my life in repair

I have been living proof of global warming ever since I got old enough to realize life has a myriad of opportunities for anxiety. That age of awareness came early...at least by 6. When the pilot on our flight to Hawaii came back to meet me and pat me on the head but the only thing I cared about was...but, who is flying the plane?! I don't need sky diving to live life on the edge...I can live it sitting on the edge of my chair at my computer day in and day out. My life is definitely a thrill ride.

I have found, however, that the disasters that require the most deodorant are the imaginary ones. For example, many of these high anxiety imaginings seem to relate to my cars. About 3 years ago, I thought pepe-jeb, my little '83 subaru was dying...it was just a bad feeling I had about him...plus he was smoking a lot when we drove together. My mourning was so acute, a roommate even took me to lunch once...that's how bad she felt for me. It turned out that the auto shop fixed him up for free (the smoking was their fault) and he lived to see another day/year and a half. Then, my shop told me pepe needed a part that wasn't made anymore and was very difficult and expensive to find rebuilt. He would continue to run, they explained...but would probably just get worse and worse after a while and that I should start thinking about getting a new car. My worst nightmare incarnate. This time, though, I handled the factual news better than I handled the imaginings in my head the year before...Interesting.

I was able to wait a few months, and then find the perfect car to replace pepe. It worked perfectly for me.

$2000 in maintenance and repairs, and less than a year later...I find myself in a similar situation with my newer, "more reliable" car. I was certain her life was coming to an end. Or at least, that she would need thousands of dollars worth of life support to bring her back. But, this last monday, I took her to my shop and they just cleaned the throttle a bit and told me that seemed to have done the trick. Once again my car had defied death! I skipped into their office to pick her up and only then did they deliver the news that though she is running fine now, she will most likely need work on the crankshaft later. I'm only guessing that's expensive because they
1. didn't tell me how expensive it would be
2. didn't look me in the eye as they said it.
3. said "hopefully it will be a while before we see you again...er...eheh..." as I left dejectedly.

No matter...once again, I have been given this gift of time to get used to the idea. And I have found that it is time that makes any loss bearable (even monetary).