here comes 30

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.