late bloomin' and bloomin' late

Mom always said I was a late bloomer. So, now that's my excuse for everything. Apparently it took me about 15 years longer than most girls to decide I actually wanted to be a girl. Maybe I didn't realize that most boys want to marry a girl. Not a tomboy who plays with snakes.

About 3 years ago, I decided it was time to start fixing myself up to be more attractive to the boys. These "fix-ups" included:

• Getting Lasik so I could once and for all dump my glasses and nevermore look like an alien in photos (at least from no fault of my glasses).
• Getting my ears pierced for the first time ever!
• Growing my hair out
• Starting a more aggressive face routine that requires morning and night dedication
• Working out more = once a week
• Using the "natural glow" body lotion. Now instead of fluorescent, I am just an incandescent glow in the summer.
• Learning what eye shadow was. Thanks, Tia!
• Kicking the board shorts habit
  
• Getting my first (and last) manicure
• Working at the temple (not only makes me a woman, but an old woman at that)

Next week, I will perform my latest transformation attempt by visiting the dermatologist to see about having my mole removed. Yes. THAT mole. You all know it. My mole and I have been inseparable for a lifetime (not for lack of trying, though). About 10 years ago, I went to my dermatologist and asked him to remove it, but he refused saying that it would create too big of a scar on my face if he cut it out and he didn't want to hurt my dating chances by creating that scar. Well, news flash for him: since none of my other amazing transformations have gotten me the dates, this HAS to be the culprit! So, I'm determined it must go. And I will go see the only dermatologist in Utah valley that takes my insurance to make it happen.

Fingers crossed...I'll let you know how it goes!

favorite things

Here are a few of them:

Favorite t-shirt:

Favorite depressing/wishful anonymous quote about my life:

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy."

Favorite cited quote: (I've been trying figure out how to say this ever since Prop 8)

"There are civil rights involved in this -- the right to speak your mind, to participate in the election, but you don't have a civil right to win an election or retaliate against those who prevail."
-- Dallin H. Oaks

Favorite horrifyingly depressing movie:

Seriously...I couldn't sleep afterward

Favorite new clothing item:

Plaid jeans from target. Without the heels, of course.

Favorite winter-time tradition that I just started:

Lining my nostrils every night with Vaseline to avoid nose bleeds at my desk, in the bathroom (don't ask), at the temple, and while driving.

my newest stallwart friend

Yes, I realize that's not how 'stalwart' is spelled, jenny jo....

Over the last several months, I have come to a realization: My favorite stall in our shared work bathroom has become my own personal stall. It doesn't matter if I wait until 4pm to use it for the first time in a given day...it always has the seat up to welcome me when I arrive (a sign that it hasn't been used since it was cleaned the previous night).

It used to not be this way, I promise. But, layoffs over the last year have apparently slimmed down our (and the lds church department who we share the bathroom with) female bathroom users. There are still a few other women at my company (who I assume still use the bathroom), but they must just use other stalls. I'm not going to say which stall it is, just in case some of those other women read this and want to steal my unused sanctuary. But there are at least 6 stalls in there and considering that I think there are only 5 women currently at my company, we could, in theory, each have our own stall! (I have not seen any church employees in there for months now)

On a bathroom related side-note: Stacey and I discovered the public bathroom bizarro world: Football games! I'm sure many of you already know this, but it's been a while since I've been to a real football game (is BYU considered real?....). So, at halftime, we braced ourselves for the long bathrooms lines only to discover that the men's line was HUGE, and the women's only had 3 people in it! More football games for me, please! And this time, I'll drink lots of water before hand.

officially I am an old lady

I went with my sister yesterday to get Walter's shots. Btw, my brothers and I bought my sister a golden retriever puppy for her graduation present (actually, so far it's just one brother and I that bought it for her...the other brother hasn't paid me yet [cough] Trevor.)

These are both pics from the day we got him 3 weeks ago. I swear he is twice this size already!

During our stay at the vet's office, I decided that there are some similarities to the temple.

1) You make friends with random people you sit by: EVERY person that came in with their tiny shi tzu or 12 year old mini beagle had to stop and fawn over Walter. And I quote: "A golden retriever puppy has always been my dream dog!" And in my mind, I would be thinking, so...why do you have that yappy little thing? I'm so glad I could get everyone else's dream dog for my sister. Luckily I think he's also her dream dog.

2) When you see people crying, just look away: After we had been waiting for quite some time, the exam room right in front of us opened and 5 people with very tear-stained faces came stumbling out, sans the little white fluffy dog they went in with.

I have to admit, I was a little worried what everyone there was thinking about these two women who brought their dog in... but my fears were unfounded because after my sister told one lady that we had talked to for a while that our mom taught piano lessons, that lady then turned to me and said, "that's neat that you teach piano..." That was a relief, and also made my sister laugh really really hard.

retreat, treat, eat

The relief society sisters met at a huge house in Heber to treat, retreat, and also eat. Sometimes you have to retreat to move forward. I'm not sure about the others, but I personally retreated from my job, my family, my messy room, my clean hair, and my sleep. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who retreated from sleep, though, because I went to bed at 1:45am and there were still a slew of people up.

Much of the evening was filled up with spiritual and sisterly togetherness. The RS pres. gave us an interesting thought on visiting teaching where we ended up comparing visiting teaching to a supportive bra (a truer analogy was never set forth).

The bishop also gave a great message about how we use our time and what is important to us. He had us make a list of all the things that were important to us in this life. Some were very general in their list, and some were more specific, naming such things as forks, cute clothes and hair. Bishop then asked us to decide what matters the most to us on our list and then modified that to deciding what should matter the most. That's when I realized marriage wasn't even on my list. Maybe that's my problem. Then he asked us what we thought would be most important 5 years from now. That was when I finally scratched "pegged pants" off my list.

Before bed we were able to cram in a few more activities that included eating brownies and ice cream, playing the game "scream" (through which we discovered there aren't a lot of screamers in our ward), tricking the 20 questions orb of magic by picking "the temple" as our mystery item, painting each others toenails, and putting early to bedder's bras in the freezer (ok, I wish...it just would have fit so perfectly with the theme of the night. eg: visiting teachers often feel like they are left out in the cold...?)

This paragraph was supposed to be devoted to my sleeping hours, but I think I won't toy with your patience by replaying for you all the Neil Diamond songs I sang in my head (and maybe a little out loud) to entertain myself as I didn't sleep.

In the morning, we took the shortest, most beautiful, most full of horse dung - hike (walk) I've ever been on.

Cudos to the relief society enrichment (er... I mean, "meetings"?) committee for putting it all together!

not-so-irrational fear

My whole life, I've had this paranoia that I stink. My family used to joke that I would wake up in the middle of the night each night to change my pajama shirt because I thought I stunk...and so what if I did? Would they rather I stink?!

In recent years, I've definitely relaxed a bit...sometimes I go a whole week wearing the same pajama shirt to bed. Sick, I know. I've found I'm even more laid back when it comes to keeping my temple dress clean. Every Wednesday night, when I slide my filthy dress on, I mentally vow to wash it this week, for heaven's sake! Only to make the same frustrated vow one week later.

About 2 months ago, I realized it had been forever since I washed my dress (plus it had just sat for those 2 months in the 70's hard suitcase I bought at DI for my temple attire) and its fumes smacked me in the face as I pulled it over my head before heading into the worker's meeting. As I sang the opening song for the meeting, an older sister came and sat right by me and then immediately buried her nose in my shoulder and proclaimed "you smell so good and fresh!"...words cannot describe the incredulous look I gave her, I was so shocked. I explained that it is impossible because I really really really needed to wash this dress. She seemed certain, however, that it was my dress that smelled so good. The next day, I made sure to wash it despite her glowing praise.

Now fast forward 2 months....and of course, I haven't washed the dress since then (I think it's actually starting to look gray). The same sister sat by me again last night and once again smashed her nose into my shoulder proclaimed the same thing. This time, all I could do was laugh straight through the entire hymn with her looking at me all bewildered. First of all: why does she only think it smells good when it's gone 2 months without a wash and sat in a mildewy suitcase for those 2 months? Second: This time she even asked me what brand of detergent I use. To which I responded, "um...the cheapest kind possible?"

So...does this mean that I should shower less too? Would I actually smell better if I was lazy about all my personal hygiene? - All this time, I guess I've had it backward....

question of the day

I am now on my 10th month of growing my hair out...such a slow and painful process.

This begs the question: Why can't my head hair grow as fast as my leg hair?

part 8 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 8: Peaches and Cream

Usually, I avoid eating things that I love over and over....and over again in rapid succession because I tend to get tired of foods really easily. But I love this time of year, because I can make an exception to that rule.

3 ingredients: 1) Lemon Elberta peaches, peeled and sliced 2) Canned milk 3) Nutmeg

I have this for breakfast, mid-afternoon snack and before bed tummy soother... and do you think I've gotten tired of it yet? The great news is, even if I do eventually get tired of it, I have a whole year for my body to cleanse its self from the overdose and I guarantee that I'll be back to craving them again next August.

Might I suggest you try my 3 ingredient peaches and cream? Try it just once without sugar. The Lemon Elberta variety of peaches have the perfect tartness that can be spoiled by covering it up with sugar, in my opinion (Believe me, I have nothing against sugar...if it tasted better with sugar, I would pile it on every time). You may also shy away from the canned milk, and I admit that I probably only love that because that's what I was raised on. So, if you prefer milk or cream... or - heaven forbid - ice cream :), feel free to substitute that instead.

Peaches and cream before bed gives me happy dreams (last night, I dreamed that byu was beating Florida state 33-6) and sleeping happy keeps me alive!

I think I'll post this at my cubicle

Yup, that pretty much sums it up for me.

things that will no longer keep me alive

Sometimes love is a decision. Sometimes that decision is even financially based.

Have any of you ever had the South Hampton Sandwich at Gandolfo's? Let me tell you, it is heaven. Warm turkeylettucetomatoswissavocado on white bread heaven. But heaven has been consistently upping its prices. Today, my half heaven sandwich cost $5 even. No, that did not include a drink or chips. Yes, it did include 3 napkins. Good to know they are generous. Heck, for $5, they even wrapped the sandwich in paper for me.

Now, I can hear you all saying that every other sandwich shop is just as expensive. The problem with that argument for me is that none of them are good, so it's hard for me to care if their sandwiches are expensive. I have no problem ditching subway. And that's because they don't sell heaven. Gandolfo's does.

So sometimes you just have to say No to love. No to heaven. Maybe hell has cheaper sandwiches....

the ocd in me

Everyone has OCD tendencies, right? (nervous chuckle...)

Here are some of mine that I listed today:

Milk top blow: now that I use my own personal jug of milk, I have gotten used to blowing off the crusties before I pour it. No crusties must fall in my cereal! Now, I do it out of habit, whether it's my milk or not.

One side of my towel is for my face; the other side is for my body.

I must shower every morning but have no problem going to bed filthy (this could be why I feel filthy every morning)

I have to have perfect sleep conditions: darkness and silence (no ticking clocks or breathing).

I don't like walking on hard floors in socks: There are too many opportunities for the socks to get wet or dirty. I would rather my feet get dirty than my socks.

Sometimes I'd rather not have help with something if you can't do it my way.

I make my bed every day....it never looks good, but the covers HAVE to be closed so the spiders don't get in.

When I eat any sort of soft candy, I have to bite it in half first, to inspect the inside. Doesn't matter how small the item is. Gummy bears, jr. mints, good 'n plenty.

I can't stand when something is stuck in my teeth...I will pick at it with anything (candy wrappers work well).Thanks mom, I got it from you.

I like giving myself sort of 'mini-challenges'. Maybe it helps me feel accomplished on days when I don't accomplish much. (last week, I challenged myself to keep the "terminal" gmail theme on my email account for one week....it was hard, but so rewarding when I made it!)

Spacial relations. Sometimes I just have to shove one random item into another random item to see if it will fit or if my eyes are tricking me.

At work I have a collection of chip clips that I will clip on my body (mostly my face and arms) throughout the day. The eyebrow and the jaw line are particularly satisfying.

I have a floater in my right eye. Often times when I have nothing to do (standing in one place in the temple), I will try to direct that floater around certain patterns, or objects. I often times get very frustrated because it is near impossible to control the floater (frustration in the temple - is that allowed?).

In certain light, my eyes see things in slightly different colors. If you see me winking at you back and forth with each eye, It means I'm actually comparing my two eye color schemes.Yes, those are only the ones I thought of in an hour period of time. It really is a mystery why I'm not married yet.

umtiw mext thime (chip clip on the bottom lip)

part 7 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 7: Subtitles

I have had a strange fetish for foreign films for nearly 10 years now, but let's face it, I only know a few words in German and Zulu ('how much clock is it?' and 'merry christmas' respectively). So, it's fortuitous that subtitles were invented for me.

Recently, I discovered a new reason to love subtitles. I started running on my roommate's treadmill. I like treadmill running because I can regulate my speed so that I'm not dead after only one block. But I found that in order to watch a movie and be able to understand what was being said that I had to crank the volume level to earsplitting and beyond. So earsplitting that every sound that is made comes with a crackling static sound. I almost gave up on treadmill running as soon as I started for that reason alone.

Then I watched a foreign film and (I kid you not) I thought: Wow, using subtitles is great...I don't have to have the volume up so high. I should just watch foreign films while I run from now on! It took a little while to realize that most movies have the subtitles option, even english ones. so, I've been reaping the benefits of that brilliant discovery ever since.

A few of the advantages and disadvantages of subtitles:

Having to read swear words. Couldn't they just have a bunch of little **** stars or something?

The lame unnecessary explanations in parenthesis: '(making gagging sound while almost vomiting)'

Bad acting can hide behind good subtitles: Reading subtitles can take your attention away from how the actor is actually saying it.

Some things sound beautiful and poetic until you read their translation. Example:"Oh rey chori" = "oh my lassie" (this can be great or painful...it depends)

You don't have to have the volume up so loud that the whole neighborhood knows you are exercising.

Subtitles keep me exercising and that keeps me alive!

30 rocks

...Especially when you get to celebrate it for more than 30 days.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the condo stay last weekend:

1- Louisa arriving before the rest of us so she got to go through the pain of checking in, etc. All we had to do was drive right into the driveway like it was home sweet home. Thanks, Lou!

2- Teaching Julie to play guitar hero...soon none will be untouched by its influence!

3- 7 people with swimming suits + 7 seats in the hot tub = perfection (...snug perfection)

4- Falling in love with Ralph Macchio all over again.

5- Approx. 1:00am when the TV stereo in the family room decided to randomly turn on at volume level 99.

6- Pancake, egg and hash-brown breakfast! Thanks, Carla!

7- That time in Pearl Izumi when a customer thought that I worked there. (I knew it! I'm so sporty!)

I'm glad I had friends to celebrate with! (although, spending time alone in a hot tub isn't without its perks)

part 6 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 6: 2 minute noodles

Here's a little ode to a food that has kept me alive at various times in my life:

Raman noodles, you are so good to eat.
you last forever and smell a little like feet.

I have to admit, you never sound good
but once I eat you, my mouth says, "food!"

So many flavors, I stay interested.
except the shrimp, cause I can't digest it.

you help my budget cause you are so cheap.
but what are you made of, you strange little heap?

I'll tell everyone that you can't be beat.
cause you're so fast to cook! good to eat!

The above is a pic of my favorite kind of 2-minute noodles. The foreign kind. This one was curry flavor. That's my favorite. It's especially helpful for sinus congestion.

part 5 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 5: Music

I know what you're thinking...this is the same as part 4 and you're kind of right...my main reason for liking music is so that I can sing along (another good reason to work from home and not in an office near other living beings with ear drums).

This is slightly embarrassing to admit, but leaving on a mission for a year and a half, I knew the thing I would miss the most would be my music. But my music collection isn't even that vast thanks to my cutting edge 4gig ipod mini. It forces me to sacrifice songs on it that I don't love to make room for new discoveries.


And here they are. I've liked the artists for a while, but the one album just came out, and the other I didn't know existed until a few months ago.

Every once in a while, an album comes along that has such a high percentage of favorite songs on it, that I actually purchase the whole album. And in the case of these two, I wanted the actual physical cds. I'm not really sure why. If I wasn't so cheap, I'd probably get the LP's too.

Bravo ladies. Keep up the good work!

Songs sacrificed to add these two albums to my ipod:

All the Jack Johnson songs that skip
All the Dave Matthews songs that I never ever listen to. Something is wrong with me. I keep thinking I should like him but he just doesn't excite me.

trust me to freak out about nothing

So, I tried something new today. I tried flying standby. I had originally planned to fly out after work today, but found out a couple days ago that our company was giving us the day off. So I thought I'd try for an earlier flight. I saw that there was one leaving at 10:20 am so I showed up at 9 to try and get standby on that flight. Luckily there were ony 2 people in line ahead of me and there were two check in agents so I figured it would be a breeze....

35 minutes later, I'm still waiting to try and talk to someone about standby. All these other customers would come and use the automated check-in and then the check-in agent would have to help them each for like 5 minutes...what takes so long to print out a check slip for luggage?! Here's where I found myself getting more and more distressed...not only was helping these people taking forever, but they had all come after me! Would I ever get someone to help me?!

Involuntarily, I began slightly shifting my rolling luggage back and forth in an agitated manner. Finally, there was one man between me and help and as it took the agent forever, I must have given the guy (the customer) a very withering look because he asked me when my flight was. So I told him I was trying to catch the 10:30 flight. Seeing that it was only 9:45, he didn't seem to feel too much pitty for me and he even started chatting and joking with the agent and they continued even when he was all done! But I wanted to get up to the gate and get on the standby list!

Finally, the agent helped me (and surprise, it took about 30 seconds...why does everyone else take so long!?) and told me that he could book me all the way through to my final destination on the earlier flights! Wow...suddenly, it didn't matter that it took so long for him to help me. I didn't even have to do standby on any of my flights! Life was good.

Even the security line was super short and I walked up to the guy and handed him my ID and naturally he said "Hello, Sir.....(long pause before he looked up again)....I mean, Ma'am."

I seriously loled and said, "that's why I grew my hair out, so that this wouldn't happen any more!!" What does this mean? Have the last 8 months been a waste of time?

I rolled up to the gate and viola, there are all the same people that I had been agitated around. I find my seat on the plane and sit down....guess who sits by me? Of course it's the guy I was most agitated around. He sits down and smugly says, "you got on!...did you really think you wouldn't?...you sure were shaking"

choose your own moral of this story:

1- Always be courteous and friendly because you might have to share the next hour and a half in a 4 ft space with that person.

2- Act as agitated and desperate as possible so as to elicit sympathy from the check-in agent.

3- I look like man with an a-line hair cut and highlights.

what are little ghettos made of

I made a terrible discovery this weekend.

Friday, I stopped by my mom's house to get her mail for her and also the mail of two of her neighbors. One of them lives around the corner on 4th east. So I walked down to retrieve their mail. As I walked back toward's mom's house, I passed a tiny duplex and heard a very unnerving sound coming from its front lawn 10 feet away. I turned to discover a tanktop wearing man throwing up on the front steps. I, feeling slightly embarrassed because I was remembering what it's like to throw up in front of someone, kept walking by pretending like I didn't notice.
Here's my issue with it: The front door was open which means, he had just stepped outside to throw up? Why would he come out the front door to throw up in front of who knows who and their dog instead of using the back yard or...heaven forbid, the bathroom toilet?

The next day, I was washing my car in my mom's front yard and I overheard a man yelling at his wife on the front steps of a different duplex across the street from my mom. I counted about 10 words that started with the letter 'F' in only a 20 second period. It made me realize two things:

1- My home street is ghetto and only getting worse

2- What makes someplace the ghetto is simply that people suddenly decide to display all the things they should be embarrassed about on their front lawn....old broken down cars...throw up...arguments...you get the idea.

...'and her mamma cried'....

activity bag - temple square edition

Can I re-emphasize enough how much I enjoy the activity bag? Last weekend, my friends lured my up to SLC under the guise of a sleepover and then surprised me with an extended birthday party. We ate dinner, had cake and ice cream and then they pulled out a special activity bag that they had made for downtown Salt Lake.

It included such activities as:

Measuring up to Joseph (notice how much I grow in the course of the activity):


In like a Lion; out like a roll: New discovery: show up to the Lion House right after they have closed their cash register and you get your rolls free!

Stopping to smell the roses on temple square: Also featured: my new haircut (no more damaged ends!) and some random lady's pony-braid (are people doing those again?!).

Getting committed by the sister missionaries.

Looking like fools as we use Adele's car to blow up our air mattresses for the sleepover and then carrying them back to her apartment:

The weather was so perfect! Thanks, ladies, for a great time.

update: what I will do with $600

Thanks for all the input and advice! Your suggestions and visiting Jack's tire and oil for my oil change yesterday helped me determine my course of action:

$300 - will go to new rear struts for my car.

$150- will go into savings (the big pot which will eventually be used for a mac and a house)










$100 - add to my Roth

$50 - for my july budget...it's looking a bit on the thin side.

what would you do with $600

ok, so I got a surprise check in the mail this week from Utah Retirement Systems. Apparently they were tired of my Retirement fund from when I was working at the Orem Library going untouched and decided to just close it out and send me a check (with 20% taken out for taxes, of course). I should also note: This retirement account is my only retirement account. Isn't that sad that the only job I've had that offered retirement was my very first job when I was 16? So what should I do with this check?

1) Add it to my Roth IRA never to be touched again

2) Put it in my savings account to perhaps be used towards a house down payment

3) Buy the macbook I've been eying (ok half of one)

4) Find a $600 flight somewhere....

5) Take my family and friends out to eat many times

6) Other (please specify)