side effect to that? - GE and Ford will once again be selling their favorite SUV's and the economy will start to rebound...cha-CHing!)

Investing your money is actually throwing your money away (but don't you dare stop!) - I put $1650 dollars in my Roth IRA in the last 6 months. Guess how much is actually in there? That's right - $1568. I'm so glad I'm investing my money....

70% of everyone I know seems to be worried about their job or is currently looking for one -The other 30% are teachers.

The gov't is going into deeper and deeper debt - That's got to help, right?

Cheap food and entertainment is all the rage - There's no wait for seating at Bombay house but Fat Cats is at least an hour wait.

Starbucks closed 600 of its stores, if not more - What is wrong with this country?!

Cheaper prices on everything! - ok...everyone says this but I've yet to see it. I guess I'll continue to sit back and wait for all those deals to come around.

Old Navy has resorted to using mannequins in their printed ads to model their clothes instead of paying for real people/models

Arby's no longer serves homestyle fries

A new generation of depressionistic spenders - here's an article about that...and a quote from it:

"As many economists have noted, cutting spending is the worst thing people with means can do for the economy right now. But that argument seems to have little traction, especially because even those with steady paychecks and no fear of losing their job have seen their net worth decline and their retirement savings evaporate."

And the number one sign of the bad economic times:

No donuts at the 7 stake tubing activity - "budget cuts". Really...it was heart breaking.

Any that I missed? What are some you have noticed?

now I know why they ask "would you like anything else with your order?"

I just went to Carl's Jr to celebrate Jack's up-selling me on 2 tires and an alignment after getting my oil changed.

Girl In Thick Spanish Accent: "Can I take your order?"

Me: "Hi, ok...."

GITSA: "ok let me know when you're ready.."

Me: Confused
"ok...can I have a cheeseburger kids meal?"

GITSA: "what drink you want?"

Me: "Rootbeer"

GITSA: "Ok, what else"

Me: Do I get another drink?!.... "er....fries?"

GITSA: "You want extra fries?"

Me: "No...sorry...that's all"

GITSA: "ok go to the window"

Me: Is this free? I pull up to the window.

GITSA: "$3.62 please....Fry sauce?"

Me: "Yes!" I didn't even know Carl's Jr had fry sauce! Finally, someone with Good customer service skills.

i forgot about the smiths

Like...completely forgot. I even have one of their cd's somewhere...unless it was one of the ones that got stolen.



I was reminded of them while watching the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. I'm kind of interested in this movie and not just because it has the Smiths and Regina Spektor music in it. But that helps.

Listening to the Smiths again makes me want to paint a still-life consisting of an antelope skull, a jar of peaches, a rusted milk can and three shriveled apples (thanks for pretending it was beautiful and hanging it in the study for a while, mom).

ate things tag

I will post, but I refuse to tag. I guess it's kind of like not getting married so that the family name dies. When I put it that way, it sounds more cruel than it actually is.

TV shows I 'Ate (living or dead):

Dallas
Sex and the City
The Glen Beck show
Dr Phil
The Batchelor
Big Brother
Judge Judy
Most other reality shows

Things I Ate yesterday:

applesauce
Easter candy
fruit leather out of the garbage
my pride playing foosball
EZ Take-out Burger
taquitos with sour cream, cheese and avo
chips and salsa
Probably a little bit of toothpaste while brushing me teeth

Things I Ate (ain't...this is hard, ok) looking forward to:

More Wrinkles
A slowed down metabolism
Looking for a job
Driving in the snow today
The stress of teaching my children correct things
My car dying
Socialism
Steep gas prices in the summer

Favorite restaurants I Ate at:

Bangkok Grill (of course)
Bombay House
Pizza Factory
Gandolfo's
Weinerschnitzel
McDonald's
Taco Time
In 'n Out

Things on my wish list I Ate:

Avocados
Mango Lassi
Fresh Spring Rolls
Chicken Satay
Costa Vida sweet pork
The South Hampton
Olallieberry pie and ice cream
Nandos garlic and herb sandwich


People I Ate:

Oops..no one..well wouldn't you know it.

I bought that dresser...strictly to support the crumbling economy

I could stare at this all day

....and I think I do. It's now my phone wallpaper.

I stumbled upon it on saturday, along with an $80 brown pea coat...too bad I had limited myself to only spending $40 (swimsuit sale at shade).

Speaking of which...here is what I will look like in my new swimsuit from shade:

That's right...no more wedgies. I have finally caught up to the rest of the world in figuring out that one piece swimsuits hurt. Especially for those of us with stubby legs and lengthy torsos.

That's right #2... I bought a gray top with brown bottoms. I love breaking rules. Though, as my friend Catherine pointed out yesterday: at the end of the sale, the store is going to have to figure out what to do with the rogue brown top and gray bottoms. I'll have to check back and see if they're on clearance and they can sell them to me.

Back to the dresser: Actually...only the bottom two drawers are actually drawers. The top "drawer" is actually a pull down desk...how cool is that?!

I want it so badly it hurts...but it's $500. Everyone (except those who truly love me, of course) is telling me that's too expensive. But, it really seems like quality solid wood and for heaven's sake, its for sale down from $1000! You have to admit, 500 sounds pretty good compared to that.

So...give me advice...should I get it? Be honest...its ok.

I can just picture it in a simple room with a flat color on the wall....

happy birthday, february

February is a special month. Here are some special things that I have found about February:

Black History Month: Since I am as white as they come, I celebrate this by making countless "BHM" mix cd's with such ethnic artists as: Tracy Chapman, Miriam Makeba, Taj Mahal, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Otis Redding and Michael Jackson (mental note: remove vanilla ice off my BHM mix...it turns out he's not black).

Only 28 days: You would think February being shorter would make winter seem shorter too, but no.

Month of birthdays: 3 of my favorite people (not including me) celebrate their birthdays in February. That makes February the month with the most birthdays of my favorite people...so...Happy Birthday, my favorite people! (you know who you are). Actually, June maybe takes the number one spot because it is also full of birthdays and one of them is mine...sorry February. But, I also know several people my age who have given birth to all or most of their children in February...not sure what that means...maybe that May is the new Valentine's month?

Abandoning of new year's resolutions: It's the first real month of the year where I can begin to relax on my resolutions again...and the gym crowds start to dwindle...scratch that, I just went to the gym and it was as busy as ever...let's replace that with temple crowds start to dwindle (this I have noticed for sure).

So...February, now that I have proven how special you are, please feel free to come around again in 12 months. But this time give me more warning so I can go out and buy birthday presents.

anger: one letter short of danger

I'll admit it, I have a short fuse. I've already reviewed for you (in my previous post) how I patiently wait through automated systems for customer service reps...needless to say, I have long felt like I have the shortest fuse in my family. Bless them for being so constantly patient with me.

You may think I hide it well, but that's just because you don't know me well enough to have witnessed one of my moments. Moments that cause those in my presence to shrink in the presence of danger. Moments I am not proud of.

Last week was my week to park under the covered parking. Twice, as I was driving up to park, I would be halted by some sort of dodge mini suv that had stolen our covered spot. Of course, both times it snowed overnight while my car was not nestled under it's protective overhang. Feelings of unhappiness and begrudgement followed. My roommate Judith seemed pretty sure that it was our upstairs neighbors who were the culprits, even though they wouldn't claim responsibility.

Fast forward to yesterday: I...

1. Stopped by the library to pick up the next book on my book list: The Dance of Anger.
2. Drove home to my apartment to begin reading: The Dance of Anger.
3. Parked in uncovered parking (it's stacey's turn for covered).
4. Saw that another car had once again stolen our covered spot.
5. Steam flew out my ears and my body writhed as I did: The Dance of Anger.
6. Did The Dance of Anger up the stairs to our neighbor and pounded on their door.
7. Went inside my house and began to read: The Dance of Anger.

somehow I look like a boy, even on the phone

Just to follow up on the last post...last night I had to call Verizon about 12 times because we were trying to upgrade our phones online and it seems that Verizon hates our account. By the time I had put in my phone number and secret password for about the 20th time and then waited on hold for 20 minutes once again, it was hard to mask my thinly veiled anger to the unsuspecting agent on the other end. (My poor family that had to hear me rant and rave while waiting on the line...my anger wasn't so thinly veiled around them).

Then, when the customer support agent finished our conversation and asked for me to validate them: "Have I successfully helped you with all your questions today, sir- er...ma'am?

the irony of a decision

Ok, about a month ago, I decided I was going to grow my hair out. During my 9 or so year stint with "boy-short" hair, I didn't have too many embarrassing moments caused directly by my hair...well, if you're not counting how bad I look in pretty much every picture ever taken of me. I'm certain that's due to me (please, remind me to open my left eye, everyone), not my hair.

Here's a look back at one of my favorite short hair awkward moments circa 2000:

Walking down the streets of new york at night with 4 other girls who also had short hair (art-school field trip...that might explain it) and we walk by a guy smoking on the sidewalk...as we walk by, he says: "Is you a girl? cause you looks like a dude!"

....................................

So currently, I am in the awkward mullet-like stage of growing it out. Still, I was looking forward to being more girly and attractive to the opposite gender. But 3 experiences in one week's time have deterred my faith in my decision a bit (they might also qualify as awkward melissa moments...AMM). Maybe it's like the trial of my faith...only after will I receive a witness that I made the correct decision.

1. On our way home from Texas, the flight attendants were going by getting our drink orders and the attendant looked up from my mom to me and before really looking at me (this is how I rationalize it so I feel better) said “and for you, sir-ma'am?”

2. The next thursday night, I was leaving my mom's house at dusk and the neighbors were going in their front door with their kids. Suddenly I hear one of the kids yell, “Hi, grandma Cox!” All I could do was pretend to be a 60 year old lady and say “hi” back and then jump in my car and drive away real quick. Flash-back: This was likely the same child that came to me more than a year ago while I was washing my car in front of the house and asked: "are you a girl or a boy?"

3. The next day, as I was driving to Hurricane with Stacey and Carla, we stopped in Nephi to get some taco time. We ordered and then sat down to eat, and a few minutes later, the tiny 15 year old that took our order came over and he said, "my boss wanted me to give this to you....I don't know why..." It was a piece of paper upside down...with Stacey and Carla eagerly watching, I flipped it over:
When telling my family the story when I got home on sunday, my mom's response was: "she thought you were a boy?..."

"yeah, mom...that's what she thought...."

ugly outfit day

It was stacey's idea. Sometimes, I think she just comes up with these things because she knows it makes my day to do stuff like this. I told her it reminded me of Katie's "ugly betty day". We should have gone and got mom's ponchos to complete the ensemble. A few things I learned from our day of adventure:

1. My camera sucks at inside pictures...look how blurry and grainy this one is.

2. Stacey doesn't own any ugly pants. I had to let her borrow my pink ones (psst...I wore them to work today), which made them perfect because they are about 4 inches too short for her long legs.

3. I have lots of options for combining clashing colors and patterns. Look at my awesome socks, even...thanks, ange!

4. It's sad when it's ugly outfit day and your roommate doesn't even notice... (me and stacey eagerly listening to judith opening the door... "hi girls....why you smiling so big?....") I wonder what that infers about my everyday (not ugly, might I add) outfits.

5. Fashions are crazy enough right now that only one person mentioned anything to us as we went shopping ("I like your pants..." to me).

6. Dressing insane doesn't stop anyone from thinking you work at barnes and noble:
"hey, do you ladies know the children's book about (some weird name)"
"no...don't think I've heard that one"
some big long story about how his kids got it from the library once and now he can't find it
me: "I would try googling that phrase in quotes and see what comes up"
"oh...I could try that...where's your computer?...I can't find anything in your store..."
"er...I don't know where any computers are....sorry (do barnes and noble employees always dress like this?!)"

7. Even sitting at home doing nothing is a party on ugly outfit day.

8. Winner ugly outfits don't necessarilly give you guitar hero super powers.

9. The excitement of your own ugly outfit can cause you to forget what you're doing when filling your car with gas (ten minutes later...."oh....I should have selected "midgrade" before I pulled the pump trigger.... I get how this works!")

Here's to any future Ugly Outfit Days...(maybe tomorrow?)

irrational fears; shower edition

I forgot one of the main irrational fears in the last similarly named post, so I decided to do a whole blog about it. My whole life I have had this fear and it is only alive because of my house; the house I grew up in. I don't have a picture of it, but it's a typical, orem, split-level home...sort of like this, but not really at all, actually (ours has snow around it and not tacky dead leaves...and what are those weird shades on the upstairs window?!). Do you see the part that overhangs over the lower level? In my house, that is where the bathtub is. I was probably 8 or so before I actually figured that out, but when I did my fear was instantaneously born that at some unsuspecting moment when I was sitting in the bathtub starkly in the buff, the bathtub would fall through the weak (termite infested, maybe?) floor and I would be sitting on the south side of 200 North fully visible to all who would drive or walk by.

Irrational fears are titled that for a reason...why would I think that I would be the one (with my substantial 40 lb 8 year old body) to cause it to give way and not someone like, say, my father?

Just so you know, I still have that fear. I was reminded of it when staying at my mom's over christmas and taking several showers and baths in that tub. Each time I do, I plan in my head how I will respond to such an emergency. You know fire escape plans?...this is similar. One plan involves laying down as flat as I can in the tub, hoping no one notices me (that's as far as the plan has gotten...pray that's not my only resort at go time). Another relies on my hearing some timbers creaking before the breakthrough, allowing me time to grab the large towel that I always hang super close (so it's available for emergencies) and wrap it around me while I run briskly into the house. As you can see, I don't really have any great plans, yet I spend my whole shower or bath trying to think of them...that's why it's a fear, folks.

You may have also guessed that I have the fear of people seeing me naked. But I don't think that one's irrational.

my 12 favorite texas moments of the weekend:

The two guys in their late 20's that jumped ahead of us in line to get on the plane (southwest...sigh) and when my mom pointed out that they were supposed to be 10 people behind us, they just ignored her. They will forever be known as "those skinheads" by my mom, even though they both looked clean cut...but one of them was bald. She thought those skinheads might hunt her down for giving them a bad time.

The 7 Ladies in the Las Vegas airport who looked like they just touched down from India. Their accents were thick, they were taking pictures of each other all over the airport (I took a group picture for them thinking I was being so helpful to the novice american tourists.) and even a picture of one of them holding a dollar bill (american money!!). As I boarded our flight, I passed one of them sitting at the front of the plane and she thanked me for taking their picture. I asked if they were headed to Dallas (our flight was continuing on to dallas after lubbock). And she was like "no, we're from Lubbock." Ha.

After Rob's family picked us up from the airport, we were driving to their house on the freeway and a car came zooming along in the fast lane...in the opposite direction!

watching mystery science theater...and only now that I am looking up the particular movie that we watched, do I realize it was rated "R". Good thing my brother fast-forwarded lots of it.













Going to the science museum with the kids

Trying shrimp again, and re-affirming that I don't like it.

winning the "bird watching trivia game" even though I feel I know the least about birds in our family (thank you, life list cards...and Rob for the hint on the Northern Cardinal).

Playing games with Andrew every free second... "Aunt lissa...play game me". Then he'd grab my hand and fake grunt while trying to help me up off the couch.

Learning what playas are at the science museum and then seeing millions of them on our flight from Lubbock to Dallas.

The singing flight attendant: "we are cle-eared for depa-arture...you are getting sle-epy...very sleepy. you don't want anything to drink. you are not hungry for peanuts...the lights are dimming... ok now stop annoying us and let us go to sleep."

Discovering that Southwest offers complimentary hot chocolate.

Flying through 5 different airports for one trip to Lubbock.

it's an american institution

I live right across the street from this place and I have to say, I've never seen the parking lot this full. This picture must be photoshopped. I live in constant amazement how this place stays in business. Right in the middle of the Christmas rush I ventured in because I had heard they sold cocomotion machines. I've never seen it so busy! At least two lanes were open and I saw a smattering of people with carts as I walked up and down the isles. I think there was someone in line in front of me at the register, too...a serious Allen's christmas rush!

The sign is the same, the parking lot is the same, the two splotches of red painted shingles are the same, the cash registers and squeaky conveyer belts have to be the same. It has been around my whole life. Infact, here is the Allen's time line for my life:

Ages 5-15 (estimate): I accompany my mother every 4-6 months to do her "month's shopping" at Allens (or the old Macey's that used to be in Lindon by the Purple turtle, or food4less in provo). Month's shopping was just that, shopping for a whole month's worth of groceries. Generally two carts piled high with stuff. You would love to be behind us in line. When it was my month to go with mom that meant I got to chose the "sugared" cereal my family would eat that month.

Ages 16-25: I forget that Allen's exists. Actually, I probably just assume that it's gone out of business by now. It's at least 2 miles away...in the wrong direction.

Age 26: I move to 12th west and about 16th north in Orem and Allen's becomes the park and ride for my family trips out to highland to see the cousins. 12th west is too far out of the way for my family to come pick me up, so I drive to Allen's; park; and then ride with them the rest of the way.

Age 27: Our dog, Mustache' (moo-stosh-uh), in a haze of senility, wanders from home (200 N, 400 E) and is found at Allen's (2000 N and state) smelling of sewer and having a mysterious ear injury that would plague her the rest of her life and haunt my dreams the rest of mine.

Age 28: I move across the street from Allen's and every few months afterward notice it as I drive home and think, oh yeah...Allen's!

Age 29 (saturday): Having left my car in several pieces the night before at my mom's, I figure I'll have to walk to Albertson's to do my shopping. But then I remember...Allen's! It's right across the street! So, I borrow my roommate's gloves and bundle up for my 20 yard walk to Allen's. As I walk I remember that my mom mentioned to me just the day before that she figures Allen's is able to stay in business so long because they now own the building they are in. No house (er...store?) payment! I imagine that helps. Let me just say: You never know what you will find at Allen's. That's what's so great about the place! I love to just go roam the isles and discover. In the soda isle, this product, Couronne, caught my eye and my curiousity got the better of me...I had to buy it. Mainly, I thought it looked alcoholic...or at least like cleaning solution. Turns out, it wasn't either, but just the sweetest, creamiest soda you'll ever taste. Really...it's too sweet and creamy. It's sick. Actually, I think it smells and tastes exactly like circus peanuts.I go to check out and the total bill is $18.03, so I give the guy a 20 dollar bill and watch him very kindly type that he received $20.03. I decide then and there: this place must stay in business.

find the rhyme in '09

Back in October, I decided that (having successfully failed on my 'find a mate in 08' goal for the year) it was time to move on to the slogan for '09. I knew it had to be "get a spine in '09" the moment I came up with it. I figured, however, this might not be as marketable as "find a mate in 08" because, really, I felt it didn't really apply to many others (t-shirts not forthcoming, as of now). The meaning is three-fold:

1. I have never had a spine. I cannot say 'no' when people ask me to do things, no matter how silly, or unreasonable. Thus when a door-to-door salesman shows up, I wind up with newspaper subscriptions or a 4 year (no cancellation possible) subscription to 5 different magazines...thank heavens that one is almost over; I am certain my mailman hates me...though I will miss the reader's digest.

2. Being brave to do things I wouldn't usually do. I resolve to step into the unknown and try things like: Seafood, driving in the snow, being friendly to others at church, and possibly even swimming without any board shorts on over my normal suit...this is the big time, folks!

3. Most of you are aware that I have been closely in touch with my spine issues this year (and bored you with them). I want a new spine...a real spine. One that will allow me to do sit ups like a real person (not some outer-space life form); one that won't collapse and re-injure just from jumping on a trampoline. At the same time, I realize that my spine issues are not bad. Many others have far far worse pain and limitations from their spine...so maybe I just want my body to heal a bit. Maybe if I never exercise or do anything strenuous...I like the sound of that goal.

There you have it. When I told my sister at the first of December what my goal was for '09, we then went on a rampage of finding what else could possibly help us rhyme our way into '09. Here's what we came up with. Since most of you probably already have spines, please feel free to use one of these for your goal this year:

lookin' fine in '09
be mine in '09
clean the grime in '09
marry for time in '09
toe the line in '09
in my prime in '09
or...depending on who you are: past my prime in '09
also...for me: passing my prime in '09
looking for a sign in '09
resign in '09
graduate on time in '09 (for my sister)
patsy klein in '09 (i dunno)
swingin' on a vine in '09
see the Rhine in '09
raise swine in '09
work in a mine in '09 (you never know with this economy...)
be on time in '09
or...for me: stop being on time in '09

Sorry for the posting drought...I've been thinking. Thinking about my irrational fears. I have a few:

1-My stories are dreadfully boring. I had a district leader that was a bit jerky (understatement) and told me once (right after I finished telling a story that I thought was hilarious, of course) that I tell the most boring stories...thus the foundation of my fear.

2-That my fear that my stories are boring is not actually irrational...

3-My teeth crumbling. Someone told me once that that means that I fear losing something permanent in my life. You would think that I would actually floss with this irrational fear that might turn out to not be irrational afterall.

4-Change (to go along with the previous). My routine, my family, my job...don't change it. Every time I go through what I think is a big change, I do a mini panic only to find out in the end that it wasn't really a big deal.

5-My car tires will "twist their ankles" if I turn a corner too tight. I think this stems back to the worst injury I've had. A few years ago I tore a couple ligaments in my left ankle when came down from a rebound on someone's foot...wait...was that story boring?

6-Spiders underneath my toilet seat. That is a very vulnerable spot for a spider to have access to.

7-I have every deadly disease known to man. I'm 95% positive this one is actually true...also, is that a lump on my neck?

8-There is a man hiding in the back seat of my car.

bailout benefits and bull

Ok, I realize that I don't know much about this subject, so I'm asking for everyone's opinion on the matter. Is it just me, or is the big three bailout a bunch of bull-arky? I knew the gov't bailout of the large financial yahoos was a bad thing...because as soon as that happens then every other large American buisness comes crawling to the government with the claim "well you helped them...why not us?". Foreign automakers have been more on top of making cars that are fuel efficient, thus going along with our sudden desires to be trendy and drive conservative cars. So should we reward our nation's automakers who have been ignoring that trend? Hopefully this isn't just a trend, though...I have to admit I find the big gasguzzlers pretty dang irksome, and I don't think it's bad for the companies that built them to have to pay a price for it. If the government helps them, then will they even try to invest in future technologies? Will they actually make their cars more fuel efficient? Why is it that new cars get just as bad or worse gas mileage as the same car 20 years ago? Have they made no improvements in that time?! Sounds like they need a wake-up call, not a handout.

I didn't vote for mitt romney in the primary, but I think he knows his stuff about business and I think I agree with him on much of what he says here.

So what are the benefits of a bailout?

1. temporarily save a lot of jobs?

that's all I got.

I think I have a boyfriend

He just keeps hanging around. I try to get rid of him, but apparently my magnetic personality just keeps drawing him back to me. Don't you love when a suitor is completely clueless to your blatant attempts to get rid of him? Maybe I should just give up and welcome him in.

What? oh...you want to know his name? ok, but I'm trusting you not to google him, find out all his bad qualities, and then try to point them out to me...trust me...that never works. We all know that once someone's blinded in a bad relationship, there's no reasoning with them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting Trojan horse BHO.GJK for lunch to discuss possible marriage plans.

That's right...I have a computer virus...we've been on the dating path for almost 2 weeks now.

financial peace....check!

I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's book, Financial Peace. Ah...my life feels so much more secure already...like wrapping myself in a big warm blanket made out of sewn together $100 bills and then flopping down for a nice nap on my straw tick mattress...but it's not straw, it's $10 bills which are more comfortable than straw. But what isn't, really.

I actually did enjoy the book. And I have to admit, I'm trying out his (and my mom's) "envelope method" of budgeting. So far I've done really well except for those times when I've just pulled out my debit or credit card to make the money in the envelope last longer....which is totally working...I still have $20 in my envelope for this pay period which ends on the 25th!

The last chapter had some good "baby steps" as he calls them for achieving financial peace. So that you don't have to actually read the book yourself, here's what he says:

1. Get $1000 in savings. Until you do that, pay the minimum that you can on everything else.
2. Get mad at debt and kill it with the debt snowball. If you want to know what that is, ask me :)
3. When your house payment is the only debt left, work further on an emergency savings fund. That is 3-6 months worth of your expenses. Keep this money untouched but available...don't invest it.
4. Max out your 401k and other investments as much as possible; check all your insurances to make sure you are getting the best deal.
5. Start a college fund for your kids (whatever...my kids are paying their own way just like I did)
6. Scrape your extra funds together to pay off your house early.
7. Now nothing is left but to build your investments to wealth and give it away.

Notice that the last step wasn't "move into a bigger house and start all over again..." It was to give money away. That's one thing I like about his book. He strongly promotes generosity and especially paying a tithing. Interesting, eh?

retrEAT

Ok, what else is a rs retreat good for but eating? This one did not disappoint, let me tell you. The cabin in Aspen Grove was amazing. It looked so tiny when I walked in but it had beds for 25+ people and 5 bathrooms that each had showers in them. Every bed had sheets, a blanket, a towel, a washrag, a bar of soap, and a bottle of shampoo (I guess they couldn't find any real poo) sitting on top of it. I wasn't planning on showering up there but having all that available just for me to use made me rethink that strategy. There were about 9 different bedrooms so separating myself from the snorers wasn't too hard (bless stacey and anika for being quiet breathers).

Let me just say that I love our bishopric. It was great having them and their wives there with us. The bishop gave a good message about unity and then we did a get-to-know-you activity and had dessert. As we were sitting eating dessert, I looked out the front window to the dark outside and there was a man in a suit unloading some bags from a trunk of a car. The girl next to me said "is that Elder Holland?" and only then did I realize that it was actually Elder Scott. Soon the bishop was out the door to talk to him and a few minutes later here comes Elder Scott walking up to our door to meet us.

He was very patient and kind to us considering how giggly and star-struck everyone was while he was there (insert embarrassed eye-rolling here). We found out that day was his 80th birthday and sang to him and presented him with a brownie with a pretzel stuck in as the candle. He told us a joke and we took some pictures with him and he left. My favorite part of the visit was a conversation he had with a sister right before he left that went something like this:

Sister: "Elder Scott, during this last conference I made a sock puppet that looks like President Monson and my friend says that I shouldn't give it to him, but I think he would actually like it...do you think he would?"

Elder Scott: "I think he would appreciate it"

Just at that moment, you would have seen me disappear from view in the corner of the room as I think my knees gave out from laughing.

if you see mr mortensen, tell him his wife has been waiting 29 years.

Yesterday I went to the front desk at our office to test our company's new admin system to make sure everything I normally used on it still worked ok. Doing this required me to login to the admin from scratch. I couldn't remember if my username was just my first name or my first name plus my last name's initial. I wagered a guess and I logged in on the first try! Then I looked closer and saw that I was logged in as "Melissa Mortensen". Now, I know that this is our future admin, but I didn't realize that it was the admin of the future!

My eyes are open for my Mr. Mortensen.

Here's a new awkward Melissa moment for the week:

Attending my aunt's funeral on saturday, I was excited at the prospect of seeing my mission president and his wife and other couples from my mission that my aunt and uncle served with as well. I was able to talk to the Brooksbys who were in the mission office while I was there and the Roberts' (my mission pres) right as I arrived at the viewing before the funeral. I then proceeded in to the viewing room. A few minutes later, I saw a youngish man out in the hallway that looked familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. I brushed it off assuming it was a missionary from my mission that I just didn't know very well. About 20 minutes later I was talking to my sister and this same guy taps me on the shoulder and says "Hi, Melissa"
....all I could say was "Hi...i don't remember how I know you..."
"um...we went out a few times"
oh yeah....aunt Linda set us up a couple years ago.
"yeah...oh!....those were really fun dates"

ode to auntie lulu

Wow, talk about pumpkin carving skills. I still don't know who did it, sadly. Also, I think the origins of my mysterious eye squint are finally brought to light.

Some things I learned (or want to learn) from one of the funniest, happiest, daring-est, creative-est, scripture knowledgeable-est people I ever knew (that's a lot of ests):

Top thing I have admired about her is her sense of humor. Everyone who spent any time with her in the last few months knows of it's resiliency. It survived through every invasive form of radiation treatment on her brain tumor and kept us smiling/snorting anytime we were around her. I believe I now have proof that a sense of humor can get you through anything.

Her children each told of some april fool's prank she played on them. I think my favorite/most random one was when she cut up nylons and cooked the pieces into their breakfast pancakes. I'm so doing that someday. Watch out, my future children.

I'm pretty sure that I was her favorite niece...just like all her kids were sure they were her favorites as well. That's because she treated everyone as if they were the most important to her...how did she do it? It was simply by making that person the most important when she was with them. It seems simple. But, how often do I treat others that way when I am with them?

thanks for tagging me, tanya...if it were anyone else....

Five things that people don't always know about me...this sounds suspiciously like cz's blog. So, maybe mine will turn out to be more quirky than unknown...let's face it, my life is an open book.

1. One side of my bath towel is used strictly for my face and the other side for the rest of me. Under no circumstances must I allow myself to dry my hands on the inside (face side) of my towel.

2. While talking, I usually have to pause in the middle of many sentences...most often it means that my train of thought is still boarding at the station. Many of you have already noticed this/want to kill it.

3. When faced with a situation where a response from me is necessary but I don't know what to say... "totally" is often all that comes out. Ask our company ceo; I think I have said totally to every comment he makes to me. Also, I'm pretty sure I have Stacey to thank for it....

4. I am a personality chameleon. When I'm around someone long enough, I start to talk like them (see quirk #3)

5. I can stare off into space for extended periods of time. No need to entertain me. Put a pleasing color or pattern in front of me and I could be there all day.

ok, I tag jojoba...apparently she needs a reason to post.

money isn't everything; it just is

I've been organizing things. Like my m&m's this morning...and last night, I had to organize all the scrabble tiles that were sitting on my kitchen table. I just had to.... btw, I didn't realize that a scrabble set has 12 E's. That's the most of any letter. I remember organizing my dad's coin collection by year.

I think this re-emergence of my organization tendencies might be related to my recent concerns about my finances. I think I need to organize my budget a little better. Sometimes, I feel a little bit out of control, money-wise.

In the last month, I have casually happened upon two articles about families that tried to go a month and a week, respectively, without spending money. I read the month-long one first. Then a couple weeks later when I read the week-long no spending article, I found that it left a bad taste in my mouth. There is something very different about how each accomplish their "no spending" goal.

It seems to me that the first discovers what they really can and can't live without and changes their lifestyle accordingly. They are able to find ways to enjoy and survive life through their own creativity. The second makes seemingly no changes to their lifestyle... just tells everyone they are with, or purchasing services from that they can't pay or have to pay them 'next week'. One becomes self sufficient while saving money...the other just becomes a burden to all those around them. Which would you rather be?

the land of my fathers

A week and a half ago I was able to go down to southern Utah for a couple of days and spend yet another great couple days at Stacey's parent's house. I'm sure they are sick of me by now...but I'm sure not sick of their scone breakfast or tacos...or fall apart roast.

That Saturday, my friends followed me on a bit of a wild goose-chase to find the lytle nature preserve, a place from my childhood where I spent much time:

playing with toads in the mud,
looking for horned lizards,
clearing nature trails,
watching dad catch rattle snakes,
luring ant lions out of their lairs,
picking cholla cactus needles out of my arms and legs,
getting dust in my eye,
killing invasive frogs and eating their legs,
sleeping in a trailer that hadn't been cleaned for 20 years.
climbing the movie screen (as we call it).

We might have done a few of these on this trip as well...but mostly we just hiked the movie screen. here are some pictures of our 10 minute 'scramble'.

View from the top, Eastward
View from the top, Westward
A very brave Judith
That night we went and saw Les Mis. at the Tuacahn. Notice how everyone else is dressed in cute blouses and I'm wearing a t-shirt that I pretty much only use camping...some occasions just call for fancy.

sore feet = spiritual contentment

Ok, so I've been complaining a lot about the "green" movement. But, I remember our family back in the day (probably about early 90's when my oldest brother was thinking of doing conservation biology as a major) wishing that the rest of the world would get a clue. For my freshman writing class I even chose to do my big term paper on deforestation. So, why does the "green movement" bug me? It shouldn't... I should be happy that the rest of the world is now becoming aware of the environment around them. And even though most are excited about the green movement and will wear the shirt, etc yet actually do nothing about it...neither do I. I mean, I bought one of those reusable grocery bags...but how often do I actually remember to take it into the store?

I took one small step (so to speak) forward yesterday, though... I walked to work. I think maybe it was about 4 miles round trip and took probably a little more than a half hour each way... not too bad. I wonder if I can make myself continue... even if only once a week.

You might have noticed my link to this blog on my links list...sometimes he kind of annoys me (read 1st paragraph of this post), but I appreciate that he was one of the original green movers that was willing to actually make drastic lifestyle changes a few years ago.

After finally arriving home from work yesterday, the bottom of my feet had a sharp, tingling sensation that I only relate to working at the temple for 4+ hours on my feet. Now, the real test: see if I can keep it up without falling into the green movement trend of bragging about it. Oops. Too late.

coming out of the political closet

Is it possible that I am secretly a Democrat?

While taking my shower this morning, the water reminded me that I had a dream about Obama last night. He and I were a synchronized swimming team and he was lifting me in these incredibly artistic poses. Even in the dream, I remember thinking...something is not right about this...I would never wear a swimming suit with sparkles on it.

So what does this dream mean?

1- I am secretly a democrat.

2- Obama isn't as American as he claims... synchronized swimming isn't really a sport that defines America. I mean, why was the dream not about us both in the world series together, or playing football?...huh?!

3- If Obama wins, I (and maybe the rest of america) will be lifted to new heights?

4- Or... if Obama wins, I will be forced to do things utterly against my nature.

5- Someday, I will be the one running for president and he will be my supporting running mate...just a thought.

6- Taco soup is not a good before bed activity.

What other interpretations could I make? I only have a month to figure out if I am actually a democrat.

you: gliding down the stairs. me: steamed.

I've had a rough week at work with the customers. I don't know if my customer service skills have gone down in the last few months or what, but the customers this week basically think I'm incompetent. Yesterday, I thought they were becoming appeased but right before I left work at 3:30, I got an email from one that basically sent steam shooting out my ears. I shouldn't let myself get so upset when he was just misunderstanding what I was trying to explain to him. But he was misunderstanding in such a demeaning and are-you-daft?! sort of way. Still... he was the one that wasn't understanding correctly. I had to send him a quick reply before I left to try and calmly explain it in a way he would understand. Then, with my head still spinning with rage and frustration I left the office to go to my temple shift.

Suddenly there you were, gliding (best word to describe your walk) down the stairs two at a time in front of me. You completely changed my mindset in a split moment. In case you don't know if you are you... let me refresh your memory. You were wearing a sea green button up patterned short sleeved shirt, Electric blue jeans that I haven't seen in over 2 decades...you know the ones with an elastic waistband that resides anywhere above the bellybutton, without any back pockets or any sort of body shape? Actually there's some shape... they come to a defining peg slightly below the calf where your white socks and checkered 80's slip on shoes extend below... way below.

Your dress and demeanor announced "the world may care...but I don't". So thanks....You.

funniest snl commercial in a while

your chance to vote for the best awkward melissa moment of the week.

let's face it. This could be a weekly post, I'm that consistently awkward...maybe I will make it one.

1. A coworker that sits near me comes back from a lengthy time off getting married, going on a honeymoon, etc. While she was gone that left 3 of us in the vicinity of our office. When she gets back I hear her talking to one of the other three (their desks are right next to each other). Then I hear her say: "is melissa here?!" I yell over the cube that I am and she says something like "did you survive without me?"

"Heck no...it was sooo boring...." then realize what I was insinuating about the other 2...and keep mumbling other incoherent patchup jobs that make no sense. Finally I just put my earphones in and pretend to be busy with work. oops, no offense other 2 gals...really...it wasn't any more boring than usual.

2. Last night at the temple, I was chatting with a fellow temple worker about BYU football and I mention that I probably got my feverish football mentality from my Dad. That somehow illicited the question:
"where does your dad live?"

3. A few months ago, a friend lined me up with a guy that happened to work in my same building and our offices even share a breakroom. We emailed back and forth quite a bit before actually meeting. I was really enjoying the emails and I thought he was too. Then we met and went to lunch and found out all this stuff we have in common. It was awesome. I emailed him afterward to make sure he knew I would love to do something again, and he emailed back saying he was going out of town but wanted to do something when he got back....Then nothing. A few times I've seen him distantly in the parking lot at work and he always seems to have his head turned conveniently away from me.

So, today I'm sitting at my desk and realize that I have to go use the bathroom real bad. I walk out into the hallway toward the bathroom and realize he is standing right there filling up his water bottle at the drinking fountain...but he's looking down and doesn't see me. I panic, stop in my tracks 10 feet in front of him, do a 180, and back track into the breakroom. But just as I turn around, I'm pretty sure I see him out of the corner of my eye look up at me and watch my retreat.

anybody else sick of this?

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Yes, it was a sad sad bad break for the Huskies (the official following the rule book, how dare he?!), but let's give the credit of the win where credit is due:
Nice blocking, Huskies.

'nobody feels good!...after childhood, it's a fact of life!'

I think I'm a drug addict. I think the biggest warning sign was on a trip to Boise with my mom and bro when I said..."oh dang...I forgot my meds". That just sounds wrong. But, really...I don't go on any trip without a stash of Excedrin and ibuprofen. I have had headaches my whole life, but when I woke up last night in the middle of the night with yet another headache, I thought (finally) that maybe something should be done about them. But what? I quickly ran through my options:

Smash my head with a rock...It always sounds so relieving in the moment.

Go see my family dr...He calls me 'Meliss' and I think he's great, but don't think he's ever actually helped me with any problems I've come to him for.

Go to a chiropractor. The reason I'm tempted to do this is that I think I got whiplash while boogie boarding back in April, and since then, all my headaches seem to stem from where my head and neck meet. I'm afraid, however, that once I go, I'll have to keep going the rest of my life....

Take my roommate's hormone (supplement-type) pills. She claims any ailment I feel could be fixed with these...but I'm a little skeptical. And I'm lazy...2 of those huge pills a day for the rest of my life?! no thanks.

Relaxation techniques. Most of my headaches will not go away without taking excedrin tension headache pills...so maybe I just need to relax more in life? (ok, mom...so maybe you're right). For some reason, though, just repeating "relaaahaax...." over and over again in my mind doesn't seem to be working.

Nothing. I figure it's worked out so well thus far....

Please advise me!

Seriously...what would you recommend? My good night's sleep misses me.

song writing as an illness

Last night was perfect.

Our friend Catherine came over to help us make apricot fruit leather out of some nickel-sized apricots we picked off Jeff's tree.

Stacey surreptitiously left her guitar out in the hopes that Catherine would just forget where she was and what she was doing and, out of habit, pick up the guitar and start playing... It didn't quite happen like that, but after a bit of prodding, Catherine did agree to play us something... after we played her something.

I knew that Catherine had written some songs and I'd even heard her band play a few of them. She told me (Stacey had to keep her curfew and go to bed) she was going to play a more recent one, and she then proceeded to play the most simple and beautiful song I've heard in a long time about a cowboy. The lyrics were perfect and the the tune was beautiful. When I asked her how one writes a song (cause believe me...I have no clue) she said she doesn't know either...that her songs just come to her all at once and she spends a couple hours feverishly writing it (or "vomiting" it out, as she said) and then it's over...like the stomach flu, I guess.

After she left, the melody and the few words I could remember from the song followed me to bed. I awoke with only a few bits remaining but continued to go over them as I showered and came to work. Now, as I type this, all memory of the song are gone (welcome to my life, and my memory). My horrible realization is that youtube is not there to bail me out. I can't even just look up the lyrics online...there's nothing. The internet has failed me today, and I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

Do you think she will come sing the song to me every night before I go to bed? Maybe it'd be easier for her to just record it...there's a great idea :)

my life in repair

I have been living proof of global warming ever since I got old enough to realize life has a myriad of opportunities for anxiety. That age of awareness came early...at least by 6. When the pilot on our flight to Hawaii came back to meet me and pat me on the head but the only thing I cared about was...but, who is flying the plane?! I don't need sky diving to live life on the edge...I can live it sitting on the edge of my chair at my computer day in and day out. My life is definitely a thrill ride.

I have found, however, that the disasters that require the most deodorant are the imaginary ones. For example, many of these high anxiety imaginings seem to relate to my cars. About 3 years ago, I thought pepe-jeb, my little '83 subaru was dying...it was just a bad feeling I had about him...plus he was smoking a lot when we drove together. My mourning was so acute, a roommate even took me to lunch once...that's how bad she felt for me. It turned out that the auto shop fixed him up for free (the smoking was their fault) and he lived to see another day/year and a half. Then, my shop told me pepe needed a part that wasn't made anymore and was very difficult and expensive to find rebuilt. He would continue to run, they explained...but would probably just get worse and worse after a while and that I should start thinking about getting a new car. My worst nightmare incarnate. This time, though, I handled the factual news better than I handled the imaginings in my head the year before...Interesting.

I was able to wait a few months, and then find the perfect car to replace pepe. It worked perfectly for me.

$2000 in maintenance and repairs, and less than a year later...I find myself in a similar situation with my newer, "more reliable" car. I was certain her life was coming to an end. Or at least, that she would need thousands of dollars worth of life support to bring her back. But, this last monday, I took her to my shop and they just cleaned the throttle a bit and told me that seemed to have done the trick. Once again my car had defied death! I skipped into their office to pick her up and only then did they deliver the news that though she is running fine now, she will most likely need work on the crankshaft later. I'm only guessing that's expensive because they
1. didn't tell me how expensive it would be
2. didn't look me in the eye as they said it.
3. said "hopefully it will be a while before we see you again...er...eheh..." as I left dejectedly.

No matter...once again, I have been given this gift of time to get used to the idea. And I have found that it is time that makes any loss bearable (even monetary).

lessons from flaming george

yes, yes...I know it's gorge...i just like george better.

Apparently 101 tries is the key to getting up on a wakeboard.
Not 100....101.

Talking calmly doesn't necessarily get the point across to raft members that a large rock is looming ahead so they need to paddle.

I should never go river rafting again....
you'd think after 3 years of river rafting ocd, I would learn.

Jenni also suffers from my same rafting ocd tendencies.
Thanks, Jenni...I'm glad I'm not alone (though she might control it a little better than me)....

A thermarest isn't as comfortable as it used to be.

I can develop a tolerance to Tylonol PM.

Forcing those riding in your car to listen to your music doesn't mean they will be converted to it.

The purple earplugs are the cheap ones.
they don't work...use this information to your advantage.

Cleaning a chicken encrusted deep dish dutch oven in the dark isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.
and dang, it sounds fun, doesn't it?

Brushing your teeth while camping is overrated.

My hair can NOT go more than a day without being washed.
no how, no way.

I need to build up a grease tolerance in my hair.
maybe by starting to only wash it every other day?

It's totally ok to use shampoo in a lake.
hopefully no fish died.

As long as there are 5 people that enjoy hanging out together, any ward activity can be fun.

i saw you in the parking lot and ran up to slap the back of your car and it wasn't you....