irrational fears; shower edition

I forgot one of the main irrational fears in the last similarly named post, so I decided to do a whole blog about it. My whole life I have had this fear and it is only alive because of my house; the house I grew up in. I don't have a picture of it, but it's a typical, orem, split-level home...sort of like this, but not really at all, actually (ours has snow around it and not tacky dead leaves...and what are those weird shades on the upstairs window?!). Do you see the part that overhangs over the lower level? In my house, that is where the bathtub is. I was probably 8 or so before I actually figured that out, but when I did my fear was instantaneously born that at some unsuspecting moment when I was sitting in the bathtub starkly in the buff, the bathtub would fall through the weak (termite infested, maybe?) floor and I would be sitting on the south side of 200 North fully visible to all who would drive or walk by.

Irrational fears are titled that for a reason...why would I think that I would be the one (with my substantial 40 lb 8 year old body) to cause it to give way and not someone like, say, my father?

Just so you know, I still have that fear. I was reminded of it when staying at my mom's over christmas and taking several showers and baths in that tub. Each time I do, I plan in my head how I will respond to such an emergency. You know fire escape plans?...this is similar. One plan involves laying down as flat as I can in the tub, hoping no one notices me (that's as far as the plan has gotten...pray that's not my only resort at go time). Another relies on my hearing some timbers creaking before the breakthrough, allowing me time to grab the large towel that I always hang super close (so it's available for emergencies) and wrap it around me while I run briskly into the house. As you can see, I don't really have any great plans, yet I spend my whole shower or bath trying to think of them...that's why it's a fear, folks.

You may have also guessed that I have the fear of people seeing me naked. But I don't think that one's irrational.

my 12 favorite texas moments of the weekend:

The two guys in their late 20's that jumped ahead of us in line to get on the plane (southwest...sigh) and when my mom pointed out that they were supposed to be 10 people behind us, they just ignored her. They will forever be known as "those skinheads" by my mom, even though they both looked clean cut...but one of them was bald. She thought those skinheads might hunt her down for giving them a bad time.

The 7 Ladies in the Las Vegas airport who looked like they just touched down from India. Their accents were thick, they were taking pictures of each other all over the airport (I took a group picture for them thinking I was being so helpful to the novice american tourists.) and even a picture of one of them holding a dollar bill (american money!!). As I boarded our flight, I passed one of them sitting at the front of the plane and she thanked me for taking their picture. I asked if they were headed to Dallas (our flight was continuing on to dallas after lubbock). And she was like "no, we're from Lubbock." Ha.

After Rob's family picked us up from the airport, we were driving to their house on the freeway and a car came zooming along in the fast lane...in the opposite direction!

watching mystery science theater...and only now that I am looking up the particular movie that we watched, do I realize it was rated "R". Good thing my brother fast-forwarded lots of it.













Going to the science museum with the kids

Trying shrimp again, and re-affirming that I don't like it.

winning the "bird watching trivia game" even though I feel I know the least about birds in our family (thank you, life list cards...and Rob for the hint on the Northern Cardinal).

Playing games with Andrew every free second... "Aunt lissa...play game me". Then he'd grab my hand and fake grunt while trying to help me up off the couch.

Learning what playas are at the science museum and then seeing millions of them on our flight from Lubbock to Dallas.

The singing flight attendant: "we are cle-eared for depa-arture...you are getting sle-epy...very sleepy. you don't want anything to drink. you are not hungry for peanuts...the lights are dimming... ok now stop annoying us and let us go to sleep."

Discovering that Southwest offers complimentary hot chocolate.

Flying through 5 different airports for one trip to Lubbock.

it's an american institution

I live right across the street from this place and I have to say, I've never seen the parking lot this full. This picture must be photoshopped. I live in constant amazement how this place stays in business. Right in the middle of the Christmas rush I ventured in because I had heard they sold cocomotion machines. I've never seen it so busy! At least two lanes were open and I saw a smattering of people with carts as I walked up and down the isles. I think there was someone in line in front of me at the register, too...a serious Allen's christmas rush!

The sign is the same, the parking lot is the same, the two splotches of red painted shingles are the same, the cash registers and squeaky conveyer belts have to be the same. It has been around my whole life. Infact, here is the Allen's time line for my life:

Ages 5-15 (estimate): I accompany my mother every 4-6 months to do her "month's shopping" at Allens (or the old Macey's that used to be in Lindon by the Purple turtle, or food4less in provo). Month's shopping was just that, shopping for a whole month's worth of groceries. Generally two carts piled high with stuff. You would love to be behind us in line. When it was my month to go with mom that meant I got to chose the "sugared" cereal my family would eat that month.

Ages 16-25: I forget that Allen's exists. Actually, I probably just assume that it's gone out of business by now. It's at least 2 miles away...in the wrong direction.

Age 26: I move to 12th west and about 16th north in Orem and Allen's becomes the park and ride for my family trips out to highland to see the cousins. 12th west is too far out of the way for my family to come pick me up, so I drive to Allen's; park; and then ride with them the rest of the way.

Age 27: Our dog, Mustache' (moo-stosh-uh), in a haze of senility, wanders from home (200 N, 400 E) and is found at Allen's (2000 N and state) smelling of sewer and having a mysterious ear injury that would plague her the rest of her life and haunt my dreams the rest of mine.

Age 28: I move across the street from Allen's and every few months afterward notice it as I drive home and think, oh yeah...Allen's!

Age 29 (saturday): Having left my car in several pieces the night before at my mom's, I figure I'll have to walk to Albertson's to do my shopping. But then I remember...Allen's! It's right across the street! So, I borrow my roommate's gloves and bundle up for my 20 yard walk to Allen's. As I walk I remember that my mom mentioned to me just the day before that she figures Allen's is able to stay in business so long because they now own the building they are in. No house (er...store?) payment! I imagine that helps. Let me just say: You never know what you will find at Allen's. That's what's so great about the place! I love to just go roam the isles and discover. In the soda isle, this product, Couronne, caught my eye and my curiousity got the better of me...I had to buy it. Mainly, I thought it looked alcoholic...or at least like cleaning solution. Turns out, it wasn't either, but just the sweetest, creamiest soda you'll ever taste. Really...it's too sweet and creamy. It's sick. Actually, I think it smells and tastes exactly like circus peanuts.I go to check out and the total bill is $18.03, so I give the guy a 20 dollar bill and watch him very kindly type that he received $20.03. I decide then and there: this place must stay in business.

find the rhyme in '09

Back in October, I decided that (having successfully failed on my 'find a mate in 08' goal for the year) it was time to move on to the slogan for '09. I knew it had to be "get a spine in '09" the moment I came up with it. I figured, however, this might not be as marketable as "find a mate in 08" because, really, I felt it didn't really apply to many others (t-shirts not forthcoming, as of now). The meaning is three-fold:

1. I have never had a spine. I cannot say 'no' when people ask me to do things, no matter how silly, or unreasonable. Thus when a door-to-door salesman shows up, I wind up with newspaper subscriptions or a 4 year (no cancellation possible) subscription to 5 different magazines...thank heavens that one is almost over; I am certain my mailman hates me...though I will miss the reader's digest.

2. Being brave to do things I wouldn't usually do. I resolve to step into the unknown and try things like: Seafood, driving in the snow, being friendly to others at church, and possibly even swimming without any board shorts on over my normal suit...this is the big time, folks!

3. Most of you are aware that I have been closely in touch with my spine issues this year (and bored you with them). I want a new spine...a real spine. One that will allow me to do sit ups like a real person (not some outer-space life form); one that won't collapse and re-injure just from jumping on a trampoline. At the same time, I realize that my spine issues are not bad. Many others have far far worse pain and limitations from their spine...so maybe I just want my body to heal a bit. Maybe if I never exercise or do anything strenuous...I like the sound of that goal.

There you have it. When I told my sister at the first of December what my goal was for '09, we then went on a rampage of finding what else could possibly help us rhyme our way into '09. Here's what we came up with. Since most of you probably already have spines, please feel free to use one of these for your goal this year:

lookin' fine in '09
be mine in '09
clean the grime in '09
marry for time in '09
toe the line in '09
in my prime in '09
or...depending on who you are: past my prime in '09
also...for me: passing my prime in '09
looking for a sign in '09
resign in '09
graduate on time in '09 (for my sister)
patsy klein in '09 (i dunno)
swingin' on a vine in '09
see the Rhine in '09
raise swine in '09
work in a mine in '09 (you never know with this economy...)
be on time in '09
or...for me: stop being on time in '09