soliloquy on irony

I like that it rhymes like a poem. Kind of like a Haiku, only it's not 17 syllables divided into 3 lines of 5, 7 and 5. But, other than that it's very similar.

You know how you hear ads on the radio and think, 'I could come up with a better slogan than that'? Well, I've had my share of those thoughts in my lifetime. So, when I was given an opportunity last week to work in marketing I naturally turned it down. The obvious reason is that it would have been more money and...well...we all know that my goal is to get married to an artist, make less than $10,000 a year between us, build our house out of straw and mud, and live a life (happy life, of course) of abject poverty. Yet, somehow someone of authority telling me that they think I'd be good at marketing boosted my confidence. It's only been a week and I've already had several conversations where I have used the phrases "well, from a marketing perspective..." and "from my past eBay marketing experience..." to sway someone to my 'marketing' way of thinking.

bla, bla, bla...Where's the irony part of this soliloquy.

A couple of weeks ago, I used my marketing brilliance to list some rock climbing boots on eBay for my brother. He insisted that we put a $45 reserve on them just to be safe. I did so and about 10 bidders bid back and forth until they reached $41.99 at what point they stopped and the listing ended without selling. Last week, feeling all-knowing, I told my brother that I thought it was the reserve that discouraged the bidders. They didn't know how close they were to reaching the reserve and finally just gave up. I told him I thought we should list them again, without a reserve this time, and then sit back and watch the battle of the bidders!

Yesterday, I remembered that the listing was supposed to end, so I excitedly looked to see how high it had gotten. The winner from NY survived the bidding onslaught with his $1.04 bid. I can't wait to get my 10% cut!

as the blog randomly turns....

deception, thy name is February

I have lived the last 10 February's of my life with these song lyrics as my dogma:

"And February was so long that it lasted into March...."

I always reveled in the irony (is it irony, bog?) of those words because, well...February is the shortest month of the year, right? But yet, in those 10 years, I have come to believe that it really is the longest month. Every January 31st, I brace myself for the long cold February that is ahead. And the cold and snow that I brace for usually lasts well beyond Feb 28th.

This year, February seemed particularly looming considering the kind of winter we've had so far. I have vague memories of years ago when snow was piled so high next to our driveway that we could build huge hills to sled down in our front yard. I always thought my memory scale was just faulty because no recent winter has touched it. This year, of course, has been different. it has made me wonder aloud, more than once, 'Winter does exist!" But then I got tired of it snowing piles every other day. February hadn't even come yet, and I was already sick of winter. That's not a good sign.

Turn time forward to last week and you find me driving through town all bundled up in my down coat with my window down, my sun roof open and the air blowing on cold. Why did I do this? Well, I would think it was obvious. February just isn't right without record cold temps. So even though the thermometer said 45 degrees, chances are it was lying and I would still need my warmest coat.

Or maybe it's that I refuse to get my hopes up that winter is actually coming to an end. Somehow, if I never start wearing my spring jacket, I can avoid the heartache of once more, pulling out the down coat when the temps decide to plummet again.

nothing more than feelings

While drinking our favorite Korean soda last sunday at dinner, I read aloud my favorite part of the bottle to my nephew Sam. "New feeling of soda beverage" I said. He clearly liked that.

Our neighbor Margie showed up and sat down to start eating with us. She takes some soda and Sam says all excitedly to her "you get a new feeling now too!" A few minutes later he declares, "I like my new feeling...I have a new feeling of love for my family. (awwwwwww) what's your new feeling, Margie?!" Margie stammers.... "uuuuuuuh....new feeling, yes!" Then Sam's mom saves her by saying, "I have a new feeling of not being thirsty any more."

Thanks, Sam, for putting us in touch with our feelings again...no matter how uncomfortable.

weekly posts!?

Yesterday, my brother asked if I had read my mom's cousin's tribute (of sorts) to our dad. I didn't even know she had written about the funeral, etc on her blog back in November. Since I haven't written about that whole experience much, and for those who are interested in knowing more about it, here is the link to that post.

We have had so many people give us pages and pages they have written on their thoughts about my dad. KaraLyn's blog includes much of what everyone has been telling us these last few months. Who knew dad was so popular :) We were really happy that KaraLyn's whole family were able to come for the funeral. Most of them live in Southern California and I'm sure they sacrificed a lot to drop everything and come.

it's a girl!

I had my first 'Girly' night last thursday. No, we didn't watch Pride and Prejudice and crimp each other's hair....

We did go get manicures. My first ever! (results shown above...apparently I have also added some bling to my wardrobe) I have to admit that I wasn't impressed: The manicure didn't cure my hangnails and I still bite my nails just as much as ever. Neither did it cure my need for a 'man' in my life. Some of my friends did pedicures and I must say that I was a little jealous watching them in their vibrating chairs with their feet being massaged, scrubbed, lotioned and soaking in hot water. I, on the other hand, was leaning forward anxiously trying to hold my hand in the perfect claw position. I paid $16 for a kink in my neck, basically. It worked out well in the end, though...they gave me a cold greasy egg roll in celebration of the lunar new year. That kept my teeth busy and spared my new paint job from destruction for a few minutes.

Find a Mate in '08!

Ok, so new year's resolutions are a good thing. I can agree with that. But really, I think this falls under the category of a 'bad goal'. Isn't there something about goals that says they need to be reachable? Or that they also have to be something you personally have control over? Many will argue and say this is a reachable goal. Well...you're probably married.

Ok, so you're probably right; it "technically" is reachable. And I suppose I might have a little control over whether or not I get married. I mean, I have to be the one to say 'yes' when he proposes, right? Still...I thought I would try to make a little bit more pro-active, reachable, realistic goal: "Find a Date in '08". Actually, I have set my goal specifically as "go on one date a month". How hard can that be?

So far, I have found it not too difficult. All I have to do is inform people (boys) about my goal and they seem perfectly willing to oblige. Or...at least they seem perfectly willing to joke about obliging. So, I have decided to broaden my scope and tell the world (all 3 who read this and probably already know about this goal) in the hopes that you, too, will be willing to assist me in my endeavors of at least one date a month. So, go ahead...let the dates start pouring in! And, thanks, in advance :)

Don't forget to vote!

I want to encourage everyone to vote tomorrow. Please take a moment to review all of the items on your ballot so that you are informed as you vote. You might know that a particularly heated debate has been occuring about referendum 1 in the state of Utah. If you don't know what your view is on this topic, please take a look at this site and read the arguments and rebuttals for and against so that you can make an informed decision about it when voting. I have developed a strong opinion about this topic over the last couple of weeks, but will say no more about it because I feel that as long as voters are informed, they will make the decision they feel is best. :)

Good luck, and happy voting!

Numbers for the neurotic

you'll have to forgive me, but everything seems poetic at 2am.

Just a side note: the hospital wifi is painfully slow. I arrived at 1:30 and it is now 2:20...see how much I've accomplished in 50 min? good thing I have lots of time....

It's amazing how suddenly I'm an expert at this nursing thing. Of course I know just as much or more than the nurses, heck I'm even wearing scrubs to play the part...the beautiful thing is that when I get home, I won't even have to change to go back to bed. And numbers have become our life. Every day it's a different number that worries our bald spots, or, in my case, our stomach ulcers (now that I'm a nurse, I can more accurately diagnose it).

Tuesday morning at 1am in the emergency room, it was blood pressure numbers in the 200's that knawed like a teething child at the holes in our stomachs. 225, 212, 201. sometimes we were lucky and got a 195 or even 185. That night there was also the oxygen levels to worry about, though not as much. 85% or 90%. Somehow Tuesday seems distant and passe' compared to the gaping hole that the last day has left in my stomach lining. This time it's all been about carbon dioxide levels. Let me tell you, if it's not one thing it's another. Some ambiguous number of "50" is what we're aiming for.

having the numbers constantly updated like tickertape right in front of me for 2 hours probably makes me a bit neurotic. The blood pressure monitor might sit at 160 for an eternity of minutes before it finally obeys my telepathic command to retreat.

I find that playing thumbwars with dad distracts him from pulling at his tubes and the "jason mask" they are forcing him to wear. Every so often he will reach up to touch his parched mouth and re-discover, once again, that there is a mask in his way. Everytime it is the same: He will feel the valve in front of his mouth and then work his fingers up from there along the left side of the hard plastic, over his eyes and forehead, he feels the velcrow holding the mask tight to his face and you can see that he is briefly contemplating tearing it off. Sometimes he does. He continues randomly pinning my thumb under his even after I've long since assumed that he's asleep.

One time, I appologize to him for my cold hands and his reply comes out muffled through the mask that it's ok. Then he says something else that I don't understand. I lean in farther and ask him to repeat. "Is that the place where you died?" he says. I briefly hope I misunderstood him.
But I say "I haven't died yet, dad."
He pats my hand and replies, "you lucky kid".

As my shift nears it's end, I'm thinking that maybe I will wait and publish this later, just to make sure. I mean, it is 3:30 in the morning, afterall.

Arriving home, I find that somehow someone else has arrived at our apartment building between the hours of 2 and 4am and stolen my perfect spot. I momentarilly curse night shift workers as I drive around to the back of the lot to find the one remaining open spot. As I walk past the car that stole my spot and up the steps to my place, I mentally take back my cursing and count my lucky stars that I'm not the one that has to regularly be up at this insanely hour.

Dumming down the information age

My current job has certainly helped me feel a little more computer savy than I have previously felt. I can do things now that I never dreamed I'd learn to do a year and a half ago. But with so much new knowledge, comes a higher level of responsibility. I feel to warn all you out there (all 2 that read this) that are thinking of jumping on this information bandwagon. Deep down, something tells me that perhaps instead, I my intellectual level is moving in the opposite direction. I had this thought while simultaneously trying to instant message with a six month old baby, a decapitated head, a bag of sweedish fish, and what looks something like a miniature shark. No matter that they were, in return, IMing with a picture of snow white. How proud I was that I was able to keep each conversation straight (for the most part). Don't you love it when you accidentally IM your friend with, "Sweet!" when they told you their grandma died (Oops, I meant that for the sweedish fish who got 100% on a test)?

I'm claiming nothing new here, but sometimes I forget that there is a real person on the other end of that conversation. Sometimes I might forget to talk to them that way. Just because they don't answer right away doesn't mean they are shunning me. Maybe....just maybe they have other things to do besides be at my beck and call constantly. I guess this is why we save time by responding with "ROFL" instead of "that's funny" or "AYBABTU" instead of "all your base are belong to us". I kid you not....that's real.

Interestingly, I thought my sister and I rather randomly came up with "lawl" to replace "LOL". But, no....I don't think so. Unless we're more trend-setty than we know. I found it when looking up that wiki link above. (seriously, you need to do this: go here and look under "variations on the theme". Excuse me while I pause to bask in my new-found knowledge of how popular I am.... "But wait!" you say, "isn't this off wikipedia? The place where anyone can edit anything themselves on there? How do we know that you are not the one that put 'lawl' in the 'LOL' entry?" Hmmm...just trust me on this. I'm not that computer savy.

'and call it a jubilee'

I heard my mom use this term once, when referring to taking a year off from having a garden. It also is the key title of one of my favorite songs. I looked it up in the dictionary and here were the parts that (ever so losely) apply to my meaning today:

1. often Jubilee Bible In the Hebrew Scriptures, a year of rest to be observed by the Israelites every 50th year, during which slaves were to be set free, alienated property restored to the former owners, and the lands left untilled.
2. often Jubilee Roman Catholic Church A year during which plenary indulgence may be obtained by the performance of certain pious acts.

Couple of things I would like to say in relation to this:

A- When I declare this year my "jubilee year", it's not because I feel I deserve it. Frankly, I don't. I'm not 50, nor have I been in bondage for 50 years, let alone the 28 of my life. I definitely have not performed any pious acts to make me deserve a "jubilee year". Nonetheless, I would like to say I declared this my "jubilee year" back when I booked my first trip in February. Soon after another one was planned, and another, and another...and...another (insterestingly, of those 5 trips, I only went to 3 different places).

B- When I declare this my Jubilee year, it's *mainly* because that's just how it has turned out. I mean, have you noticed that I haven't blogged in like 6 months? It's because it's my "Jubilee year". What about all the vacations I've been on? Jubilee. All the money I've spent? You know the answer. My messy room? -- of course! Ok, so maybe it's more of an excuse than a declaration.

Now I'm trying to figure out what else I can add to enhance my year off. I mean, really...the year is only half over and I don't really have much planned for the rest of the year. Is it just going to be a "Jubilee Half-Year"? Heavens. I hope not. I would welcome your suggestions of more fun "Jubilee" activities I can perform this year. And to make this more of a challange, let's say that it has to range somewhere from cheap to cost-free. Let's face it, all this playing has not helped my bank account.

#1 - I'm impervious to being tagged

Chain letter-schmain schmetter.

Here are the rules:

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the '7 weird things about you.' People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 7 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

jojoba only tagged one, so that's all I'm going to do.

ok, um....7 weird things (this shouldn't be hard):

2) my nasal cavity is ashamedly small and refuses to drain properly. Though, I find it interesting that it never had problems draining until I got a sinus infection a year ago. So *suddenly* my nasal cavity shrunk and my mucus thickened and it's all 'normal'? And it had nothing to do with my sinus infection? Mom always said I was a late bloomer. I guess this proves it.

3) I have a disease that causes people to gain 50+ lbs in rapid succession, yet I am begging to gain 10lbs so as not to look so skeletor-like (imagine him without the muscles).

4) I am rational (okay, not all the time). I find that that makes me weird.

5) I wear glasses. There are two of us out of 40 here at work that do such an inhuman thing.

6) I have short hair. I'm the only one at work that is so weird.

7) If I make a commitment to do something semi-important with someone (like attend and help with a very good friend's birthday party), and a guy asks me out for that same night with not much notice, I will gently tell him I have plans and could we do it some other night...I know..."weird".

ok, I'm gonna have to think about who to tag.

St. Francis. Hope you have a lot of spare time.

An interesting series of events this week. Monday, I was preparing to give the thought for institute Tuesday night, when I came accross a draft in my hotmail account from my mission. I'm not sure how that email got saved as a draft way back when without me ever realizing it. It happens to be my email home at the end of one of the most important weeks of my mission. My comp. and I feeling like we needed to try and find a better area of town to tract, drove around looking for a street we felt good about. When we found it, we tracted and taught two discussions and made 7 appointments with others on that street for another time. One of those appointments was Zanele Jama, the one Baptism I saw on mission. She was baptised only about 2 months later. Later her husband and children were also baptised.

At the end of that email, I mentioned that I had read Matt. 10 that week and loved it. I decided to pull that out and see if I could get a good spiritual thought from that chapter. I decided I would share verse 8, where it says at the end: "freely you have recieved, freely give".

Later that night, I pulled out Dale Carnegie's book "how to stop worrying and start living" and was going through the places I had marked. The last page I marked was the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi that I recognized from a men's chorus song:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying to self that we are born to Eternal Life.

I thought that went with the scripture pretty well and that I might share it for the thought in conjunction with Matt 10:8.

The next day, work was rather slow so I looked up St. Francis of Assisi on Wikipedia. Here's some interesting things about him:

"he had a mystical experience in the Church of San Damiano just outside of Assisi, in which the Icon of Christ Crucified came alive and said to him 3 times, 'Francis, Francis, go and repair My house which, as you can see, is falling into ruins.'" Very interesting....

The biggest life changing experience for him was hearing a sermon on Matt 10...hmm...Very VERY interesting ;)

Apparently, however, the prayer cannot actually be traced accurately to him. That's too bad.

test

So, I've been trying to learn HTML. I should be able to practice some of it in this blog. We'll see how it turns out. Sorry if it's ugly.

'Muse me with something cool and refreshing

Well, now that I've introduced the idea somewhat, I would like to ask for your help. There are a few cd's that I did not list among the casualties of our neighborhood klepto. There is a reason for that. It's not because I forgot, but because I don't really miss them. Yes, I've made a few cd purchase blunders in my life. So, to avoid that, let me request that each of you give me your top 5 cd recommendations. If you can't log in to blog your recommendations, feel free to email them to glarcy@hotmail.com. Please...do advise.

Ode to the fallen

I've done it once before. I shouldn't have a problem doing it again. The difference is, last time it was only temporary. Going on a mission and giving up my music for a year and a half was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Ok, I admit that there were a few times when I couldn't help singing the babysitter song to myself, or my comp (yes a year and a half cold turkey was too much even for me).
Now, I must start over with my music. It's all gone. It's taken me a few weeks, I suppose to get comfortable enough to address the issue in a public setting (though, i have cried openly on others shoulders about it from time to time previously...I would like to thank those shoulders....luckily they were more padded than mine:)) Add them to the list. First JJ's bike, now this and Tracy's roasting sticks (that's the last straw!)
here is my vietnam memorial-type list of a very important part of my life that is now gone:

Dar Williams (5 cd's tragically stolen)
Martin Sexton (2)
U2 (3)
Tracy Chapman (5)
Ben Harper
Patty Griffin
Sheryl Crow (3)
Dave Matthews Band
Chicago
Bread
Eric Clapton (3)
Indigo Girls (5)
Edi Brickell
countless adored mixes of my favorites that I made

A moment of silence, please....

Giving Jo some relief

So, lately I've been trying to give my vocabulary a Sean Connery flair. I think it has mostly been uncontious. What can I say, we just watched "The Last Cruisade" and I like his accent. Mostly, my way of imitating him is to change words with an "S" sound to an "Sh" sound. (picture him saying: "the sholution preshents it'shelf...") I've been doing it long enough, now, that it has become an immediate way for me to communicate.
So, the other day, I was sitting all by myself at ward prayer. My friend Jared comes in and is walking towards the seat next to me. So, naturally I say: "are you going to sit here?" as I'm moving a hymn book off the seat next to me. Only, I changed the s to an sh...go fig.

B as in: baked beans

So, I found out this week that there is at least one person (other than those that comment) that just checks out my blog every so often to update themselves on what I have written. I suddenly feel more responsibility to keep it updated;)
What an interesting couple of weeks it has been for me. As I've pondered upon the recent events; wondering on their purpose, I've tried to somehow lump them all together into one major life lesson I could learn. What is that one lesson, you may ask? (I know you are all in suspense, now) I don't know. I really couldn't say what one thing Heavenly Father is trying to tell me at this point. I think, instead, there are so many areas of my life that need improving that He's pointing them all out to me at once! Maybe that's why I struggle sometimes more than others. I expect to worry about one thing at a time and when more is given to me before I am ready for it, I throw my hands in the air with the exclaimation of: "what gives?!"
With that, let me just point out a few of my recent thoughts.
A couple of months ago, I met with my dad to discuss my new year's resolutions. As I discussed how much I would like to save a month (drawing from how much I've been able to save from each paycheck in the past) he asked me, "what are you saving for?" I didn't really know...I've pictured myself needing to buy a car sometime, but other than that, I haven't really had a destination for all the money I have been saving. I have just felt driven to save all that I can. Aren't we just supposed to do that? Basically, his question threw me off quite a bit. This last week, a realization hit me, however. Not only was it a hit; but it was a hit and run. A semi plowed me over and then left without a trace...really;)
Ok, so it's figurative. I recently had all my CD's stolen (last week) then, this week, have had several doctors visits and a surgery that will cost me upwards of 1000 dollars, I estimate. (Lovin' that 80/20 plan with a 500 dollar deductable) The day that I found out the cost of my surgery, I was driving with JJ to Wall mart and got a speeding ticket that will end up costing me about 100. Guess my mass CD buy-back idea will have to be put on hold for a while ;)
What if all that time that I was driven to save, was because Heavenly Father knew what was in store for me months down the road? Now, my next question is: these last few trials aren't going to drain my savings completely by anymeans...so...what's comming up next? Dare I ask?! Many a time in the last 3 weeks, I have quoted to myself, "sharp rocks at the bottom? Bring it on!"
I think I'll have a toasted bean and cheese sandwich for lunch today. :D

Per aspera ad astra

To the stars, through difficulty. This last week has been emotionally physically and mentally draining. Everyday I think that tomorrow will be the day I'm able to finally rest. ("But, what if there isn't a tomorrow? There wasn't one today!") But life keeps on treckin' whether I want to or not. For the most part, it has been a good type of stress. The "blind-date meeting, little brother's mission leaving, job interviewing, offering and accepting" kind of stress. But, oh how it just about did me in! I suppose I'm used to one emergency comming at a time in life. And everything working as I plan. So, it's about time I wake up, I suppose. Throw in the immobilizing force of fear every once in a while and you know it's my life we're talking about here.
I would love to take more time telling you about my meeting with a shovanist (sp?) and the absolute terrible timing of finding and being offered a job that I think I will really enjoy (Is there such thing as terrible timing for that?) but, I am currently on my lunch break and only have 5 more min left in which to get back to work. Hope everything is going well for you all.

Burn to shine

Went to Goblin Valley camping with some friends last weekend. Here we are looking very drowsily happy after a long sleepless, rainy, windy, thundery, lightingy, haily, sleep in a puddly, boney hip to the bare groundy night. This is also about the only picture that I look relatively decent in. Amazing, really, for getting zero hours on the sleep clock the night before. Top it off with half of our group getting pulled over and ticketed on the ride home and the other half *almost* running out of gas between goblin valley and Price. Man I slept great Saturday night. Wouldn't trade it all for the world... :)