last night, driving home at 10pm

I saw a man who was obviously blind (he had the stick and everything) walking along state street. I immediately panicked and thought, "he should not be walking in the dark!!" Heh...this begs the question:

What is the difference between a blind man walking along state street during the day and a blind man walking along state street in the dark?

A: all the panicked motorists driving by

Other puzzlers of the week:

If a graphic designer leaves for a long lunch and no VP's are there to see it, does she really leave?

If my roommate's room isn't even connected in any way to mine ~ plus ~ the washer and dryer are going, why can I still hear every word of her 11:30 pm phone conversations?

why do I trust my 2 year old nephew completely with my brother's iPod touch but not with my Motorolatm phone?

sub puzzler: How does a 2 year old intuitively know how to unlock an iPod touch?

How does one purchase 90 ice cream bars in logan on her way to Bear Lake if she is traveling on a sunday?

ok, thanks for playing.

part 4 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

part 4: Singing at the top of her lungs.

Lately, I have had a return visit from my old anxiety stomach friend. I tell you...some friends just won't take the cold shoulder hint. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a strained relationship with him. Some refer to him as "pit"...like a pit in your stomach, I guess. I think that is a fitting description of him. This "pit" is the worst of all friends...he keeps me up late at night and then wakes me up early with sharp stomach pains just to remind me all the things I have to worry about in life. Sometimes he gets me up so early, I could cook myself a 7 course breakfast before heading off to work. Too bad "pit" takes away any appetite I might have for waffles and bacon.

Yesterday was particularly a bad day for me and Pit (he's now a pronoun). He gave me runny tummy (for lack of a better term, sorry) in the morning after he insisted on a 5am wake up call, and then took away my appetite for the remainder of the day. It wasn't until the evening that I found something that scares him off: My singing.

I used to play guitar every night before bed for like 10 years straight. I found it mellowed me before bed. Then I moved out of my parent's house 4 years ago and realized that my roommates probably wouldn't be quite as accepting of loud guitar and yelling at 11pm....so I stopped. Is it a coincidence that Pit showed up at that same time?

I've been playing more again lately...as I've gotten more brave to play around roommates. Last night, I decided to look up some songs by an artist I'm rediscovering. I was happy to find 3 different songs of hers that I could learn in basically one pass. They were so easy! One unfortunately had a DADDAD tuning which requires a little effort to transition the guitar to and from, but once you are there it's super easy! Plus~ it allows me to sing at the top of my lungs and that keeps Pit at bay and me alive.

Here's the song I learned with the different tuning:

best way to get people to come to your reception

On the invitation, it simply stated:

"There will be a receiving line from 6:30-7:00
Please be in your seats for the show at 7:00
the receiving line will resume from 8:00-8:30"

Show?! what is the show?
Ok, I had to go just to ease my curiosity.

Awkward melissa moment: my name wasn't actually on the invitation. But I went anyway because I was so curious (hoping that they just sent it to the wrong address and assumed I got it). But when I gave the bride a hug, she was like "oh, I sent you an invitation and it came back in the mail as undeliverable..."

"oh...good thing I decided to crash your reception anyway!"

weekend: signs of spring

Went to my sister-in-law's (something tells me it's supposed to be sister's-in-law...but oh well) graduation from Westminster college. My favorite moments of the day long celebration:

1- The bird that pooped on my shirt* (including an undigested worm) with incredible aim...right in the center of my chest.

2- When my brother and sister-in-law footed our brunch fee and my mom bought my dinner for me.

3- The more than 50% of the graduates that were "cum laude". First of all, how does that work?! Second, wouldn't you feel like a loser when you're in the minority because you're not cum laude?

4- The girl who had soccer cleats around her neck instead of honors ropes.

5- All the professors who could not hood the masters students without gagging them...every time.

6- The 40 minutes total of bagpipe music as the graduates and professors took the longest time possible to march to and from their seats.

7- There's always that one girl that insists on hitting the uber high note at the end of the star spangled banner when performing it.

8- Sitting by my friend Catherine at church the next day when she leans over and announces: "I went to a 3 hour graduation yesterday!!..."

* the same shirt I threw up all over a month ago...I think that shirt hates me.

Part 3 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 3: Lunch Walks

I started doing these a few weeks ago. They serve several purposes:

1- Warms up my body that has been surprisingly chilled in the refrigerator of our office. seriously, I never notice until I walk outside and then I suddenly realize how nice the warmth feels.

2- Lets me eat in peace, with no one listening to my banana chewing, wrapper crinkling, choking sounds, etc.

3- I can practice my long baseball throws in the field I walk next to. I can't wait to see all the apple cores and banana peels when the grass dies in the winter.

4- Makes me eat healthy things (for example...you can't eat a costa vida sweet pork burrito while walking).

5- Builds up callouses on my feet that have been babied way too long.

6- I can finally let out all the songs I've been dying to sing all morning.

7- loosens up my shoulders that naturally tighten when a computer monitor is placed in front of me.

All in all, it's a good thing. Feel free to join me sometime (i hope you like badly sung Neil Diamond).

you're crazy social. you must like dark chocolate.

I just noticed that this will be my 100th post to my blog. 100 feels better than I thought it would....


My sister sent me an article today that changed my life...or at least made more sense of it. In this article, it states that the area of our brain that inclines us to socialize is the same area where our love of chocolate is stored. That possibly these two things are even related. Looking back at my life, I have determined these scientists know what they are talking about!

As you can see, from the graph I created to represent my life so far (photoshop always makes images so much more classy, doesn't it?), I was not really a social child, and even now I am only mildly social. In my early 20's I learned in a quick few years the social abilities that I now have. It's fair to say that that inclination has now leveled off (ok, I think it's heading back down, but I'm pretending it's not).

Same story with chocolate. I never liked chocolate cake or just plain chocolate bars growing up. I did like candy bars that consisted mainly of other things like peanut butter. In my early 20's I started to gain an appreciation of actual chocolate (sorry Hershey...not you) and I began to realize that I actually like chocolate cake as much or more than vanilla cake. That love has leveled off a bit, I think...or has it? Is dark chocolate next? If so, I better start planning more parties.

Part 2 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 2: Lost

This was me this morning when I realized that there were only 18 episodes of Lost this season (also, I need a shave).

18 episodes?! And at least two of those were stinking recap episodes that only told me things I already knew (and that's saying something because Lost usually lives up to its name with me)! Other dramas don't waste time on the recap episodes and they still have more quantity (though I guess we could argue about quality).

Just to make sure I wasn't off my rocker in crying injustice, I checked how many episodes other drama shows on all the networks have:

(NBC) Heros: 25
(ABC) the other dramas: 22-24
(CBS) Numbers: 23
(Fox) Bones: 25

So: How do they get away with only having 15-16 legit episodes a season?! Is that not criminal? I should just remember that every season I go through the same trauma (ok, this season I plan to make it a tradition): During the episode I think approximately 5 times: Ok, this is just ridiculous, why do I watch this show? By the end of the episode I'm thinking: I need the next episode NOW! But by the next week, I'm back to thinking: meh...I can wait to see it for a few days. It's just mean to toy with our emotions like that.

Here's a great snl sketch from season 3 (I think).

Also, here is possibly my favorite moment of this season. Hurley is my favorite.

I'd like to publicly thank Carla for the use of her DVR that makes it possible for me to watch Lost whenever it suits my fancy (and is convienient for Carla). She keeps my addiction alive, and that keeps me alive.

welcome to part 1 of my 364 part series

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 1: Shoes

It's irony, really...because even though they keep me alive, they are killing me, financially. I bought 4 new pairs of shoes in a 3 week period. I realized they were so important to me when I noticed that a high percentage of pictures I take with my phone are of my shoes. I have only had my new phone for a couple months and have only taken about 10 pictures with it, but here are the ones that are of my shoes. My old phone was riddled with them...notice the view of two of the images...looking down from my lap. I wonder if it has something to do with needing a time filler while in the bathroom.

(Hi Judith!)

(ok, some pairs I just dream about....)

Shoes are my vice in more than just the monetary way... I have no padding on the soul of my feet. Thus, my feet constantly hurt if I have to stand more than about 5 minutes on them. Also, my feet have been growing again so many of my favorite pairs of shoes that I bought a year or more ago are now getting too small. My temple shoes were torturing me also so I have spent the last year looking for the perfect pair. Finally I found a pair at Kmart 2 weeks ago that look just like something a little old lady would wear. Since I can't take pictures in the temple, I just spend my time during the session looking down at my shoes (lap view) and loving them. They're so hot! (also, my feet get really warm in them)

my three favorite mother's day moments: 2009

1. Our bishop announced that after church we would have a special mother's day activity on the back lawn of the church. Usually, they give us flowers for mother's day (I never really understood, but whatever), so I figured that's what it would be. Suddenly, the guy sitting next to me (I think he might be 12 years old....) leans over and says, "why do we celebrate mother's day in the single's ward?"
-To which I responded, "well gosh, I don't know...I'm sorry if it's a problem for you."
-Then he whispered really softly, "Is it because it's an older single's ward?"
Words cannot express the incredulous look I gave him.

2. So, after Relief Society, we all went out the back door to claim our plant/flower that we could do 1 of 2 things with: Give to our own mothers who are actual mothers or keep and watch it slowly die. But when we walked outside, instead of a long table with little plastic pots on it, there was a long table with brownies, waffle cups, whipped cream, hot fudge, nuts and a soft serve ice cream machine.

Best Mother's Day Gift ever.

3. At ward prayer last night, they had us go around the room and tell what our mothers taught us. Most people said things like "how to show compassion" or "how to reach my goals" or "that I am loved unconditionally". Then one of the last girls was like, "my mother taught me not to be afraid of death." I wonder if there's a story there....

Funerals lead to nose bleeds

Yesterday was good. And by good I mean, good for me spiritually. And by that I actually mean horrible.

Sister Hinckley said, "I laugh because crying gives me a headache." Problem with that policy: what about those situations where you can only cry? -Like me at a funeral.

I went to a funeral yesterday. A good funeral. A long funeral.

Here is my conclusion about funerals:

me + Funeral = Crying

me + Crying = Headache

me + Headache = Vomiting

me + Vomiting = Nose bleed

I would like to apologize to Davis (the passenger in the car I was driving) and everyone driving in Downtown Salt Lake at rush hour who had to witness me puking my brains (which were pink from the jello I ate) out in the middle of South Temple and 2nd East. Also, lest you think throwing up isn't embarrassing enough, just wait until your nose starts bleeding while you are throwing up. Ah...good times. Definitely one of the simple pleasures in life.

About the funeral: It was definitely one of the best funerals I have ever been to. So many good things were said. Elder Cook said some very good things about the sting of death. Funerals have a way of helping you get to know the person in a way you never would have. Like the picture of Derek on the back of the program with his hoodie, slightly crooked basball cap, flashing his cell phone next to the scripture Mosiah 2:41 "And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual."

Perfect.

me + week of simple pleasures

I want to turn a new leaf. A positive one. I have been noticing that nice things are happening to me. Mostly little things. I think what kickstarted it was my trip to Cambria, CA. That place is just blooming with pleasures of the simplest kind.

1- Stopping at H & M in vegas and just as I look at the mall map and mutter "I wonder if they have a Fossil..." having Stacey poke my shoulder and point to the fossil store right in front of me.

2- Tearing a hole in my new shirt from H & M the first time I wore it...and wearing it again anyway.

3- Taking a walk on this road on Easter Sunday and running into an Indian man from South Africa (yup...they still talk just as much as ever, even in the U.S.).

4- Missing Easter bonnets and then seeing a 12 year old girl wearing gloves and a bonnet at church.

5- Realizing later (when she was teaching R.S.) that she's probably my age.

6- Sitting on a cold windy beach in my new swimming suit trying to stay warm and having the blowing sand exfoliate my skin.

7- Seeing these paint splotches while canvasing the surrounding hills of Cambria for good photos and knowing exactly what they mean.

8- Upon arriving home, finding out that my landlord fixed the rattle in the pipe to my bathroom. It's nice to wash my face with warm water again....

9- Driving my car for the first time after returning and having the annoying clicking sound my car had been making for 2 months just magically stop.

10- Having everyone fawn over my new hair style that took a lot less longer to do than the one no one ever commented on.

i should watch my back (and rib cage...and inner thigh)

Today my brother IMed me and said that he had a dream the other night that I died from anorexia...he wanted to just double check that I didn't have it.

"heck no! In fact...I feel like I've been gaining weight...."

About a month ago, a random girl in my ward came to me and said she had a dream that I was really sickly and so weak that she had to help me walk from one room to another.

Could it be?

Are those dark circles my eye sockets?

here comes 30

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.

frasi lolop = April Fools

Well, we all thought/feared that this was coming. My work just called us all into a meeting to tell us that in a week all of our clients will be transferred to the company that we sold our coaching department to about 6 months ago...thus I will be out of a job.

So, if you hear of anybody needing a graphic designer, let me know! ~Much appreciated

who is mother nature, anyway

I woke up this morning and was greeted by this:

I have not been this stunned in a long time. Sure it has been cold lately, and I heard it was supposed to snow yesterday...but after about 2 flurry flakes in the early afternoon, I thought that's all it was referring to. Then, this?! What is that, 6 inches of snow?! Ok, maybe 5....

What in the world is mother nature up to?

Also...speaking of mother nature...(get ready for blond Melissa to reveal herself)...who is she? Growing up I learned that she was the magical force behind the weather. But then people started referring to "the curse" and "aunt flo" as "mother nature's monthly gift". There's even that new commercial that shows mother nature magically appearing to a woman and bringing her a wrapped package with a bow (I know that's how I feel about it...'sweet! it's like my birthday every month!') Then last night someone told me that mother nature was calling so I assumed she meant it was her aunt flo calling...but I never did clarify with her and I think she was actually just referring to needing to use the bathroom. It seems that mother nature is one busy lady covering all those different aspects of our life all around the globe.

I think perhaps when it's just a normal bathroom visit, it's just under the heading of "nature's calling"...am I right? Ugh, I'm so confused.

Whatever she does, this morning's gift was pretty darn amazing.

working on my 4 year food storage

It's payday today and thank heavens. I have been spending the money a little bit too much lately. That's why I decided not to spend any this week (those cheez-its from the vending machine and buying gas yesterday don't count). I came to this conclusion on Sunday when we only had an hour of church and I decided it was high time to "cook" something to eat in all that free time. I opened the pantry door and I swear moths flew out. Then I took a good hard look at what was in there. There are things that I've had for at least 3 years...maybe 4. That was when I realized I was looking at my menu for the next week.

Here are some of the things I will be enjoying this week and reliving the fond memories of when I bought them (after dusting off the moth poop):

Capri Suns: I bought this box probably 4 years ago when I lived with Tracy and Angela and we would go meet at a park for lunch, eat and play frisbee.Schweppes Granadilla soda: Straight from South Africa...these are very special to me and I think I'll save the 2 remaining for a special moment. I bought them about 2.5 years ago and have fond memories of sharing them excitedly with friends who told me it just tastes like fresca...heartbreaking.

Mountain Home Potato soup: I got a pint-sized bag of this for Christmas 2 years ago... It was always too small to make for dinner group and not tasty enough to make just for me.

4 Boxes of Rice a Roni: I bought them 2 years ago thinking I would make them for meals...apparently not.

4 Boxes of Mac and Cheese: The Melissa Staple is back. I had it last night and quite enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure those boxes have been in there for a year or more.

1 Bag of corn meal: Perhaps my oldest item. Jon gave it to me during one of his many moves from BYU. I think 5 years ago.

Here's the short list of what else is in there:

4 boxes of Jiffy muffin mixes
4 Boxes of cold cereal
A 2 liter of Root Beer
1 Can of diced carrots
1 Can of black refried beans
1 Can of regular refried beans
1 Can Spaghetti O's
4 different kinds of Hot Chocolate. Why do I have this?! I don't even like it.
1/2 box of lasagna noodles...I can make the smallest pan of sauceless, meatless lasagna ever.
Various soup/gravy packets
One tiny box of red hots - not sure those are mine.

By all accounts it looks like I could actually live off my pantry for a few weeks...maybe I'll acquire a taste for hot chocolate...with red hots.

tighten those belts: signs of the bad economy

Times are bad...we all know that.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that things really are as bad as they all say (thanks for your help with this, Tracy):

No parking at the rec center - People are buying rec passes instead of forking out the dough for the slightly cleaner, newer, more fashionable and less smelly gym memberships.

Gas prices remain relatively low - This has its own predictable side effect...people will start buying gas guzzlers again because - hey! gas is cheap! (the side effect to that? - GE and Ford will once again be selling their favorite SUV's and the economy will start to rebound...cha-CHing!)

Investing your money is actually throwing your money away (but don't you dare stop!) - I put $1650 dollars in my Roth IRA in the last 6 months. Guess how much is actually in there? That's right - $1568. I'm so glad I'm investing my money....

70% of everyone I know seems to be worried about their job or is currently looking for one -The other 30% are teachers.

The gov't is going into deeper and deeper debt - That's got to help, right?

Cheap food and entertainment is all the rage - There's no wait for seating at Bombay house but Fat Cats is at least an hour wait.

Starbucks closed 600 of its stores, if not more - What is wrong with this country?!

Cheaper prices on everything! - ok...everyone says this but I've yet to see it. I guess I'll continue to sit back and wait for all those deals to come around.

Old Navy has resorted to using mannequins in their printed ads to model their clothes instead of paying for real people/models

Arby's no longer serves homestyle fries

A new generation of depressionistic spenders - here's an article about that...and a quote from it:

"As many economists have noted, cutting spending is the worst thing people with means can do for the economy right now. But that argument seems to have little traction, especially because even those with steady paychecks and no fear of losing their job have seen their net worth decline and their retirement savings evaporate."

And the number one sign of the bad economic times:

No donuts at the 7 stake tubing activity - "budget cuts". Really...it was heart breaking.

Any that I missed? What are some you have noticed?

now I know why they ask "would you like anything else with your order?"

I just went to Carl's Jr to celebrate Jack's up-selling me on 2 tires and an alignment after getting my oil changed.

Girl In Thick Spanish Accent: "Can I take your order?"

Me: "Hi, ok...."

GITSA: "ok let me know when you're ready.."

Me: Confused
"ok...can I have a cheeseburger kids meal?"

GITSA: "what drink you want?"

Me: "Rootbeer"

GITSA: "Ok, what else"

Me: Do I get another drink?!.... "er....fries?"

GITSA: "You want extra fries?"

Me: "No...sorry...that's all"

GITSA: "ok go to the window"

Me: Is this free? I pull up to the window.

GITSA: "$3.62 please....Fry sauce?"

Me: "Yes!" I didn't even know Carl's Jr had fry sauce! Finally, someone with Good customer service skills.

i forgot about the smiths

Like...completely forgot. I even have one of their cd's somewhere...unless it was one of the ones that got stolen.



I was reminded of them while watching the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. I'm kind of interested in this movie and not just because it has the Smiths and Regina Spektor music in it. But that helps.

Listening to the Smiths again makes me want to paint a still-life consisting of an antelope skull, a jar of peaches, a rusted milk can and three shriveled apples (thanks for pretending it was beautiful and hanging it in the study for a while, mom).

ate things tag

I will post, but I refuse to tag. I guess it's kind of like not getting married so that the family name dies. When I put it that way, it sounds more cruel than it actually is.

TV shows I 'Ate (living or dead):

Dallas
Sex and the City
The Glen Beck show
Dr Phil
The Batchelor
Big Brother
Judge Judy
Most other reality shows

Things I Ate yesterday:

applesauce
Easter candy
fruit leather out of the garbage
my pride playing foosball
EZ Take-out Burger
taquitos with sour cream, cheese and avo
chips and salsa
Probably a little bit of toothpaste while brushing me teeth

Things I Ate (ain't...this is hard, ok) looking forward to:

More Wrinkles
A slowed down metabolism
Looking for a job
Driving in the snow today
The stress of teaching my children correct things
My car dying
Socialism
Steep gas prices in the summer

Favorite restaurants I Ate at:

Bangkok Grill (of course)
Bombay House
Pizza Factory
Gandolfo's
Weinerschnitzel
McDonald's
Taco Time
In 'n Out

Things on my wish list I Ate:

Avocados
Mango Lassi
Fresh Spring Rolls
Chicken Satay
Costa Vida sweet pork
The South Hampton
Olallieberry pie and ice cream
Nandos garlic and herb sandwich


People I Ate:

Oops..no one..well wouldn't you know it.