part 38 of 365

Things that will no longer keep Melissa alive

Part 38: Farewell, the Twinkie

I know that I am among the millions paying odes to the Twinkie.  Nothing new here, move along.  But, anyone who knows me, knows the important role Twinkies have played in my life.  There are many out there publicly mourning its loss... but I suspect it's not true love for most of them.  For example, I saw a news segment where the reporter interviewed random people asking what they thought about the twinkie factories shutting down.  Every person declared it a sin against humanity.  Then, the reporter offered them a twinkie and 100% of the people said (and I quote): "nah... thanks."

So... if it's true that most of humanity doesn't actually want a twinkie when it comes down to it, then perhaps the factories really should shut down.  Let's face it, they are no good for us.  But they are oh so good for me.  If that reporter had interviewed me, I would have accepted her offer of a twinkie and then taken one more for the road.  I might go so far to say that I will never turn down the offer of a twinkie.  Even if I can't possibly eat it right then, I know I will always want it later.

So, what are twinkies good for, if no one but me actually eats them?  Here are a couple things:

Super Bowl party tray building blocks

In theory, if you just need them for building blocks, you could buy up your stock now and just use them year after year.  They'd just get more and more strong.

Twinkie Weiner Sandwich 

Or as I like to call them: Cheesy twinkie weenies.  Alas, I have yet to try one.  I don't think many people have, but they are an important part of 80's and 90's Weird Al culture. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should question your childhood.

So, we'll miss the thought of the twinkie, but I might be the only one that actually misses eating twinkies.  The twinkie has come to symbolize so much about our society.  Think of the large twinkie-shaped hole that there would be in our culture if it never existed at all.