Here's a classic Melissa story from right before my mission:
My single's ward relief society had its retreat and all the single ladies met to go camping. Around the fire that night, I sat with all the rest playing get to know you activities. This particular activity was: Tell us your favorite thing about your body. Well, let's just say I didn't have a very good opinion of my body at that time (acne, gangly, big nosy and long toesies). All the other girls were saying things like: "my cuticles", "my nose", "my cute feet", "my smooth skin". As I looked around the fire at the other girls; a lot of whom were overweight, all I could think of to say was: "I'm grateful I got my mom's metabolism instead of my dad's" (cause see: my mom is skinny and my dad was bigger). Many years of heckling and persecution followed such an insensitive comment.
10 years later, I am finally saying goodbye to eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I feel like my life is over. I know, you all feel SO sorry for me, but I hope you will support me during this traumatic time. I'm not sure how my mom's metabolism's death was brought on. It could be the 5lb bag of candy bars that I ate in a week's period of time at work. Or could it be that I suddenly crave food ALL the time instead of just when I'm hungry? (What is that about?!)
Speaking of awkward Melissa moments. I had another one just yesterday:
I don't know how many of you knew that I was dating someone for a few months (pick yourself up off the floor). We broke up about a month ago. Yesterday, at church, these two older ladies that I love greeted me and asked if my special friend was still in my life. I said: "Oh, we broke up". To which, one of them said: "oh, good... good!.... will we be getting an announcement soon?"
I paused to study her face and bent closer to her ear and said: "WE BROKE UP". They then had a look of comprehension come over them but still said: "oh good... good!".
I just nodded my head in confusion for a while until the other one said: "so...did he move out then?"
No wonder they thought it was good!
