what are little ghettos made of

I made a terrible discovery this weekend.

Friday, I stopped by my mom's house to get her mail for her and also the mail of two of her neighbors. One of them lives around the corner on 4th east. So I walked down to retrieve their mail. As I walked back toward's mom's house, I passed a tiny duplex and heard a very unnerving sound coming from its front lawn 10 feet away. I turned to discover a tanktop wearing man throwing up on the front steps. I, feeling slightly embarrassed because I was remembering what it's like to throw up in front of someone, kept walking by pretending like I didn't notice.
Here's my issue with it: The front door was open which means, he had just stepped outside to throw up? Why would he come out the front door to throw up in front of who knows who and their dog instead of using the back yard or...heaven forbid, the bathroom toilet?

The next day, I was washing my car in my mom's front yard and I overheard a man yelling at his wife on the front steps of a different duplex across the street from my mom. I counted about 10 words that started with the letter 'F' in only a 20 second period. It made me realize two things:

1- My home street is ghetto and only getting worse

2- What makes someplace the ghetto is simply that people suddenly decide to display all the things they should be embarrassed about on their front lawn....old broken down cars...throw up...arguments...you get the idea.

...'and her mamma cried'....

activity bag - temple square edition

Can I re-emphasize enough how much I enjoy the activity bag? Last weekend, my friends lured my up to SLC under the guise of a sleepover and then surprised me with an extended birthday party. We ate dinner, had cake and ice cream and then they pulled out a special activity bag that they had made for downtown Salt Lake.

It included such activities as:

Measuring up to Joseph (notice how much I grow in the course of the activity):


In like a Lion; out like a roll: New discovery: show up to the Lion House right after they have closed their cash register and you get your rolls free!

Stopping to smell the roses on temple square: Also featured: my new haircut (no more damaged ends!) and some random lady's pony-braid (are people doing those again?!).

Getting committed by the sister missionaries.

Looking like fools as we use Adele's car to blow up our air mattresses for the sleepover and then carrying them back to her apartment:

The weather was so perfect! Thanks, ladies, for a great time.

update: what I will do with $600

Thanks for all the input and advice! Your suggestions and visiting Jack's tire and oil for my oil change yesterday helped me determine my course of action:

$300 - will go to new rear struts for my car.

$150- will go into savings (the big pot which will eventually be used for a mac and a house)










$100 - add to my Roth

$50 - for my july budget...it's looking a bit on the thin side.

what would you do with $600

ok, so I got a surprise check in the mail this week from Utah Retirement Systems. Apparently they were tired of my Retirement fund from when I was working at the Orem Library going untouched and decided to just close it out and send me a check (with 20% taken out for taxes, of course). I should also note: This retirement account is my only retirement account. Isn't that sad that the only job I've had that offered retirement was my very first job when I was 16? So what should I do with this check?

1) Add it to my Roth IRA never to be touched again

2) Put it in my savings account to perhaps be used towards a house down payment

3) Buy the macbook I've been eying (ok half of one)

4) Find a $600 flight somewhere....

5) Take my family and friends out to eat many times

6) Other (please specify)

last night, driving home at 10pm

I saw a man who was obviously blind (he had the stick and everything) walking along state street. I immediately panicked and thought, "he should not be walking in the dark!!" Heh...this begs the question:

What is the difference between a blind man walking along state street during the day and a blind man walking along state street in the dark?

A: all the panicked motorists driving by

Other puzzlers of the week:

If a graphic designer leaves for a long lunch and no VP's are there to see it, does she really leave?

If my roommate's room isn't even connected in any way to mine ~ plus ~ the washer and dryer are going, why can I still hear every word of her 11:30 pm phone conversations?

why do I trust my 2 year old nephew completely with my brother's iPod touch but not with my Motorolatm phone?

sub puzzler: How does a 2 year old intuitively know how to unlock an iPod touch?

How does one purchase 90 ice cream bars in logan on her way to Bear Lake if she is traveling on a sunday?

ok, thanks for playing.

part 4 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

part 4: Singing at the top of her lungs.

Lately, I have had a return visit from my old anxiety stomach friend. I tell you...some friends just won't take the cold shoulder hint. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a strained relationship with him. Some refer to him as "pit"...like a pit in your stomach, I guess. I think that is a fitting description of him. This "pit" is the worst of all friends...he keeps me up late at night and then wakes me up early with sharp stomach pains just to remind me all the things I have to worry about in life. Sometimes he gets me up so early, I could cook myself a 7 course breakfast before heading off to work. Too bad "pit" takes away any appetite I might have for waffles and bacon.

Yesterday was particularly a bad day for me and Pit (he's now a pronoun). He gave me runny tummy (for lack of a better term, sorry) in the morning after he insisted on a 5am wake up call, and then took away my appetite for the remainder of the day. It wasn't until the evening that I found something that scares him off: My singing.

I used to play guitar every night before bed for like 10 years straight. I found it mellowed me before bed. Then I moved out of my parent's house 4 years ago and realized that my roommates probably wouldn't be quite as accepting of loud guitar and yelling at 11pm....so I stopped. Is it a coincidence that Pit showed up at that same time?

I've been playing more again lately...as I've gotten more brave to play around roommates. Last night, I decided to look up some songs by an artist I'm rediscovering. I was happy to find 3 different songs of hers that I could learn in basically one pass. They were so easy! One unfortunately had a DADDAD tuning which requires a little effort to transition the guitar to and from, but once you are there it's super easy! Plus~ it allows me to sing at the top of my lungs and that keeps Pit at bay and me alive.

Here's the song I learned with the different tuning:

best way to get people to come to your reception

On the invitation, it simply stated:

"There will be a receiving line from 6:30-7:00
Please be in your seats for the show at 7:00
the receiving line will resume from 8:00-8:30"

Show?! what is the show?
Ok, I had to go just to ease my curiosity.

Awkward melissa moment: my name wasn't actually on the invitation. But I went anyway because I was so curious (hoping that they just sent it to the wrong address and assumed I got it). But when I gave the bride a hug, she was like "oh, I sent you an invitation and it came back in the mail as undeliverable..."

"oh...good thing I decided to crash your reception anyway!"

weekend: signs of spring

Went to my sister-in-law's (something tells me it's supposed to be sister's-in-law...but oh well) graduation from Westminster college. My favorite moments of the day long celebration:

1- The bird that pooped on my shirt* (including an undigested worm) with incredible aim...right in the center of my chest.

2- When my brother and sister-in-law footed our brunch fee and my mom bought my dinner for me.

3- The more than 50% of the graduates that were "cum laude". First of all, how does that work?! Second, wouldn't you feel like a loser when you're in the minority because you're not cum laude?

4- The girl who had soccer cleats around her neck instead of honors ropes.

5- All the professors who could not hood the masters students without gagging them...every time.

6- The 40 minutes total of bagpipe music as the graduates and professors took the longest time possible to march to and from their seats.

7- There's always that one girl that insists on hitting the uber high note at the end of the star spangled banner when performing it.

8- Sitting by my friend Catherine at church the next day when she leans over and announces: "I went to a 3 hour graduation yesterday!!..."

* the same shirt I threw up all over a month ago...I think that shirt hates me.

Part 3 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 3: Lunch Walks

I started doing these a few weeks ago. They serve several purposes:

1- Warms up my body that has been surprisingly chilled in the refrigerator of our office. seriously, I never notice until I walk outside and then I suddenly realize how nice the warmth feels.

2- Lets me eat in peace, with no one listening to my banana chewing, wrapper crinkling, choking sounds, etc.

3- I can practice my long baseball throws in the field I walk next to. I can't wait to see all the apple cores and banana peels when the grass dies in the winter.

4- Makes me eat healthy things (for example...you can't eat a costa vida sweet pork burrito while walking).

5- Builds up callouses on my feet that have been babied way too long.

6- I can finally let out all the songs I've been dying to sing all morning.

7- loosens up my shoulders that naturally tighten when a computer monitor is placed in front of me.

All in all, it's a good thing. Feel free to join me sometime (i hope you like badly sung Neil Diamond).

you're crazy social. you must like dark chocolate.

I just noticed that this will be my 100th post to my blog. 100 feels better than I thought it would....


My sister sent me an article today that changed my life...or at least made more sense of it. In this article, it states that the area of our brain that inclines us to socialize is the same area where our love of chocolate is stored. That possibly these two things are even related. Looking back at my life, I have determined these scientists know what they are talking about!

As you can see, from the graph I created to represent my life so far (photoshop always makes images so much more classy, doesn't it?), I was not really a social child, and even now I am only mildly social. In my early 20's I learned in a quick few years the social abilities that I now have. It's fair to say that that inclination has now leveled off (ok, I think it's heading back down, but I'm pretending it's not).

Same story with chocolate. I never liked chocolate cake or just plain chocolate bars growing up. I did like candy bars that consisted mainly of other things like peanut butter. In my early 20's I started to gain an appreciation of actual chocolate (sorry Hershey...not you) and I began to realize that I actually like chocolate cake as much or more than vanilla cake. That love has leveled off a bit, I think...or has it? Is dark chocolate next? If so, I better start planning more parties.

Part 2 of 364

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 2: Lost

This was me this morning when I realized that there were only 18 episodes of Lost this season (also, I need a shave).

18 episodes?! And at least two of those were stinking recap episodes that only told me things I already knew (and that's saying something because Lost usually lives up to its name with me)! Other dramas don't waste time on the recap episodes and they still have more quantity (though I guess we could argue about quality).

Just to make sure I wasn't off my rocker in crying injustice, I checked how many episodes other drama shows on all the networks have:

(NBC) Heros: 25
(ABC) the other dramas: 22-24
(CBS) Numbers: 23
(Fox) Bones: 25

So: How do they get away with only having 15-16 legit episodes a season?! Is that not criminal? I should just remember that every season I go through the same trauma (ok, this season I plan to make it a tradition): During the episode I think approximately 5 times: Ok, this is just ridiculous, why do I watch this show? By the end of the episode I'm thinking: I need the next episode NOW! But by the next week, I'm back to thinking: meh...I can wait to see it for a few days. It's just mean to toy with our emotions like that.

Here's a great snl sketch from season 3 (I think).

Also, here is possibly my favorite moment of this season. Hurley is my favorite.

I'd like to publicly thank Carla for the use of her DVR that makes it possible for me to watch Lost whenever it suits my fancy (and is convienient for Carla). She keeps my addiction alive, and that keeps me alive.

welcome to part 1 of my 364 part series

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 1: Shoes

It's irony, really...because even though they keep me alive, they are killing me, financially. I bought 4 new pairs of shoes in a 3 week period. I realized they were so important to me when I noticed that a high percentage of pictures I take with my phone are of my shoes. I have only had my new phone for a couple months and have only taken about 10 pictures with it, but here are the ones that are of my shoes. My old phone was riddled with them...notice the view of two of the images...looking down from my lap. I wonder if it has something to do with needing a time filler while in the bathroom.

(Hi Judith!)

(ok, some pairs I just dream about....)

Shoes are my vice in more than just the monetary way... I have no padding on the soul of my feet. Thus, my feet constantly hurt if I have to stand more than about 5 minutes on them. Also, my feet have been growing again so many of my favorite pairs of shoes that I bought a year or more ago are now getting too small. My temple shoes were torturing me also so I have spent the last year looking for the perfect pair. Finally I found a pair at Kmart 2 weeks ago that look just like something a little old lady would wear. Since I can't take pictures in the temple, I just spend my time during the session looking down at my shoes (lap view) and loving them. They're so hot! (also, my feet get really warm in them)

my three favorite mother's day moments: 2009

1. Our bishop announced that after church we would have a special mother's day activity on the back lawn of the church. Usually, they give us flowers for mother's day (I never really understood, but whatever), so I figured that's what it would be. Suddenly, the guy sitting next to me (I think he might be 12 years old....) leans over and says, "why do we celebrate mother's day in the single's ward?"
-To which I responded, "well gosh, I don't know...I'm sorry if it's a problem for you."
-Then he whispered really softly, "Is it because it's an older single's ward?"
Words cannot express the incredulous look I gave him.

2. So, after Relief Society, we all went out the back door to claim our plant/flower that we could do 1 of 2 things with: Give to our own mothers who are actual mothers or keep and watch it slowly die. But when we walked outside, instead of a long table with little plastic pots on it, there was a long table with brownies, waffle cups, whipped cream, hot fudge, nuts and a soft serve ice cream machine.

Best Mother's Day Gift ever.

3. At ward prayer last night, they had us go around the room and tell what our mothers taught us. Most people said things like "how to show compassion" or "how to reach my goals" or "that I am loved unconditionally". Then one of the last girls was like, "my mother taught me not to be afraid of death." I wonder if there's a story there....

Funerals lead to nose bleeds

Yesterday was good. And by good I mean, good for me spiritually. And by that I actually mean horrible.

Sister Hinckley said, "I laugh because crying gives me a headache." Problem with that policy: what about those situations where you can only cry? -Like me at a funeral.

I went to a funeral yesterday. A good funeral. A long funeral.

Here is my conclusion about funerals:

me + Funeral = Crying

me + Crying = Headache

me + Headache = Vomiting

me + Vomiting = Nose bleed

I would like to apologize to Davis (the passenger in the car I was driving) and everyone driving in Downtown Salt Lake at rush hour who had to witness me puking my brains (which were pink from the jello I ate) out in the middle of South Temple and 2nd East. Also, lest you think throwing up isn't embarrassing enough, just wait until your nose starts bleeding while you are throwing up. Ah...good times. Definitely one of the simple pleasures in life.

About the funeral: It was definitely one of the best funerals I have ever been to. So many good things were said. Elder Cook said some very good things about the sting of death. Funerals have a way of helping you get to know the person in a way you never would have. Like the picture of Derek on the back of the program with his hoodie, slightly crooked basball cap, flashing his cell phone next to the scripture Mosiah 2:41 "And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual."

Perfect.

me + week of simple pleasures

I want to turn a new leaf. A positive one. I have been noticing that nice things are happening to me. Mostly little things. I think what kickstarted it was my trip to Cambria, CA. That place is just blooming with pleasures of the simplest kind.

1- Stopping at H & M in vegas and just as I look at the mall map and mutter "I wonder if they have a Fossil..." having Stacey poke my shoulder and point to the fossil store right in front of me.

2- Tearing a hole in my new shirt from H & M the first time I wore it...and wearing it again anyway.

3- Taking a walk on this road on Easter Sunday and running into an Indian man from South Africa (yup...they still talk just as much as ever, even in the U.S.).

4- Missing Easter bonnets and then seeing a 12 year old girl wearing gloves and a bonnet at church.

5- Realizing later (when she was teaching R.S.) that she's probably my age.

6- Sitting on a cold windy beach in my new swimming suit trying to stay warm and having the blowing sand exfoliate my skin.

7- Seeing these paint splotches while canvasing the surrounding hills of Cambria for good photos and knowing exactly what they mean.

8- Upon arriving home, finding out that my landlord fixed the rattle in the pipe to my bathroom. It's nice to wash my face with warm water again....

9- Driving my car for the first time after returning and having the annoying clicking sound my car had been making for 2 months just magically stop.

10- Having everyone fawn over my new hair style that took a lot less longer to do than the one no one ever commented on.

i should watch my back (and rib cage...and inner thigh)

Today my brother IMed me and said that he had a dream the other night that I died from anorexia...he wanted to just double check that I didn't have it.

"heck no! In fact...I feel like I've been gaining weight...."

About a month ago, a random girl in my ward came to me and said she had a dream that I was really sickly and so weak that she had to help me walk from one room to another.

Could it be?

Are those dark circles my eye sockets?

here comes 30

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.

frasi lolop = April Fools

Well, we all thought/feared that this was coming. My work just called us all into a meeting to tell us that in a week all of our clients will be transferred to the company that we sold our coaching department to about 6 months ago...thus I will be out of a job.

So, if you hear of anybody needing a graphic designer, let me know! ~Much appreciated

who is mother nature, anyway

I woke up this morning and was greeted by this:

I have not been this stunned in a long time. Sure it has been cold lately, and I heard it was supposed to snow yesterday...but after about 2 flurry flakes in the early afternoon, I thought that's all it was referring to. Then, this?! What is that, 6 inches of snow?! Ok, maybe 5....

What in the world is mother nature up to?

Also...speaking of mother nature...(get ready for blond Melissa to reveal herself)...who is she? Growing up I learned that she was the magical force behind the weather. But then people started referring to "the curse" and "aunt flo" as "mother nature's monthly gift". There's even that new commercial that shows mother nature magically appearing to a woman and bringing her a wrapped package with a bow (I know that's how I feel about it...'sweet! it's like my birthday every month!') Then last night someone told me that mother nature was calling so I assumed she meant it was her aunt flo calling...but I never did clarify with her and I think she was actually just referring to needing to use the bathroom. It seems that mother nature is one busy lady covering all those different aspects of our life all around the globe.

I think perhaps when it's just a normal bathroom visit, it's just under the heading of "nature's calling"...am I right? Ugh, I'm so confused.

Whatever she does, this morning's gift was pretty darn amazing.

working on my 4 year food storage

It's payday today and thank heavens. I have been spending the money a little bit too much lately. That's why I decided not to spend any this week (those cheez-its from the vending machine and buying gas yesterday don't count). I came to this conclusion on Sunday when we only had an hour of church and I decided it was high time to "cook" something to eat in all that free time. I opened the pantry door and I swear moths flew out. Then I took a good hard look at what was in there. There are things that I've had for at least 3 years...maybe 4. That was when I realized I was looking at my menu for the next week.

Here are some of the things I will be enjoying this week and reliving the fond memories of when I bought them (after dusting off the moth poop):

Capri Suns: I bought this box probably 4 years ago when I lived with Tracy and Angela and we would go meet at a park for lunch, eat and play frisbee.Schweppes Granadilla soda: Straight from South Africa...these are very special to me and I think I'll save the 2 remaining for a special moment. I bought them about 2.5 years ago and have fond memories of sharing them excitedly with friends who told me it just tastes like fresca...heartbreaking.

Mountain Home Potato soup: I got a pint-sized bag of this for Christmas 2 years ago... It was always too small to make for dinner group and not tasty enough to make just for me.

4 Boxes of Rice a Roni: I bought them 2 years ago thinking I would make them for meals...apparently not.

4 Boxes of Mac and Cheese: The Melissa Staple is back. I had it last night and quite enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure those boxes have been in there for a year or more.

1 Bag of corn meal: Perhaps my oldest item. Jon gave it to me during one of his many moves from BYU. I think 5 years ago.

Here's the short list of what else is in there:

4 boxes of Jiffy muffin mixes
4 Boxes of cold cereal
A 2 liter of Root Beer
1 Can of diced carrots
1 Can of black refried beans
1 Can of regular refried beans
1 Can Spaghetti O's
4 different kinds of Hot Chocolate. Why do I have this?! I don't even like it.
1/2 box of lasagna noodles...I can make the smallest pan of sauceless, meatless lasagna ever.
Various soup/gravy packets
One tiny box of red hots - not sure those are mine.

By all accounts it looks like I could actually live off my pantry for a few weeks...maybe I'll acquire a taste for hot chocolate...with red hots.

tighten those belts: signs of the bad economy

Times are bad...we all know that.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that things really are as bad as they all say (thanks for your help with this, Tracy):

No parking at the rec center - People are buying rec passes instead of forking out the dough for the slightly cleaner, newer, more fashionable and less smelly gym memberships.

Gas prices remain relatively low - This has its own predictable side effect...people will start buying gas guzzlers again because - hey! gas is cheap! (the side effect to that? - GE and Ford will once again be selling their favorite SUV's and the economy will start to rebound...cha-CHing!)

Investing your money is actually throwing your money away (but don't you dare stop!) - I put $1650 dollars in my Roth IRA in the last 6 months. Guess how much is actually in there? That's right - $1568. I'm so glad I'm investing my money....

70% of everyone I know seems to be worried about their job or is currently looking for one -The other 30% are teachers.

The gov't is going into deeper and deeper debt - That's got to help, right?

Cheap food and entertainment is all the rage - There's no wait for seating at Bombay house but Fat Cats is at least an hour wait.

Starbucks closed 600 of its stores, if not more - What is wrong with this country?!

Cheaper prices on everything! - ok...everyone says this but I've yet to see it. I guess I'll continue to sit back and wait for all those deals to come around.

Old Navy has resorted to using mannequins in their printed ads to model their clothes instead of paying for real people/models

Arby's no longer serves homestyle fries

A new generation of depressionistic spenders - here's an article about that...and a quote from it:

"As many economists have noted, cutting spending is the worst thing people with means can do for the economy right now. But that argument seems to have little traction, especially because even those with steady paychecks and no fear of losing their job have seen their net worth decline and their retirement savings evaporate."

And the number one sign of the bad economic times:

No donuts at the 7 stake tubing activity - "budget cuts". Really...it was heart breaking.

Any that I missed? What are some you have noticed?

now I know why they ask "would you like anything else with your order?"

I just went to Carl's Jr to celebrate Jack's up-selling me on 2 tires and an alignment after getting my oil changed.

Girl In Thick Spanish Accent: "Can I take your order?"

Me: "Hi, ok...."

GITSA: "ok let me know when you're ready.."

Me: Confused
"ok...can I have a cheeseburger kids meal?"

GITSA: "what drink you want?"

Me: "Rootbeer"

GITSA: "Ok, what else"

Me: Do I get another drink?!.... "er....fries?"

GITSA: "You want extra fries?"

Me: "No...sorry...that's all"

GITSA: "ok go to the window"

Me: Is this free? I pull up to the window.

GITSA: "$3.62 please....Fry sauce?"

Me: "Yes!" I didn't even know Carl's Jr had fry sauce! Finally, someone with Good customer service skills.

i forgot about the smiths

Like...completely forgot. I even have one of their cd's somewhere...unless it was one of the ones that got stolen.



I was reminded of them while watching the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. I'm kind of interested in this movie and not just because it has the Smiths and Regina Spektor music in it. But that helps.

Listening to the Smiths again makes me want to paint a still-life consisting of an antelope skull, a jar of peaches, a rusted milk can and three shriveled apples (thanks for pretending it was beautiful and hanging it in the study for a while, mom).

ate things tag

I will post, but I refuse to tag. I guess it's kind of like not getting married so that the family name dies. When I put it that way, it sounds more cruel than it actually is.

TV shows I 'Ate (living or dead):

Dallas
Sex and the City
The Glen Beck show
Dr Phil
The Batchelor
Big Brother
Judge Judy
Most other reality shows

Things I Ate yesterday:

applesauce
Easter candy
fruit leather out of the garbage
my pride playing foosball
EZ Take-out Burger
taquitos with sour cream, cheese and avo
chips and salsa
Probably a little bit of toothpaste while brushing me teeth

Things I Ate (ain't...this is hard, ok) looking forward to:

More Wrinkles
A slowed down metabolism
Looking for a job
Driving in the snow today
The stress of teaching my children correct things
My car dying
Socialism
Steep gas prices in the summer

Favorite restaurants I Ate at:

Bangkok Grill (of course)
Bombay House
Pizza Factory
Gandolfo's
Weinerschnitzel
McDonald's
Taco Time
In 'n Out

Things on my wish list I Ate:

Avocados
Mango Lassi
Fresh Spring Rolls
Chicken Satay
Costa Vida sweet pork
The South Hampton
Olallieberry pie and ice cream
Nandos garlic and herb sandwich


People I Ate:

Oops..no one..well wouldn't you know it.

I bought that dresser...strictly to support the crumbling economy

I could stare at this all day

....and I think I do. It's now my phone wallpaper.

I stumbled upon it on saturday, along with an $80 brown pea coat...too bad I had limited myself to only spending $40 (swimsuit sale at shade).

Speaking of which...here is what I will look like in my new swimsuit from shade:

That's right...no more wedgies. I have finally caught up to the rest of the world in figuring out that one piece swimsuits hurt. Especially for those of us with stubby legs and lengthy torsos.

That's right #2... I bought a gray top with brown bottoms. I love breaking rules. Though, as my friend Catherine pointed out yesterday: at the end of the sale, the store is going to have to figure out what to do with the rogue brown top and gray bottoms. I'll have to check back and see if they're on clearance and they can sell them to me.

Back to the dresser: Actually...only the bottom two drawers are actually drawers. The top "drawer" is actually a pull down desk...how cool is that?!

I want it so badly it hurts...but it's $500. Everyone (except those who truly love me, of course) is telling me that's too expensive. But, it really seems like quality solid wood and for heaven's sake, its for sale down from $1000! You have to admit, 500 sounds pretty good compared to that.

So...give me advice...should I get it? Be honest...its ok.

I can just picture it in a simple room with a flat color on the wall....

happy birthday, february

February is a special month. Here are some special things that I have found about February:

Black History Month: Since I am as white as they come, I celebrate this by making countless "BHM" mix cd's with such ethnic artists as: Tracy Chapman, Miriam Makeba, Taj Mahal, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Otis Redding and Michael Jackson (mental note: remove vanilla ice off my BHM mix...it turns out he's not black).

Only 28 days: You would think February being shorter would make winter seem shorter too, but no.

Month of birthdays: 3 of my favorite people (not including me) celebrate their birthdays in February. That makes February the month with the most birthdays of my favorite people...so...Happy Birthday, my favorite people! (you know who you are). Actually, June maybe takes the number one spot because it is also full of birthdays and one of them is mine...sorry February. But, I also know several people my age who have given birth to all or most of their children in February...not sure what that means...maybe that May is the new Valentine's month?

Abandoning of new year's resolutions: It's the first real month of the year where I can begin to relax on my resolutions again...and the gym crowds start to dwindle...scratch that, I just went to the gym and it was as busy as ever...let's replace that with temple crowds start to dwindle (this I have noticed for sure).

So...February, now that I have proven how special you are, please feel free to come around again in 12 months. But this time give me more warning so I can go out and buy birthday presents.

anger: one letter short of danger

I'll admit it, I have a short fuse. I've already reviewed for you (in my previous post) how I patiently wait through automated systems for customer service reps...needless to say, I have long felt like I have the shortest fuse in my family. Bless them for being so constantly patient with me.

You may think I hide it well, but that's just because you don't know me well enough to have witnessed one of my moments. Moments that cause those in my presence to shrink in the presence of danger. Moments I am not proud of.

Last week was my week to park under the covered parking. Twice, as I was driving up to park, I would be halted by some sort of dodge mini suv that had stolen our covered spot. Of course, both times it snowed overnight while my car was not nestled under it's protective overhang. Feelings of unhappiness and begrudgement followed. My roommate Judith seemed pretty sure that it was our upstairs neighbors who were the culprits, even though they wouldn't claim responsibility.

Fast forward to yesterday: I...

1. Stopped by the library to pick up the next book on my book list: The Dance of Anger.
2. Drove home to my apartment to begin reading: The Dance of Anger.
3. Parked in uncovered parking (it's stacey's turn for covered).
4. Saw that another car had once again stolen our covered spot.
5. Steam flew out my ears and my body writhed as I did: The Dance of Anger.
6. Did The Dance of Anger up the stairs to our neighbor and pounded on their door.
7. Went inside my house and began to read: The Dance of Anger.

somehow I look like a boy, even on the phone

Just to follow up on the last post...last night I had to call Verizon about 12 times because we were trying to upgrade our phones online and it seems that Verizon hates our account. By the time I had put in my phone number and secret password for about the 20th time and then waited on hold for 20 minutes once again, it was hard to mask my thinly veiled anger to the unsuspecting agent on the other end. (My poor family that had to hear me rant and rave while waiting on the line...my anger wasn't so thinly veiled around them).

Then, when the customer support agent finished our conversation and asked for me to validate them: "Have I successfully helped you with all your questions today, sir- er...ma'am?

the irony of a decision

Ok, about a month ago, I decided I was going to grow my hair out. During my 9 or so year stint with "boy-short" hair, I didn't have too many embarrassing moments caused directly by my hair...well, if you're not counting how bad I look in pretty much every picture ever taken of me. I'm certain that's due to me (please, remind me to open my left eye, everyone), not my hair.

Here's a look back at one of my favorite short hair awkward moments circa 2000:

Walking down the streets of new york at night with 4 other girls who also had short hair (art-school field trip...that might explain it) and we walk by a guy smoking on the sidewalk...as we walk by, he says: "Is you a girl? cause you looks like a dude!"

....................................

So currently, I am in the awkward mullet-like stage of growing it out. Still, I was looking forward to being more girly and attractive to the opposite gender. But 3 experiences in one week's time have deterred my faith in my decision a bit (they might also qualify as awkward melissa moments...AMM). Maybe it's like the trial of my faith...only after will I receive a witness that I made the correct decision.

1. On our way home from Texas, the flight attendants were going by getting our drink orders and the attendant looked up from my mom to me and before really looking at me (this is how I rationalize it so I feel better) said “and for you, sir-ma'am?”

2. The next thursday night, I was leaving my mom's house at dusk and the neighbors were going in their front door with their kids. Suddenly I hear one of the kids yell, “Hi, grandma Cox!” All I could do was pretend to be a 60 year old lady and say “hi” back and then jump in my car and drive away real quick. Flash-back: This was likely the same child that came to me more than a year ago while I was washing my car in front of the house and asked: "are you a girl or a boy?"

3. The next day, as I was driving to Hurricane with Stacey and Carla, we stopped in Nephi to get some taco time. We ordered and then sat down to eat, and a few minutes later, the tiny 15 year old that took our order came over and he said, "my boss wanted me to give this to you....I don't know why..." It was a piece of paper upside down...with Stacey and Carla eagerly watching, I flipped it over:
When telling my family the story when I got home on sunday, my mom's response was: "she thought you were a boy?..."

"yeah, mom...that's what she thought...."

ugly outfit day

It was stacey's idea. Sometimes, I think she just comes up with these things because she knows it makes my day to do stuff like this. I told her it reminded me of Katie's "ugly betty day". We should have gone and got mom's ponchos to complete the ensemble. A few things I learned from our day of adventure:

1. My camera sucks at inside pictures...look how blurry and grainy this one is.

2. Stacey doesn't own any ugly pants. I had to let her borrow my pink ones (psst...I wore them to work today), which made them perfect because they are about 4 inches too short for her long legs.

3. I have lots of options for combining clashing colors and patterns. Look at my awesome socks, even...thanks, ange!

4. It's sad when it's ugly outfit day and your roommate doesn't even notice... (me and stacey eagerly listening to judith opening the door... "hi girls....why you smiling so big?....") I wonder what that infers about my everyday (not ugly, might I add) outfits.

5. Fashions are crazy enough right now that only one person mentioned anything to us as we went shopping ("I like your pants..." to me).

6. Dressing insane doesn't stop anyone from thinking you work at barnes and noble:
"hey, do you ladies know the children's book about (some weird name)"
"no...don't think I've heard that one"
some big long story about how his kids got it from the library once and now he can't find it
me: "I would try googling that phrase in quotes and see what comes up"
"oh...I could try that...where's your computer?...I can't find anything in your store..."
"er...I don't know where any computers are....sorry (do barnes and noble employees always dress like this?!)"

7. Even sitting at home doing nothing is a party on ugly outfit day.

8. Winner ugly outfits don't necessarilly give you guitar hero super powers.

9. The excitement of your own ugly outfit can cause you to forget what you're doing when filling your car with gas (ten minutes later...."oh....I should have selected "midgrade" before I pulled the pump trigger.... I get how this works!")

Here's to any future Ugly Outfit Days...(maybe tomorrow?)

irrational fears; shower edition

I forgot one of the main irrational fears in the last similarly named post, so I decided to do a whole blog about it. My whole life I have had this fear and it is only alive because of my house; the house I grew up in. I don't have a picture of it, but it's a typical, orem, split-level home...sort of like this, but not really at all, actually (ours has snow around it and not tacky dead leaves...and what are those weird shades on the upstairs window?!). Do you see the part that overhangs over the lower level? In my house, that is where the bathtub is. I was probably 8 or so before I actually figured that out, but when I did my fear was instantaneously born that at some unsuspecting moment when I was sitting in the bathtub starkly in the buff, the bathtub would fall through the weak (termite infested, maybe?) floor and I would be sitting on the south side of 200 North fully visible to all who would drive or walk by.

Irrational fears are titled that for a reason...why would I think that I would be the one (with my substantial 40 lb 8 year old body) to cause it to give way and not someone like, say, my father?

Just so you know, I still have that fear. I was reminded of it when staying at my mom's over christmas and taking several showers and baths in that tub. Each time I do, I plan in my head how I will respond to such an emergency. You know fire escape plans?...this is similar. One plan involves laying down as flat as I can in the tub, hoping no one notices me (that's as far as the plan has gotten...pray that's not my only resort at go time). Another relies on my hearing some timbers creaking before the breakthrough, allowing me time to grab the large towel that I always hang super close (so it's available for emergencies) and wrap it around me while I run briskly into the house. As you can see, I don't really have any great plans, yet I spend my whole shower or bath trying to think of them...that's why it's a fear, folks.

You may have also guessed that I have the fear of people seeing me naked. But I don't think that one's irrational.

my 12 favorite texas moments of the weekend:

The two guys in their late 20's that jumped ahead of us in line to get on the plane (southwest...sigh) and when my mom pointed out that they were supposed to be 10 people behind us, they just ignored her. They will forever be known as "those skinheads" by my mom, even though they both looked clean cut...but one of them was bald. She thought those skinheads might hunt her down for giving them a bad time.

The 7 Ladies in the Las Vegas airport who looked like they just touched down from India. Their accents were thick, they were taking pictures of each other all over the airport (I took a group picture for them thinking I was being so helpful to the novice american tourists.) and even a picture of one of them holding a dollar bill (american money!!). As I boarded our flight, I passed one of them sitting at the front of the plane and she thanked me for taking their picture. I asked if they were headed to Dallas (our flight was continuing on to dallas after lubbock). And she was like "no, we're from Lubbock." Ha.

After Rob's family picked us up from the airport, we were driving to their house on the freeway and a car came zooming along in the fast lane...in the opposite direction!

watching mystery science theater...and only now that I am looking up the particular movie that we watched, do I realize it was rated "R". Good thing my brother fast-forwarded lots of it.













Going to the science museum with the kids

Trying shrimp again, and re-affirming that I don't like it.

winning the "bird watching trivia game" even though I feel I know the least about birds in our family (thank you, life list cards...and Rob for the hint on the Northern Cardinal).

Playing games with Andrew every free second... "Aunt lissa...play game me". Then he'd grab my hand and fake grunt while trying to help me up off the couch.

Learning what playas are at the science museum and then seeing millions of them on our flight from Lubbock to Dallas.

The singing flight attendant: "we are cle-eared for depa-arture...you are getting sle-epy...very sleepy. you don't want anything to drink. you are not hungry for peanuts...the lights are dimming... ok now stop annoying us and let us go to sleep."

Discovering that Southwest offers complimentary hot chocolate.

Flying through 5 different airports for one trip to Lubbock.

it's an american institution

I live right across the street from this place and I have to say, I've never seen the parking lot this full. This picture must be photoshopped. I live in constant amazement how this place stays in business. Right in the middle of the Christmas rush I ventured in because I had heard they sold cocomotion machines. I've never seen it so busy! At least two lanes were open and I saw a smattering of people with carts as I walked up and down the isles. I think there was someone in line in front of me at the register, too...a serious Allen's christmas rush!

The sign is the same, the parking lot is the same, the two splotches of red painted shingles are the same, the cash registers and squeaky conveyer belts have to be the same. It has been around my whole life. Infact, here is the Allen's time line for my life:

Ages 5-15 (estimate): I accompany my mother every 4-6 months to do her "month's shopping" at Allens (or the old Macey's that used to be in Lindon by the Purple turtle, or food4less in provo). Month's shopping was just that, shopping for a whole month's worth of groceries. Generally two carts piled high with stuff. You would love to be behind us in line. When it was my month to go with mom that meant I got to chose the "sugared" cereal my family would eat that month.

Ages 16-25: I forget that Allen's exists. Actually, I probably just assume that it's gone out of business by now. It's at least 2 miles away...in the wrong direction.

Age 26: I move to 12th west and about 16th north in Orem and Allen's becomes the park and ride for my family trips out to highland to see the cousins. 12th west is too far out of the way for my family to come pick me up, so I drive to Allen's; park; and then ride with them the rest of the way.

Age 27: Our dog, Mustache' (moo-stosh-uh), in a haze of senility, wanders from home (200 N, 400 E) and is found at Allen's (2000 N and state) smelling of sewer and having a mysterious ear injury that would plague her the rest of her life and haunt my dreams the rest of mine.

Age 28: I move across the street from Allen's and every few months afterward notice it as I drive home and think, oh yeah...Allen's!

Age 29 (saturday): Having left my car in several pieces the night before at my mom's, I figure I'll have to walk to Albertson's to do my shopping. But then I remember...Allen's! It's right across the street! So, I borrow my roommate's gloves and bundle up for my 20 yard walk to Allen's. As I walk I remember that my mom mentioned to me just the day before that she figures Allen's is able to stay in business so long because they now own the building they are in. No house (er...store?) payment! I imagine that helps. Let me just say: You never know what you will find at Allen's. That's what's so great about the place! I love to just go roam the isles and discover. In the soda isle, this product, Couronne, caught my eye and my curiousity got the better of me...I had to buy it. Mainly, I thought it looked alcoholic...or at least like cleaning solution. Turns out, it wasn't either, but just the sweetest, creamiest soda you'll ever taste. Really...it's too sweet and creamy. It's sick. Actually, I think it smells and tastes exactly like circus peanuts.I go to check out and the total bill is $18.03, so I give the guy a 20 dollar bill and watch him very kindly type that he received $20.03. I decide then and there: this place must stay in business.

find the rhyme in '09

Back in October, I decided that (having successfully failed on my 'find a mate in 08' goal for the year) it was time to move on to the slogan for '09. I knew it had to be "get a spine in '09" the moment I came up with it. I figured, however, this might not be as marketable as "find a mate in 08" because, really, I felt it didn't really apply to many others (t-shirts not forthcoming, as of now). The meaning is three-fold:

1. I have never had a spine. I cannot say 'no' when people ask me to do things, no matter how silly, or unreasonable. Thus when a door-to-door salesman shows up, I wind up with newspaper subscriptions or a 4 year (no cancellation possible) subscription to 5 different magazines...thank heavens that one is almost over; I am certain my mailman hates me...though I will miss the reader's digest.

2. Being brave to do things I wouldn't usually do. I resolve to step into the unknown and try things like: Seafood, driving in the snow, being friendly to others at church, and possibly even swimming without any board shorts on over my normal suit...this is the big time, folks!

3. Most of you are aware that I have been closely in touch with my spine issues this year (and bored you with them). I want a new spine...a real spine. One that will allow me to do sit ups like a real person (not some outer-space life form); one that won't collapse and re-injure just from jumping on a trampoline. At the same time, I realize that my spine issues are not bad. Many others have far far worse pain and limitations from their spine...so maybe I just want my body to heal a bit. Maybe if I never exercise or do anything strenuous...I like the sound of that goal.

There you have it. When I told my sister at the first of December what my goal was for '09, we then went on a rampage of finding what else could possibly help us rhyme our way into '09. Here's what we came up with. Since most of you probably already have spines, please feel free to use one of these for your goal this year:

lookin' fine in '09
be mine in '09
clean the grime in '09
marry for time in '09
toe the line in '09
in my prime in '09
or...depending on who you are: past my prime in '09
also...for me: passing my prime in '09
looking for a sign in '09
resign in '09
graduate on time in '09 (for my sister)
patsy klein in '09 (i dunno)
swingin' on a vine in '09
see the Rhine in '09
raise swine in '09
work in a mine in '09 (you never know with this economy...)
be on time in '09
or...for me: stop being on time in '09

Sorry for the posting drought...I've been thinking. Thinking about my irrational fears. I have a few:

1-My stories are dreadfully boring. I had a district leader that was a bit jerky (understatement) and told me once (right after I finished telling a story that I thought was hilarious, of course) that I tell the most boring stories...thus the foundation of my fear.

2-That my fear that my stories are boring is not actually irrational...

3-My teeth crumbling. Someone told me once that that means that I fear losing something permanent in my life. You would think that I would actually floss with this irrational fear that might turn out to not be irrational afterall.

4-Change (to go along with the previous). My routine, my family, my job...don't change it. Every time I go through what I think is a big change, I do a mini panic only to find out in the end that it wasn't really a big deal.

5-My car tires will "twist their ankles" if I turn a corner too tight. I think this stems back to the worst injury I've had. A few years ago I tore a couple ligaments in my left ankle when came down from a rebound on someone's foot...wait...was that story boring?

6-Spiders underneath my toilet seat. That is a very vulnerable spot for a spider to have access to.

7-I have every deadly disease known to man. I'm 95% positive this one is actually true...also, is that a lump on my neck?

8-There is a man hiding in the back seat of my car.

bailout benefits and bull

Ok, I realize that I don't know much about this subject, so I'm asking for everyone's opinion on the matter. Is it just me, or is the big three bailout a bunch of bull-arky? I knew the gov't bailout of the large financial yahoos was a bad thing...because as soon as that happens then every other large American buisness comes crawling to the government with the claim "well you helped them...why not us?". Foreign automakers have been more on top of making cars that are fuel efficient, thus going along with our sudden desires to be trendy and drive conservative cars. So should we reward our nation's automakers who have been ignoring that trend? Hopefully this isn't just a trend, though...I have to admit I find the big gasguzzlers pretty dang irksome, and I don't think it's bad for the companies that built them to have to pay a price for it. If the government helps them, then will they even try to invest in future technologies? Will they actually make their cars more fuel efficient? Why is it that new cars get just as bad or worse gas mileage as the same car 20 years ago? Have they made no improvements in that time?! Sounds like they need a wake-up call, not a handout.

I didn't vote for mitt romney in the primary, but I think he knows his stuff about business and I think I agree with him on much of what he says here.

So what are the benefits of a bailout?

1. temporarily save a lot of jobs?

that's all I got.

I think I have a boyfriend

He just keeps hanging around. I try to get rid of him, but apparently my magnetic personality just keeps drawing him back to me. Don't you love when a suitor is completely clueless to your blatant attempts to get rid of him? Maybe I should just give up and welcome him in.

What? oh...you want to know his name? ok, but I'm trusting you not to google him, find out all his bad qualities, and then try to point them out to me...trust me...that never works. We all know that once someone's blinded in a bad relationship, there's no reasoning with them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting Trojan horse BHO.GJK for lunch to discuss possible marriage plans.

That's right...I have a computer virus...we've been on the dating path for almost 2 weeks now.

financial peace....check!

I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's book, Financial Peace. Ah...my life feels so much more secure already...like wrapping myself in a big warm blanket made out of sewn together $100 bills and then flopping down for a nice nap on my straw tick mattress...but it's not straw, it's $10 bills which are more comfortable than straw. But what isn't, really.

I actually did enjoy the book. And I have to admit, I'm trying out his (and my mom's) "envelope method" of budgeting. So far I've done really well except for those times when I've just pulled out my debit or credit card to make the money in the envelope last longer....which is totally working...I still have $20 in my envelope for this pay period which ends on the 25th!

The last chapter had some good "baby steps" as he calls them for achieving financial peace. So that you don't have to actually read the book yourself, here's what he says:

1. Get $1000 in savings. Until you do that, pay the minimum that you can on everything else.
2. Get mad at debt and kill it with the debt snowball. If you want to know what that is, ask me :)
3. When your house payment is the only debt left, work further on an emergency savings fund. That is 3-6 months worth of your expenses. Keep this money untouched but available...don't invest it.
4. Max out your 401k and other investments as much as possible; check all your insurances to make sure you are getting the best deal.
5. Start a college fund for your kids (whatever...my kids are paying their own way just like I did)
6. Scrape your extra funds together to pay off your house early.
7. Now nothing is left but to build your investments to wealth and give it away.

Notice that the last step wasn't "move into a bigger house and start all over again..." It was to give money away. That's one thing I like about his book. He strongly promotes generosity and especially paying a tithing. Interesting, eh?

retrEAT

Ok, what else is a rs retreat good for but eating? This one did not disappoint, let me tell you. The cabin in Aspen Grove was amazing. It looked so tiny when I walked in but it had beds for 25+ people and 5 bathrooms that each had showers in them. Every bed had sheets, a blanket, a towel, a washrag, a bar of soap, and a bottle of shampoo (I guess they couldn't find any real poo) sitting on top of it. I wasn't planning on showering up there but having all that available just for me to use made me rethink that strategy. There were about 9 different bedrooms so separating myself from the snorers wasn't too hard (bless stacey and anika for being quiet breathers).

Let me just say that I love our bishopric. It was great having them and their wives there with us. The bishop gave a good message about unity and then we did a get-to-know-you activity and had dessert. As we were sitting eating dessert, I looked out the front window to the dark outside and there was a man in a suit unloading some bags from a trunk of a car. The girl next to me said "is that Elder Holland?" and only then did I realize that it was actually Elder Scott. Soon the bishop was out the door to talk to him and a few minutes later here comes Elder Scott walking up to our door to meet us.

He was very patient and kind to us considering how giggly and star-struck everyone was while he was there (insert embarrassed eye-rolling here). We found out that day was his 80th birthday and sang to him and presented him with a brownie with a pretzel stuck in as the candle. He told us a joke and we took some pictures with him and he left. My favorite part of the visit was a conversation he had with a sister right before he left that went something like this:

Sister: "Elder Scott, during this last conference I made a sock puppet that looks like President Monson and my friend says that I shouldn't give it to him, but I think he would actually like it...do you think he would?"

Elder Scott: "I think he would appreciate it"

Just at that moment, you would have seen me disappear from view in the corner of the room as I think my knees gave out from laughing.