retreat, treat, eat

The relief society sisters met at a huge house in Heber to treat, retreat, and also eat. Sometimes you have to retreat to move forward. I'm not sure about the others, but I personally retreated from my job, my family, my messy room, my clean hair, and my sleep. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who retreated from sleep, though, because I went to bed at 1:45am and there were still a slew of people up.

Much of the evening was filled up with spiritual and sisterly togetherness. The RS pres. gave us an interesting thought on visiting teaching where we ended up comparing visiting teaching to a supportive bra (a truer analogy was never set forth).

The bishop also gave a great message about how we use our time and what is important to us. He had us make a list of all the things that were important to us in this life. Some were very general in their list, and some were more specific, naming such things as forks, cute clothes and hair. Bishop then asked us to decide what matters the most to us on our list and then modified that to deciding what should matter the most. That's when I realized marriage wasn't even on my list. Maybe that's my problem. Then he asked us what we thought would be most important 5 years from now. That was when I finally scratched "pegged pants" off my list.

Before bed we were able to cram in a few more activities that included eating brownies and ice cream, playing the game "scream" (through which we discovered there aren't a lot of screamers in our ward), tricking the 20 questions orb of magic by picking "the temple" as our mystery item, painting each others toenails, and putting early to bedder's bras in the freezer (ok, I wish...it just would have fit so perfectly with the theme of the night. eg: visiting teachers often feel like they are left out in the cold...?)

This paragraph was supposed to be devoted to my sleeping hours, but I think I won't toy with your patience by replaying for you all the Neil Diamond songs I sang in my head (and maybe a little out loud) to entertain myself as I didn't sleep.

In the morning, we took the shortest, most beautiful, most full of horse dung - hike (walk) I've ever been on.

Cudos to the relief society enrichment (er... I mean, "meetings"?) committee for putting it all together!

not-so-irrational fear

My whole life, I've had this paranoia that I stink. My family used to joke that I would wake up in the middle of the night each night to change my pajama shirt because I thought I stunk...and so what if I did? Would they rather I stink?!

In recent years, I've definitely relaxed a bit...sometimes I go a whole week wearing the same pajama shirt to bed. Sick, I know. I've found I'm even more laid back when it comes to keeping my temple dress clean. Every Wednesday night, when I slide my filthy dress on, I mentally vow to wash it this week, for heaven's sake! Only to make the same frustrated vow one week later.

About 2 months ago, I realized it had been forever since I washed my dress (plus it had just sat for those 2 months in the 70's hard suitcase I bought at DI for my temple attire) and its fumes smacked me in the face as I pulled it over my head before heading into the worker's meeting. As I sang the opening song for the meeting, an older sister came and sat right by me and then immediately buried her nose in my shoulder and proclaimed "you smell so good and fresh!"...words cannot describe the incredulous look I gave her, I was so shocked. I explained that it is impossible because I really really really needed to wash this dress. She seemed certain, however, that it was my dress that smelled so good. The next day, I made sure to wash it despite her glowing praise.

Now fast forward 2 months....and of course, I haven't washed the dress since then (I think it's actually starting to look gray). The same sister sat by me again last night and once again smashed her nose into my shoulder proclaimed the same thing. This time, all I could do was laugh straight through the entire hymn with her looking at me all bewildered. First of all: why does she only think it smells good when it's gone 2 months without a wash and sat in a mildewy suitcase for those 2 months? Second: This time she even asked me what brand of detergent I use. To which I responded, "um...the cheapest kind possible?"

So...does this mean that I should shower less too? Would I actually smell better if I was lazy about all my personal hygiene? - All this time, I guess I've had it backward....

question of the day

I am now on my 10th month of growing my hair out...such a slow and painful process.

This begs the question: Why can't my head hair grow as fast as my leg hair?

part 8 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 8: Peaches and Cream

Usually, I avoid eating things that I love over and over....and over again in rapid succession because I tend to get tired of foods really easily. But I love this time of year, because I can make an exception to that rule.

3 ingredients: 1) Lemon Elberta peaches, peeled and sliced 2) Canned milk 3) Nutmeg

I have this for breakfast, mid-afternoon snack and before bed tummy soother... and do you think I've gotten tired of it yet? The great news is, even if I do eventually get tired of it, I have a whole year for my body to cleanse its self from the overdose and I guarantee that I'll be back to craving them again next August.

Might I suggest you try my 3 ingredient peaches and cream? Try it just once without sugar. The Lemon Elberta variety of peaches have the perfect tartness that can be spoiled by covering it up with sugar, in my opinion (Believe me, I have nothing against sugar...if it tasted better with sugar, I would pile it on every time). You may also shy away from the canned milk, and I admit that I probably only love that because that's what I was raised on. So, if you prefer milk or cream... or - heaven forbid - ice cream :), feel free to substitute that instead.

Peaches and cream before bed gives me happy dreams (last night, I dreamed that byu was beating Florida state 33-6) and sleeping happy keeps me alive!

I think I'll post this at my cubicle

Yup, that pretty much sums it up for me.

things that will no longer keep me alive

Sometimes love is a decision. Sometimes that decision is even financially based.

Have any of you ever had the South Hampton Sandwich at Gandolfo's? Let me tell you, it is heaven. Warm turkeylettucetomatoswissavocado on white bread heaven. But heaven has been consistently upping its prices. Today, my half heaven sandwich cost $5 even. No, that did not include a drink or chips. Yes, it did include 3 napkins. Good to know they are generous. Heck, for $5, they even wrapped the sandwich in paper for me.

Now, I can hear you all saying that every other sandwich shop is just as expensive. The problem with that argument for me is that none of them are good, so it's hard for me to care if their sandwiches are expensive. I have no problem ditching subway. And that's because they don't sell heaven. Gandolfo's does.

So sometimes you just have to say No to love. No to heaven. Maybe hell has cheaper sandwiches....

the ocd in me

Everyone has OCD tendencies, right? (nervous chuckle...)

Here are some of mine that I listed today:

Milk top blow: now that I use my own personal jug of milk, I have gotten used to blowing off the crusties before I pour it. No crusties must fall in my cereal! Now, I do it out of habit, whether it's my milk or not.

One side of my towel is for my face; the other side is for my body.

I must shower every morning but have no problem going to bed filthy (this could be why I feel filthy every morning)

I have to have perfect sleep conditions: darkness and silence (no ticking clocks or breathing).

I don't like walking on hard floors in socks: There are too many opportunities for the socks to get wet or dirty. I would rather my feet get dirty than my socks.

Sometimes I'd rather not have help with something if you can't do it my way.

I make my bed every day....it never looks good, but the covers HAVE to be closed so the spiders don't get in.

When I eat any sort of soft candy, I have to bite it in half first, to inspect the inside. Doesn't matter how small the item is. Gummy bears, jr. mints, good 'n plenty.

I can't stand when something is stuck in my teeth...I will pick at it with anything (candy wrappers work well).Thanks mom, I got it from you.

I like giving myself sort of 'mini-challenges'. Maybe it helps me feel accomplished on days when I don't accomplish much. (last week, I challenged myself to keep the "terminal" gmail theme on my email account for one week....it was hard, but so rewarding when I made it!)

Spacial relations. Sometimes I just have to shove one random item into another random item to see if it will fit or if my eyes are tricking me.

At work I have a collection of chip clips that I will clip on my body (mostly my face and arms) throughout the day. The eyebrow and the jaw line are particularly satisfying.

I have a floater in my right eye. Often times when I have nothing to do (standing in one place in the temple), I will try to direct that floater around certain patterns, or objects. I often times get very frustrated because it is near impossible to control the floater (frustration in the temple - is that allowed?).

In certain light, my eyes see things in slightly different colors. If you see me winking at you back and forth with each eye, It means I'm actually comparing my two eye color schemes.Yes, those are only the ones I thought of in an hour period of time. It really is a mystery why I'm not married yet.

umtiw mext thime (chip clip on the bottom lip)

part 7 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 7: Subtitles

I have had a strange fetish for foreign films for nearly 10 years now, but let's face it, I only know a few words in German and Zulu ('how much clock is it?' and 'merry christmas' respectively). So, it's fortuitous that subtitles were invented for me.

Recently, I discovered a new reason to love subtitles. I started running on my roommate's treadmill. I like treadmill running because I can regulate my speed so that I'm not dead after only one block. But I found that in order to watch a movie and be able to understand what was being said that I had to crank the volume level to earsplitting and beyond. So earsplitting that every sound that is made comes with a crackling static sound. I almost gave up on treadmill running as soon as I started for that reason alone.

Then I watched a foreign film and (I kid you not) I thought: Wow, using subtitles is great...I don't have to have the volume up so high. I should just watch foreign films while I run from now on! It took a little while to realize that most movies have the subtitles option, even english ones. so, I've been reaping the benefits of that brilliant discovery ever since.

A few of the advantages and disadvantages of subtitles:

Having to read swear words. Couldn't they just have a bunch of little **** stars or something?

The lame unnecessary explanations in parenthesis: '(making gagging sound while almost vomiting)'

Bad acting can hide behind good subtitles: Reading subtitles can take your attention away from how the actor is actually saying it.

Some things sound beautiful and poetic until you read their translation. Example:"Oh rey chori" = "oh my lassie" (this can be great or painful...it depends)

You don't have to have the volume up so loud that the whole neighborhood knows you are exercising.

Subtitles keep me exercising and that keeps me alive!

30 rocks

...Especially when you get to celebrate it for more than 30 days.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the condo stay last weekend:

1- Louisa arriving before the rest of us so she got to go through the pain of checking in, etc. All we had to do was drive right into the driveway like it was home sweet home. Thanks, Lou!

2- Teaching Julie to play guitar hero...soon none will be untouched by its influence!

3- 7 people with swimming suits + 7 seats in the hot tub = perfection (...snug perfection)

4- Falling in love with Ralph Macchio all over again.

5- Approx. 1:00am when the TV stereo in the family room decided to randomly turn on at volume level 99.

6- Pancake, egg and hash-brown breakfast! Thanks, Carla!

7- That time in Pearl Izumi when a customer thought that I worked there. (I knew it! I'm so sporty!)

I'm glad I had friends to celebrate with! (although, spending time alone in a hot tub isn't without its perks)

part 6 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 6: 2 minute noodles

Here's a little ode to a food that has kept me alive at various times in my life:

Raman noodles, you are so good to eat.
you last forever and smell a little like feet.

I have to admit, you never sound good
but once I eat you, my mouth says, "food!"

So many flavors, I stay interested.
except the shrimp, cause I can't digest it.

you help my budget cause you are so cheap.
but what are you made of, you strange little heap?

I'll tell everyone that you can't be beat.
cause you're so fast to cook! good to eat!

The above is a pic of my favorite kind of 2-minute noodles. The foreign kind. This one was curry flavor. That's my favorite. It's especially helpful for sinus congestion.

part 5 of 364

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 5: Music

I know what you're thinking...this is the same as part 4 and you're kind of right...my main reason for liking music is so that I can sing along (another good reason to work from home and not in an office near other living beings with ear drums).

This is slightly embarrassing to admit, but leaving on a mission for a year and a half, I knew the thing I would miss the most would be my music. But my music collection isn't even that vast thanks to my cutting edge 4gig ipod mini. It forces me to sacrifice songs on it that I don't love to make room for new discoveries.


And here they are. I've liked the artists for a while, but the one album just came out, and the other I didn't know existed until a few months ago.

Every once in a while, an album comes along that has such a high percentage of favorite songs on it, that I actually purchase the whole album. And in the case of these two, I wanted the actual physical cds. I'm not really sure why. If I wasn't so cheap, I'd probably get the LP's too.

Bravo ladies. Keep up the good work!

Songs sacrificed to add these two albums to my ipod:

All the Jack Johnson songs that skip
All the Dave Matthews songs that I never ever listen to. Something is wrong with me. I keep thinking I should like him but he just doesn't excite me.

trust me to freak out about nothing

So, I tried something new today. I tried flying standby. I had originally planned to fly out after work today, but found out a couple days ago that our company was giving us the day off. So I thought I'd try for an earlier flight. I saw that there was one leaving at 10:20 am so I showed up at 9 to try and get standby on that flight. Luckily there were ony 2 people in line ahead of me and there were two check in agents so I figured it would be a breeze....

35 minutes later, I'm still waiting to try and talk to someone about standby. All these other customers would come and use the automated check-in and then the check-in agent would have to help them each for like 5 minutes...what takes so long to print out a check slip for luggage?! Here's where I found myself getting more and more distressed...not only was helping these people taking forever, but they had all come after me! Would I ever get someone to help me?!

Involuntarily, I began slightly shifting my rolling luggage back and forth in an agitated manner. Finally, there was one man between me and help and as it took the agent forever, I must have given the guy (the customer) a very withering look because he asked me when my flight was. So I told him I was trying to catch the 10:30 flight. Seeing that it was only 9:45, he didn't seem to feel too much pitty for me and he even started chatting and joking with the agent and they continued even when he was all done! But I wanted to get up to the gate and get on the standby list!

Finally, the agent helped me (and surprise, it took about 30 seconds...why does everyone else take so long!?) and told me that he could book me all the way through to my final destination on the earlier flights! Wow...suddenly, it didn't matter that it took so long for him to help me. I didn't even have to do standby on any of my flights! Life was good.

Even the security line was super short and I walked up to the guy and handed him my ID and naturally he said "Hello, Sir.....(long pause before he looked up again)....I mean, Ma'am."

I seriously loled and said, "that's why I grew my hair out, so that this wouldn't happen any more!!" What does this mean? Have the last 8 months been a waste of time?

I rolled up to the gate and viola, there are all the same people that I had been agitated around. I find my seat on the plane and sit down....guess who sits by me? Of course it's the guy I was most agitated around. He sits down and smugly says, "you got on!...did you really think you wouldn't?...you sure were shaking"

choose your own moral of this story:

1- Always be courteous and friendly because you might have to share the next hour and a half in a 4 ft space with that person.

2- Act as agitated and desperate as possible so as to elicit sympathy from the check-in agent.

3- I look like man with an a-line hair cut and highlights.

what are little ghettos made of

I made a terrible discovery this weekend.

Friday, I stopped by my mom's house to get her mail for her and also the mail of two of her neighbors. One of them lives around the corner on 4th east. So I walked down to retrieve their mail. As I walked back toward's mom's house, I passed a tiny duplex and heard a very unnerving sound coming from its front lawn 10 feet away. I turned to discover a tanktop wearing man throwing up on the front steps. I, feeling slightly embarrassed because I was remembering what it's like to throw up in front of someone, kept walking by pretending like I didn't notice.
Here's my issue with it: The front door was open which means, he had just stepped outside to throw up? Why would he come out the front door to throw up in front of who knows who and their dog instead of using the back yard or...heaven forbid, the bathroom toilet?

The next day, I was washing my car in my mom's front yard and I overheard a man yelling at his wife on the front steps of a different duplex across the street from my mom. I counted about 10 words that started with the letter 'F' in only a 20 second period. It made me realize two things:

1- My home street is ghetto and only getting worse

2- What makes someplace the ghetto is simply that people suddenly decide to display all the things they should be embarrassed about on their front lawn....old broken down cars...throw up...arguments...you get the idea.

...'and her mamma cried'....

activity bag - temple square edition

Can I re-emphasize enough how much I enjoy the activity bag? Last weekend, my friends lured my up to SLC under the guise of a sleepover and then surprised me with an extended birthday party. We ate dinner, had cake and ice cream and then they pulled out a special activity bag that they had made for downtown Salt Lake.

It included such activities as:

Measuring up to Joseph (notice how much I grow in the course of the activity):


In like a Lion; out like a roll: New discovery: show up to the Lion House right after they have closed their cash register and you get your rolls free!

Stopping to smell the roses on temple square: Also featured: my new haircut (no more damaged ends!) and some random lady's pony-braid (are people doing those again?!).

Getting committed by the sister missionaries.

Looking like fools as we use Adele's car to blow up our air mattresses for the sleepover and then carrying them back to her apartment:

The weather was so perfect! Thanks, ladies, for a great time.

update: what I will do with $600

Thanks for all the input and advice! Your suggestions and visiting Jack's tire and oil for my oil change yesterday helped me determine my course of action:

$300 - will go to new rear struts for my car.

$150- will go into savings (the big pot which will eventually be used for a mac and a house)










$100 - add to my Roth

$50 - for my july budget...it's looking a bit on the thin side.

what would you do with $600

ok, so I got a surprise check in the mail this week from Utah Retirement Systems. Apparently they were tired of my Retirement fund from when I was working at the Orem Library going untouched and decided to just close it out and send me a check (with 20% taken out for taxes, of course). I should also note: This retirement account is my only retirement account. Isn't that sad that the only job I've had that offered retirement was my very first job when I was 16? So what should I do with this check?

1) Add it to my Roth IRA never to be touched again

2) Put it in my savings account to perhaps be used towards a house down payment

3) Buy the macbook I've been eying (ok half of one)

4) Find a $600 flight somewhere....

5) Take my family and friends out to eat many times

6) Other (please specify)

last night, driving home at 10pm

I saw a man who was obviously blind (he had the stick and everything) walking along state street. I immediately panicked and thought, "he should not be walking in the dark!!" Heh...this begs the question:

What is the difference between a blind man walking along state street during the day and a blind man walking along state street in the dark?

A: all the panicked motorists driving by

Other puzzlers of the week:

If a graphic designer leaves for a long lunch and no VP's are there to see it, does she really leave?

If my roommate's room isn't even connected in any way to mine ~ plus ~ the washer and dryer are going, why can I still hear every word of her 11:30 pm phone conversations?

why do I trust my 2 year old nephew completely with my brother's iPod touch but not with my Motorolatm phone?

sub puzzler: How does a 2 year old intuitively know how to unlock an iPod touch?

How does one purchase 90 ice cream bars in logan on her way to Bear Lake if she is traveling on a sunday?

ok, thanks for playing.

part 4 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

part 4: Singing at the top of her lungs.

Lately, I have had a return visit from my old anxiety stomach friend. I tell you...some friends just won't take the cold shoulder hint. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a strained relationship with him. Some refer to him as "pit"...like a pit in your stomach, I guess. I think that is a fitting description of him. This "pit" is the worst of all friends...he keeps me up late at night and then wakes me up early with sharp stomach pains just to remind me all the things I have to worry about in life. Sometimes he gets me up so early, I could cook myself a 7 course breakfast before heading off to work. Too bad "pit" takes away any appetite I might have for waffles and bacon.

Yesterday was particularly a bad day for me and Pit (he's now a pronoun). He gave me runny tummy (for lack of a better term, sorry) in the morning after he insisted on a 5am wake up call, and then took away my appetite for the remainder of the day. It wasn't until the evening that I found something that scares him off: My singing.

I used to play guitar every night before bed for like 10 years straight. I found it mellowed me before bed. Then I moved out of my parent's house 4 years ago and realized that my roommates probably wouldn't be quite as accepting of loud guitar and yelling at 11pm....so I stopped. Is it a coincidence that Pit showed up at that same time?

I've been playing more again lately...as I've gotten more brave to play around roommates. Last night, I decided to look up some songs by an artist I'm rediscovering. I was happy to find 3 different songs of hers that I could learn in basically one pass. They were so easy! One unfortunately had a DADDAD tuning which requires a little effort to transition the guitar to and from, but once you are there it's super easy! Plus~ it allows me to sing at the top of my lungs and that keeps Pit at bay and me alive.

Here's the song I learned with the different tuning:

best way to get people to come to your reception

On the invitation, it simply stated:

"There will be a receiving line from 6:30-7:00
Please be in your seats for the show at 7:00
the receiving line will resume from 8:00-8:30"

Show?! what is the show?
Ok, I had to go just to ease my curiosity.

Awkward melissa moment: my name wasn't actually on the invitation. But I went anyway because I was so curious (hoping that they just sent it to the wrong address and assumed I got it). But when I gave the bride a hug, she was like "oh, I sent you an invitation and it came back in the mail as undeliverable..."

"oh...good thing I decided to crash your reception anyway!"

weekend: signs of spring

Went to my sister-in-law's (something tells me it's supposed to be sister's-in-law...but oh well) graduation from Westminster college. My favorite moments of the day long celebration:

1- The bird that pooped on my shirt* (including an undigested worm) with incredible aim...right in the center of my chest.

2- When my brother and sister-in-law footed our brunch fee and my mom bought my dinner for me.

3- The more than 50% of the graduates that were "cum laude". First of all, how does that work?! Second, wouldn't you feel like a loser when you're in the minority because you're not cum laude?

4- The girl who had soccer cleats around her neck instead of honors ropes.

5- All the professors who could not hood the masters students without gagging them...every time.

6- The 40 minutes total of bagpipe music as the graduates and professors took the longest time possible to march to and from their seats.

7- There's always that one girl that insists on hitting the uber high note at the end of the star spangled banner when performing it.

8- Sitting by my friend Catherine at church the next day when she leans over and announces: "I went to a 3 hour graduation yesterday!!..."

* the same shirt I threw up all over a month ago...I think that shirt hates me.

Part 3 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 3: Lunch Walks

I started doing these a few weeks ago. They serve several purposes:

1- Warms up my body that has been surprisingly chilled in the refrigerator of our office. seriously, I never notice until I walk outside and then I suddenly realize how nice the warmth feels.

2- Lets me eat in peace, with no one listening to my banana chewing, wrapper crinkling, choking sounds, etc.

3- I can practice my long baseball throws in the field I walk next to. I can't wait to see all the apple cores and banana peels when the grass dies in the winter.

4- Makes me eat healthy things (for example...you can't eat a costa vida sweet pork burrito while walking).

5- Builds up callouses on my feet that have been babied way too long.

6- I can finally let out all the songs I've been dying to sing all morning.

7- loosens up my shoulders that naturally tighten when a computer monitor is placed in front of me.

All in all, it's a good thing. Feel free to join me sometime (i hope you like badly sung Neil Diamond).

you're crazy social. you must like dark chocolate.

I just noticed that this will be my 100th post to my blog. 100 feels better than I thought it would....


My sister sent me an article today that changed my life...or at least made more sense of it. In this article, it states that the area of our brain that inclines us to socialize is the same area where our love of chocolate is stored. That possibly these two things are even related. Looking back at my life, I have determined these scientists know what they are talking about!

As you can see, from the graph I created to represent my life so far (photoshop always makes images so much more classy, doesn't it?), I was not really a social child, and even now I am only mildly social. In my early 20's I learned in a quick few years the social abilities that I now have. It's fair to say that that inclination has now leveled off (ok, I think it's heading back down, but I'm pretending it's not).

Same story with chocolate. I never liked chocolate cake or just plain chocolate bars growing up. I did like candy bars that consisted mainly of other things like peanut butter. In my early 20's I started to gain an appreciation of actual chocolate (sorry Hershey...not you) and I began to realize that I actually like chocolate cake as much or more than vanilla cake. That love has leveled off a bit, I think...or has it? Is dark chocolate next? If so, I better start planning more parties.

Part 2 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 2: Lost

This was me this morning when I realized that there were only 18 episodes of Lost this season (also, I need a shave).

18 episodes?! And at least two of those were stinking recap episodes that only told me things I already knew (and that's saying something because Lost usually lives up to its name with me)! Other dramas don't waste time on the recap episodes and they still have more quantity (though I guess we could argue about quality).

Just to make sure I wasn't off my rocker in crying injustice, I checked how many episodes other drama shows on all the networks have:

(NBC) Heros: 25
(ABC) the other dramas: 22-24
(CBS) Numbers: 23
(Fox) Bones: 25

So: How do they get away with only having 15-16 legit episodes a season?! Is that not criminal? I should just remember that every season I go through the same trauma (ok, this season I plan to make it a tradition): During the episode I think approximately 5 times: Ok, this is just ridiculous, why do I watch this show? By the end of the episode I'm thinking: I need the next episode NOW! But by the next week, I'm back to thinking: meh...I can wait to see it for a few days. It's just mean to toy with our emotions like that.

Here's a great snl sketch from season 3 (I think).

Also, here is possibly my favorite moment of this season. Hurley is my favorite.

I'd like to publicly thank Carla for the use of her DVR that makes it possible for me to watch Lost whenever it suits my fancy (and is convienient for Carla). She keeps my addiction alive, and that keeps me alive.

welcome to part 1 of my 364 part series

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 1: Shoes

It's irony, really...because even though they keep me alive, they are killing me, financially. I bought 4 new pairs of shoes in a 3 week period. I realized they were so important to me when I noticed that a high percentage of pictures I take with my phone are of my shoes. I have only had my new phone for a couple months and have only taken about 10 pictures with it, but here are the ones that are of my shoes. My old phone was riddled with them...notice the view of two of the images...looking down from my lap. I wonder if it has something to do with needing a time filler while in the bathroom.

(Hi Judith!)

(ok, some pairs I just dream about....)

Shoes are my vice in more than just the monetary way... I have no padding on the soul of my feet. Thus, my feet constantly hurt if I have to stand more than about 5 minutes on them. Also, my feet have been growing again so many of my favorite pairs of shoes that I bought a year or more ago are now getting too small. My temple shoes were torturing me also so I have spent the last year looking for the perfect pair. Finally I found a pair at Kmart 2 weeks ago that look just like something a little old lady would wear. Since I can't take pictures in the temple, I just spend my time during the session looking down at my shoes (lap view) and loving them. They're so hot! (also, my feet get really warm in them)

my three favorite mother's day moments: 2009

1. Our bishop announced that after church we would have a special mother's day activity on the back lawn of the church. Usually, they give us flowers for mother's day (I never really understood, but whatever), so I figured that's what it would be. Suddenly, the guy sitting next to me (I think he might be 12 years old....) leans over and says, "why do we celebrate mother's day in the single's ward?"
-To which I responded, "well gosh, I don't know...I'm sorry if it's a problem for you."
-Then he whispered really softly, "Is it because it's an older single's ward?"
Words cannot express the incredulous look I gave him.

2. So, after Relief Society, we all went out the back door to claim our plant/flower that we could do 1 of 2 things with: Give to our own mothers who are actual mothers or keep and watch it slowly die. But when we walked outside, instead of a long table with little plastic pots on it, there was a long table with brownies, waffle cups, whipped cream, hot fudge, nuts and a soft serve ice cream machine.

Best Mother's Day Gift ever.

3. At ward prayer last night, they had us go around the room and tell what our mothers taught us. Most people said things like "how to show compassion" or "how to reach my goals" or "that I am loved unconditionally". Then one of the last girls was like, "my mother taught me not to be afraid of death." I wonder if there's a story there....

Funerals lead to nose bleeds

Yesterday was good. And by good I mean, good for me spiritually. And by that I actually mean horrible.

Sister Hinckley said, "I laugh because crying gives me a headache." Problem with that policy: what about those situations where you can only cry? -Like me at a funeral.

I went to a funeral yesterday. A good funeral. A long funeral.

Here is my conclusion about funerals:

me + Funeral = Crying

me + Crying = Headache

me + Headache = Vomiting

me + Vomiting = Nose bleed

I would like to apologize to Davis (the passenger in the car I was driving) and everyone driving in Downtown Salt Lake at rush hour who had to witness me puking my brains (which were pink from the jello I ate) out in the middle of South Temple and 2nd East. Also, lest you think throwing up isn't embarrassing enough, just wait until your nose starts bleeding while you are throwing up. Ah...good times. Definitely one of the simple pleasures in life.

About the funeral: It was definitely one of the best funerals I have ever been to. So many good things were said. Elder Cook said some very good things about the sting of death. Funerals have a way of helping you get to know the person in a way you never would have. Like the picture of Derek on the back of the program with his hoodie, slightly crooked basball cap, flashing his cell phone next to the scripture Mosiah 2:41 "And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual."

Perfect.

me + week of simple pleasures

I want to turn a new leaf. A positive one. I have been noticing that nice things are happening to me. Mostly little things. I think what kickstarted it was my trip to Cambria, CA. That place is just blooming with pleasures of the simplest kind.

1- Stopping at H & M in vegas and just as I look at the mall map and mutter "I wonder if they have a Fossil..." having Stacey poke my shoulder and point to the fossil store right in front of me.

2- Tearing a hole in my new shirt from H & M the first time I wore it...and wearing it again anyway.

3- Taking a walk on this road on Easter Sunday and running into an Indian man from South Africa (yup...they still talk just as much as ever, even in the U.S.).

4- Missing Easter bonnets and then seeing a 12 year old girl wearing gloves and a bonnet at church.

5- Realizing later (when she was teaching R.S.) that she's probably my age.

6- Sitting on a cold windy beach in my new swimming suit trying to stay warm and having the blowing sand exfoliate my skin.

7- Seeing these paint splotches while canvasing the surrounding hills of Cambria for good photos and knowing exactly what they mean.

8- Upon arriving home, finding out that my landlord fixed the rattle in the pipe to my bathroom. It's nice to wash my face with warm water again....

9- Driving my car for the first time after returning and having the annoying clicking sound my car had been making for 2 months just magically stop.

10- Having everyone fawn over my new hair style that took a lot less longer to do than the one no one ever commented on.

i should watch my back (and rib cage...and inner thigh)

Today my brother IMed me and said that he had a dream the other night that I died from anorexia...he wanted to just double check that I didn't have it.

"heck no! In fact...I feel like I've been gaining weight...."

About a month ago, a random girl in my ward came to me and said she had a dream that I was really sickly and so weak that she had to help me walk from one room to another.

Could it be?

Are those dark circles my eye sockets?

here comes 30

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.

frasi lolop = April Fools

Well, we all thought/feared that this was coming. My work just called us all into a meeting to tell us that in a week all of our clients will be transferred to the company that we sold our coaching department to about 6 months ago...thus I will be out of a job.

So, if you hear of anybody needing a graphic designer, let me know! ~Much appreciated

who is mother nature, anyway

I woke up this morning and was greeted by this:

I have not been this stunned in a long time. Sure it has been cold lately, and I heard it was supposed to snow yesterday...but after about 2 flurry flakes in the early afternoon, I thought that's all it was referring to. Then, this?! What is that, 6 inches of snow?! Ok, maybe 5....

What in the world is mother nature up to?

Also...speaking of mother nature...(get ready for blond Melissa to reveal herself)...who is she? Growing up I learned that she was the magical force behind the weather. But then people started referring to "the curse" and "aunt flo" as "mother nature's monthly gift". There's even that new commercial that shows mother nature magically appearing to a woman and bringing her a wrapped package with a bow (I know that's how I feel about it...'sweet! it's like my birthday every month!') Then last night someone told me that mother nature was calling so I assumed she meant it was her aunt flo calling...but I never did clarify with her and I think she was actually just referring to needing to use the bathroom. It seems that mother nature is one busy lady covering all those different aspects of our life all around the globe.

I think perhaps when it's just a normal bathroom visit, it's just under the heading of "nature's calling"...am I right? Ugh, I'm so confused.

Whatever she does, this morning's gift was pretty darn amazing.

working on my 4 year food storage

It's payday today and thank heavens. I have been spending the money a little bit too much lately. That's why I decided not to spend any this week (those cheez-its from the vending machine and buying gas yesterday don't count). I came to this conclusion on Sunday when we only had an hour of church and I decided it was high time to "cook" something to eat in all that free time. I opened the pantry door and I swear moths flew out. Then I took a good hard look at what was in there. There are things that I've had for at least 3 years...maybe 4. That was when I realized I was looking at my menu for the next week.

Here are some of the things I will be enjoying this week and reliving the fond memories of when I bought them (after dusting off the moth poop):

Capri Suns: I bought this box probably 4 years ago when I lived with Tracy and Angela and we would go meet at a park for lunch, eat and play frisbee.Schweppes Granadilla soda: Straight from South Africa...these are very special to me and I think I'll save the 2 remaining for a special moment. I bought them about 2.5 years ago and have fond memories of sharing them excitedly with friends who told me it just tastes like fresca...heartbreaking.

Mountain Home Potato soup: I got a pint-sized bag of this for Christmas 2 years ago... It was always too small to make for dinner group and not tasty enough to make just for me.

4 Boxes of Rice a Roni: I bought them 2 years ago thinking I would make them for meals...apparently not.

4 Boxes of Mac and Cheese: The Melissa Staple is back. I had it last night and quite enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure those boxes have been in there for a year or more.

1 Bag of corn meal: Perhaps my oldest item. Jon gave it to me during one of his many moves from BYU. I think 5 years ago.

Here's the short list of what else is in there:

4 boxes of Jiffy muffin mixes
4 Boxes of cold cereal
A 2 liter of Root Beer
1 Can of diced carrots
1 Can of black refried beans
1 Can of regular refried beans
1 Can Spaghetti O's
4 different kinds of Hot Chocolate. Why do I have this?! I don't even like it.
1/2 box of lasagna noodles...I can make the smallest pan of sauceless, meatless lasagna ever.
Various soup/gravy packets
One tiny box of red hots - not sure those are mine.

By all accounts it looks like I could actually live off my pantry for a few weeks...maybe I'll acquire a taste for hot chocolate...with red hots.

tighten those belts: signs of the bad economy

Times are bad...we all know that.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that things really are as bad as they all say (thanks for your help with this, Tracy):

No parking at the rec center - People are buying rec passes instead of forking out the dough for the slightly cleaner, newer, more fashionable and less smelly gym memberships.

Gas prices remain relatively low - This has its own predictable side effect...people will start buying gas guzzlers again because - hey! gas is cheap! (the side effect to that? - GE and Ford will once again be selling their favorite SUV's and the economy will start to rebound...cha-CHing!)

Investing your money is actually throwing your money away (but don't you dare stop!) - I put $1650 dollars in my Roth IRA in the last 6 months. Guess how much is actually in there? That's right - $1568. I'm so glad I'm investing my money....

70% of everyone I know seems to be worried about their job or is currently looking for one -The other 30% are teachers.

The gov't is going into deeper and deeper debt - That's got to help, right?

Cheap food and entertainment is all the rage - There's no wait for seating at Bombay house but Fat Cats is at least an hour wait.

Starbucks closed 600 of its stores, if not more - What is wrong with this country?!

Cheaper prices on everything! - ok...everyone says this but I've yet to see it. I guess I'll continue to sit back and wait for all those deals to come around.

Old Navy has resorted to using mannequins in their printed ads to model their clothes instead of paying for real people/models

Arby's no longer serves homestyle fries

A new generation of depressionistic spenders - here's an article about that...and a quote from it:

"As many economists have noted, cutting spending is the worst thing people with means can do for the economy right now. But that argument seems to have little traction, especially because even those with steady paychecks and no fear of losing their job have seen their net worth decline and their retirement savings evaporate."

And the number one sign of the bad economic times:

No donuts at the 7 stake tubing activity - "budget cuts". Really...it was heart breaking.

Any that I missed? What are some you have noticed?

now I know why they ask "would you like anything else with your order?"

I just went to Carl's Jr to celebrate Jack's up-selling me on 2 tires and an alignment after getting my oil changed.

Girl In Thick Spanish Accent: "Can I take your order?"

Me: "Hi, ok...."

GITSA: "ok let me know when you're ready.."

Me: Confused
"ok...can I have a cheeseburger kids meal?"

GITSA: "what drink you want?"

Me: "Rootbeer"

GITSA: "Ok, what else"

Me: Do I get another drink?!.... "er....fries?"

GITSA: "You want extra fries?"

Me: "No...sorry...that's all"

GITSA: "ok go to the window"

Me: Is this free? I pull up to the window.

GITSA: "$3.62 please....Fry sauce?"

Me: "Yes!" I didn't even know Carl's Jr had fry sauce! Finally, someone with Good customer service skills.

i forgot about the smiths

Like...completely forgot. I even have one of their cd's somewhere...unless it was one of the ones that got stolen.



I was reminded of them while watching the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. I'm kind of interested in this movie and not just because it has the Smiths and Regina Spektor music in it. But that helps.

Listening to the Smiths again makes me want to paint a still-life consisting of an antelope skull, a jar of peaches, a rusted milk can and three shriveled apples (thanks for pretending it was beautiful and hanging it in the study for a while, mom).

ate things tag

I will post, but I refuse to tag. I guess it's kind of like not getting married so that the family name dies. When I put it that way, it sounds more cruel than it actually is.

TV shows I 'Ate (living or dead):

Dallas
Sex and the City
The Glen Beck show
Dr Phil
The Batchelor
Big Brother
Judge Judy
Most other reality shows

Things I Ate yesterday:

applesauce
Easter candy
fruit leather out of the garbage
my pride playing foosball
EZ Take-out Burger
taquitos with sour cream, cheese and avo
chips and salsa
Probably a little bit of toothpaste while brushing me teeth

Things I Ate (ain't...this is hard, ok) looking forward to:

More Wrinkles
A slowed down metabolism
Looking for a job
Driving in the snow today
The stress of teaching my children correct things
My car dying
Socialism
Steep gas prices in the summer

Favorite restaurants I Ate at:

Bangkok Grill (of course)
Bombay House
Pizza Factory
Gandolfo's
Weinerschnitzel
McDonald's
Taco Time
In 'n Out

Things on my wish list I Ate:

Avocados
Mango Lassi
Fresh Spring Rolls
Chicken Satay
Costa Vida sweet pork
The South Hampton
Olallieberry pie and ice cream
Nandos garlic and herb sandwich


People I Ate:

Oops..no one..well wouldn't you know it.

I bought that dresser...strictly to support the crumbling economy

I could stare at this all day

....and I think I do. It's now my phone wallpaper.

I stumbled upon it on saturday, along with an $80 brown pea coat...too bad I had limited myself to only spending $40 (swimsuit sale at shade).

Speaking of which...here is what I will look like in my new swimsuit from shade:

That's right...no more wedgies. I have finally caught up to the rest of the world in figuring out that one piece swimsuits hurt. Especially for those of us with stubby legs and lengthy torsos.

That's right #2... I bought a gray top with brown bottoms. I love breaking rules. Though, as my friend Catherine pointed out yesterday: at the end of the sale, the store is going to have to figure out what to do with the rogue brown top and gray bottoms. I'll have to check back and see if they're on clearance and they can sell them to me.

Back to the dresser: Actually...only the bottom two drawers are actually drawers. The top "drawer" is actually a pull down desk...how cool is that?!

I want it so badly it hurts...but it's $500. Everyone (except those who truly love me, of course) is telling me that's too expensive. But, it really seems like quality solid wood and for heaven's sake, its for sale down from $1000! You have to admit, 500 sounds pretty good compared to that.

So...give me advice...should I get it? Be honest...its ok.

I can just picture it in a simple room with a flat color on the wall....

happy birthday, february

February is a special month. Here are some special things that I have found about February:

Black History Month: Since I am as white as they come, I celebrate this by making countless "BHM" mix cd's with such ethnic artists as: Tracy Chapman, Miriam Makeba, Taj Mahal, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Otis Redding and Michael Jackson (mental note: remove vanilla ice off my BHM mix...it turns out he's not black).

Only 28 days: You would think February being shorter would make winter seem shorter too, but no.

Month of birthdays: 3 of my favorite people (not including me) celebrate their birthdays in February. That makes February the month with the most birthdays of my favorite people...so...Happy Birthday, my favorite people! (you know who you are). Actually, June maybe takes the number one spot because it is also full of birthdays and one of them is mine...sorry February. But, I also know several people my age who have given birth to all or most of their children in February...not sure what that means...maybe that May is the new Valentine's month?

Abandoning of new year's resolutions: It's the first real month of the year where I can begin to relax on my resolutions again...and the gym crowds start to dwindle...scratch that, I just went to the gym and it was as busy as ever...let's replace that with temple crowds start to dwindle (this I have noticed for sure).

So...February, now that I have proven how special you are, please feel free to come around again in 12 months. But this time give me more warning so I can go out and buy birthday presents.

anger: one letter short of danger

I'll admit it, I have a short fuse. I've already reviewed for you (in my previous post) how I patiently wait through automated systems for customer service reps...needless to say, I have long felt like I have the shortest fuse in my family. Bless them for being so constantly patient with me.

You may think I hide it well, but that's just because you don't know me well enough to have witnessed one of my moments. Moments that cause those in my presence to shrink in the presence of danger. Moments I am not proud of.

Last week was my week to park under the covered parking. Twice, as I was driving up to park, I would be halted by some sort of dodge mini suv that had stolen our covered spot. Of course, both times it snowed overnight while my car was not nestled under it's protective overhang. Feelings of unhappiness and begrudgement followed. My roommate Judith seemed pretty sure that it was our upstairs neighbors who were the culprits, even though they wouldn't claim responsibility.

Fast forward to yesterday: I...

1. Stopped by the library to pick up the next book on my book list: The Dance of Anger.
2. Drove home to my apartment to begin reading: The Dance of Anger.
3. Parked in uncovered parking (it's stacey's turn for covered).
4. Saw that another car had once again stolen our covered spot.
5. Steam flew out my ears and my body writhed as I did: The Dance of Anger.
6. Did The Dance of Anger up the stairs to our neighbor and pounded on their door.
7. Went inside my house and began to read: The Dance of Anger.

somehow I look like a boy, even on the phone

Just to follow up on the last post...last night I had to call Verizon about 12 times because we were trying to upgrade our phones online and it seems that Verizon hates our account. By the time I had put in my phone number and secret password for about the 20th time and then waited on hold for 20 minutes once again, it was hard to mask my thinly veiled anger to the unsuspecting agent on the other end. (My poor family that had to hear me rant and rave while waiting on the line...my anger wasn't so thinly veiled around them).

Then, when the customer support agent finished our conversation and asked for me to validate them: "Have I successfully helped you with all your questions today, sir- er...ma'am?

the irony of a decision

Ok, about a month ago, I decided I was going to grow my hair out. During my 9 or so year stint with "boy-short" hair, I didn't have too many embarrassing moments caused directly by my hair...well, if you're not counting how bad I look in pretty much every picture ever taken of me. I'm certain that's due to me (please, remind me to open my left eye, everyone), not my hair.

Here's a look back at one of my favorite short hair awkward moments circa 2000:

Walking down the streets of new york at night with 4 other girls who also had short hair (art-school field trip...that might explain it) and we walk by a guy smoking on the sidewalk...as we walk by, he says: "Is you a girl? cause you looks like a dude!"

....................................

So currently, I am in the awkward mullet-like stage of growing it out. Still, I was looking forward to being more girly and attractive to the opposite gender. But 3 experiences in one week's time have deterred my faith in my decision a bit (they might also qualify as awkward melissa moments...AMM). Maybe it's like the trial of my faith...only after will I receive a witness that I made the correct decision.

1. On our way home from Texas, the flight attendants were going by getting our drink orders and the attendant looked up from my mom to me and before really looking at me (this is how I rationalize it so I feel better) said “and for you, sir-ma'am?”

2. The next thursday night, I was leaving my mom's house at dusk and the neighbors were going in their front door with their kids. Suddenly I hear one of the kids yell, “Hi, grandma Cox!” All I could do was pretend to be a 60 year old lady and say “hi” back and then jump in my car and drive away real quick. Flash-back: This was likely the same child that came to me more than a year ago while I was washing my car in front of the house and asked: "are you a girl or a boy?"

3. The next day, as I was driving to Hurricane with Stacey and Carla, we stopped in Nephi to get some taco time. We ordered and then sat down to eat, and a few minutes later, the tiny 15 year old that took our order came over and he said, "my boss wanted me to give this to you....I don't know why..." It was a piece of paper upside down...with Stacey and Carla eagerly watching, I flipped it over:
When telling my family the story when I got home on sunday, my mom's response was: "she thought you were a boy?..."

"yeah, mom...that's what she thought...."

ugly outfit day

It was stacey's idea. Sometimes, I think she just comes up with these things because she knows it makes my day to do stuff like this. I told her it reminded me of Katie's "ugly betty day". We should have gone and got mom's ponchos to complete the ensemble. A few things I learned from our day of adventure:

1. My camera sucks at inside pictures...look how blurry and grainy this one is.

2. Stacey doesn't own any ugly pants. I had to let her borrow my pink ones (psst...I wore them to work today), which made them perfect because they are about 4 inches too short for her long legs.

3. I have lots of options for combining clashing colors and patterns. Look at my awesome socks, even...thanks, ange!

4. It's sad when it's ugly outfit day and your roommate doesn't even notice... (me and stacey eagerly listening to judith opening the door... "hi girls....why you smiling so big?....") I wonder what that infers about my everyday (not ugly, might I add) outfits.

5. Fashions are crazy enough right now that only one person mentioned anything to us as we went shopping ("I like your pants..." to me).

6. Dressing insane doesn't stop anyone from thinking you work at barnes and noble:
"hey, do you ladies know the children's book about (some weird name)"
"no...don't think I've heard that one"
some big long story about how his kids got it from the library once and now he can't find it
me: "I would try googling that phrase in quotes and see what comes up"
"oh...I could try that...where's your computer?...I can't find anything in your store..."
"er...I don't know where any computers are....sorry (do barnes and noble employees always dress like this?!)"

7. Even sitting at home doing nothing is a party on ugly outfit day.

8. Winner ugly outfits don't necessarilly give you guitar hero super powers.

9. The excitement of your own ugly outfit can cause you to forget what you're doing when filling your car with gas (ten minutes later...."oh....I should have selected "midgrade" before I pulled the pump trigger.... I get how this works!")

Here's to any future Ugly Outfit Days...(maybe tomorrow?)

irrational fears; shower edition

I forgot one of the main irrational fears in the last similarly named post, so I decided to do a whole blog about it. My whole life I have had this fear and it is only alive because of my house; the house I grew up in. I don't have a picture of it, but it's a typical, orem, split-level home...sort of like this, but not really at all, actually (ours has snow around it and not tacky dead leaves...and what are those weird shades on the upstairs window?!). Do you see the part that overhangs over the lower level? In my house, that is where the bathtub is. I was probably 8 or so before I actually figured that out, but when I did my fear was instantaneously born that at some unsuspecting moment when I was sitting in the bathtub starkly in the buff, the bathtub would fall through the weak (termite infested, maybe?) floor and I would be sitting on the south side of 200 North fully visible to all who would drive or walk by.

Irrational fears are titled that for a reason...why would I think that I would be the one (with my substantial 40 lb 8 year old body) to cause it to give way and not someone like, say, my father?

Just so you know, I still have that fear. I was reminded of it when staying at my mom's over christmas and taking several showers and baths in that tub. Each time I do, I plan in my head how I will respond to such an emergency. You know fire escape plans?...this is similar. One plan involves laying down as flat as I can in the tub, hoping no one notices me (that's as far as the plan has gotten...pray that's not my only resort at go time). Another relies on my hearing some timbers creaking before the breakthrough, allowing me time to grab the large towel that I always hang super close (so it's available for emergencies) and wrap it around me while I run briskly into the house. As you can see, I don't really have any great plans, yet I spend my whole shower or bath trying to think of them...that's why it's a fear, folks.

You may have also guessed that I have the fear of people seeing me naked. But I don't think that one's irrational.