St. Francis. Hope you have a lot of spare time.

An interesting series of events this week. Monday, I was preparing to give the thought for institute Tuesday night, when I came accross a draft in my hotmail account from my mission. I'm not sure how that email got saved as a draft way back when without me ever realizing it. It happens to be my email home at the end of one of the most important weeks of my mission. My comp. and I feeling like we needed to try and find a better area of town to tract, drove around looking for a street we felt good about. When we found it, we tracted and taught two discussions and made 7 appointments with others on that street for another time. One of those appointments was Zanele Jama, the one Baptism I saw on mission. She was baptised only about 2 months later. Later her husband and children were also baptised.

At the end of that email, I mentioned that I had read Matt. 10 that week and loved it. I decided to pull that out and see if I could get a good spiritual thought from that chapter. I decided I would share verse 8, where it says at the end: "freely you have recieved, freely give".

Later that night, I pulled out Dale Carnegie's book "how to stop worrying and start living" and was going through the places I had marked. The last page I marked was the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi that I recognized from a men's chorus song:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying to self that we are born to Eternal Life.

I thought that went with the scripture pretty well and that I might share it for the thought in conjunction with Matt 10:8.

The next day, work was rather slow so I looked up St. Francis of Assisi on Wikipedia. Here's some interesting things about him:

"he had a mystical experience in the Church of San Damiano just outside of Assisi, in which the Icon of Christ Crucified came alive and said to him 3 times, 'Francis, Francis, go and repair My house which, as you can see, is falling into ruins.'" Very interesting....

The biggest life changing experience for him was hearing a sermon on Matt 10...hmm...Very VERY interesting ;)

Apparently, however, the prayer cannot actually be traced accurately to him. That's too bad.

test

So, I've been trying to learn HTML. I should be able to practice some of it in this blog. We'll see how it turns out. Sorry if it's ugly.

'Muse me with something cool and refreshing

Well, now that I've introduced the idea somewhat, I would like to ask for your help. There are a few cd's that I did not list among the casualties of our neighborhood klepto. There is a reason for that. It's not because I forgot, but because I don't really miss them. Yes, I've made a few cd purchase blunders in my life. So, to avoid that, let me request that each of you give me your top 5 cd recommendations. If you can't log in to blog your recommendations, feel free to email them to glarcy@hotmail.com. Please...do advise.

Ode to the fallen

I've done it once before. I shouldn't have a problem doing it again. The difference is, last time it was only temporary. Going on a mission and giving up my music for a year and a half was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Ok, I admit that there were a few times when I couldn't help singing the babysitter song to myself, or my comp (yes a year and a half cold turkey was too much even for me).
Now, I must start over with my music. It's all gone. It's taken me a few weeks, I suppose to get comfortable enough to address the issue in a public setting (though, i have cried openly on others shoulders about it from time to time previously...I would like to thank those shoulders....luckily they were more padded than mine:)) Add them to the list. First JJ's bike, now this and Tracy's roasting sticks (that's the last straw!)
here is my vietnam memorial-type list of a very important part of my life that is now gone:

Dar Williams (5 cd's tragically stolen)
Martin Sexton (2)
U2 (3)
Tracy Chapman (5)
Ben Harper
Patty Griffin
Sheryl Crow (3)
Dave Matthews Band
Chicago
Bread
Eric Clapton (3)
Indigo Girls (5)
Edi Brickell
countless adored mixes of my favorites that I made

A moment of silence, please....

Giving Jo some relief

So, lately I've been trying to give my vocabulary a Sean Connery flair. I think it has mostly been uncontious. What can I say, we just watched "The Last Cruisade" and I like his accent. Mostly, my way of imitating him is to change words with an "S" sound to an "Sh" sound. (picture him saying: "the sholution preshents it'shelf...") I've been doing it long enough, now, that it has become an immediate way for me to communicate.
So, the other day, I was sitting all by myself at ward prayer. My friend Jared comes in and is walking towards the seat next to me. So, naturally I say: "are you going to sit here?" as I'm moving a hymn book off the seat next to me. Only, I changed the s to an sh...go fig.

B as in: baked beans

So, I found out this week that there is at least one person (other than those that comment) that just checks out my blog every so often to update themselves on what I have written. I suddenly feel more responsibility to keep it updated;)
What an interesting couple of weeks it has been for me. As I've pondered upon the recent events; wondering on their purpose, I've tried to somehow lump them all together into one major life lesson I could learn. What is that one lesson, you may ask? (I know you are all in suspense, now) I don't know. I really couldn't say what one thing Heavenly Father is trying to tell me at this point. I think, instead, there are so many areas of my life that need improving that He's pointing them all out to me at once! Maybe that's why I struggle sometimes more than others. I expect to worry about one thing at a time and when more is given to me before I am ready for it, I throw my hands in the air with the exclaimation of: "what gives?!"
With that, let me just point out a few of my recent thoughts.
A couple of months ago, I met with my dad to discuss my new year's resolutions. As I discussed how much I would like to save a month (drawing from how much I've been able to save from each paycheck in the past) he asked me, "what are you saving for?" I didn't really know...I've pictured myself needing to buy a car sometime, but other than that, I haven't really had a destination for all the money I have been saving. I have just felt driven to save all that I can. Aren't we just supposed to do that? Basically, his question threw me off quite a bit. This last week, a realization hit me, however. Not only was it a hit; but it was a hit and run. A semi plowed me over and then left without a trace...really;)
Ok, so it's figurative. I recently had all my CD's stolen (last week) then, this week, have had several doctors visits and a surgery that will cost me upwards of 1000 dollars, I estimate. (Lovin' that 80/20 plan with a 500 dollar deductable) The day that I found out the cost of my surgery, I was driving with JJ to Wall mart and got a speeding ticket that will end up costing me about 100. Guess my mass CD buy-back idea will have to be put on hold for a while ;)
What if all that time that I was driven to save, was because Heavenly Father knew what was in store for me months down the road? Now, my next question is: these last few trials aren't going to drain my savings completely by anymeans...so...what's comming up next? Dare I ask?! Many a time in the last 3 weeks, I have quoted to myself, "sharp rocks at the bottom? Bring it on!"
I think I'll have a toasted bean and cheese sandwich for lunch today. :D

Per aspera ad astra

To the stars, through difficulty. This last week has been emotionally physically and mentally draining. Everyday I think that tomorrow will be the day I'm able to finally rest. ("But, what if there isn't a tomorrow? There wasn't one today!") But life keeps on treckin' whether I want to or not. For the most part, it has been a good type of stress. The "blind-date meeting, little brother's mission leaving, job interviewing, offering and accepting" kind of stress. But, oh how it just about did me in! I suppose I'm used to one emergency comming at a time in life. And everything working as I plan. So, it's about time I wake up, I suppose. Throw in the immobilizing force of fear every once in a while and you know it's my life we're talking about here.
I would love to take more time telling you about my meeting with a shovanist (sp?) and the absolute terrible timing of finding and being offered a job that I think I will really enjoy (Is there such thing as terrible timing for that?) but, I am currently on my lunch break and only have 5 more min left in which to get back to work. Hope everything is going well for you all.

Burn to shine

Went to Goblin Valley camping with some friends last weekend. Here we are looking very drowsily happy after a long sleepless, rainy, windy, thundery, lightingy, haily, sleep in a puddly, boney hip to the bare groundy night. This is also about the only picture that I look relatively decent in. Amazing, really, for getting zero hours on the sleep clock the night before. Top it off with half of our group getting pulled over and ticketed on the ride home and the other half *almost* running out of gas between goblin valley and Price. Man I slept great Saturday night. Wouldn't trade it all for the world... :)

Unselfishness Drei

Just when I am so anxious about those around me being selfish at my expense, they prove me wrong. Is it my own (almost forced) recent perceptions? Or have people around me actually been putting forth more of an effort to be unselfish? As much as I like to think I'm an influencing factor in people's lives...it's probably just that they have always been this way and I didn't notice it. Once again, it was my roomate (the other one, this time) that impressed me with her unselfishness and kind consideration of my feelings. So much so, that I was almost overwhelmed with gratitude as I pondered upon it last night. I'm scared to ruin this seemingly new attitude by thanking her. It almost seems best to just say nothing and say a prayer of thanks instead. Is that selfish? Heh.

Frailty, thy name is Me.

I wonder if my recent reading of several books by labelled, "feminist" authors has effected me. But, yet I think this experience would strike anyone. I was cruising around work yesterday, unusually busy, when an older gentleman came in enquiring about used boats. I told him that I would go get a boat salesman for him. When I came back with the salesman, the older gentleman said: "funny that you had to go get him..." "heh..." I laughed but really had no clue what he meant. After he had talked to CJ for a while, they both came and were standing near me as I feverishly tried to figure something out on the computer. I should have known that more was comming from him:
"You're the one that everyone is jealous of here, huh?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you are so thin."
"Well, it's not for lack of trying, let me tell you."
"Well, maybe if they didn't make you do all the work around here..."
"Tell me about it" (I said jokingly)
"You've got to stop running this place and eat some food every once in a while."
"I actually am not too stressed here...it's a good place. It's probably other things that stress me out."
Just as I said this, the other female worker walked by us.
"She could teach you!" He offered helpfully.
"Teach me what?"
"How not to let stress keep you from eating...she's obviously got it figured out!"
(Uh, Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
and our conversation was over.
now, why did he not say that about CJ standing there the whole time!
May never know....

Selfishness II: Unselfishness

It has been good for me to start thinking about not thinking about the selfishness of those around me so much (did that make sense?). The best way to do that, I've decided is to think more about the unselfishness of those around me.
I realized, yesterday, that my roomate is a very unselfish person. Several times, now, I have come home semi-late at night to find her watching her show that she records and watches faithfully once a week. Now, sometimes I am in talkative mood late at night. She, on the other hand, is not a super talkative person. So last night, just like many other nights, I sat down and started chatting with her. Anybody else probably would have kept watching and tried to give me the hint that they were *trying* to watch an important show. She, on the other hand, turned her direct attention to me and turned off the show...not in an exhasperated way, or in any way that would give me the idea that I had interrupted anything important to her. She listened very generously to me and made comments, encouragement and even laughed where appropriate.
After it was well past her normal bedtime (and thus past a reasonable time for her to finish her show) I finally got up and went to bed. As I got ready for bed, I realized how many times she has done this for me...nary a complaint!
Funny thing is: instead of making me less selfish, it instead makes me appear *more* selfish as I hog my roomate's special time she set aside for her show. :(

Turn a blind eye....

Had a discussion with a group of friends over cocomotion last night about blind obedience. We were pretty well split down the middle over the question of 'how much are we blindly obedient in the church?' About half of us thought that it isn't really blind if you have a testimony of the prophet (but not necessarily of the principle he is preaching). But, if that is the case, is anyone ever really blindly obedient? A school teacher in our group thinks that her students are blindly obedient to her in completing homework (that they really don't understand the reason for completing). But, do they not have a relationship with her and trust that what she tells them to do is for the best? Is there a situation in life that doesn't include that sort of similar trust or faith? So what is blind obedience? Does it exist? the other half of our group felt that following the prophet with only a testimony of him but not of the principle you are following is what constitutes 'blind obedience'. So, if that's the case, a lot of what we do is probably 'blind', right?
hmm...for my part, I believe it isn't blind if you have a testimony of the prophet...if there is real faith involved, it can't be blind...because you 'see' the big picture. That is what I believe.
Let me know if I'm right :)

Oh so helpful

I visited Bethany, Tim and their new baby, Grace, a couple of days ago. For those who don't know, Bethany is a sister that I trained on my mission...It's always fun to pause and think that life seems to be moving ahead for everyone but me....
Ok, pause over.
Bethany and Tim were talking about Bethany's mom being there and how helpful she was. I started reminiscing about visiting my brother and sister-in-law right after they had their first baby....
"She would get up before us and make us breakfast," said Tim "and clean the house...."
"Hmmm," thought I, "I don't remember doing any of that when I went to 'help out'..." A sickening feeling came over me. Had I been totally ignorant, the whole time I was there to help, that I was there to help? Were they the ones slaving over the breakfast, lunch and dinner meals so that I would be able to eat? Were they worrying about how clean the house was for their 'guest'?
Why?
why, why, why, why, why did I not think about this before? I hope they have forgiven me by now....

Another Victory...uh...Commeth?

yes, Easter is comming...and although this makes a good excuse for me to try posting a picture on my blog, it also serves as a reminder to those who dare to try and dethrone me that...they will probably be successful.
I mean, what are the chances I would be victor two years in a row?

help?

so...who can tell me how to put a picture on my blog?
it says it needs a URL? I can't just grab one from my computers files?

Deseret Services, Inc. (Ether 2:3)

I decided I'm starting my own business!
Looking get married? Date me and in 6 months or less, you will be engaged! Results are guaranteed or your money (the $20 you spent on each date) back! I know, in your head you are wondering how many men I can be engaged to at once, well I never said you would be engaged to me, now did I? What my services apparently provide is a realization of what you are NOT looking for, which helps you find what you ARE looking for that much faster! So, not only will you be engaged in 6 months or less of dating me, but that engagement will lead to a joyful temple marriage! Compare me side by side with the other girls you are dating and you will see their shining qualities!
For real life testimonials, I would refer you to J___ (getting my que's from Jon, here) before my mission (I found out he was engaged the day I went through the temple for the first time). Then there was N___ after my mission (he married about 2 months after I broke up with him). Then there was S___ who is most likely married now because he dumped me for the other girl he was dating at the time. T___ got married a couple of months after only going on one blind date with me! Now, there's E___ We stopped dating in November and now he is engaged! He is 35! I mean, how many other girls has he dated in his lifetime and I happen to the the second to last?! Coincidental? I don't think so....

Life rules

I read these last night in "I'm a stranger here, myself" by Bill Bryson. Thought I would share them:

2. People who wear articles of clothing on which the manufacturer's name or logo is prominently displayed must also wear a badge saying: "yes, I am an idiot."

3. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to maneuver the vehicle into a space in less time than it takes to undergo and recover from open heart surgery, it is not permitted to park in that space.

6. Martha Stewart is, with immediate effect, illegal.

9. Boxes of christmas cards that carry messages like "May your holidays be wrapped in warmth and touched with wonder" must bear a large label on the outside of the box saying: "Do not purchase: Message inside is embarrassing and sentimental."

16. Americans who intend to travel abroad in a group with other Americans must first clear their wardrobes with the author. British men must secure written permission to wear shorts outside their own country.

20. For an experimental period of ten years, smoking will be permitted in all those places where it is now banned and banned where it is now permitted. Nonsmokers who find smoke disagreeable will be permitted to step outside and loiter by the main entrance for ten minutes of each hour.

ok, so maybe I wouldn't vote for that last one...but here's a rule of my own:

--Those who buy Hummers must also be required to purchase their own parking lot to park them in and construct their own road-ways to drive them on since the majority of roads, except in Utah of course, are not wide enough for them to barrel down.

please add you own!

selfish

I wish I knew what to write.
The other day, I was talking to mom about her institute lesson and she asked me how we get rid of selfishness in ourselves when we are surrounded by selfish people? I immediately thought of all the people I know that are selfish...how selfish of me. She asked who I knew that wasn't selfish. My brother and father came to mind. I'm sure there are others....
So, later that day, that brother IMed me and the subject came up. "How do you keep from being selfish when surrounded by selfish people?" I asked. He immediately said, "I really don't think I am surrounded by selfish people." Right, I never meant to insinuate that his wife and kids are selfish. That'll teach me. What I meant was that the world, in general, is selfish. The natural man is selfish. At least mine is. Then the realization hit me. Not only does he not view his wife and kids as selfish, but he also doesn't view the world as selfish. That's why he, himself, is not selfish.
I believe the reason I am a selfish person is because I am constantly begrudging the selfishness of those around me. Don't they see how unselfish I am compared to them? Oh my, how ironc.
I still don't know how to go about not viewing others as selfish, though. Please, share your thoughts....