Sorry for the posting drought...I've been thinking. Thinking about my irrational fears. I have a few:

1-My stories are dreadfully boring. I had a district leader that was a bit jerky (understatement) and told me once (right after I finished telling a story that I thought was hilarious, of course) that I tell the most boring stories...thus the foundation of my fear.

2-That my fear that my stories are boring is not actually irrational...

3-My teeth crumbling. Someone told me once that that means that I fear losing something permanent in my life. You would think that I would actually floss with this irrational fear that might turn out to not be irrational afterall.

4-Change (to go along with the previous). My routine, my family, my job...don't change it. Every time I go through what I think is a big change, I do a mini panic only to find out in the end that it wasn't really a big deal.

5-My car tires will "twist their ankles" if I turn a corner too tight. I think this stems back to the worst injury I've had. A few years ago I tore a couple ligaments in my left ankle when came down from a rebound on someone's foot...wait...was that story boring?

6-Spiders underneath my toilet seat. That is a very vulnerable spot for a spider to have access to.

7-I have every deadly disease known to man. I'm 95% positive this one is actually true...also, is that a lump on my neck?

8-There is a man hiding in the back seat of my car.

bailout benefits and bull

Ok, I realize that I don't know much about this subject, so I'm asking for everyone's opinion on the matter. Is it just me, or is the big three bailout a bunch of bull-arky? I knew the gov't bailout of the large financial yahoos was a bad thing...because as soon as that happens then every other large American buisness comes crawling to the government with the claim "well you helped them...why not us?". Foreign automakers have been more on top of making cars that are fuel efficient, thus going along with our sudden desires to be trendy and drive conservative cars. So should we reward our nation's automakers who have been ignoring that trend? Hopefully this isn't just a trend, though...I have to admit I find the big gasguzzlers pretty dang irksome, and I don't think it's bad for the companies that built them to have to pay a price for it. If the government helps them, then will they even try to invest in future technologies? Will they actually make their cars more fuel efficient? Why is it that new cars get just as bad or worse gas mileage as the same car 20 years ago? Have they made no improvements in that time?! Sounds like they need a wake-up call, not a handout.

I didn't vote for mitt romney in the primary, but I think he knows his stuff about business and I think I agree with him on much of what he says here.

So what are the benefits of a bailout?

1. temporarily save a lot of jobs?

that's all I got.

I think I have a boyfriend

He just keeps hanging around. I try to get rid of him, but apparently my magnetic personality just keeps drawing him back to me. Don't you love when a suitor is completely clueless to your blatant attempts to get rid of him? Maybe I should just give up and welcome him in.

What? oh...you want to know his name? ok, but I'm trusting you not to google him, find out all his bad qualities, and then try to point them out to me...trust me...that never works. We all know that once someone's blinded in a bad relationship, there's no reasoning with them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting Trojan horse BHO.GJK for lunch to discuss possible marriage plans.

That's right...I have a computer virus...we've been on the dating path for almost 2 weeks now.

financial peace....check!

I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's book, Financial Peace. Ah...my life feels so much more secure already...like wrapping myself in a big warm blanket made out of sewn together $100 bills and then flopping down for a nice nap on my straw tick mattress...but it's not straw, it's $10 bills which are more comfortable than straw. But what isn't, really.

I actually did enjoy the book. And I have to admit, I'm trying out his (and my mom's) "envelope method" of budgeting. So far I've done really well except for those times when I've just pulled out my debit or credit card to make the money in the envelope last longer....which is totally working...I still have $20 in my envelope for this pay period which ends on the 25th!

The last chapter had some good "baby steps" as he calls them for achieving financial peace. So that you don't have to actually read the book yourself, here's what he says:

1. Get $1000 in savings. Until you do that, pay the minimum that you can on everything else.
2. Get mad at debt and kill it with the debt snowball. If you want to know what that is, ask me :)
3. When your house payment is the only debt left, work further on an emergency savings fund. That is 3-6 months worth of your expenses. Keep this money untouched but available...don't invest it.
4. Max out your 401k and other investments as much as possible; check all your insurances to make sure you are getting the best deal.
5. Start a college fund for your kids (whatever...my kids are paying their own way just like I did)
6. Scrape your extra funds together to pay off your house early.
7. Now nothing is left but to build your investments to wealth and give it away.

Notice that the last step wasn't "move into a bigger house and start all over again..." It was to give money away. That's one thing I like about his book. He strongly promotes generosity and especially paying a tithing. Interesting, eh?

retrEAT

Ok, what else is a rs retreat good for but eating? This one did not disappoint, let me tell you. The cabin in Aspen Grove was amazing. It looked so tiny when I walked in but it had beds for 25+ people and 5 bathrooms that each had showers in them. Every bed had sheets, a blanket, a towel, a washrag, a bar of soap, and a bottle of shampoo (I guess they couldn't find any real poo) sitting on top of it. I wasn't planning on showering up there but having all that available just for me to use made me rethink that strategy. There were about 9 different bedrooms so separating myself from the snorers wasn't too hard (bless stacey and anika for being quiet breathers).

Let me just say that I love our bishopric. It was great having them and their wives there with us. The bishop gave a good message about unity and then we did a get-to-know-you activity and had dessert. As we were sitting eating dessert, I looked out the front window to the dark outside and there was a man in a suit unloading some bags from a trunk of a car. The girl next to me said "is that Elder Holland?" and only then did I realize that it was actually Elder Scott. Soon the bishop was out the door to talk to him and a few minutes later here comes Elder Scott walking up to our door to meet us.

He was very patient and kind to us considering how giggly and star-struck everyone was while he was there (insert embarrassed eye-rolling here). We found out that day was his 80th birthday and sang to him and presented him with a brownie with a pretzel stuck in as the candle. He told us a joke and we took some pictures with him and he left. My favorite part of the visit was a conversation he had with a sister right before he left that went something like this:

Sister: "Elder Scott, during this last conference I made a sock puppet that looks like President Monson and my friend says that I shouldn't give it to him, but I think he would actually like it...do you think he would?"

Elder Scott: "I think he would appreciate it"

Just at that moment, you would have seen me disappear from view in the corner of the room as I think my knees gave out from laughing.

if you see mr mortensen, tell him his wife has been waiting 29 years.

Yesterday I went to the front desk at our office to test our company's new admin system to make sure everything I normally used on it still worked ok. Doing this required me to login to the admin from scratch. I couldn't remember if my username was just my first name or my first name plus my last name's initial. I wagered a guess and I logged in on the first try! Then I looked closer and saw that I was logged in as "Melissa Mortensen". Now, I know that this is our future admin, but I didn't realize that it was the admin of the future!

My eyes are open for my Mr. Mortensen.

Here's a new awkward Melissa moment for the week:

Attending my aunt's funeral on saturday, I was excited at the prospect of seeing my mission president and his wife and other couples from my mission that my aunt and uncle served with as well. I was able to talk to the Brooksbys who were in the mission office while I was there and the Roberts' (my mission pres) right as I arrived at the viewing before the funeral. I then proceeded in to the viewing room. A few minutes later, I saw a youngish man out in the hallway that looked familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. I brushed it off assuming it was a missionary from my mission that I just didn't know very well. About 20 minutes later I was talking to my sister and this same guy taps me on the shoulder and says "Hi, Melissa"
....all I could say was "Hi...i don't remember how I know you..."
"um...we went out a few times"
oh yeah....aunt Linda set us up a couple years ago.
"yeah...oh!....those were really fun dates"

ode to auntie lulu

Wow, talk about pumpkin carving skills. I still don't know who did it, sadly. Also, I think the origins of my mysterious eye squint are finally brought to light.

Some things I learned (or want to learn) from one of the funniest, happiest, daring-est, creative-est, scripture knowledgeable-est people I ever knew (that's a lot of ests):

Top thing I have admired about her is her sense of humor. Everyone who spent any time with her in the last few months knows of it's resiliency. It survived through every invasive form of radiation treatment on her brain tumor and kept us smiling/snorting anytime we were around her. I believe I now have proof that a sense of humor can get you through anything.

Her children each told of some april fool's prank she played on them. I think my favorite/most random one was when she cut up nylons and cooked the pieces into their breakfast pancakes. I'm so doing that someday. Watch out, my future children.

I'm pretty sure that I was her favorite niece...just like all her kids were sure they were her favorites as well. That's because she treated everyone as if they were the most important to her...how did she do it? It was simply by making that person the most important when she was with them. It seems simple. But, how often do I treat others that way when I am with them?

thanks for tagging me, tanya...if it were anyone else....

Five things that people don't always know about me...this sounds suspiciously like cz's blog. So, maybe mine will turn out to be more quirky than unknown...let's face it, my life is an open book.

1. One side of my bath towel is used strictly for my face and the other side for the rest of me. Under no circumstances must I allow myself to dry my hands on the inside (face side) of my towel.

2. While talking, I usually have to pause in the middle of many sentences...most often it means that my train of thought is still boarding at the station. Many of you have already noticed this/want to kill it.

3. When faced with a situation where a response from me is necessary but I don't know what to say... "totally" is often all that comes out. Ask our company ceo; I think I have said totally to every comment he makes to me. Also, I'm pretty sure I have Stacey to thank for it....

4. I am a personality chameleon. When I'm around someone long enough, I start to talk like them (see quirk #3)

5. I can stare off into space for extended periods of time. No need to entertain me. Put a pleasing color or pattern in front of me and I could be there all day.

ok, I tag jojoba...apparently she needs a reason to post.

money isn't everything; it just is

I've been organizing things. Like my m&m's this morning...and last night, I had to organize all the scrabble tiles that were sitting on my kitchen table. I just had to.... btw, I didn't realize that a scrabble set has 12 E's. That's the most of any letter. I remember organizing my dad's coin collection by year.

I think this re-emergence of my organization tendencies might be related to my recent concerns about my finances. I think I need to organize my budget a little better. Sometimes, I feel a little bit out of control, money-wise.

In the last month, I have casually happened upon two articles about families that tried to go a month and a week, respectively, without spending money. I read the month-long one first. Then a couple weeks later when I read the week-long no spending article, I found that it left a bad taste in my mouth. There is something very different about how each accomplish their "no spending" goal.

It seems to me that the first discovers what they really can and can't live without and changes their lifestyle accordingly. They are able to find ways to enjoy and survive life through their own creativity. The second makes seemingly no changes to their lifestyle... just tells everyone they are with, or purchasing services from that they can't pay or have to pay them 'next week'. One becomes self sufficient while saving money...the other just becomes a burden to all those around them. Which would you rather be?

the land of my fathers

A week and a half ago I was able to go down to southern Utah for a couple of days and spend yet another great couple days at Stacey's parent's house. I'm sure they are sick of me by now...but I'm sure not sick of their scone breakfast or tacos...or fall apart roast.

That Saturday, my friends followed me on a bit of a wild goose-chase to find the lytle nature preserve, a place from my childhood where I spent much time:

playing with toads in the mud,
looking for horned lizards,
clearing nature trails,
watching dad catch rattle snakes,
luring ant lions out of their lairs,
picking cholla cactus needles out of my arms and legs,
getting dust in my eye,
killing invasive frogs and eating their legs,
sleeping in a trailer that hadn't been cleaned for 20 years.
climbing the movie screen (as we call it).

We might have done a few of these on this trip as well...but mostly we just hiked the movie screen. here are some pictures of our 10 minute 'scramble'.

View from the top, Eastward
View from the top, Westward
A very brave Judith
That night we went and saw Les Mis. at the Tuacahn. Notice how everyone else is dressed in cute blouses and I'm wearing a t-shirt that I pretty much only use camping...some occasions just call for fancy.

sore feet = spiritual contentment

Ok, so I've been complaining a lot about the "green" movement. But, I remember our family back in the day (probably about early 90's when my oldest brother was thinking of doing conservation biology as a major) wishing that the rest of the world would get a clue. For my freshman writing class I even chose to do my big term paper on deforestation. So, why does the "green movement" bug me? It shouldn't... I should be happy that the rest of the world is now becoming aware of the environment around them. And even though most are excited about the green movement and will wear the shirt, etc yet actually do nothing about it...neither do I. I mean, I bought one of those reusable grocery bags...but how often do I actually remember to take it into the store?

I took one small step (so to speak) forward yesterday, though... I walked to work. I think maybe it was about 4 miles round trip and took probably a little more than a half hour each way... not too bad. I wonder if I can make myself continue... even if only once a week.

You might have noticed my link to this blog on my links list...sometimes he kind of annoys me (read 1st paragraph of this post), but I appreciate that he was one of the original green movers that was willing to actually make drastic lifestyle changes a few years ago.

After finally arriving home from work yesterday, the bottom of my feet had a sharp, tingling sensation that I only relate to working at the temple for 4+ hours on my feet. Now, the real test: see if I can keep it up without falling into the green movement trend of bragging about it. Oops. Too late.

coming out of the political closet

Is it possible that I am secretly a Democrat?

While taking my shower this morning, the water reminded me that I had a dream about Obama last night. He and I were a synchronized swimming team and he was lifting me in these incredibly artistic poses. Even in the dream, I remember thinking...something is not right about this...I would never wear a swimming suit with sparkles on it.

So what does this dream mean?

1- I am secretly a democrat.

2- Obama isn't as American as he claims... synchronized swimming isn't really a sport that defines America. I mean, why was the dream not about us both in the world series together, or playing football?...huh?!

3- If Obama wins, I (and maybe the rest of america) will be lifted to new heights?

4- Or... if Obama wins, I will be forced to do things utterly against my nature.

5- Someday, I will be the one running for president and he will be my supporting running mate...just a thought.

6- Taco soup is not a good before bed activity.

What other interpretations could I make? I only have a month to figure out if I am actually a democrat.

you: gliding down the stairs. me: steamed.

I've had a rough week at work with the customers. I don't know if my customer service skills have gone down in the last few months or what, but the customers this week basically think I'm incompetent. Yesterday, I thought they were becoming appeased but right before I left work at 3:30, I got an email from one that basically sent steam shooting out my ears. I shouldn't let myself get so upset when he was just misunderstanding what I was trying to explain to him. But he was misunderstanding in such a demeaning and are-you-daft?! sort of way. Still... he was the one that wasn't understanding correctly. I had to send him a quick reply before I left to try and calmly explain it in a way he would understand. Then, with my head still spinning with rage and frustration I left the office to go to my temple shift.

Suddenly there you were, gliding (best word to describe your walk) down the stairs two at a time in front of me. You completely changed my mindset in a split moment. In case you don't know if you are you... let me refresh your memory. You were wearing a sea green button up patterned short sleeved shirt, Electric blue jeans that I haven't seen in over 2 decades...you know the ones with an elastic waistband that resides anywhere above the bellybutton, without any back pockets or any sort of body shape? Actually there's some shape... they come to a defining peg slightly below the calf where your white socks and checkered 80's slip on shoes extend below... way below.

Your dress and demeanor announced "the world may care...but I don't". So thanks....You.

funniest snl commercial in a while

your chance to vote for the best awkward melissa moment of the week.

let's face it. This could be a weekly post, I'm that consistently awkward...maybe I will make it one.

1. A coworker that sits near me comes back from a lengthy time off getting married, going on a honeymoon, etc. While she was gone that left 3 of us in the vicinity of our office. When she gets back I hear her talking to one of the other three (their desks are right next to each other). Then I hear her say: "is melissa here?!" I yell over the cube that I am and she says something like "did you survive without me?"

"Heck no...it was sooo boring...." then realize what I was insinuating about the other 2...and keep mumbling other incoherent patchup jobs that make no sense. Finally I just put my earphones in and pretend to be busy with work. oops, no offense other 2 gals...really...it wasn't any more boring than usual.

2. Last night at the temple, I was chatting with a fellow temple worker about BYU football and I mention that I probably got my feverish football mentality from my Dad. That somehow illicited the question:
"where does your dad live?"

3. A few months ago, a friend lined me up with a guy that happened to work in my same building and our offices even share a breakroom. We emailed back and forth quite a bit before actually meeting. I was really enjoying the emails and I thought he was too. Then we met and went to lunch and found out all this stuff we have in common. It was awesome. I emailed him afterward to make sure he knew I would love to do something again, and he emailed back saying he was going out of town but wanted to do something when he got back....Then nothing. A few times I've seen him distantly in the parking lot at work and he always seems to have his head turned conveniently away from me.

So, today I'm sitting at my desk and realize that I have to go use the bathroom real bad. I walk out into the hallway toward the bathroom and realize he is standing right there filling up his water bottle at the drinking fountain...but he's looking down and doesn't see me. I panic, stop in my tracks 10 feet in front of him, do a 180, and back track into the breakroom. But just as I turn around, I'm pretty sure I see him out of the corner of my eye look up at me and watch my retreat.

anybody else sick of this?

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Yes, it was a sad sad bad break for the Huskies (the official following the rule book, how dare he?!), but let's give the credit of the win where credit is due:
Nice blocking, Huskies.

'nobody feels good!...after childhood, it's a fact of life!'

I think I'm a drug addict. I think the biggest warning sign was on a trip to Boise with my mom and bro when I said..."oh dang...I forgot my meds". That just sounds wrong. But, really...I don't go on any trip without a stash of Excedrin and ibuprofen. I have had headaches my whole life, but when I woke up last night in the middle of the night with yet another headache, I thought (finally) that maybe something should be done about them. But what? I quickly ran through my options:

Smash my head with a rock...It always sounds so relieving in the moment.

Go see my family dr...He calls me 'Meliss' and I think he's great, but don't think he's ever actually helped me with any problems I've come to him for.

Go to a chiropractor. The reason I'm tempted to do this is that I think I got whiplash while boogie boarding back in April, and since then, all my headaches seem to stem from where my head and neck meet. I'm afraid, however, that once I go, I'll have to keep going the rest of my life....

Take my roommate's hormone (supplement-type) pills. She claims any ailment I feel could be fixed with these...but I'm a little skeptical. And I'm lazy...2 of those huge pills a day for the rest of my life?! no thanks.

Relaxation techniques. Most of my headaches will not go away without taking excedrin tension headache pills...so maybe I just need to relax more in life? (ok, mom...so maybe you're right). For some reason, though, just repeating "relaaahaax...." over and over again in my mind doesn't seem to be working.

Nothing. I figure it's worked out so well thus far....

Please advise me!

Seriously...what would you recommend? My good night's sleep misses me.

song writing as an illness

Last night was perfect.

Our friend Catherine came over to help us make apricot fruit leather out of some nickel-sized apricots we picked off Jeff's tree.

Stacey surreptitiously left her guitar out in the hopes that Catherine would just forget where she was and what she was doing and, out of habit, pick up the guitar and start playing... It didn't quite happen like that, but after a bit of prodding, Catherine did agree to play us something... after we played her something.

I knew that Catherine had written some songs and I'd even heard her band play a few of them. She told me (Stacey had to keep her curfew and go to bed) she was going to play a more recent one, and she then proceeded to play the most simple and beautiful song I've heard in a long time about a cowboy. The lyrics were perfect and the the tune was beautiful. When I asked her how one writes a song (cause believe me...I have no clue) she said she doesn't know either...that her songs just come to her all at once and she spends a couple hours feverishly writing it (or "vomiting" it out, as she said) and then it's over...like the stomach flu, I guess.

After she left, the melody and the few words I could remember from the song followed me to bed. I awoke with only a few bits remaining but continued to go over them as I showered and came to work. Now, as I type this, all memory of the song are gone (welcome to my life, and my memory). My horrible realization is that youtube is not there to bail me out. I can't even just look up the lyrics online...there's nothing. The internet has failed me today, and I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

Do you think she will come sing the song to me every night before I go to bed? Maybe it'd be easier for her to just record it...there's a great idea :)

my life in repair

I have been living proof of global warming ever since I got old enough to realize life has a myriad of opportunities for anxiety. That age of awareness came early...at least by 6. When the pilot on our flight to Hawaii came back to meet me and pat me on the head but the only thing I cared about was...but, who is flying the plane?! I don't need sky diving to live life on the edge...I can live it sitting on the edge of my chair at my computer day in and day out. My life is definitely a thrill ride.

I have found, however, that the disasters that require the most deodorant are the imaginary ones. For example, many of these high anxiety imaginings seem to relate to my cars. About 3 years ago, I thought pepe-jeb, my little '83 subaru was dying...it was just a bad feeling I had about him...plus he was smoking a lot when we drove together. My mourning was so acute, a roommate even took me to lunch once...that's how bad she felt for me. It turned out that the auto shop fixed him up for free (the smoking was their fault) and he lived to see another day/year and a half. Then, my shop told me pepe needed a part that wasn't made anymore and was very difficult and expensive to find rebuilt. He would continue to run, they explained...but would probably just get worse and worse after a while and that I should start thinking about getting a new car. My worst nightmare incarnate. This time, though, I handled the factual news better than I handled the imaginings in my head the year before...Interesting.

I was able to wait a few months, and then find the perfect car to replace pepe. It worked perfectly for me.

$2000 in maintenance and repairs, and less than a year later...I find myself in a similar situation with my newer, "more reliable" car. I was certain her life was coming to an end. Or at least, that she would need thousands of dollars worth of life support to bring her back. But, this last monday, I took her to my shop and they just cleaned the throttle a bit and told me that seemed to have done the trick. Once again my car had defied death! I skipped into their office to pick her up and only then did they deliver the news that though she is running fine now, she will most likely need work on the crankshaft later. I'm only guessing that's expensive because they
1. didn't tell me how expensive it would be
2. didn't look me in the eye as they said it.
3. said "hopefully it will be a while before we see you again...er...eheh..." as I left dejectedly.

No matter...once again, I have been given this gift of time to get used to the idea. And I have found that it is time that makes any loss bearable (even monetary).

lessons from flaming george

yes, yes...I know it's gorge...i just like george better.

Apparently 101 tries is the key to getting up on a wakeboard.
Not 100....101.

Talking calmly doesn't necessarily get the point across to raft members that a large rock is looming ahead so they need to paddle.

I should never go river rafting again....
you'd think after 3 years of river rafting ocd, I would learn.

Jenni also suffers from my same rafting ocd tendencies.
Thanks, Jenni...I'm glad I'm not alone (though she might control it a little better than me)....

A thermarest isn't as comfortable as it used to be.

I can develop a tolerance to Tylonol PM.

Forcing those riding in your car to listen to your music doesn't mean they will be converted to it.

The purple earplugs are the cheap ones.
they don't work...use this information to your advantage.

Cleaning a chicken encrusted deep dish dutch oven in the dark isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.
and dang, it sounds fun, doesn't it?

Brushing your teeth while camping is overrated.

My hair can NOT go more than a day without being washed.
no how, no way.

I need to build up a grease tolerance in my hair.
maybe by starting to only wash it every other day?

It's totally ok to use shampoo in a lake.
hopefully no fish died.

As long as there are 5 people that enjoy hanging out together, any ward activity can be fun.

i saw you in the parking lot and ran up to slap the back of your car and it wasn't you....

happy birthday dad, utah

Ok, so I don't know if the 24th is actually Utah's 'birthday'. That might be Jan 4, 1896, when it was admitted into the union...but who celebrates Jan 4th?!

I'm not lying when I say there are some wonderful (I mean wonderful as in "it's a wonder") things about Utah...and maybe some of those coincide with dad. We'll see.

The BYU. It must be great if every member of our family (except mom...Utah State...bah!) graduated from there (yes, trevor, you will graduate). Dad also taught there. I'm not saying that's why BYU is so great. But it could be. Their sports teams also seem to be really good at breaking hearts all across Utah County. That's a special talent. Mom finally let it out that Dad was a huge fan (which I never really knew) but he wouldn't let himself watch much because it would just make him mad...maybe I'm learning a thing or two from him :)


National Parks. Utah has five national parks...I think I have now visited them all. Here's dad (with a broken arm) on a hike in Zion's that they closed for a while because it was too dangerous. Lady Mountain.

Republicans. Utah republicans are a special breed. Staunchest in the country, I dare say. Many may accuse them of being republican just because that's what all their neighbors are...and they might be right. Hard to say. Dad wasn't overbearing in his political beliefs. I'm pretty sure he was a republican because he knew that's what matched his beliefs the most. If I had ever asked him, I'm sure he would have told me in a way that I could not begin to argue.

Food. Jello, specifically. Utahns know their jello. My dad had a particular gift for this amazing layered jello. This is a picture of one he made for my surprise birthday party a few years ago. beautiful, huh?

Ok, that about sums up my wonders of utah. Let me know if I missed any :)

note: next outdoor adventure wear bigger earrings

Story from our Jackson Hole trip. I have a small book of watercolor paper that I made to take to South Africa with me; never quite filled it up there, and have been trying to ever since. Basically the only time I paint in it is on vacations that I think will have scenic views to paint. Usually I find pretty private opportunities to do these paintings (alone on a beach, alone on top of a mountain, alone in Stacey's parent's back yard while they are all taking naps) but sometimes I am not as lucky.

I went for a drive and found viewpoint turnouts of the tetons, selected one to paint and then sat down in the weeds about 10 feet in front of the plaque and started to sketch. People would drive up, get out of their car, stand and talk at the plaque and, I'm guessing, resist the urge to come and peer over my shoulder. About the time that I realized that I had sat in an ant hill but was too lazy to move, I hear two guys talking behind me at the plaque:

"did you know why they are called the tetons?"
"yeah, it means three teats....but I don't get it"
"Yeah, neither do I"
....
"What is that boy drawing over there?"
"I don't know...why doesn't he just take a photo?"

i do remember and i was impressed

Hey, not much time to post today, but I think it's time for something new. Here's my latest fav picture of my nephew, Andrew. His mom was still picking the mud out of his nostrils the next day.

folders and wadders

I made a discovery this week when talking to my family. And, I'm not going to lie, this discovery kind of rocked the foundation of my life as I knew it. Like when you think the entire world is one way because well...that's how you are, and as far as you know you're completely normal, only to find out that you're actually the weird one. (Ok I admit it, finding out that I'm the weird one is not that new for me.)

I found out there are two types of toilet paper users in the world. I always knew that one of my parents liked the folding neatly method, but I always just thought that was a one-in-a-million trait to have...and yes, I think it's insane. I found out the other day that probably 50% or more of my family uses the folding method! Even in-laws! (i'm protecting names, here...it seems like a sensitive subject) I think it might actually be more than 50%...but even that is a lot. You might have figured out that I'm a wadder...it just makes a lot more sense to me on many levels. Maybe here isn't the best place to discuss them. But now I'm curious. Is it just my family that is weird? What do you do?

single, malnurished female seeking tub of strawberry yoplait grande! yogurt

I discovered Yoplait's tub of Grande strawberry yogurt about a year ago when a friend recommended it to me because I was complaining that I like strawberry yogurt but don't like the stringy fruit pieces in it. Amazingly, a 6oz container of Yoplait strawberry yogurt has the stringy peices but the Grande size doesn't. Slick as a school marm's leg, as grandpa would say. It slides down the throat in a pleasing, no-work-involved sort of way. I find that wheat thins and easy cheese are a perfect combo with the smooth strawberry yogurt. One cheese covered wheat thin followed by a spoonful of yogurt; repeat until lunch is over.

Here's the problem in this dreamy-yogurt filled life I plan to lead: Where to find it. I know that Macey's sells it, but everytime I go to get some from there, they are clean out. Albertson's and Wal Mart (I believe) don't even carry the grande size yoplait. If it's so popular that it's constantly gone at Macey's (or maybe they just stock 3 tubs once a month), why do other stores not carry it? Don't they realize I rely on it for my dairy intake? I don't think that easy cheese is going to give me quite the same quality of vitamin c and calcium.

chicago on $70 and 1.3 mega pixels

Frank Gehry's Pritzker Bandshell in Millenium Park. I listened to some crazy Jamaica-ish band there. A little too crazy...even for me.
The kids loved it when these video faces spit water at them. The kid in this pic is taking it like superman, right in the chest.
We spent our time at ebay live watching the booth next to us perform on unicycles. What that had to do with signs for your business, I have no idea.
The skyline from Navy Pier at sunset.
The skyline at night going 40mph on a speedboat.

Cloud Gate. A sculpture in Millenium Park.I'm one of the dots in the middle.

a small soliloquy

i held off on that spendy purchase for a few days before finally succumbing

That's how strong I am.


Ok, so I realize that my blog seems to be a little one-track lately. I think it's that I allow myself one month of the year to obsess about not being married. This year it was May. The good news for you is that May is over.

I just noticed that my work calendar has inspirational quotes for each month. Nothing against inspirational quotes, but I find with a little tweaking, I'm more inspired.

Suddenly the rainbow and the waterfall make so much more sense because it's a picture of "Devil's Postpile" in CA. Whatever/wherever that is. It's so tempting....

deseret services, inc follow up

More than 2 years ago, I posted about an uncanny gift I have for helping guys get married.

I believe my special powers are still in force, though it's hard to tell since I haven't dated a whole lot in the last 2 years so I don't have many specific examples to share...apparently guys don't want to get married.

But, let me introduce you to my latest clients. Two brothers who were very kind in helping me with my 2008 goal of one date a month (hello! the year's not over...you can't start dating someone else yet!). I went on two dates with one of them and one with the other. Without me even promoting my business to them, they both realized the gold mine that they had found. They pointed out to me that they both started exclusively dating their current girl-friends 1 day after their dates with me. I kid you not...both of them! Ok, ok...so they're not married or engaged yet, but I think things are promising.
(every blog apparently needs a photo to keep you readers interested...so um, here's a shameless plug for an awesome restraunt in slc...)

...anyway...another friend of mine that I was worried might be interested in me and so I avoided him just enough so he wouldn't ask me out informed me a few months later that he was engaged! So apparently a guy doesn't even need to ask me out, he just needs to be interested in me (that's how industrious I am...just like a honeybee)...but don't let that out.

Just so you know, the reverse doesn't work: There have been several guys that I have been interested in and even asked out and they still aren't married. In order for the magic to happen, the guy must be interested in me initially.

mr good enough

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too turned off by the hateful raisins in the oatmeal to be able to enjoy the creamy, softness of the bland oats that surround said raisins...so...instead of wasting time just ignoring the raisins or pretending like I like them, i just throw the whole thing out. Or, maybe I decide it's a waste of time to even mix up the oatmeal...I already know I won't like it so why start? Or maybe I just think oatmeal is too bland and all this time I've been wasting my time with oatmeal when I would rather eat captain crunch for breakfast. Captain crunch is anything but soft and mellow (unless I wait 20 min after pouring the milk). But captain crunch is more risky.Are you catching my code language for dating? Several months ago, I read an article that made me think "dang, I could have been married years ago!" If only it had occurred to me to settle.
I'm not saying that I've had a myriad of opportunities to settle. But even if I had, I don't think I could stomach it. Sure, they're good guys...they would probably be great husbands...and fathers.... But is it too much to ask that I enjoy being around them? That they have a personality that I like? That they understand my jokes? That they dress semi-respectable? I don't think it's fair to a guy for me to go into the relationship thinking from the start "well, I will just get them a different haircut and take them clothes shopping and they will be fine"Unfortunately, up until now in my life, the only people that have occupied that overlapping circle space in my life have been family members or friends. What are the chances that after 28 years of no prospects, the next 28 will hold any better odds? It's seeming less likely than the first 28.

Maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe I'm just supposed to settle for Vanilla Ice.

the 7 wonders of Cambria, CA

In no particular order

#1- Moonstone beach






















Incredible.
Incredible moonstones (which Stacey later told me were fake).
Incredibly cold water.
Incredibly not made of sand, but of tiny, smooth, colorful stones.

#2 - The ranchland

I don't know if I've ever seen rolling hills of just grass like this. They end in cliffs at the ocean.




#3- no cell reception (except at the intersection of Burton and arDATH)
Here is a handy map for you. The black arrow is where our beach house was. The ranchland is at the top left and the area of cell phone service we found is the red circle. As we drove into town, we'd get to this intersection and suddenly we'd hear beeps of phones suddenly deciding they had a pile of messages.

#4 - Leashless dogs

I've talked a bit about the dogs already. There was a sign at the gate to the ranchland that said "All dogs must be on a leash". Yet, every person I saw with a dog would unleash their dog right at that sign so that the dog could then bound through the grass right to me and my inseam. truly baffling.

#5 - Olallieberry pie
Heaven on earth. Perfect for during a movie, right before bed. Makes for a happy, sleepy stomach.

#6 - That one guy that's worked at that one restaurant forever

We should have gotten a picture of him. He's worked at the restaurant for a long time, apparently, because Stacey said he's there every year that she comes. He looks like he's about our age, maybe slightly balding on top...the perfect height...the perfect roundness (which means he's not round) and his friendliness seems to rival Stacey's. He takes our order and asks Stacey how's she doing, "what, was it about a year ago that you were here last?". He seems to have a suspiciously good memory of Stacey and I'm pretty sure she should marry him.

#7 - Hearst Castle and finally understanding that song from Newsies

Technically not in Cambria, but the wonders of it practically overflow into Cambria's borders. William Randolf Hearst's 90,000 square foot estate. There are 4 different tours you can take because if they combined them all into one, it would last all day and cost you $80 for the ticket (just me doing the math). While Jenni and I were exploring the castle's wonders, Stacey and Carla were hanging out at a Nude beach with a very tan man.