coming out of the political closet

Is it possible that I am secretly a Democrat?

While taking my shower this morning, the water reminded me that I had a dream about Obama last night. He and I were a synchronized swimming team and he was lifting me in these incredibly artistic poses. Even in the dream, I remember thinking...something is not right about this...I would never wear a swimming suit with sparkles on it.

So what does this dream mean?

1- I am secretly a democrat.

2- Obama isn't as American as he claims... synchronized swimming isn't really a sport that defines America. I mean, why was the dream not about us both in the world series together, or playing football?...huh?!

3- If Obama wins, I (and maybe the rest of america) will be lifted to new heights?

4- Or... if Obama wins, I will be forced to do things utterly against my nature.

5- Someday, I will be the one running for president and he will be my supporting running mate...just a thought.

6- Taco soup is not a good before bed activity.

What other interpretations could I make? I only have a month to figure out if I am actually a democrat.

you: gliding down the stairs. me: steamed.

I've had a rough week at work with the customers. I don't know if my customer service skills have gone down in the last few months or what, but the customers this week basically think I'm incompetent. Yesterday, I thought they were becoming appeased but right before I left work at 3:30, I got an email from one that basically sent steam shooting out my ears. I shouldn't let myself get so upset when he was just misunderstanding what I was trying to explain to him. But he was misunderstanding in such a demeaning and are-you-daft?! sort of way. Still... he was the one that wasn't understanding correctly. I had to send him a quick reply before I left to try and calmly explain it in a way he would understand. Then, with my head still spinning with rage and frustration I left the office to go to my temple shift.

Suddenly there you were, gliding (best word to describe your walk) down the stairs two at a time in front of me. You completely changed my mindset in a split moment. In case you don't know if you are you... let me refresh your memory. You were wearing a sea green button up patterned short sleeved shirt, Electric blue jeans that I haven't seen in over 2 decades...you know the ones with an elastic waistband that resides anywhere above the bellybutton, without any back pockets or any sort of body shape? Actually there's some shape... they come to a defining peg slightly below the calf where your white socks and checkered 80's slip on shoes extend below... way below.

Your dress and demeanor announced "the world may care...but I don't". So thanks....You.

funniest snl commercial in a while

your chance to vote for the best awkward melissa moment of the week.

let's face it. This could be a weekly post, I'm that consistently awkward...maybe I will make it one.

1. A coworker that sits near me comes back from a lengthy time off getting married, going on a honeymoon, etc. While she was gone that left 3 of us in the vicinity of our office. When she gets back I hear her talking to one of the other three (their desks are right next to each other). Then I hear her say: "is melissa here?!" I yell over the cube that I am and she says something like "did you survive without me?"

"Heck no...it was sooo boring...." then realize what I was insinuating about the other 2...and keep mumbling other incoherent patchup jobs that make no sense. Finally I just put my earphones in and pretend to be busy with work. oops, no offense other 2 gals...really...it wasn't any more boring than usual.

2. Last night at the temple, I was chatting with a fellow temple worker about BYU football and I mention that I probably got my feverish football mentality from my Dad. That somehow illicited the question:
"where does your dad live?"

3. A few months ago, a friend lined me up with a guy that happened to work in my same building and our offices even share a breakroom. We emailed back and forth quite a bit before actually meeting. I was really enjoying the emails and I thought he was too. Then we met and went to lunch and found out all this stuff we have in common. It was awesome. I emailed him afterward to make sure he knew I would love to do something again, and he emailed back saying he was going out of town but wanted to do something when he got back....Then nothing. A few times I've seen him distantly in the parking lot at work and he always seems to have his head turned conveniently away from me.

So, today I'm sitting at my desk and realize that I have to go use the bathroom real bad. I walk out into the hallway toward the bathroom and realize he is standing right there filling up his water bottle at the drinking fountain...but he's looking down and doesn't see me. I panic, stop in my tracks 10 feet in front of him, do a 180, and back track into the breakroom. But just as I turn around, I'm pretty sure I see him out of the corner of my eye look up at me and watch my retreat.

anybody else sick of this?

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Yes, it was a sad sad bad break for the Huskies (the official following the rule book, how dare he?!), but let's give the credit of the win where credit is due:
Nice blocking, Huskies.

'nobody feels good!...after childhood, it's a fact of life!'

I think I'm a drug addict. I think the biggest warning sign was on a trip to Boise with my mom and bro when I said..."oh dang...I forgot my meds". That just sounds wrong. But, really...I don't go on any trip without a stash of Excedrin and ibuprofen. I have had headaches my whole life, but when I woke up last night in the middle of the night with yet another headache, I thought (finally) that maybe something should be done about them. But what? I quickly ran through my options:

Smash my head with a rock...It always sounds so relieving in the moment.

Go see my family dr...He calls me 'Meliss' and I think he's great, but don't think he's ever actually helped me with any problems I've come to him for.

Go to a chiropractor. The reason I'm tempted to do this is that I think I got whiplash while boogie boarding back in April, and since then, all my headaches seem to stem from where my head and neck meet. I'm afraid, however, that once I go, I'll have to keep going the rest of my life....

Take my roommate's hormone (supplement-type) pills. She claims any ailment I feel could be fixed with these...but I'm a little skeptical. And I'm lazy...2 of those huge pills a day for the rest of my life?! no thanks.

Relaxation techniques. Most of my headaches will not go away without taking excedrin tension headache pills...so maybe I just need to relax more in life? (ok, mom...so maybe you're right). For some reason, though, just repeating "relaaahaax...." over and over again in my mind doesn't seem to be working.

Nothing. I figure it's worked out so well thus far....

Please advise me!

Seriously...what would you recommend? My good night's sleep misses me.

song writing as an illness

Last night was perfect.

Our friend Catherine came over to help us make apricot fruit leather out of some nickel-sized apricots we picked off Jeff's tree.

Stacey surreptitiously left her guitar out in the hopes that Catherine would just forget where she was and what she was doing and, out of habit, pick up the guitar and start playing... It didn't quite happen like that, but after a bit of prodding, Catherine did agree to play us something... after we played her something.

I knew that Catherine had written some songs and I'd even heard her band play a few of them. She told me (Stacey had to keep her curfew and go to bed) she was going to play a more recent one, and she then proceeded to play the most simple and beautiful song I've heard in a long time about a cowboy. The lyrics were perfect and the the tune was beautiful. When I asked her how one writes a song (cause believe me...I have no clue) she said she doesn't know either...that her songs just come to her all at once and she spends a couple hours feverishly writing it (or "vomiting" it out, as she said) and then it's over...like the stomach flu, I guess.

After she left, the melody and the few words I could remember from the song followed me to bed. I awoke with only a few bits remaining but continued to go over them as I showered and came to work. Now, as I type this, all memory of the song are gone (welcome to my life, and my memory). My horrible realization is that youtube is not there to bail me out. I can't even just look up the lyrics online...there's nothing. The internet has failed me today, and I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

Do you think she will come sing the song to me every night before I go to bed? Maybe it'd be easier for her to just record it...there's a great idea :)

my life in repair

I have been living proof of global warming ever since I got old enough to realize life has a myriad of opportunities for anxiety. That age of awareness came early...at least by 6. When the pilot on our flight to Hawaii came back to meet me and pat me on the head but the only thing I cared about was...but, who is flying the plane?! I don't need sky diving to live life on the edge...I can live it sitting on the edge of my chair at my computer day in and day out. My life is definitely a thrill ride.

I have found, however, that the disasters that require the most deodorant are the imaginary ones. For example, many of these high anxiety imaginings seem to relate to my cars. About 3 years ago, I thought pepe-jeb, my little '83 subaru was dying...it was just a bad feeling I had about him...plus he was smoking a lot when we drove together. My mourning was so acute, a roommate even took me to lunch once...that's how bad she felt for me. It turned out that the auto shop fixed him up for free (the smoking was their fault) and he lived to see another day/year and a half. Then, my shop told me pepe needed a part that wasn't made anymore and was very difficult and expensive to find rebuilt. He would continue to run, they explained...but would probably just get worse and worse after a while and that I should start thinking about getting a new car. My worst nightmare incarnate. This time, though, I handled the factual news better than I handled the imaginings in my head the year before...Interesting.

I was able to wait a few months, and then find the perfect car to replace pepe. It worked perfectly for me.

$2000 in maintenance and repairs, and less than a year later...I find myself in a similar situation with my newer, "more reliable" car. I was certain her life was coming to an end. Or at least, that she would need thousands of dollars worth of life support to bring her back. But, this last monday, I took her to my shop and they just cleaned the throttle a bit and told me that seemed to have done the trick. Once again my car had defied death! I skipped into their office to pick her up and only then did they deliver the news that though she is running fine now, she will most likely need work on the crankshaft later. I'm only guessing that's expensive because they
1. didn't tell me how expensive it would be
2. didn't look me in the eye as they said it.
3. said "hopefully it will be a while before we see you again...er...eheh..." as I left dejectedly.

No matter...once again, I have been given this gift of time to get used to the idea. And I have found that it is time that makes any loss bearable (even monetary).

lessons from flaming george

yes, yes...I know it's gorge...i just like george better.

Apparently 101 tries is the key to getting up on a wakeboard.
Not 100....101.

Talking calmly doesn't necessarily get the point across to raft members that a large rock is looming ahead so they need to paddle.

I should never go river rafting again....
you'd think after 3 years of river rafting ocd, I would learn.

Jenni also suffers from my same rafting ocd tendencies.
Thanks, Jenni...I'm glad I'm not alone (though she might control it a little better than me)....

A thermarest isn't as comfortable as it used to be.

I can develop a tolerance to Tylonol PM.

Forcing those riding in your car to listen to your music doesn't mean they will be converted to it.

The purple earplugs are the cheap ones.
they don't work...use this information to your advantage.

Cleaning a chicken encrusted deep dish dutch oven in the dark isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.
and dang, it sounds fun, doesn't it?

Brushing your teeth while camping is overrated.

My hair can NOT go more than a day without being washed.
no how, no way.

I need to build up a grease tolerance in my hair.
maybe by starting to only wash it every other day?

It's totally ok to use shampoo in a lake.
hopefully no fish died.

As long as there are 5 people that enjoy hanging out together, any ward activity can be fun.

i saw you in the parking lot and ran up to slap the back of your car and it wasn't you....

happy birthday dad, utah

Ok, so I don't know if the 24th is actually Utah's 'birthday'. That might be Jan 4, 1896, when it was admitted into the union...but who celebrates Jan 4th?!

I'm not lying when I say there are some wonderful (I mean wonderful as in "it's a wonder") things about Utah...and maybe some of those coincide with dad. We'll see.

The BYU. It must be great if every member of our family (except mom...Utah State...bah!) graduated from there (yes, trevor, you will graduate). Dad also taught there. I'm not saying that's why BYU is so great. But it could be. Their sports teams also seem to be really good at breaking hearts all across Utah County. That's a special talent. Mom finally let it out that Dad was a huge fan (which I never really knew) but he wouldn't let himself watch much because it would just make him mad...maybe I'm learning a thing or two from him :)


National Parks. Utah has five national parks...I think I have now visited them all. Here's dad (with a broken arm) on a hike in Zion's that they closed for a while because it was too dangerous. Lady Mountain.

Republicans. Utah republicans are a special breed. Staunchest in the country, I dare say. Many may accuse them of being republican just because that's what all their neighbors are...and they might be right. Hard to say. Dad wasn't overbearing in his political beliefs. I'm pretty sure he was a republican because he knew that's what matched his beliefs the most. If I had ever asked him, I'm sure he would have told me in a way that I could not begin to argue.

Food. Jello, specifically. Utahns know their jello. My dad had a particular gift for this amazing layered jello. This is a picture of one he made for my surprise birthday party a few years ago. beautiful, huh?

Ok, that about sums up my wonders of utah. Let me know if I missed any :)

note: next outdoor adventure wear bigger earrings

Story from our Jackson Hole trip. I have a small book of watercolor paper that I made to take to South Africa with me; never quite filled it up there, and have been trying to ever since. Basically the only time I paint in it is on vacations that I think will have scenic views to paint. Usually I find pretty private opportunities to do these paintings (alone on a beach, alone on top of a mountain, alone in Stacey's parent's back yard while they are all taking naps) but sometimes I am not as lucky.

I went for a drive and found viewpoint turnouts of the tetons, selected one to paint and then sat down in the weeds about 10 feet in front of the plaque and started to sketch. People would drive up, get out of their car, stand and talk at the plaque and, I'm guessing, resist the urge to come and peer over my shoulder. About the time that I realized that I had sat in an ant hill but was too lazy to move, I hear two guys talking behind me at the plaque:

"did you know why they are called the tetons?"
"yeah, it means three teats....but I don't get it"
"Yeah, neither do I"
....
"What is that boy drawing over there?"
"I don't know...why doesn't he just take a photo?"

i do remember and i was impressed

Hey, not much time to post today, but I think it's time for something new. Here's my latest fav picture of my nephew, Andrew. His mom was still picking the mud out of his nostrils the next day.

folders and wadders

I made a discovery this week when talking to my family. And, I'm not going to lie, this discovery kind of rocked the foundation of my life as I knew it. Like when you think the entire world is one way because well...that's how you are, and as far as you know you're completely normal, only to find out that you're actually the weird one. (Ok I admit it, finding out that I'm the weird one is not that new for me.)

I found out there are two types of toilet paper users in the world. I always knew that one of my parents liked the folding neatly method, but I always just thought that was a one-in-a-million trait to have...and yes, I think it's insane. I found out the other day that probably 50% or more of my family uses the folding method! Even in-laws! (i'm protecting names, here...it seems like a sensitive subject) I think it might actually be more than 50%...but even that is a lot. You might have figured out that I'm a wadder...it just makes a lot more sense to me on many levels. Maybe here isn't the best place to discuss them. But now I'm curious. Is it just my family that is weird? What do you do?

single, malnurished female seeking tub of strawberry yoplait grande! yogurt

I discovered Yoplait's tub of Grande strawberry yogurt about a year ago when a friend recommended it to me because I was complaining that I like strawberry yogurt but don't like the stringy fruit pieces in it. Amazingly, a 6oz container of Yoplait strawberry yogurt has the stringy peices but the Grande size doesn't. Slick as a school marm's leg, as grandpa would say. It slides down the throat in a pleasing, no-work-involved sort of way. I find that wheat thins and easy cheese are a perfect combo with the smooth strawberry yogurt. One cheese covered wheat thin followed by a spoonful of yogurt; repeat until lunch is over.

Here's the problem in this dreamy-yogurt filled life I plan to lead: Where to find it. I know that Macey's sells it, but everytime I go to get some from there, they are clean out. Albertson's and Wal Mart (I believe) don't even carry the grande size yoplait. If it's so popular that it's constantly gone at Macey's (or maybe they just stock 3 tubs once a month), why do other stores not carry it? Don't they realize I rely on it for my dairy intake? I don't think that easy cheese is going to give me quite the same quality of vitamin c and calcium.

chicago on $70 and 1.3 mega pixels

Frank Gehry's Pritzker Bandshell in Millenium Park. I listened to some crazy Jamaica-ish band there. A little too crazy...even for me.
The kids loved it when these video faces spit water at them. The kid in this pic is taking it like superman, right in the chest.
We spent our time at ebay live watching the booth next to us perform on unicycles. What that had to do with signs for your business, I have no idea.
The skyline from Navy Pier at sunset.
The skyline at night going 40mph on a speedboat.

Cloud Gate. A sculpture in Millenium Park.I'm one of the dots in the middle.

a small soliloquy

i held off on that spendy purchase for a few days before finally succumbing

That's how strong I am.


Ok, so I realize that my blog seems to be a little one-track lately. I think it's that I allow myself one month of the year to obsess about not being married. This year it was May. The good news for you is that May is over.

I just noticed that my work calendar has inspirational quotes for each month. Nothing against inspirational quotes, but I find with a little tweaking, I'm more inspired.

Suddenly the rainbow and the waterfall make so much more sense because it's a picture of "Devil's Postpile" in CA. Whatever/wherever that is. It's so tempting....

deseret services, inc follow up

More than 2 years ago, I posted about an uncanny gift I have for helping guys get married.

I believe my special powers are still in force, though it's hard to tell since I haven't dated a whole lot in the last 2 years so I don't have many specific examples to share...apparently guys don't want to get married.

But, let me introduce you to my latest clients. Two brothers who were very kind in helping me with my 2008 goal of one date a month (hello! the year's not over...you can't start dating someone else yet!). I went on two dates with one of them and one with the other. Without me even promoting my business to them, they both realized the gold mine that they had found. They pointed out to me that they both started exclusively dating their current girl-friends 1 day after their dates with me. I kid you not...both of them! Ok, ok...so they're not married or engaged yet, but I think things are promising.
(every blog apparently needs a photo to keep you readers interested...so um, here's a shameless plug for an awesome restraunt in slc...)

...anyway...another friend of mine that I was worried might be interested in me and so I avoided him just enough so he wouldn't ask me out informed me a few months later that he was engaged! So apparently a guy doesn't even need to ask me out, he just needs to be interested in me (that's how industrious I am...just like a honeybee)...but don't let that out.

Just so you know, the reverse doesn't work: There have been several guys that I have been interested in and even asked out and they still aren't married. In order for the magic to happen, the guy must be interested in me initially.

mr good enough

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too turned off by the hateful raisins in the oatmeal to be able to enjoy the creamy, softness of the bland oats that surround said raisins...so...instead of wasting time just ignoring the raisins or pretending like I like them, i just throw the whole thing out. Or, maybe I decide it's a waste of time to even mix up the oatmeal...I already know I won't like it so why start? Or maybe I just think oatmeal is too bland and all this time I've been wasting my time with oatmeal when I would rather eat captain crunch for breakfast. Captain crunch is anything but soft and mellow (unless I wait 20 min after pouring the milk). But captain crunch is more risky.Are you catching my code language for dating? Several months ago, I read an article that made me think "dang, I could have been married years ago!" If only it had occurred to me to settle.
I'm not saying that I've had a myriad of opportunities to settle. But even if I had, I don't think I could stomach it. Sure, they're good guys...they would probably be great husbands...and fathers.... But is it too much to ask that I enjoy being around them? That they have a personality that I like? That they understand my jokes? That they dress semi-respectable? I don't think it's fair to a guy for me to go into the relationship thinking from the start "well, I will just get them a different haircut and take them clothes shopping and they will be fine"Unfortunately, up until now in my life, the only people that have occupied that overlapping circle space in my life have been family members or friends. What are the chances that after 28 years of no prospects, the next 28 will hold any better odds? It's seeming less likely than the first 28.

Maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe I'm just supposed to settle for Vanilla Ice.