I saw the elephant

primary practice

2012-01-17T13:43:00.000-08:00

Apparently I have not gotten married yet because I still need practice with handling children. Specifically, other people's children. I have already mentioned that I am the Bear Den leader in our building (it covers 2 wards). But I am also a primary teacher.

I should probably count myself lucky that I am a primary teacher in the senior primary. How do you begin to control a class room of 3 year olds? Last year, I taught the 9-10 year olds. This year, I am teaching the 8 year olds. I'm finding out that one year makes a big difference. But even with all the behavioral and reading differences, There are kids in each class that know more about the scriptures than I do. I spend much of my time pretending to know what they are talking about just so I don't lose my credibility as a teacher.

Here are some of my favorite moments from last year:

I asked the 2 kids in attendance if they could have anyone in the world over to their house who would they pick? The first boy said David Archeletta. The second boy named a girl that is in our class and then said... "yeah, I have a major crush on her"
At a class party we played Telestrations. One boy tried to draw "King Mosiah" and the 9 year old girl after him wrote as her guess: "Elijah and the priests of baal". Another 9 year old girl after her then showed it to me and said: "I don't know what that is"; to which I said: "Neither do I".
I use these alphabet cookies from Winco to create a word puzzle for my class every week. After a few weeks of that, one boy saw me pull them out again and said "that's SO cool that you make those letter cookies for us every week".
Towards the end of last year, my class gave me a run down of all their past teachers and where I rank among them. I'm proud to say that I was second best!

I've only had 2 classes so far this year but I can tell this is going to be a good group for stories. I already have some good ones. I went from having 4 kids in a huge classroom to having 8 kids in a 4'x4' square. All of the good stories so far have to do with one girl who is home schooled, very smart, and she knows it.

The very first 5 minutes of our very first class, I hear Jenny (that is what I will call her because she reminds me a bit of my sister) say rather impatiently to the boy next to her "Santa Claus isn't real, he's just something that people pretend." I have to admit, I don't think I've ever been present when someone else's faith in santa has been shaken. That boy looked as scared as I probably did. "He is TOO!" he yelled. But Jenny responded "how does he get down the chimney? Do you really believe that?" to which he responded "He comes in the door!". It was definitely time to redirect....
Two days ago, I asked another girl in the class to read a verse that had some hard words in it. I had to help her with about 40% of the words as she read. All the 7 other kids were staring off into space, poking their neighbor or had dropped their scriptures on the floor by the time she finished. Jenny then said rather loudly "Can I please read it so that everyone can actually understand it?".
The next verse came along so I let Jenny read that one. She lamented that it was so short and proceeded to rattle it off before any of the others had even begun turning there. I then asked her if she would read it again so we could all listen this time. She responded with "I have my slow, medium and fast voice. That was my fast voice. Which would you like?" "Uh...medium, please..."

part 30 of 356

2011-12-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 30: The Funny

I love reading funny books. And I love books that are autobiographical in nature because these seem to be the best forum for people to display their funny. I don't read a lot of fantasy or science fiction because these seem to be the worst forum for authors to be funny. Actually, it's more that they are a different kind of funny (aka, weird).

Every time I read a book that I feel is funny and clever at the same time, it makes me want to be a writer like that. It's got to be easy, right? My journal entries suddenly become more thought through. I do everything I can to emulate the writing of these books in my blog, scouts and primary lessons.

I think my latest find has inspired me the most of any funny book I've read:

So many other books are supposedly funny but once I actually read them, I'm not impressed. So here's my question: Why can't other "funny" writers actually be funny like Tina Fey? Right before I read this, I read David Sedaris' Christmas book. Sometimes I do find him mildly funny, but I couldn't even make it through this latest one I read. I found it too bitter and sarcastic. Where's the funny, David?

It's true that Tina Fey's book isn't perfection - It has waay too much swearing for my taste but the humor in it is a clean humor that made me cry on several occasions.

I dream of her writing a second, but what are the chances of that? I guess I'll have to go back to the authors that are almost as inspiring like:

Haven Kimmel
Terry Tempest Williams
Dave Barry

But I've already read most of their books! So they better get cracking.

Here are some other modes of Funny that I like and you should try too, if you get the chance:

Colbert Report
Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (NPR radio news quiz on every saturday and available for podcast)
Wait, Wait Don't blog me - Sandwich Monday posts. (I look forward to reading these posts every Monday. Here is one of my favorites)

So now I need your help. I really had lost to the joy of reading until I picked up Tina Fey's book. So now what do I do? I need to fill that large hole she left in the funny ventricle of my heart. What are your favorite funny things/authors? I need to get filling that void fast!

part 29 of 365

2011-11-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 29: someone to care for

I know you have a hard time being shocked by this, but I have discovered that I'm a little like a man. I like to solve people's problems. It's hard for me to listen to someone's problem and just sympathize. I want to fix it! I guess I like having someone to take care of. Enter Snakey.

Remember the small lizard I had for approximately one week before the parenting anxiety became too much for me and had to return him to the wild? He was just a warm up for the small snake that I obtained in July this year. Much baby-snake talking has commenced since then. I wonder if that ever stops... Will I still be speaking to him in high, squeaky tones when he's in college? Will he still cuddle on my lap when he's married? I guess we can only wait and see.

I'm like most parents in that I think he is more cute than the neighbor's snakes. And he's not nearly as whiny in the grocery store.

But, I realized this week that I have officially become one of those annoying pet owners that tell you the most boring stories about their beloved pet. I have even started dreaming about him. And these dreams may reveal a little too much about how dear he actually is to me. The other night I had several dreams about him: That he was grown-up and moved away from home. That he actually spoke to me and thanked me for taking care of him (seriously). Do I really secretly wish that he was grateful for everything I do for him?

When I really think about it, I'm pretty sure all that time that he spends "exploring and playing" in his cage is actually him trying to get away from this crazy lady that is holding him hostage and doesn't feed him nearly enough and stares at him creepily through the glass. I guess I should be glad that he can't actually speak, because I can continue on in my fairy-pretend land where my snake loves me. And that keeps me alive.

is you a girl

2011-10-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

I don't have a good sense of time but I believe I have had my hair grown to at least chin length for around 2 years now, maybe more? I keep thinking that instances that people mistake me for a boy will start to lessen. But no. So, welcome back to another installment of "melissa gets mistaken for a boy".

A few weeks ago, my roommate and I decided to crash the mid-singles ward fhe west of the freeway. They were playing missionary tag but I think it should have been called dating tag or divorce tag or older couple missionary tag because in the rules it says that only a girl and guy can stand together. Not two girls or two guys. That must have been the first problem. So coed groups of two stand around the field as one boy and girl chase each other. The one being chased has a goal of hooking onto a coed couple on the arm of the one that is the opposite gender from them. So if I were being chased, I would grab the arm of a guy that is already in a couple and then the girl that is attached to the other side of him would have to take off running and latch on to some other guy's arm (man, as I describe this it is just sounding more and more like it should be called affair tag). If someone accidentally latches onto someone of the same gender they are automatically it and they have to start chasing whoever was previously chasing them.

After about 5 people had taken their turn being chased around, this girl ran up to me and latched onto my arm. I leaned over to her and mumbled "I'm not a boy". And then in my mind I yelled "COME ON!" It took her a minute of looking at me to realize that I was indeed not a boy.

People aren't the only ones mistaking me for a boy. Apparently, even digitally I look like a boy. What better proof can I have than from the machine? For the second experience I point you to my friend Jeff's blog about google image searches. I decided to try uploading a picture of me and of course the first image returned was the above picture of Brad Pitt. The good news is that I look like a boy but I'm a good-looking boy. Maybe I should stop combing my hair like that though.

I have learned my lesson from these experiences. The main lesson being that a detailed analysis can make missionary tag offensive on so many different levels.

part 28 of 365

2011-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 28: Cheap houses

That's right, at the age of 32, I am finally nearing the final approach to the penultimate of being an adult: Owning my own place. You notice that I say 'nearing the final approach'. I don't actually know if I'm really in the final approach because I just started looking, and let me tell you, it might take me a while to find exactly what I want.

Don't get me wrong, I have found plenty of houses that I like the inside of - but not the outside. And plenty that are great outside and then horrible inside. There have even been two that had the best of both worlds for me. But one sold before I could even go look at the place and the other one is in Provo (need I say more...). The best part is that since my price range is so low, I routinely come across houses that I'm not really positive actually pass for houses. And some probably really are houses, but you'd never know it from their pictures.

Speaking of that, what is the deal with the pictures people take? Do they not realize that the very success of the sale begins with the pictures? I was browsing houses online this morning and copied a few of my favorite pics to show you:

Good news: Apparently this house has a floor - and it's some sort of wood substance. Also, I hope they leave the existing curtains for me!

This one I just like because they must have known me and my style. This kitchen area makes me happy on so many levels.

extra bonus: This house is in my current ward! It was meant for me.

This house looks nice... to live next to. That's right, this is some other house on the street. What better way to sell your house than to deflect attention from it and focus on the others around? (maybe these guys are smarter than I originally thought)

Apparently, this house comes with a computer and desk! Either that, or they wanted to get a close-up of the nice paint job on the walls.

I may never find my dream roof to put over my head, but at least the searching process will keep me entertained until I do. And that keeps me alive.

3 confessions to the spider

2011-09-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

Dear spiders,
I know that you know how much I dislike you. I think I have made myself very clear. I arranged for our place to be sprayed to kill you. I smoosh even the cutest baby spider on contact. I will sometimes yell at you out of anger when you surprise me. But I must confess a few instances where I have held off on my killing quest.

1 - Spiders that live in my tomato plants: I spend quite a bit of time lately trying pick all my tiny tomatoes. Sometimes, as I am picking, I will see that you have built your web close to the ground around some beautifully red tomatoes. In such a case, I leave you be. I don't really need those tomatoes, I think. I am even so kind that if I am picking a beautiful tomato higher up and it falls to the ground beneath a shroud of tomato green, I will let it go - cause it's gone. It is just not worth it to me to stick my hand into such a place. I've seen enough episodes of the Deadly Dozen to know not to do that.

2 - Dear spider that is taking over the 4th step outside my door: I don't know why I have let you continue to expand your web across my stairwell. I have seen you jump back into the corner of your web when I step outside and slam my door behind me. I'm sorry to disappoint you, as you probably thought you were successfully hiding from me. Be assured that I know you are there. I also suspect that you are black widow. You are different from the spiders that enter my house. You stay in your web and you are jet black and spindly. Maybe I left you because I wasn't sure how best to kill you. Or maybe I figured you would meet your end when the spider spray man waved his wand at you. And sure enough, ever since then, your web has been empty. RIP, little one.

3 - To the basketball playing spider: I wish you had just stayed in Australia where you belong. What are the chances that you would be on the very pair of basketball shorts that I picked up at the athletic store yesterday? I saw you quickly and put the shorts back but then had to take a closer look at you to see if you were a black widow. But your red was a stripe on top of your abdomen instead of an hourglass shape on the underside. I am ashamed to say that I left you there on that pair of shorts on the rack for the next unsuspecting person to find. When I discovered that you are a poisonous spider in Australia, I called the store to let them know what I had seen. The girl responded with: "what do you want me to do about it?". I should warn you that they may be coming for you - but it doesn't seem likely.

part 27 of 365

2011-09-09T13:41:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 27: The Style Fail

Welcome back to what I like to call the: 'Melissa has time to blog at work era'. Today's topic is something I always secretly wanted when I was a little girl but now that I have it, I don't know how to handle it. You may have figured out by now that I have been called as a Den Leader in my ward. When I was 5-10 years old and had 3 older brothers all in scouts, I just knew I would look amazing and cool in a scout shirt... if only I could have one. Basically, I was picturing the above picture. Doesn't she look super cute? To be fair to myself, I don't own a scout hat yet but let me tell you, things are not looking promising.

I was actually called back in March but it took me a while to get my shirt because I wanted one of the really really cute yellow ones. It turns out they just discontinued those so I couldn't find one smaller than a size 52 (yeah, I don't know either) so I had to just settle for a really cute tan one. I got word about a month ago that there was going to be a cub scout leader pow wow at the end of August and in the instructions, it said I needed to wear my uniform because some of the classes were going to be in the chapel. That's when I finally knuckled down and bought their smallest shirt that came just in time for me to wear it.

I don't think I can adequately describe my disappointment when I put it on and realized that I look superbly lame in it. No problem, I thought, I can just put on my army pants and army belt and tuck in the shirt and that will solve everything! But, do you see how the ladies above look like cute den leaders with their outfits on? I do not look like that with my 'outfit' on. But I think I've figured out the problem. I don't have a chest. See how their shirt is appropriately tight in that area? Mine doesn't do that. I even sewed up the sides to make it smaller and it still doesn't even begin to look like them. I just look like a boy with a chin-length bob cut.

That was not a good start to my day. But when I got there, I realized that only the older den leaders were wearing their uniform. All the girls that were 45 or younger were wearing their normal cute jeans or shorts and flip flops. The obedient molly in me wanted to feel self-righteous that I had followed instructions, but I really just knew that I was officially a scouting nerd. Can anyone help me? How do I make my outfit cute? You don't want to know all the different ideas that have gone through my head but I think chances are low that any of them would look good. But that's ok because this is a challenge and it's the challenges that keep me alive.

R.I.P. my mom's metabolism

2011-05-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a classic Melissa story from right before my mission:

My single's ward relief society had its retreat and all the single ladies met to go camping. Around the fire that night, I sat with all the rest playing get to know you activities. This particular activity was: Tell us your favorite thing about your body. Well, let's just say I didn't have a very good opinion of my body at that time (acne, gangly, big nosy and long toesies). All the other girls were saying things like: "my cuticles", "my nose", "my cute feet", "my smooth skin". As I looked around the fire at the other girls; a lot of whom were overweight, all I could think of to say was: "I'm grateful I got my mom's metabolism instead of my dad's" (cause see: my mom is skinny and my dad was bigger). Many years of heckling and persecution followed such an insensitive comment.

10 years later, I am finally saying goodbye to eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I feel like my life is over. I know, you all feel SO sorry for me, but I hope you will support me during this traumatic time. I'm not sure how my mom's metabolism's death was brought on. It could be the 5lb bag of candy bars that I ate in a week's period of time at work. Or could it be that I suddenly crave food ALL the time instead of just when I'm hungry? (What is that about?!)

Speaking of awkward Melissa moments. I had another one just yesterday:
I don't know how many of you knew that I was dating someone for a few months (pick yourself up off the floor). We broke up about a month ago. Yesterday, at church, these two older ladies that I love greeted me and asked if my special friend was still in my life. I said: "Oh, we broke up". To which, one of them said: "oh, good... good!.... will we be getting an announcement soon?"

I paused to study her face and bent closer to her ear and said: "WE BROKE UP". They then had a look of comprehension come over them but still said: "oh good... good!".

I just nodded my head in confusion for a while until the other one said: "so...did he move out then?"

No wonder they thought it was good!

part 26 of 365

2011-04-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 26: Butter, Spreadable Butter, Garlic Butter, and Margarine

Do you remember that part of the movie Elf where he tells elves 4 main food groups? (Candy, Candy Canes, Candy Corns, and Syrup) Well, I am the same way with butter. As an example, I have taken a picture of my fridge, as it is today:

Don't worry, the cheese is in the door. And that carton of eggs in the bottom right corner has one egg left in it. Everything needed to sustain Melissa's life!

Butter is pretty much good on anything - except maybe jello, though I'm not sure.

My friend Carla makes these yummy biscuits that she claims have enough butter in them, that you don't need to put any butter on them. My pardons to Carla, but her words don't even make sense. Everything is better with butter on it!

For proof, I would point you to this article I found a couple years ago, written by Matthew in North Salt Lake. He is also a true believer. I wonder if he's married....

If you are too lazy to read the entire article, let me quote the highlights for you:

"Some of my earliest and most fond memories are of me and my family sitting around spreading butter on stuff. Toast, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, hot dinner rolls, you name it – we spread butter on it. I remember when I was in Cub Scouts and my dad and I spread butter on my first Pinewood Derby car. I remember the time I came home after dropping off Stacy Peacock at her house on prom night. My dad was waiting up for me. He saw the tears in my eyes and before I could even tell him what was wrong, he was spreading butter on my face.

I love my dad for the butter he gave me and I hope that I can give that same gift to my children. It’s a hard world to live in these days, but if we just remember to believe in butter, i know that it can give us the strength to make it through anything."

So, apparently, even faces are better with butter on them. I can't wait to try it.

Amen, Matthew... A-MEN

my life just got 3.14 times better

2011-03-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we all celebrated one of the fastest growing holidays on the planet (determined with statistics from a dow melissa poll). If I knew more about pi, I imagine would be able to make a lot of intelligent quips right now about the circumference of my waist the day after Pi Day. I do believe I am at least 3.14 times larger around today than I was yesterday pre pie ingestion.

Other ways I celebrated this important day:

I hit my snooze bar 3.14 times
Was 3.14 minutes late for work
Had 3.14 for customers get mad at me
Attended 3.14 Pi/Pie parties (3 parties plus a piece of pie in bed before I went to sleep)
Met 3.14 new nerdy friends at each party - 10 total, but one was really small.
Got stuck in the far left hand turn lane at a malfunctioning stop light long enough to bake a pie and eat it
Successfully avoided making a pie for the 3.14th year in a row.

Thank you to all you people who did make pies so that I could eat them. Officially, I tried 6 different pies last night. I think that's a record for a girl with a body that would rather take a good soak in the great salt lake than eat too much sugar.

Part 25 of 365

2011-02-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Things that keep Melissa Alive

Part 25: Growing old with the old

As you know, I recently moved and started a new job. I also stopped working at the temple. Even though I continue to age, I thought that no longer working at the temple would make me less of an old lady; although I continue to play bridge (ok I played it once), eat poached eggs, avoid wearing heeled shoes, and enjoy family history.

I started going to a family ward and I love it! It is riddled with old people which makes for much entertainment. I find that the elderly are often like young children in that way.

For example: This last sunday, in RS, we had the last few minutes for testimonies. A sister with a walker stood up at the back to share her testimony from there. She was talking a little quietly but I didn't think much of it. About 5 minutes into her testimony, another older sister at the front of the room stood up (also where she was) and said rather loudly: "SISTERS, I'D LIKE TO SHARE MY TESTIMONY..." Across the room someone yelled "SHARON IS ALREADY GIVING HER TESTIMONY, SISTER!" At which point, the second sister apologized because she hadn't heard the first sister talking for that entire 5 minutes. Everyone then went back to their glazed looks like nothing had happened.

On Monday night, we had 3 older single ladies in our ward over so they could tell us about their month-long trip to Antarctica! We want to invite different people over like this but for some reason, we (maybe it's just me) are drawn more to the older ladies than the young families. Or maybe it's that the older ladies are more approachable and easier to be friends with!

My new job also finds me on the phone all day with many older people. From them, I also find entertainment, but mainly frustration. They don't know how to attach files, close a browser window, open a new browser tab, turn on their computer, or put their phone on speaker phone. It made me wonder if the older ladies in my ward that I love are also lacking these skills? I wondered how I can love these customers as much as I love my ward members? The solution is obvious: I need to go to church with all of them. Anybody want to join me on a road trip?

If I do the math, I'm not really as old as 'old people', but according to the cartoon at the top of this post, I am one.

I'm glad I have joined my people.

Parts 22, 23 & 24 of 365

2010-12-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

Things that Keep Melissa Alive

Part 22: New Digs!

Part 23: Cool Ocean!

Part 24: New Job!

You know when people ask you what's new and you very lamely respond..."not much, you?" I got to the point where I thought I would never ever have anything new to tell anyone. Well guess what? New is now my middle name. I can talk for hours about New. Unfortunately, I don't have time to talk for hours about it on here and that's what this post is about.

Here's how it played out:

New Digs! - On Saturday, Nov 19th, I moved into my sweet new basement living quarters. I seriously love pretty much everything about the place. Here's the positives and negatives:

Positives:

Close proximity to the home I grew up in
Close proximity to Burger King
Continuing close proximity to McDonalds and Ridleys (they're everywhere!)

Negatives:

Close proximity to the home I grew up in
Lack of close proximity to Home Depot
Lack of close proximity to Del Taco

Obviously, I have made some big sacrifices to move here by giving up having del taco and home depot just around the corner.

Cool Ocean! - On Sunday, Nov 21st at 6am, I flew to Hawaii with my family for thanksgiving!

I'm pretty sure I have the distinction of being the first person to throw up in the newly dedicated Hawaii temple. The honor is mine, really.

I want to know who doesn't feel like this when standing in front of forsythia?

New Job! - Monday the 29th of November, I started my new job! We arrived home from Hawaii that same morning at about 2am, I slept for 4 hours and then got up to start my first day!

This is really the reason I am posting today. My new job is actually a JOB, it turns out. I am busy from the moment I sit down until 9-10 hours later when I finally pry my sweaty wrists from the formica desktop. This is very disappointing for me because it takes away from my usual job-type activities like: checking my email, IMing with friends, watching the occasional tv show on hulu, arranging my life via google docs...and blogging. Yes, blogging. It turns out, if I don't have time to do it at work, I don't really want to do it. Just so you know, I'm going to try to keep it up, but my goal is somewhat diminished. My new goal is once a month.

----

It seems like my life is crazy and stressful but I guess that's part of being alive! ...and that er... keeps me alive.

part 21 of 365

2010-11-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 21: Family History

Ok, yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Nope... no job yet. And nope, I'm not talking about the huge victory at the polls for republicans. It's a different kind of 'best'. The source of this jubilation lies behind reason number 31 that I am an old lady: I love family history. But let me tell you, this is not your gramma's shoe box of pictures-family group sheet-Gedcom file-searching for film in the BYU library-Family History (not that I have anything against that). This family history involves cloak and dagger research skills, breaking laws, battling stickers in your socks, hiking for 30 minutes in unknown territory, and driving for 6 or more hours for hands on discovery.

Tour de Fort

Here are the basics: I have an ancestor who started the tiny bustling town of Hamilton Fort, UT just south of Cedar City. Online, it says he was buried there in Hamilton Fort but as I talked with relatives about it, no one was really sure where the cemetery was or if it even existed anymore. I was directed to a hand-drawn map by a great-uncle years and years previous. This map showed I-15 and highway 91 and a basic location of the cemetery in relation to those landmarks.

My sister and I packed our gps and water bottles and headed down to cedar city for the day to check it out. Wire fences surrounded the general area we thought the location should be and inside those fences, a saw mill. After hiking along a wash and climbing over and under 2 different fences, we spotted a small picket-fenced area. The closer we got to it, the more we allowed ourselves to believe this is exactly what we were seeking!

Inside the fence were about 9 grave areas. Some of the headstones were in quite good shape considering they were about 150 years old. All of the legible stones bore the name of Hamilton.

Suddenly my sister wasn't complaining so much about the legality of the trespassing we were doing. "Let the cops come!" we announced to the sky, "Any fine is worth this!"

We made sure to take our time documenting the location and contents of each headstone. Then, soaking in revelry, we started the 20 min walk back. Even the jack rabbit and deer we saw bouncing around us seemed to be celebrating. I hope so, because we're trusting them that they won't tell on us.

part 20 of 365

2010-10-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Things that no longer keep Melissa alive

Part 20: BYU Football

Oh hi. Has it been a month already? It's amazing how times flies when you're not doing anything of substance....

Lest you be offended that I haven't taken the time to blog, consider this for a moment: I have only watched one BYU football game this year. And that wasn't even the whole thing. I know, CrAzY!

Actually, most of you are probably saying the same thing with the kind of season they are having. You're thinking that I'm one of those fair weather fans. But, my history would show I am kind of the opposite, really.

For proof, I would direct you to:

The BYU trading cards I collected in 6th grade from the D.A.R.E. program.
There's also that time in 7th grade that my next door neighbor and I rode the UTA down to BYU to attend a football practice and get such autographs as: Eric Drage, Derwin Gray, and Ty Detmer. How many of you remember Derwin Gray?.. I rest my case. He is still my all-time favorite byu football player. If you don't know who Ty Detmer is you shouldn't even be reading this post.
I had every season's schedule poster hanging in my room.
I bought Ty Detmer's autobiography that he wrote right after he left BYU.
I drew picture after picture of byu football players (including the one of Ty Detmer above).
I made deals with God that if BYU could just win this one game against Utah that it would be ok if I never found my cat, Cougar that went missing.
I named my black cat: Cougar.

I was reminded about my dying love this morning as I remembered one halloween when I was about 12 that BYU played Colorado State on Halloween night. I could not choose between the two events so I put on my costume over a radio headset and listened to the game while walking around the neighborhood holding a pillowcase and saying 'Trick or Treat' quite a bit louder than was necessary.

I ate, slept, breathed and vomited byu football from about the ages of 8-21. I add vomit in there because byu football games often gave me headaches which got so bad they would make me vomit.

My parent's coping mechanism for me was this: the moment a game made me cry, it was turned off.

Over the years, I developed my own coping mechanisms:

The machete anger release. After a particularly bad game, I would take my dad's machete and head out back to vent my frustrations on the dying corn stalks.
Watch with other (normal) people. This would encourage me to control my anger a little more.
Don't watch at all. That's where this season comes in. Utah, anyone?

things learned from Mozzie

2010-09-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

Not this Mozzie:

This Mozzie:

I am not referring to the quirky side-kick on the USA network show, White Collar. I am referring to the newest member of my family that I named after said TV show character.

I found Mozzie here on my search for fall leaves:

I have always wanted a horned lizard as a pet, let's just get that out in the open right now. So hiking along this trail and seeing dozens of Mozzie's running around at my feet was a dream come true.

Some ways I have discovered that I am like Mozzie:

I, too, must be cold blooded because I, too, need a heat rock at the bottom of my bed every night to warm up my feet.
I find that I can live on very little water, just like Mozzie
I, too, can be hypnotized by a good back rub (ok... he likes belly rubs):

I know, I know.. he looks dead, but he's really just hypnotized by my huge finger rubbing his tiny belly.

And in the category of: Most startling realization I made about myself - The award goes to:

I will never sleep as a parent. The first day I had him, I looked up how to care for a horned lizard and read website after website that strongly urged not to try and care for a horned lizard because they are too delicate and complicated to care for.

So the first night I had him, I put some crickets in his cage and set it in the window sill by my bed. I lay there for hours anxiously worrying that he wouldn't even make it through the night.

I finally fell asleep and when I awoke early the next morning, I nervously peeked in the cage and to my joy saw him skittering around all lively. Two of the crickets were even gone! And the next morning another cricket was gone! Then... that day, as I cleaned my room, I found two tiny crickets bouncing around my shoes in my closet. The realization hit me that he was not eating the crickets afterall.. I can't even keep a lizard alive!

So today, I make the trip back up to buffalo peak to set him free. Maybe it really is better not to have a child then to be constantly worrying about one.

part 19 of 364

2010-09-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 19: Facebook

Does anybody else have a love-hate relationship with facebook?

Loves:

Being able to stalk a guy I'm interested in as far as his privacy settings will let me
Reading minute by minute updates from all my facebook friends that I went to high school with but never really talked to who are sitting at home with their 6 children.
I have 268 friends!
When I have thoroughly checked all 3 of my email accounts then the next logical step is to kill time by reading everyone's statii (plural). Thank you facebook.
That feature that allows you to de-tag yourself in any photo you choose. Why did it take me so long to discover that?

Hates:

When someone doesn't use their facebook nearly as much as I do so it takes them 3 weeks to confirm my friend request. Meanwhile, I am left in agony wondering if they secretly hate me and it just took them 3 weeks to get up enough charity to add me.
When facebook randomly decides not to notify me of life or death messages I have been waiting for.
Farmville. And every other 'ville (except Springville... I mean, it's Art City!)
The pressure to have every word I type on facebook be the height of wittiness. So instead, I type nothing.
That you can't "appear" offline on facebook but still see everyone else that is online. Gmail totally lets you do that (next blog post: Why Gmail Keeps Me Alive and is Better than Facebook).

Today I saw an article on MSN: Facebook users are jerks, another study confirms.

Apparently studies show that "Facebook users are either totally conceited or serious self-haters." To which I say: Hey! I resemble that! Are they saying that no rational middle-of-the-road individuals are on facebook? So: Grandma and My Mom, I guess. And maybe 2 people my age that I know of. Or it could be that the normal people are those ones I hate that only log in once a month.

Speaking of Hating: "hating Facebook is a popular topic on Facebook". I almost posted the link to this article on my facebook status, but then I'd just be shooting for popularity.

part 18 of 364

2010-08-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 18: Air + Pillow = best $5 ever spent

Have I ever mentioned the words Headache, Neck, Spine, or Smash-my-head-with-a-cinder-block on here? Let me give you a hint: Yes, I have.

I have a spine that was not made to do somersaults, sit-ups or sit on airplanes. But to be fair, was anybody's spine made to sit on airplanes? Do any of you out there find airline seats comfy? I can't figure out if they were made for super short, or super tall people because no one with an average height has the head rest hit them in the right place. While I'm on the subject, is there someone we can petition about this? What if I sent out a massive email forwarding campaign where people could add their name to a list petitioning to make airline seats fit human bodies, instead of aliens? I wonder who we send such a petition to...

Anyway, back to the survival of Melissa on airplanes: A couple years ago I borrowed my friend Julie's blow-up neck pillow and immediately decided they are pointless to use as they were made. But, I was so desperate for something to ease my discomfort that I just shoved it behind my shoulder blades and gasped in disbelief. I was comfortable! I found that if I don't blow it up all the way, it can be used more universally like on my lower back if I prefer, or wherever. I've even sat on it before when my sit bones were feeling airline-seat bruised.

It took me a while to realize that if it's great on airplanes, it's stupendous on a long car ride! But what about those foreign hotels that think a 1/4 inch slab of fluff = a pillow for a bed? No problem! Blow up the neck pillow as high or low as you need to make the tortilla pillow just the right height for your neck and shoulders. Then stick it underneath!

Forget Obama's health care plan. I'm trusting my well-being to my $5 velveteen neck pillow. Don't leave home without it!

the font of my mind

2010-08-24T08:46:00.001-07:00

I've had fonts on my mind lately. I think it's because of my trip to California last week, and I'll explain why a bit later.

Have you ever noticed the font trends? Like clothing, fonts go through trends, as well. I think the first time I realized that the font world consisted of more than Times New Roman was in High School. Enter Comic Sans.

Every time I see this font, I think of my 10th and 11th grade math class. My teacher had apparently just discovered the fonts in wordperfect and decided that this was her favorite. She used Comic Sans on every math test, disclosure document, and bulletin board item. She must have been a trend setter because I then saw Comic Sans everywhere.

By now, the trend has mostly passed. The one exception is the lower grade school teacher (who I believe the font was made for anyway).

_____________________

Follow me to college in the late 90's and early 2000's when every wedding invitation used Papyrus:

This font was so overused in fact, that people began making fun of it

But, can you blame people for liking it? Wouldn't you feel more important receiving an invitation that looked like it was from the emperor of Rome?

_____________________

Enter the 2000's, and the stay-at-home-mormon-mother-photographer-and-blogger phase. Does this look familiar?

That's right: Scriptina. It started showing up EVERYWHERE. And I mean that. Blogs, wedding invitations (the new papyrus), billboards, company logos, and just basically anything that you wanted to attach heartfelt meaning to. It's still around, sadly. Because once you design permanently in Scriptina, you are stuck with a logo that is so heartfelt that no one can actually read it.

_____________________

I'd like now, to submit to you the future trendy font. As we know, California trends trickle west.

Let me introduce you to Copperplate Gothic Bold. Every grocery store in California had a store front that looked like this:

I even saw road signs in this font. I suppose that it could be that this font trend will stay isolated to the middle California coastal region but my bet is that we will eventually see it in the highly font-trendy Utah region. And with your help, we can make it happen. Copperplate Gothic Bold: First California, then Utah... Then THE WORLD!

part 17 of 364

2010-08-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 17: things that help Melissa sleep

Laying awake at night counting my breaths has become more of a habit than I'd like believe but there are a slew of little tricks I've learned that seem to help. One of them might include pretending I'm Meg Ryan. But I've recently learned that her forehead is really tall and flat compared to mine, so now I don't know.

Today, when I logged into my work computer and my MSN started up, one of the articles that came up was about weird sleeping tricks to try. Here are the things they recommend:

1- Sing yourself a lullaby. I do this! I always sing I Know that My Redeemer Lives for some reason. I think because it's one of the more boring hymns to me. But, if I'm going for boring then I should definitely try The Spirit of God.

2- Rock yourself to sleep. I don't necessarily rock myself but I do two things that are similar: A) I rub my feet together. B) I also play guitar and that almost always makes me sleepy.

3- Curl your toes. I do this too! I had heard that flexing your feet, toes and other extremities and then relaxing them can improve blood flow and relax you.

4- Tidy your bed before jumping in. I don't usually make my bed too nicely in the morning. Just throw the covers closed so no spiders jump in. But, before bed I have to actually pull the covers tight and make the bed. Then I fold the covers back diagonally and climb into the cool, crisp, tidiness.

5- Write in your journal. I find that when my mind won't stop working at night, if I pull my journal out and write about something completely different then it helps me relax and stop thinking about what I was stressing about. Recently, I have been writing about each member of my family. The basics of their life and my favorite things about them. I just finished Rob's family. Now I will move on to Ken, Jen and their family. This way I kill two birds with one stone (family history, and sleeplessness)

6- Melatonin. According to the article, cherries have melatonin in them. I didn't know that. But for years I have had a bottle of melatonin supplements that I will take every so often to help me sleep.

7- Place a light weight on top of you. I now understand why I love to sleep with a rice bag. I use it in the winter to warm up my feet, but I have gotten into the habit of moving the rice bag to by sternum once my feet are warm. The weight on my sternum is just comforting and helps me fall asleep. I've also noticed that when I have a headache and I lay in bed on my back with the hot rice bag on my forehead, that it tends to put me to sleep. It has to be the weight!

I was shocked to realize that I do all of their weird tricks from time to time. (though not every single trick every night... good gracious). I also have some weird tricks that they don't mention. But, what do you do? Or are you one of those lucky individuals that never has a problem falling asleep.

Dale Carnegie said that no one dies from lack of sleep, but I swear my ability to sleep keeps me alive.

part 16 of 364

2010-08-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 16: the hike

Most everyone out there knows about my headaches. They are still much of a mystery to me in how they hurt, where they are located and when they decide to arrive. But there is one conclusion I have made: My shoulders like to work. When they do, my head is generally happy.

So I try to take long enough hikes that require me to carry a backpack. And then offer to carry everyone's water. 2 weeks ago, Jon, Katie, Jenny Jo and I hiked from Big Springs over to Rock Canyon. That is probably the longest hike I've ever been on and by the end my shoulders were so tired...but oh so happy. There were also some pretty spectacular views from the top.

It's possible walter's feet hurt worse than mine by the end

Depression terraces

This last saturday, I went on another hike with my friend Catherine. We decided to explore the Oquirrh mountains above Kennecott. It afforded some pretty spectacular views of the mine and of Catherine.

Catherine in her element: Texting.

Working my shoulders keeps my headaches at bay and that keeps me alive! ~Now: what do I do when winter comes?

farewell: the suit

2010-07-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

I regained my faith in mankind a few weeks ago. Then, just that quickly, I lost it again last night. Let me 'splain:

1) By mankind, I am actually not including women here. Just Men...or "Man"... or, more accurately: Boys.

2) It's one of those faiths that you don't realize you've lost until you find it again. Do you ever have that happen?

All clear? Ok, let me go back a bit farther.

The Provo Temple has been closed for the last 6 weeks. A few weeks ago, I was standing at one of the front positions late in the evening. During the half hour I was standing there, one amazing suit after another walked by me, exiting the temple. Not just nice or expensive suits. But a variety of stripes, cottons, tans, baby blues and grays and all perfectly fitting and straight-legged. Said suits left me amazed and a reunited with my ancient belief that man can dress himself; and do it well, if he has to. It also left me feeling a little guilty for checking out many a well-dress-behind as it walked away from me in the temple.

Last night I settled into the same position at the temple; anxious for my favorite show to begin. But to my disappointment, only ONE nicely tailored, brown cotton suit walked by me the entire 30 mins. Upon further mental evaluation, I realized that the Provo Temple is now open. Do you know what this means?

This means the nice suits have always been around. But they are only in the Provo Temple district. What else is in the Provo Temple district? yes: BYU. What does this mean, you ask? It means I am still attracted to 22-24 year old boys. yes: BOYS. How do I adjust my tastes so that I'm actually attracted to guys my age? I better start liking braided belts. Fast.

3 things very dull

2010-07-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been waiting for something exciting or brilliant to write about. But who knows when that will ever happen - so instead, I propose a game. You may submit 'either one thing very clever...two things moderately clever...or three things very dull indeed.'

Well I need not be uneasy; as long as I am allowed 3 dull things. And here are the dull happenings of my last couple weeks:

It's so clean and shiny!
A week ago, I was walking into the front doors of my work and heard this clunk on the windows above me and a bird landed at my feet. Now this is not the first time I've seen birds posed like this outside these doors:
But, this was the first time it happened right in front of me! When I looked down, it was a hummingbird and it was still moving a little bit so I bent down (because, hey, I've never touched a hummingbird before) and I pet him a little bit until he stopped moving. Poor li'l fella. Is it gross that I touched him? ...But he was still alive! The next time I walked in that building there was different dead bird, but this time I didn't touch him. I want to make a large sign and post it on those super shiny windows: "Danger!... it may look like trees and sky to you but it's not!"

I am not what I buy...but I want to be
I went to Texas this last weekend and while there we stopped by Hobby Lobby and I found my bedside table! Something about the curve of its build appealed to me. It didn't occur to me until a few days later that I'm drawn to it because I want to live through it. Me, a flat two-by-four, can almost be made curvy just by looking at this thing night and morning.

It also has drawers that easily hold my cell phone at night, of which I am envious. Jeans these days make me look like I'm packing a revolver when I have my cell phone crammed in there.

reason #25 that I am an old lady
I started drinking Ensure. I'm unsure how long this is going to last - my breath smells like an old-folks home for 3 hours after I drink it.

My grandma was recently moved to a different care center and as I walked in yesterday I thought: Wow, my Ensure breath is so powerful, it has contaminated this whole building!

Ok, maybe one day I'll have something clever to say.

part 15 of 364

2010-06-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 15: A listening ear

For those of you who only know me from high school (probably nobody) then you might be shocked to know I like to talk. The rest of you probably already knew this and have already closed your computers at the prospect of hearing (reading) me prattle away yet some more.

I have discovered over the years that my talking through things isn't just enjoyable for me, but also serves a problem solving functionality. You don't even need to tell me the solution to my problem, but just me talking it out in your direction usually guides me to my own answer.

For example: many, many times I have IMed my boss in frustration about some sort of programming mayhem I am caught in and can't seem to fix. Every time, I either come up with the solution myself soon after, or it just magically starts working all on its own. The magic (I believe) is just in expressing my frustration.

I noticed Jeff experienced this same phenomenon a couple of blog posts ago. I do believe his solution was given in a comment... So sometimes the solution is right in front of us and we just need someone to point the way! I think I will try jumping on the magical tell-the-blogging-world-your-problems train and see what happens.

Here Goes: For 2 years now, my car has been dying on me at random inopportune times. I have taken it to shop after shop and no one can seem to diagnose it for me. Myriads of cables, sensors, motors and thingys have been tested, cleaned, replaced and prayed over. Nothing ever tests bad, and if we try replacing something it doesn't solve the problem. 2 summers ago, I tried putting higher grade gas in (though my shop said that shouldn't matter) and driving it on the freeway every 2 weeks and the problem went almost clean away. I think it died 4 times in the next 2 years. That's a heck lot better than 4 times a day. I figured I could live with that, but then 2 weeks ago, it started dying again.. but worse than ever! It would sometimes die 10-15 times just in one day. I started to get really good at driving my automatic car like a stick shift: Neutral, Restart, Drive, Stop, Die, Neutral, Restart, Drive...etc.

So I've been taking it to shops again, hoping someone would be able to find the problem now. But still nothing. No one can get it to die for them (of course) and nothing ever tests bad on the car.

I, of course, have had myriads of theories that I (of course) discover online. The mechanics always scoff at my naive attempts to diagnose my car. But what to do? They refuse to actually prove me right or wrong and in the end, I pay them $80 for a shoulder shrug.

I woke up with my latest theory at 5am this morning and looked it up... so of course, now I am convinced that my problem is the fuel pump. But what do you think? What should I do?

...ok, magic... do your thing. Fix my car, already.

And while you're at it, can you solve the mystery of the missing husband?

all about me

2010-06-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that journal everyone had as a kid? It was called "all about me" and had an orange spine with ballet slippers on the front? (I can't find it to show you online, which surprises me because I think EVERYONE had one). It had my favorite color (green), tv actor (harry morgan), and food (mexican) listed in it. That made it All About Me.

My work paid for us to go to the "Get Motivated" conference at the energy solutions arena on Wednesday. Here is the number one thing they stressed about motivation getting:

"Today is all about you, so invest in yourself"

This made me feel so much better about being selfish! I always thought that putting myself first felt good and now I know why! I decided to invest in myself by paying $10 for parking for the event and going to Zupa's instead of Mcdonald's for lunch. But, I think they were hoping I would invest in myself by running toward them with my credit card in my outstretched hand.

The meeting began with us waiting for it to start and listening to motivational music like eye of the tiger and man in the mirror with a graphic of a man crossing a finish line spinning in circles in front of us. The rest of the meeting can best be described as General Conference without the gospel. But, wait! Did I say there was no religion at this conference? Not at all! Right before lunch, Tamara (the creator of the conference) gave us her Jesus Rap, in which she said that all we have to do is accept Jesus and we're saved immediately! Close.... but so far. Dear Tamara: Where did Jesus say to make it all about me?

It also reminded me of that quote from The Princess Bride: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

It's a good thing that Wesley's words were there in my mind to help me recognize a sales pitch. Drop. Your. Sword.

part 14 of 364

2010-06-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 14: being liked
I have to admit, I can't stand it when I think someone doesn't like me. But that is not the point of this post. The point of this post (along with 50% of my posts whether you realize it or not) is that I'm single. Yes. Yes, I am. And every once in a while, I get to thinking why it is that no guys like me. I have documented to you my attempts to become more visually appealing to guys over the years. I have even attempted some you don't know about yet (wearing eyeliner...now you know). But none of those seem to make any sort of difference in their interest level.

When I get in those "no boys like me" funks, I usually try to think of boys that do (because there have been a few). There's that one kid in first grade that kissed me while we were writing at our desks. There was the guy after my mission that I broke his heart so bad that he got married 3 months later. There's even a current "hoverer" that I try to avoid as delicately as possible.

So there you have it. There are guys that like me. This last year has also brought out a new breed of guys that like me. These are ldslinkup guys who profess their undying love in the first feeler message they send out. The only problem: All of these guys are currently somewhere in Africa. I have received countless messages from these guys over the last year. Here is a sampling of the ones I have received in just one week:

"Hello , how are you doing today?
Am good, checked out your profile and am impressed-please can we talk more? By the way, i like your smile too :-)"

"Can we chat dear? I can see yoou are on line
my yahoo Id is *******@yahoo.com
Can Add me now"

"How YOU doin?"

"Hi how are you?its nice to see your beautiful pic.very cute eyes.i am making new lds friends.
what is your name?my name is *****"

"Hi
So nice picture, happy will be the man who will win your heart, I hope he will see the great lucky be with you each day... I would like to know you I hope you like meet new people"

Sadly, none of these include the classic petition I generally receive to be their african princess but I will be sure to post one when I get it.

My other friends on ldslinkup never get the African guys after them, which brought me to the conclusion that I am hotter than my friends. (Or it could just be because I have my mission listed as South Africa) So, when I really think about it, I determine that the whole world likes me! And that knowledge keeps me alive.

Now, which one should I marry?

nobody knows the truffles I've seen

2010-05-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

I think I just had the quickest love affair in my life. And now it's over... at least I think it's over.

Two nights ago, our friend Alan taught us to play Bridge. He had just returned from France and brought what I thought to be the smallest box of chocolates ever to share with us. But when he opened it up it had at least 30 truffles all crammed in it, double stacked.

I have never stopped to consider that truffles have any sort of value. In fact, every year I give away the truffles I get from work for Christmas because I don't even want to waste my time with truffles. Why fill chocolate with chocolate?!

That eternal question was answered when I saw Alan's truffles. Or should I say Real Truffles, with a capital Real... and extra italics. Inside his little box was a wonderland - truffly speaking. Every single one was a different flavor! And not just mint and chocolate flavored. I'm talking about Lavender, and Basil, and Thyme, and Anise...and crap (not crap the flavor)! I can't remember them all! I wish I could. I couldn't resist the lavender and had to enjoy it tiny bite by tiny bite.

Yesterday, I thought nothing about it for some reason. But today... TODAY! - I can't stop thinking about them. I tried to find those exact ones online and failed. But, I was able to find several sites that sell similar truffles. Exotic flavors of them. Too bad the good sites, like this one, are in Europe so on top of the bad exchange rate prices, you pay about $30 shipping. But check out these flavors! Seriously - check them out:

ok, I thought I was over the truffles but all this talking about them made me want them again.

I also found this gem of a "chocolate review" site that helped me do most of my research today.

I have never ever seen any value in giving a box of chocolates for a valentines present. But, I think I might actually be willing to marry the man who gives me these.

part 13 of 364

2010-04-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 13: Cheese products

I was going to do a post for each cheese product in my life but I think that might take all 364 parts of the series.

Some things of note about my love affair with cheese...and cheez:

It doesn't matter the realness or the fakeness (cheez) of the cheese, I will love it. I am a die hard Havarti fan (direct from Denmark) but I also never tire of a Mac and Cheese lunch
When eating hot foods with grated cheese on them, I actually prefer my cheese to be unmelted, if possible. Ex: With tacos, I am a cheese on top the lettuce fan opposed to cheese right on top the hot meat. Also, when making my egg, cheese, and toast sandwiches I like to place the slice of cheese right on top just before each bite so it doesn't have time to melt before I eat it.
If making grilled cheese sandwiches, I actually prefer using a fake Kraft single over a real slice of cheddar (probably relating to my previous point about not really loving melted real cheese). It turns out I do like melted cheez, just not melted cheese.
I like to try exciting new forms of cheese and cheez. For example, let me introduce you to Cheez-it cookies:

I found the recipe yesterday while googling all things Cheez-it. By the way, are you a white cheddar cheez-it fan or a parmesan garlic cheez-it fan? (I have a poll going, and I'd like to prove myself right). These cookies actually have Cheez-its ground in the dough plus the cracker on top. They are surprisingly tasty!

What are your favorite forms of cheese and cheez? Here are mine in no particular order (I want them all to feel equally loved)

Cheese:

Havarti
Smoked Gouda
Sharp Cheddar
Feta
Edam
Jarlsberg
Mozzarella (fresh, please)
Parmesan (block)

Cheez:

Kraft Singles
Kraft Mac and Cheese
Cheetos
Cheez-its
Handi-snacks (love that cheez!)
Cheese Ritz Bitz
Cheese Dorritos
Velveeta

If cheese were a man, I would so marry him.

In a world where I get tired of eating the same things over and over again I am blessed to have so many cheese options to keep me interested. And that keeps me alive!

Durban

2010-04-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

Day 7: The Pavillion and Braai

Highlights:

Eating my first and only spinach and feta pie at the pavillion
The people we stayed with who had a braai all ready to go when we arrived
Our roommates from the animal kingdom: Dogs and Cockroaches

Day 8: In Sickness and uShaka

(sorry...this is actually from phezulu the next day. Don't you want to eat at that table?)

Highlights:

Nursing Tracy back to health after a long night of bathroom visits; chilling with the cockroaches
Super warm weather at the beach!
Finally touching the Indian Ocean

Day 9: Phezulu and Tala game reserve

Highlights:

The Zulu dancer that reminded me of Scott (the one on the left)...yes, Mary Ann's Scott
Holding the biggest Python I've ever held (I almost cried)
Seeing "wild" animals on a cheap 2 hour drive

Day 10: Amanzimtoti and Visits

Highlights:

Visiting the Amanzimtoti ward again and all the sisters that pretended to remember me. Very kind of them
Hitting the Toti beach that my missionary flat was on and finally touching the water (no fly eggs in my eye, but a wave did manage to drench my skirt)
Visiting the Botha's
Dinner and FHE with sis Ngidi, Thembisile and Jabu. Best night of the trip because of them

Day 11: The market, Sis. Mbisana and Driving

Highlights:

Driving dangeresquely to the Indian market in downtown Durban
Being blown away by the smell of spices
Discovering my most hated road interchage in the world as we tried to find my Companion
The "raping" window cleaner at the stoplight
Driving long and late hours to the Drakensberg mountains and our Hostel we stayed at

Day 12: Tugela Falls

Highlights:

Possibly the most sun I have ever gotten
Most amazing views I have ever seen
The 250 meter bouldering portion of the hike that almost did me in and made me ornery
Chain ladders that brought us down the cliffs
The sweet sockline momento my sunburn left

Day 13: Sis Mbisana, the beach, fly out

Highlights:

The petrol station that could not get any of our credit cards to work
Spending some one on one time with Kay (my comp) after we dropped Stacey and Tracy at the beach
Finding Pinky's (a member) house in a miraculous manner and finding her at home, also in a miraculous manner
One last cooling dip of my sunburned legs in the Indian ocean and we waved goodbye

Day 14: Fly fly fly

Highlights:

Midnight 11 hour flight. Need I say more
1am dinner. Who eats at 1am?!
Being the last flight allowed out of Amsterdam before the airport closed for days
Arriving at Minneapolis at 5pm, getting our luggage, going through customs, checking our luggage and going through security in time to still sprint to our 5:15 flight
Somehow our luggage was not lost in all of that!
Sleeping in my own bed for approx. 10 blissful hours that night

That's it! Too painfully long? ....now back to real life, I guess

Cape Town

2010-04-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, sorry for the delay as I got my thoughts together about the trip and decided exactly how many details I wanted to subject you to... I think I will do 2 posts for the two areas we visited. One picture will represent each day. Then I will list the highlights. Ok, all set?

Day 1&2: Flying, flying and..... flying.

(This was not me, btw...you would have found me wide awake possibly staring at nothing in particular for 11 hours straight)

Seriously folks, that was some major travel time. We left Friday morning at 10 and got to South Africa Sat. night at 10pm. ...Jealous of our trip yet?

Day 3: North Cape Town and wineries.

Highlights:

Driving on the left side of the road. So much more fun than I remember!
The views we saw of table mountain from the north Cape Town coast
Wasting time after finding out there was no general conference broadcast at the church by driving out to see the much heralded wineries. They were all closed for Easter, so sorry...no free wine samples for us.
The views of table Mountain on the drive back into the city
Finding a coffee shop with wifi to listen to three conference talks live
The only day we ate at Nandos! Good thing we did at least once.

Day 4: Cape Point and Boulders beach

Highlights:

Finding out that so many things we wanted to do that day "wouldn't be open today" because of either the wind or being the day after easter
The wind at cape point literally held us up when leaning over the cliff
Finding the most beautiful beach I've ever been to (not saying much)..pictured on day 7
Seeing the cute, tiny penguins on Boulder's beach
Eating at Bertha's in Simon's town. Good food and we discovered that if we share 2 meals between the 3 of us we don't have leftovers to take to the hotel and rot. Plus, extra money for dessert!

Day 5: Clifton Beach and the downtown market

Highlights:

Lazing on a slightly windy beach avoiding the cold water
Getting swindled at the downtown market (we're so weak at bartering)
Visiting the waterfront at dusk to take some sweet sunset pictures
Dinner at the rotating restaurant on top of our hotel

Day 6: Downtown museums, Kirstenbosch gardens and Table mountain.

Highlights:

Waking up to clouds on the one day Table Mountain was open
Finding out it was actually open the day before, our hotel had just lied to us
Wasting time at kirstenbosch gardens and downtown Cape Town just hoping and praying that the clouds would break
Finally giving up and heading up the tram into the cloud to see the amazing view...of the cloud
Discovering that walking around in a cloud causes water droplets to form on every bit of body hair showing and our clothes. Also, it made us cold.

Day 7: Turn in rental car and fly to Durban.

Highlights:

Going through the maze of roads and signs to find the one petrol station at the airport.
KFC at the airport. You don't even know
The free mint on the plane (they are so generous in South Africa)

Next up: Durban

hello internet, your face is the same but your breath...

2010-04-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I spent the last two weeks without phone or internet service. But, this is how I felt about it:

Give me a snake and I'll be happy.

It was a trip full of ups and downs, but I guess I shouldn't expect everything to go perfectly for 2 weeks straight. Yet, somehow I loved every minute. Every cockroach (ok, I just love the memory of them...and killing them). Every wrong turn. Every 10 hour flight. Every lie our hotel told us. Every elevator squealing through the night. Every view from Table mountain (hint: there was no view). Every sunburn. Every stomach cramp. Every mosquito.

There. Those are all the low points of the trip. Next post will be about the high points.

Side note: I have come to realize today how miraculous it was that we made it out of europe yesterday. Our flight was the last flight allowed out of Amsterdam before they closed the airport because of volcano ash. Good, good, good to be home. And thank you, bathroom sink, for not being infested with cockroaches.

pickers and blowers

2010-03-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

It's taken me a long time to get up the courage to talk about this. But, rest assured, I've been thinking about it for a good 2 years.

My mom is a blower. I know I heard her honking blow at least once a day growing up. Dad, on the other hand was a picker (I just know, ok). I saw our family divide down the middle with most of the boys (I don't know about all of them) becoming blowers and the girls pickers (yes, that's me... and sorry, Jo, your secret is out). I didn't really think about this divide spreading across the human race until I moved into my current apartment 2 years ago. For some reason, it felt like I was living with my mom... then I realized it's because every night and every morning, I would hear honking sounds from my roommate above me. Then it hit me: She's a blower! I mentioned it to my other roommate and admitted to her that I am a definite picker. She also admitted to being a picker but had the desire to switch teams.

So, what is the benefit of blowing? I'm pretty sure it would not get the job done for me. Only when I have a cold do I actually blow my nose. But, daily blowing? I can't see how that would produce satisfactory results.

side-note: Just in case you are thinking of switching from the blowing team to the picking team (you know you want to), you should know that being a picker can be risky. I understand that some people are pickers but are more conservative about when they choose to pick. I, on the other hand, have fallen pray many times to the classic blunder of thinking no one is around and it is safe to proceed when that is never, ever the case. When will I learn?

part 12 of 364

2010-03-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 12: Perspective

Sometimes I am reminded that I need to get back to my roots. I remember loving our perspective lessons in my jr. high and high school art classes. In a way, that is my roots. Things that have made me what I am today: an art weirdie that also likes sciency, left-brain things.

But today I'd like to talk about perspective in a slightly different manner. The last 24 hours have taught me a lot about the beauty of comparing our lives to other's. I know, I know, everyone says comparisons never make us feel good about ourselves. But when you come across others with struggles you could only nightmare (opposite of dream) of going through you suddenly become grateful you are only a mid-single old maid living with over-active stomach acid.

Part 1: Last night, while standing unassumingly at a rather public spot in the temple, a brother worker asked me if I would go into the women's dressing room for him and get his wife and tell her they had a family emergency and she needed to get dressed in her street clothes to go home. I had to try to patch this message to her in intiatory and when she finally made it out to where I was standing, I told her to dress in her street clothes and though she didn't ask what was going on, I'm sure her heart was failing a bit at not knowing why they were leaving early. She left to go change and I stood there trying to imagine what she was feeling while dressing. I'm pretty sure I felt enough anxiety in that moment for her.

A few minutes later, her husband walked by and was stopped by the head of the temple emergency team who told him right in my ear shot that a family had member had called about an attempted suicide. It's amazing how being so close (spatially, not familially) to a situation can make me realize how far away my life is from that kind of drama: Perspective.

Part 2: This morning, a coworker brought a card over for me to sign for another coworker who was diagnosed with skin cancer a few months ago. After a few surgeries and tests he was declared clean. But, apparently they have just discovered cancer spread to his liver and lungs. Let me tell you about Andy. He can't be more than 25. From the moment I started working here, he was always super friendly and happy to be around. My heart goes out to him and his wife.

Perspective, you are a cruel cruel teacher. But I thank you, anyhow, for showing me the distance between my struggles and what they could be.

marketing for the reincarnate

2010-03-08T14:38:00.000-08:00

I was heating up my michelina's lunch today and decided to wander around the break room looking at the vending machine options.

A familiar sight greeted me:

You see, whoever fills the vending machines in our office complex likes to jazz things up by putting a bunch of random items in one slot for 25 cents each. (if they weren't pretzels and raisin cookies, I'd totally go for it) He also likes to advertise this fact and other items he feels we should take note of with classy sticky notes. I have to admit, I like it. It gives our cold business-like office a down-home ghetto feel.

Are you wondering how I know he's a he? It's because he has my Dad's handwriting. This, to me, is proof that my Dad is still involved in my every day life. Telling me that the cream cheese danish and king sized snickers are only 75 cents is another way of him saying "I know the thoughts, desires and struggles in your life, and I am working on them... I thought I'd start with your office vending."

One thing I've never looked at is the drink machine. So I wandered over to inspect it's sticky:

Now what would you do if you saw this? That's right.. I had to buy it, of course. In my heart I knew it had no chance of coming out as a bottle of A&W rootbeer but I couldn't resist so I stuck my 75 cents in as my pulse raced and I pushed the button.

Apparently dad wanted me to drink a diet pepsi with lime that expired in Feb 2010. Lesson learned.

decisions are hard

2010-03-02T10:13:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the market for a road atlas for my upcoming trip and it was looking like this was probably going to be my best option:

59 Rand is currently $7.77. That's not too bad

But lately I have been a loyal customer of Amazon so I also made sure to check their site and found this beauty:

The good news is, it's only $3.99 for the shipping! ~maybe I better add shipping insurance to my 7 mil dollar purchase....

february happenings

2010-02-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

Ah... it's that time of year again when the weather starts to warm up and the trees begin to bud. Then, everything freezes up again and there goes our apricot crop for the year. Why do you have to be so cruel to plant and human life, February? On the bright side, Timpanogos has looked amazing the last 2 days. Take a moment to look at it right now... see what I mean?

Over president's day weekend I went to Lubbock, TX for a visit. If you told me 5 years ago that I would visit Lubbock, TX approximately 5-6 times in a 3 year period I would have predicted it must be to visit my boyfriend down there. And I would have been right! (If, by "boyfriend" I meant my nephews and niece) We ate at the best bbq place I have ever tasted (not saying too much as I never have bbq) so now I'm in search of bbq in Utah that is as good. Help me out...what is the best bbq place you've been to here? For me, it's all about the ribs. The meat absolutely fell off the bones of the lubbock bbq. Is it too much to ask to have the meat fall of the bones? maybe it is.

One day before we flew to Lubbock, I bought a real computer for the first time since 1999. Yes, you heard me right...1999. My devastatingly disappointing eee pc that I bought 1.5 years ago does not count. The only thing I could do on that was watch hulu and when hulu even stopped working on it I decided it was time. I am now $1800 lighter thanks to my new Macbook Pro decked out with the Adobe premier suite. Send your designing requests my way as now my evenings can be spent in good quality time with my real BF, Mac.... He's no Ken, but he's shinier and metal, not plastic.

all youtube considered

2010-02-03T11:54:00.001-08:00

Welcome back to this lunch-time segment of "music melissa is listening to lately".

My first offering is from Mika's new album. I know, it's been out a couple of months, but I haven't gotten around to listening to it until now. Just like his last album, there are a few songs I could probably do without. But, also like his last album, there are songs not to do without (applaud my use of the double negative). If you haven't heard any of his stuff, give this one a listen to start:

Most of his music videos are actually available on youtube, but I find that watching him dance changes my perception about his music, so I prefer you to listen untainted :)

The next group I discovered just today because I have been watching the movie 500 Days of Summer (finally) for about 30 minutes a night. Last night, I saw my favorite part:

Thank you Hall and Oats. Looking it up on youtube today, I started wondering why Zooey Deschanel doesn't do more with her singing than sing in every single movie she's ever in. And guess what I found? She not only is in a tiny little group, but she even writes the songs, too! (I think). So here is one from their album She & Him: Volume 1 - Enjoy!:

wow...was that too much youtube at once? Sorry for those of you who have it blocked at work....

part 11 of 364

2010-01-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

Things that keep Melissa alive

Part 11: Poached Eggs, a food of the gods

Few foods comfort me as much as poached eggs. That's why monday was a comfortless day. Due to my milk disappearing trick, I had to resort to cold cereal that day. Cold cereal is just that: cold. Comfort had to be put off until last night when I brought out the frying pan once again and settled in, unmoved, to watch my pot of milk take forever (of course) to boil. But, it was all worth it. When the eggs were finally done (20 minutes later) I had myself some soft, warm, eggy, buttery, toasty goodness.

For the record: I have never had an egg poached in just water. Does that seem bland to anyone else? Growing up, our eggs were always poached in either milk or tomato soup. Then when you lay your eggs on toast, you can drizzle milk or tomato soup over it all to soften the toast and make it even more divine. Imagine drizzling water on your toast? Not comforting.

Another interesting poached egg note: I don't think I know anyone my age that actually eats them... and most haven't even tried one! Am I right? I find my only poached allies (not that the allies are boiled in liquid..) are my old lady friends at the temple. They have given me good tips about poaching and, in return, I have seen their eyebrows raise at the suggestion of a milk or tomato soup poached egg.

I believe poached eggs are a food of the gods. Other foods of the gods include:

Avacados
Peanut sauce
Boef bourguignon
Butter
Peaches and Cream
Cheese
Limes

I tried to keep this a list of classy foods (because would gods really eat twinkies?) but these are not the only foods I like. Just the less processed, more pure ones. What are your foods of the gods?

my particular set of skills

2010-01-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

On friday, I watched Taken. A movie where, at one point, Liam Neeson says: "I have a very particular set of skills." Those skills seem to be killing everyone with the slightest flick of his wrist. But, for the record, I think he also has voice skills.

btw, I'm practicing falling in love with older men... don't you think he's kind of hot?

This made me think: What kind of skills do I have? Are my skills particular, as well? Or are they just peculiar?

Here are the skills that I tallied up from just this weekend's events:

Intense movie watching skills. Somehow, I was able to watch Taken without feeling stressed or having nightmares about my upcoming trip to South Africa - So I might get kidnapped and thrown into a prostitution ring...so what?
Snowshoeing skills. I was the only one in our group of about 12 that kept gracefully tripping on her snowshoes... Why won't any of those guys call me?
Crying skills. This has been happening for a while: If I'm visiting teaching, we can be talking about nothing (seriously..movies, sports...nothing) and my eyes will water up. I'm sure this is confusing to those I visit teach and I blame it on my weird sinuses.
Looking like a fool while conducting relief society skills. Seriously. Can't I just keep my fat mouth shut and conduct the meeting like a normal RS president?
Milk disappearing skills. This happened just this morning. I decided to poach an egg and so I put some milk in a small frying pan and put a lid on it on the stove to heat. I went downstairs to put lotion on my face for 2 minutes. When I came back up and lifted up the lid to the pan, every last drop of that milk was gone. I later discovered it transplanted underneath all the burners. I'm magic! Also, my magic smells like scorched milk.

find my ken in 2010

2010-01-04T10:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, let me preface this with a caveat: I'm not talking about my brother Ken. He is a good (perfect?) guy, but I really shouldn't marry my brother. This post is about Marriage. Or my lack of it, more specifically.

I realized a while ago that even though my blog is titled "I saw the elephant" (referring to the elephant in the room) I never really talk too much about the elephants in my life. Let's face it, you probably like it that way. Well, lately I've felt how much my lack of marriage is an elephant in my life and it's time to talk about it. Today is the day. I apologize in advance.

You probably think that I've given up on marriage with how much it doesn't come up in my blog. No. Believe me, it's always there.

When I say I'm looking for my Ken, I really do mean a guy with helmet hair and skin colored underwear. Don't forget the chiseled abs and perfect calves. Also, his arms should only bend to 90 degrees angles making it impossible for his hand to ever reach his mouth (how does he eat!). Here's the problem: I don't think this guy exists.

So...am I really looking for someone TOO perfect? Can I enlist your help to find him?

Here are some things to help you recognize him when he crosses your path:

He will be my age or younger. Younger is nice because (I will say it over and over again) I want to die first. None of this being the one left alonely while the other is converting thousands at a time up in the spirit world.
He will have a big nose and minuscule chin.
He will be strong in his testimony. Is that too much to ask (I really am starting to wonder)?
He will carry on the Cox male tradition of self-deprecation and constant devotion.
He will be as clever as me; no more, no less. (I shouldn't ask for more than I can give)
It would be nice if he wore houndstooth polyester slacks every once in a while.

If you see this Ken, send him my way! (bonus points if his name is actually ken)

farewell to the mole me

2009-12-09T06:59:00.000-08:00

So... I haven't updated you on my mole situation (I know you were all waiting with baited breath). About a month ago, I went to the dermatologist just to ask him if it was possible to have it removed. He had me lie down on his little table and take care of it right then and there.

I spent a week with a lovely band aid on my face which people would then get up the courage to ask about, and to which I would respond, "what do you mean?... what's wrong with my face?!"

Now the sore has mellowed into a sort of soft red spot on my face and people probably just figure that it's a zit that I will not let heal. When the truth really is, I'm so paranoid about infection and scarring that I rarely ever even touch it. Maybe I should have all my zits surgically removed so that I treat them with the same attitude.

This picture (from when I had my own cooking show) makes me miss my short hair... and my mole.

part 10 of 364

2009-11-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

Things That Keep Melissa Alive

Part 10: Pecan Pie

I've had a lot of people tell me this weekend that my love of Pecan Pie makes me an old person. I have to admit, that's what I used to think before I tried it as well. For some reason it reminded me too much of mince meat pie (I still don't know what that is...and it frightens me). Take this side by side comparison... can you tell which one is pecan and which is mince meat?

Ok, so it's probably not that hard...that mince meat looks terrible.

Finally, at age 15 my horrible prejudice changed. I went to my cousin's wedding in St. George and for their wedding breakfast they had pecan pie. Since I had no other dessert to choose from, I figured I might as well try it and I was amazed how tasty it was!

I then started making the pecan pies for our thanksgiving dinner and I found out why it tastes so good. The filling is basically sugar, butter and eggs. Can't beat that! I have to admit, the pecans are my least favorite part of the pie, but the rest is just so dang good that I'll take the pecans as part of the package.

Add some real whipped cream to the top and you have a pie I can live on for a week straight. And believe me, I have.

view from church

2009-11-23T08:37:00.001-08:00

ok, I walked out the back doors of our church yesterday and this is what greeted me.

So much for the smart car....how smart can it be if it scampers up a tree when it gets scared?

Did anyone else see this? What was it doing up there? Maybe it's like what the guy that spoke in the 5th ward stated at the end of his talk: "when you run out of gas, that's a good place to stop."

part 9 of 364

2009-11-19T10:53:00.000-08:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 9: Space Heaters

To illustrate the importance of the space heater in my life, allow me to relate my typical nightly bed routine (keep in mind, I live in the basement):

9:30 - Enter 65° bedroom and turn on space heater. Change to pajamas and exit bedroom, closing door behind me

9:35 - Enter bathroom and perform nightly face routine and teeth brushing

9:37 - Re-enter 70° bedroom and sit in front of my bed next to the space heater with a blanket over me and the space heater to read scriptures and about 1 page of a book before the hard ground causes my sits bones to start to throb.

9:55 - Turn off space heater and light. Enter my bed where I have previously placed a heated rice bag at the foot to warm my feet that are still ice-cubes after sitting huddled next to a space heater for 18 minutes.

11:00 - My feet finally warm up and I fall asleep

So... do I have a circulation issues? How does one keep warm in this stinking cold weather?!

On Saturday morning, our furnace started blowing cold air. Question: why does the furnace wait to die until the coldest day of the season to date? We lived in a 55-60° degree house until Tuesday night, but I was mostly fine because of (you guessed it) my space heater. I didn't really even use it much more than I usually do. Just my same bedtime routine and an occasional 10 minute (warm up my aching bones) sit in front of it during the day.

Now we have a nice new furnace and, of course, the weather has also warmed up.

november concert series: part 2

2009-11-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

This was totally a week ago, but it feels like a dream. And yes, I mean a dream come true! I'm almost ashamed how happy this concert made me. If you ever get the chance to see Regina Spektor live, take it.

There were so many things that made me nervous heading into this concert. Like: Where to park? How to get to the concert? How smashed would I get in the mosh-pit? How achy would my cursed flat feet get from standing so long? How hot would I get? How well would I be able to see? How many times would we get mugged in scary downtown west salt lake?

Most of those fears turned out to be unfounded (we only got mugged once). Everything worked out as slick as a schoolmarm's leg (as grandpa would say). Maybe that's because I had a schoolmarm with me (and she really does shave her legs a lot, I think). Luckily we are drinking age, so we could head up to the slightly less crowded balcony and even squish into some seats behind a railing (#1 best part of the night: sitting).

While we waited the 45 minutes as they set up the stage between the opening act and ms Spektor, we were relishing our padded bench balcony seats with excellent view of the poor unfortunate souls on the ground floor. I figured it was a good time for the standard self portrait shot of the two of us. We took approximately 10 that looked like this:And unfortunately the final one was the most decent of me (the only one with my eyes open):

Here's a piece for you to enjoy, though I'm guessing it's not the same if you weren't there.

november concert series: part 1

2009-11-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

Busy week for me. I miss the days when I would just sit on the couch and stare, expectantly, at the door waiting for my roommates to come home.

I'm not usually a concert attender (unless it features a symphony and/or the MoTab). I have made a few exceptions in my life. Here is my lifetime list of semi-popular music concerts:

New Kids on the Block (12 years old, with ear plugs in my ears supplied by the marriott center).
Lillith Fair (c 1999). It rained (beer and h2o) the whole time, we stayed for Patty, Dar, and Paula then gave up.
Billy Joel 2007 - (hey, free tickets!) and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Wow, is that really it? I'm lame... So, considering I've only been to 3 real concerts in my life, going to 2 in one week signifies a busy week for me!

It kicked off Monday night with David Gray. Bad omen of the night: I was sweating the moment we sat down. Did they really have to have the heat on with thousands of people and flashing lights? Did I also have to wear a long-sleeved shirt with a wool turtleneck over it? (ah, my concert naivety)

The opening act came out and immediately started playing. She danced about like I would if I were on stage in front of thousands of people. That just made me like her. She even played the banjo! Ok - mostly, she just held it through half a song, but she did pluck out a few notes at the end. The thing I loved most about her songs are the variety of crazy instruments she used. There was some sort of crazy hand pump organ, a thing you blow into that has piano keys attached (my family totally had one of these growing up!), an instrument that sounded and looked like they were playing a saw and a lute...I think.

Learning of new artists always excites me so I visited her website yesterday and found this jewel of a "hello there" page:

"Welcome to my web house.

I suppose this means I'm a grown up now and shouldn't eat chocolate biscuit cake for breakfast.

Starting tomorrow.

Feel free to look around and stay awhile. Like my real house, I'll continue to add things until one day I can't find the cat and have to move,

Lisa

ps. thank you to my mother for knitting the wallpaper"

Reading that made me want to try her chocolate chunk cookie recipe also posted on her site. Too bad I don't know what "preheat your oven to 150 for fan ovens or 170 for fanless" means. (Cooking overseas is so confusing!)

The simplicity of her songs were a great contrast to David Gray's electric guitars and drums. I have to admit, I liked the songs best that were just him on the piano or acoustic guitar and his base player.

ps... you can download a free Lisa Hannigan song here at Amazon. Do it!

late bloomin' and bloomin' late

2009-10-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Mom always said I was a late bloomer. So, now that's my excuse for everything. Apparently it took me about 15 years longer than most girls to decide I actually wanted to be a girl. Maybe I didn't realize that most boys want to marry a girl. Not a tomboy who plays with snakes.

About 3 years ago, I decided it was time to start fixing myself up to be more attractive to the boys. These "fix-ups" included:

Getting Lasik so I could once and for all dump my glasses and nevermore look like an alien in photos (at least from no fault of my glasses).
Getting my ears pierced for the first time ever!
Growing my hair out
Starting a more aggressive face routine that requires morning and night dedication
Working out more = once a week
Using the "natural glow" body lotion. Now instead of fluorescent, I am just an incandescent glow in the summer.
Learning what eye shadow was. Thanks, Tia!
Kicking the board shorts habit
Getting my first (and last) manicure
Working at the temple (not only makes me a woman, but an old woman at that)

Next week, I will perform my latest transformation attempt by visiting the dermatologist to see about having my mole removed. Yes. THAT mole. You all know it. My mole and I have been inseparable for a lifetime (not for lack of trying, though). About 10 years ago, I went to my dermatologist and asked him to remove it, but he refused saying that it would create too big of a scar on my face if he cut it out and he didn't want to hurt my dating chances by creating that scar. Well, news flash for him: since none of my other amazing transformations have gotten me the dates, this HAS to be the culprit! So, I'm determined it must go. And I will go see the only dermatologist in Utah valley that takes my insurance to make it happen.

Fingers crossed...I'll let you know how it goes!

favorite things

2009-10-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of them:

Favorite t-shirt:

Favorite depressing/wishful anonymous quote about my life:

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy."

Favorite cited quote: (I've been trying figure out how to say this ever since Prop 8)

"There are civil rights involved in this -- the right to speak your mind, to participate in the election, but you don't have a civil right to win an election or retaliate against those who prevail."
-- Dallin H. Oaks

Favorite horrifyingly depressing movie:

Seriously...I couldn't sleep afterward

Favorite new clothing item:

Plaid jeans from target. Without the heels, of course.

Favorite winter-time tradition that I just started:

Lining my nostrils every night with Vaseline to avoid nose bleeds at my desk, in the bathroom (don't ask), at the temple, and while driving.

my newest stallwart friend

2009-10-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, I realize that's not how 'stalwart' is spelled, jenny jo....

Over the last several months, I have come to a realization: My favorite stall in our shared work bathroom has become my own personal stall. It doesn't matter if I wait until 4pm to use it for the first time in a given day...it always has the seat up to welcome me when I arrive (a sign that it hasn't been used since it was cleaned the previous night).

It used to not be this way, I promise. But, layoffs over the last year have apparently slimmed down our (and the lds church department who we share the bathroom with) female bathroom users. There are still a few other women at my company (who I assume still use the bathroom), but they must just use other stalls. I'm not going to say which stall it is, just in case some of those other women read this and want to steal my unused sanctuary. But there are at least 6 stalls in there and considering that I think there are only 5 women currently at my company, we could, in theory, each have our own stall! (I have not seen any church employees in there for months now)

On a bathroom related side-note: Stacey and I discovered the public bathroom bizarro world: Football games! I'm sure many of you already know this, but it's been a while since I've been to a real football game (is BYU considered real?....). So, at halftime, we braced ourselves for the long bathrooms lines only to discover that the men's line was HUGE, and the women's only had 3 people in it! More football games for me, please! And this time, I'll drink lots of water before hand.

officially I am an old lady

2009-10-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

I went with my sister yesterday to get Walter's shots. Btw, my brothers and I bought my sister a golden retriever puppy for her graduation present (actually, so far it's just one brother and I that bought it for her...the other brother hasn't paid me yet [cough] Trevor.)

These are both pics from the day we got him 3 weeks ago. I swear he is twice this size already!

During our stay at the vet's office, I decided that there are some similarities to the temple.

1) You make friends with random people you sit by: EVERY person that came in with their tiny shi tzu or 12 year old mini beagle had to stop and fawn over Walter. And I quote: "A golden retriever puppy has always been my dream dog!" And in my mind, I would be thinking, so...why do you have that yappy little thing? I'm so glad I could get everyone else's dream dog for my sister. Luckily I think he's also her dream dog.

2) When you see people crying, just look away: After we had been waiting for quite some time, the exam room right in front of us opened and 5 people with very tear-stained faces came stumbling out, sans the little white fluffy dog they went in with.

I have to admit, I was a little worried what everyone there was thinking about these two women who brought their dog in... but my fears were unfounded because after my sister told one lady that we had talked to for a while that our mom taught piano lessons, that lady then turned to me and said, "that's neat that you teach piano..." That was a relief, and also made my sister laugh really really hard.

retreat, treat, eat

2009-09-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

The relief society sisters met at a huge house in Heber to treat, retreat, and also eat. Sometimes you have to retreat to move forward. I'm not sure about the others, but I personally retreated from my job, my family, my messy room, my clean hair, and my sleep. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who retreated from sleep, though, because I went to bed at 1:45am and there were still a slew of people up.

Much of the evening was filled up with spiritual and sisterly togetherness. The RS pres. gave us an interesting thought on visiting teaching where we ended up comparing visiting teaching to a supportive bra (a truer analogy was never set forth).

The bishop also gave a great message about how we use our time and what is important to us. He had us make a list of all the things that were important to us in this life. Some were very general in their list, and some were more specific, naming such things as forks, cute clothes and hair. Bishop then asked us to decide what matters the most to us on our list and then modified that to deciding what should matter the most. That's when I realized marriage wasn't even on my list. Maybe that's my problem. Then he asked us what we thought would be most important 5 years from now. That was when I finally scratched "pegged pants" off my list.

Before bed we were able to cram in a few more activities that included eating brownies and ice cream, playing the game "scream" (through which we discovered there aren't a lot of screamers in our ward), tricking the 20 questions orb of magic by picking "the temple" as our mystery item, painting each others toenails, and putting early to bedder's bras in the freezer (ok, I wish...it just would have fit so perfectly with the theme of the night. eg: visiting teachers often feel like they are left out in the cold...?)

This paragraph was supposed to be devoted to my sleeping hours, but I think I won't toy with your patience by replaying for you all the Neil Diamond songs I sang in my head (and maybe a little out loud) to entertain myself as I didn't sleep.

In the morning, we took the shortest, most beautiful, most full of horse dung - hike (walk) I've ever been on.

Cudos to the relief society enrichment (er... I mean, "meetings"?) committee for putting it all together!

not-so-irrational fear

2009-09-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

My whole life, I've had this paranoia that I stink. My family used to joke that I would wake up in the middle of the night each night to change my pajama shirt because I thought I stunk...and so what if I did? Would they rather I stink?!

In recent years, I've definitely relaxed a bit...sometimes I go a whole week wearing the same pajama shirt to bed. Sick, I know. I've found I'm even more laid back when it comes to keeping my temple dress clean. Every Wednesday night, when I slide my filthy dress on, I mentally vow to wash it this week, for heaven's sake! Only to make the same frustrated vow one week later.

About 2 months ago, I realized it had been forever since I washed my dress (plus it had just sat for those 2 months in the 70's hard suitcase I bought at DI for my temple attire) and its fumes smacked me in the face as I pulled it over my head before heading into the worker's meeting. As I sang the opening song for the meeting, an older sister came and sat right by me and then immediately buried her nose in my shoulder and proclaimed "you smell so good and fresh!"...words cannot describe the incredulous look I gave her, I was so shocked. I explained that it is impossible because I really really really needed to wash this dress. She seemed certain, however, that it was my dress that smelled so good. The next day, I made sure to wash it despite her glowing praise.

Now fast forward 2 months....and of course, I haven't washed the dress since then (I think it's actually starting to look gray). The same sister sat by me again last night and once again smashed her nose into my shoulder proclaimed the same thing. This time, all I could do was laugh straight through the entire hymn with her looking at me all bewildered. First of all: why does she only think it smells good when it's gone 2 months without a wash and sat in a mildewy suitcase for those 2 months? Second: This time she even asked me what brand of detergent I use. To which I responded, "um...the cheapest kind possible?"

So...does this mean that I should shower less too? Would I actually smell better if I was lazy about all my personal hygiene? - All this time, I guess I've had it backward....

question of the day

2009-09-22T12:10:00.001-07:00

I am now on my 10th month of growing my hair out...such a slow and painful process.

This begs the question: Why can't my head hair grow as fast as my leg hair?

part 8 of 364

2009-09-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 8: Peaches and Cream

Usually, I avoid eating things that I love over and over....and over again in rapid succession because I tend to get tired of foods really easily. But I love this time of year, because I can make an exception to that rule.

3 ingredients: 1) Lemon Elberta peaches, peeled and sliced 2) Canned milk 3) Nutmeg

I have this for breakfast, mid-afternoon snack and before bed tummy soother... and do you think I've gotten tired of it yet? The great news is, even if I do eventually get tired of it, I have a whole year for my body to cleanse its self from the overdose and I guarantee that I'll be back to craving them again next August.

Might I suggest you try my 3 ingredient peaches and cream? Try it just once without sugar. The Lemon Elberta variety of peaches have the perfect tartness that can be spoiled by covering it up with sugar, in my opinion (Believe me, I have nothing against sugar...if it tasted better with sugar, I would pile it on every time). You may also shy away from the canned milk, and I admit that I probably only love that because that's what I was raised on. So, if you prefer milk or cream... or - heaven forbid - ice cream :), feel free to substitute that instead.

Peaches and cream before bed gives me happy dreams (last night, I dreamed that byu was beating Florida state 33-6) and sleeping happy keeps me alive!

I think I'll post this at my cubicle

2009-09-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Yup, that pretty much sums it up for me.

things that will no longer keep me alive

2009-09-04T11:24:00.001-07:00

Sometimes love is a decision. Sometimes that decision is even financially based.

Have any of you ever had the South Hampton Sandwich at Gandolfo's? Let me tell you, it is heaven. Warm turkeylettucetomatoswissavocado on white bread heaven. But heaven has been consistently upping its prices. Today, my half heaven sandwich cost $5 even. No, that did not include a drink or chips. Yes, it did include 3 napkins. Good to know they are generous. Heck, for $5, they even wrapped the sandwich in paper for me.

Now, I can hear you all saying that every other sandwich shop is just as expensive. The problem with that argument for me is that none of them are good, so it's hard for me to care if their sandwiches are expensive. I have no problem ditching subway. And that's because they don't sell heaven. Gandolfo's does.

So sometimes you just have to say No to love. No to heaven. Maybe hell has cheaper sandwiches....

the ocd in me

2009-09-02T11:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone has OCD tendencies, right? (nervous chuckle...)

Here are some of mine that I listed today:

Milk top blow: now that I use my own personal jug of milk, I have gotten used to blowing off the crusties before I pour it. No crusties must fall in my cereal! Now, I do it out of habit, whether it's my milk or not.

One side of my towel is for my face; the other side is for my body.

I must shower every morning but have no problem going to bed filthy (this could be why I feel filthy every morning)

I have to have perfect sleep conditions: darkness and silence (no ticking clocks or breathing).

I don't like walking on hard floors in socks: There are too many opportunities for the socks to get wet or dirty. I would rather my feet get dirty than my socks.

Sometimes I'd rather not have help with something if you can't do it my way.

I make my bed every day....it never looks good, but the covers HAVE to be closed so the spiders don't get in.

When I eat any sort of soft candy, I have to bite it in half first, to inspect the inside. Doesn't matter how small the item is. Gummy bears, jr. mints, good 'n plenty.

I can't stand when something is stuck in my teeth...I will pick at it with anything (candy wrappers work well).Thanks mom, I got it from you.

I like giving myself sort of 'mini-challenges'. Maybe it helps me feel accomplished on days when I don't accomplish much. (last week, I challenged myself to keep the "terminal" gmail theme on my email account for one week....it was hard, but so rewarding when I made it!)

Spacial relations. Sometimes I just have to shove one random item into another random item to see if it will fit or if my eyes are tricking me.

At work I have a collection of chip clips that I will clip on my body (mostly my face and arms) throughout the day. The eyebrow and the jaw line are particularly satisfying.

I have a floater in my right eye. Often times when I have nothing to do (standing in one place in the temple), I will try to direct that floater around certain patterns, or objects. I often times get very frustrated because it is near impossible to control the floater (frustration in the temple - is that allowed?).

In certain light, my eyes see things in slightly different colors. If you see me winking at you back and forth with each eye, It means I'm actually comparing my two eye color schemes.Yes, those are only the ones I thought of in an hour period of time. It really is a mystery why I'm not married yet.

umtiw mext thime (chip clip on the bottom lip)

part 7 of 364

2009-08-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 7: Subtitles

I have had a strange fetish for foreign films for nearly 10 years now, but let's face it, I only know a few words in German and Zulu ('how much clock is it?' and 'merry christmas' respectively). So, it's fortuitous that subtitles were invented for me.

Recently, I discovered a new reason to love subtitles. I started running on my roommate's treadmill. I like treadmill running because I can regulate my speed so that I'm not dead after only one block. But I found that in order to watch a movie and be able to understand what was being said that I had to crank the volume level to earsplitting and beyond. So earsplitting that every sound that is made comes with a crackling static sound. I almost gave up on treadmill running as soon as I started for that reason alone.

Then I watched a foreign film and (I kid you not) I thought: Wow, using subtitles is great...I don't have to have the volume up so high. I should just watch foreign films while I run from now on! It took a little while to realize that most movies have the subtitles option, even english ones. so, I've been reaping the benefits of that brilliant discovery ever since.

A few of the advantages and disadvantages of subtitles:

Having to read swear words. Couldn't they just have a bunch of little **** stars or something?

The lame unnecessary explanations in parenthesis: '(making gagging sound while almost vomiting)'

Bad acting can hide behind good subtitles: Reading subtitles can take your attention away from how the actor is actually saying it.

Some things sound beautiful and poetic until you read their translation. Example:"Oh rey chori" = "oh my lassie" (this can be great or painful...it depends)

You don't have to have the volume up so loud that the whole neighborhood knows you are exercising.

Subtitles keep me exercising and that keeps me alive!

30 rocks

2009-08-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

...Especially when you get to celebrate it for more than 30 days.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the condo stay last weekend:

1- Louisa arriving before the rest of us so she got to go through the pain of checking in, etc. All we had to do was drive right into the driveway like it was home sweet home. Thanks, Lou!

2- Teaching Julie to play guitar hero...soon none will be untouched by its influence!

3- 7 people with swimming suits + 7 seats in the hot tub = perfection (...snug perfection)

4- Falling in love with Ralph Macchio all over again.

5- Approx. 1:00am when the TV stereo in the family room decided to randomly turn on at volume level 99.

6- Pancake, egg and hash-brown breakfast! Thanks, Carla!

7- That time in Pearl Izumi when a customer thought that I worked there. (I knew it! I'm so sporty!)

I'm glad I had friends to celebrate with! (although, spending time alone in a hot tub isn't without its perks)

part 6 of 364

2009-08-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 6: 2 minute noodles

Here's a little ode to a food that has kept me alive at various times in my life:

Raman noodles, you are so good to eat.
you last forever and smell a little like feet.

I have to admit, you never sound good
but once I eat you, my mouth says, "food!"

So many flavors, I stay interested.
except the shrimp, cause I can't digest it.

you help my budget cause you are so cheap.
but what are you made of, you strange little heap?

I'll tell everyone that you can't be beat.
cause you're so fast to cook! good to eat!

The above is a pic of my favorite kind of 2-minute noodles. The foreign kind. This one was curry flavor. That's my favorite. It's especially helpful for sinus congestion.

part 5 of 364

2009-08-03T08:49:00.001-07:00

Things that keep melissa alive:

part 5: Music

I know what you're thinking...this is the same as part 4 and you're kind of right...my main reason for liking music is so that I can sing along (another good reason to work from home and not in an office near other living beings with ear drums).

This is slightly embarrassing to admit, but leaving on a mission for a year and a half, I knew the thing I would miss the most would be my music. But my music collection isn't even that vast thanks to my cutting edge 4gig ipod mini. It forces me to sacrifice songs on it that I don't love to make room for new discoveries.

And here they are. I've liked the artists for a while, but the one album just came out, and the other I didn't know existed until a few months ago.

Every once in a while, an album comes along that has such a high percentage of favorite songs on it, that I actually purchase the whole album. And in the case of these two, I wanted the actual physical cds. I'm not really sure why. If I wasn't so cheap, I'd probably get the LP's too.

Bravo ladies. Keep up the good work!

Songs sacrificed to add these two albums to my ipod:

All the Jack Johnson songs that skip
All the Dave Matthews songs that I never ever listen to. Something is wrong with me. I keep thinking I should like him but he just doesn't excite me.

trust me to freak out about nothing

2009-07-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

So, I tried something new today. I tried flying standby. I had originally planned to fly out after work today, but found out a couple days ago that our company was giving us the day off. So I thought I'd try for an earlier flight. I saw that there was one leaving at 10:20 am so I showed up at 9 to try and get standby on that flight. Luckily there were ony 2 people in line ahead of me and there were two check in agents so I figured it would be a breeze....

35 minutes later, I'm still waiting to try and talk to someone about standby. All these other customers would come and use the automated check-in and then the check-in agent would have to help them each for like 5 minutes...what takes so long to print out a check slip for luggage?! Here's where I found myself getting more and more distressed...not only was helping these people taking forever, but they had all come after me! Would I ever get someone to help me?!

Involuntarily, I began slightly shifting my rolling luggage back and forth in an agitated manner. Finally, there was one man between me and help and as it took the agent forever, I must have given the guy (the customer) a very withering look because he asked me when my flight was. So I told him I was trying to catch the 10:30 flight. Seeing that it was only 9:45, he didn't seem to feel too much pitty for me and he even started chatting and joking with the agent and they continued even when he was all done! But I wanted to get up to the gate and get on the standby list!

Finally, the agent helped me (and surprise, it took about 30 seconds...why does everyone else take so long!?) and told me that he could book me all the way through to my final destination on the earlier flights! Wow...suddenly, it didn't matter that it took so long for him to help me. I didn't even have to do standby on any of my flights! Life was good.

Even the security line was super short and I walked up to the guy and handed him my ID and naturally he said "Hello, Sir.....(long pause before he looked up again)....I mean, Ma'am."

I seriously loled and said, "that's why I grew my hair out, so that this wouldn't happen any more!!" What does this mean? Have the last 8 months been a waste of time?

I rolled up to the gate and viola, there are all the same people that I had been agitated around. I find my seat on the plane and sit down....guess who sits by me? Of course it's the guy I was most agitated around. He sits down and smugly says, "you got on!...did you really think you wouldn't?...you sure were shaking"

choose your own moral of this story:

1- Always be courteous and friendly because you might have to share the next hour and a half in a 4 ft space with that person.

2- Act as agitated and desperate as possible so as to elicit sympathy from the check-in agent.

3- I look like man with an a-line hair cut and highlights.

what are little ghettos made of

2009-07-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

I made a terrible discovery this weekend.

Friday, I stopped by my mom's house to get her mail for her and also the mail of two of her neighbors. One of them lives around the corner on 4th east. So I walked down to retrieve their mail. As I walked back toward's mom's house, I passed a tiny duplex and heard a very unnerving sound coming from its front lawn 10 feet away. I turned to discover a tanktop wearing man throwing up on the front steps. I, feeling slightly embarrassed because I was remembering what it's like to throw up in front of someone, kept walking by pretending like I didn't notice.
Here's my issue with it: The front door was open which means, he had just stepped outside to throw up? Why would he come out the front door to throw up in front of who knows who and their dog instead of using the back yard or...heaven forbid, the bathroom toilet?

The next day, I was washing my car in my mom's front yard and I overheard a man yelling at his wife on the front steps of a different duplex across the street from my mom. I counted about 10 words that started with the letter 'F' in only a 20 second period. It made me realize two things:

1- My home street is ghetto and only getting worse

2- What makes someplace the ghetto is simply that people suddenly decide to display all the things they should be embarrassed about on their front lawn....old broken down cars...throw up...arguments...you get the idea.

...'and her mamma cried'....

activity bag - temple square edition

2009-07-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Can I re-emphasize enough how much I enjoy the activity bag? Last weekend, my friends lured my up to SLC under the guise of a sleepover and then surprised me with an extended birthday party. We ate dinner, had cake and ice cream and then they pulled out a special activity bag that they had made for downtown Salt Lake.

It included such activities as:

Measuring up to Joseph (notice how much I grow in the course of the activity):

In like a Lion; out like a roll: New discovery: show up to the Lion House right after they have closed their cash register and you get your rolls free!

Stopping to smell the roses on temple square: Also featured: my new haircut (no more damaged ends!) and some random lady's pony-braid (are people doing those again?!).

Getting committed by the sister missionaries.

Looking like fools as we use Adele's car to blow up our air mattresses for the sleepover and then carrying them back to her apartment:

The weather was so perfect! Thanks, ladies, for a great time.

update: what I will do with $600

2009-07-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the input and advice! Your suggestions and visiting Jack's tire and oil for my oil change yesterday helped me determine my course of action:

$300 - will go to new rear struts for my car.

$150- will go into savings (the big pot which will eventually be used for a mac and a house)

$100 - add to my Roth

$50 - for my july budget...it's looking a bit on the thin side.

what would you do with $600

2009-07-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

ok, so I got a surprise check in the mail this week from Utah Retirement Systems. Apparently they were tired of my Retirement fund from when I was working at the Orem Library going untouched and decided to just close it out and send me a check (with 20% taken out for taxes, of course). I should also note: This retirement account is my only retirement account. Isn't that sad that the only job I've had that offered retirement was my very first job when I was 16? So what should I do with this check?

1) Add it to my Roth IRA never to be touched again

2) Put it in my savings account to perhaps be used towards a house down payment

3) Buy the macbook I've been eying (ok half of one)

4) Find a $600 flight somewhere....

5) Take my family and friends out to eat many times

6) Other (please specify)

last night, driving home at 10pm

2009-06-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

I saw a man who was obviously blind (he had the stick and everything) walking along state street. I immediately panicked and thought, "he should not be walking in the dark!!" Heh...this begs the question:

What is the difference between a blind man walking along state street during the day and a blind man walking along state street in the dark?

A: all the panicked motorists driving by

Other puzzlers of the week:

If a graphic designer leaves for a long lunch and no VP's are there to see it, does she really leave?

If my roommate's room isn't even connected in any way to mine ~ plus ~ the washer and dryer are going, why can I still hear every word of her 11:30 pm phone conversations?

why do I trust my 2 year old nephew completely with my brother's iPod touch but not with my Motorolatm phone?

sub puzzler: How does a 2 year old intuitively know how to unlock an iPod touch?

How does one purchase 90 ice cream bars in logan on her way to Bear Lake if she is traveling on a sunday?

ok, thanks for playing.

part 4 of 364

2009-06-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

part 4: Singing at the top of her lungs.

Lately, I have had a return visit from my old anxiety stomach friend. I tell you...some friends just won't take the cold shoulder hint. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a strained relationship with him. Some refer to him as "pit"...like a pit in your stomach, I guess. I think that is a fitting description of him. This "pit" is the worst of all friends...he keeps me up late at night and then wakes me up early with sharp stomach pains just to remind me all the things I have to worry about in life. Sometimes he gets me up so early, I could cook myself a 7 course breakfast before heading off to work. Too bad "pit" takes away any appetite I might have for waffles and bacon.

Yesterday was particularly a bad day for me and Pit (he's now a pronoun). He gave me runny tummy (for lack of a better term, sorry) in the morning after he insisted on a 5am wake up call, and then took away my appetite for the remainder of the day. It wasn't until the evening that I found something that scares him off: My singing.

I used to play guitar every night before bed for like 10 years straight. I found it mellowed me before bed. Then I moved out of my parent's house 4 years ago and realized that my roommates probably wouldn't be quite as accepting of loud guitar and yelling at 11pm....so I stopped. Is it a coincidence that Pit showed up at that same time?

I've been playing more again lately...as I've gotten more brave to play around roommates. Last night, I decided to look up some songs by an artist I'm rediscovering. I was happy to find 3 different songs of hers that I could learn in basically one pass. They were so easy! One unfortunately had a DADDAD tuning which requires a little effort to transition the guitar to and from, but once you are there it's super easy! Plus~ it allows me to sing at the top of my lungs and that keeps Pit at bay and me alive.

Here's the song I learned with the different tuning:

best way to get people to come to your reception

2009-06-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

On the invitation, it simply stated:

"There will be a receiving line from 6:30-7:00
Please be in your seats for the show at 7:00
the receiving line will resume from 8:00-8:30"

Show?! what is the show?
Ok, I had to go just to ease my curiosity.

Awkward melissa moment: my name wasn't actually on the invitation. But I went anyway because I was so curious (hoping that they just sent it to the wrong address and assumed I got it). But when I gave the bride a hug, she was like "oh, I sent you an invitation and it came back in the mail as undeliverable..."

"oh...good thing I decided to crash your reception anyway!"

weekend: signs of spring

2009-06-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

Went to my sister-in-law's (something tells me it's supposed to be sister's-in-law...but oh well) graduation from Westminster college. My favorite moments of the day long celebration:

1- The bird that pooped on my shirt* (including an undigested worm) with incredible aim...right in the center of my chest.

2- When my brother and sister-in-law footed our brunch fee and my mom bought my dinner for me.

3- The more than 50% of the graduates that were "cum laude". First of all, how does that work?! Second, wouldn't you feel like a loser when you're in the minority because you're not cum laude?

4- The girl who had soccer cleats around her neck instead of honors ropes.

5- All the professors who could not hood the masters students without gagging them...every time.

6- The 40 minutes total of bagpipe music as the graduates and professors took the longest time possible to march to and from their seats.

7- There's always that one girl that insists on hitting the uber high note at the end of the star spangled banner when performing it.

8- Sitting by my friend Catherine at church the next day when she leans over and announces: "I went to a 3 hour graduation yesterday!!..."

* the same shirt I threw up all over a month ago...I think that shirt hates me.

Part 3 of 364

2009-05-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 3: Lunch Walks

I started doing these a few weeks ago. They serve several purposes:

1- Warms up my body that has been surprisingly chilled in the refrigerator of our office. seriously, I never notice until I walk outside and then I suddenly realize how nice the warmth feels.

2- Lets me eat in peace, with no one listening to my banana chewing, wrapper crinkling, choking sounds, etc.

3- I can practice my long baseball throws in the field I walk next to. I can't wait to see all the apple cores and banana peels when the grass dies in the winter.

4- Makes me eat healthy things (for example...you can't eat a costa vida sweet pork burrito while walking).

5- Builds up callouses on my feet that have been babied way too long.

6- I can finally let out all the songs I've been dying to sing all morning.

7- loosens up my shoulders that naturally tighten when a computer monitor is placed in front of me.

All in all, it's a good thing. Feel free to join me sometime (i hope you like badly sung Neil Diamond).

you're crazy social. you must like dark chocolate.

2009-05-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just noticed that this will be my 100th post to my blog. 100 feels better than I thought it would....

My sister sent me an article today that changed my life...or at least made more sense of it. In this article, it states that the area of our brain that inclines us to socialize is the same area where our love of chocolate is stored. That possibly these two things are even related. Looking back at my life, I have determined these scientists know what they are talking about!

As you can see, from the graph I created to represent my life so far (photoshop always makes images so much more classy, doesn't it?), I was not really a social child, and even now I am only mildly social. In my early 20's I learned in a quick few years the social abilities that I now have. It's fair to say that that inclination has now leveled off (ok, I think it's heading back down, but I'm pretending it's not).

Same story with chocolate. I never liked chocolate cake or just plain chocolate bars growing up. I did like candy bars that consisted mainly of other things like peanut butter. In my early 20's I started to gain an appreciation of actual chocolate (sorry Hershey...not you) and I began to realize that I actually like chocolate cake as much or more than vanilla cake. That love has leveled off a bit, I think...or has it? Is dark chocolate next? If so, I better start planning more parties.

Part 2 of 364

2009-05-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 2: Lost

This was me this morning when I realized that there were only 18 episodes of Lost this season (also, I need a shave).

18 episodes?! And at least two of those were stinking recap episodes that only told me things I already knew (and that's saying something because Lost usually lives up to its name with me)! Other dramas don't waste time on the recap episodes and they still have more quantity (though I guess we could argue about quality).

Just to make sure I wasn't off my rocker in crying injustice, I checked how many episodes other drama shows on all the networks have:

(NBC) Heros: 25
(ABC) the other dramas: 22-24
(CBS) Numbers: 23
(Fox) Bones: 25

So: How do they get away with only having 15-16 legit episodes a season?! Is that not criminal? I should just remember that every season I go through the same trauma (ok, this season I plan to make it a tradition): During the episode I think approximately 5 times: Ok, this is just ridiculous, why do I watch this show? By the end of the episode I'm thinking: I need the next episode NOW! But by the next week, I'm back to thinking: meh...I can wait to see it for a few days. It's just mean to toy with our emotions like that.

Here's a great snl sketch from season 3 (I think).

Also, here is possibly my favorite moment of this season. Hurley is my favorite.

I'd like to publicly thank Carla for the use of her DVR that makes it possible for me to watch Lost whenever it suits my fancy (and is convienient for Carla). She keeps my addiction alive, and that keeps me alive.

welcome to part 1 of my 364 part series

2009-05-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

Things that keep Melissa alive:

Part 1: Shoes

It's irony, really...because even though they keep me alive, they are killing me, financially. I bought 4 new pairs of shoes in a 3 week period. I realized they were so important to me when I noticed that a high percentage of pictures I take with my phone are of my shoes. I have only had my new phone for a couple months and have only taken about 10 pictures with it, but here are the ones that are of my shoes. My old phone was riddled with them...notice the view of two of the images...looking down from my lap. I wonder if it has something to do with needing a time filler while in the bathroom.

(Hi Judith!)

(ok, some pairs I just dream about....)

Shoes are my vice in more than just the monetary way... I have no padding on the soul of my feet. Thus, my feet constantly hurt if I have to stand more than about 5 minutes on them. Also, my feet have been growing again so many of my favorite pairs of shoes that I bought a year or more ago are now getting too small. My temple shoes were torturing me also so I have spent the last year looking for the perfect pair. Finally I found a pair at Kmart 2 weeks ago that look just like something a little old lady would wear. Since I can't take pictures in the temple, I just spend my time during the session looking down at my shoes (lap view) and loving them. They're so hot! (also, my feet get really warm in them)

my three favorite mother's day moments: 2009

2009-05-11T12:17:00.001-07:00

1. Our bishop announced that after church we would have a special mother's day activity on the back lawn of the church. Usually, they give us flowers for mother's day (I never really understood, but whatever), so I figured that's what it would be. Suddenly, the guy sitting next to me (I think he might be 12 years old....) leans over and says, "why do we celebrate mother's day in the single's ward?"
-To which I responded, "well gosh, I don't know...I'm sorry if it's a problem for you."
-Then he whispered really softly, "Is it because it's an older single's ward?"
Words cannot express the incredulous look I gave him.

2. So, after Relief Society, we all went out the back door to claim our plant/flower that we could do 1 of 2 things with: Give to our own mothers who are actual mothers or keep and watch it slowly die. But when we walked outside, instead of a long table with little plastic pots on it, there was a long table with brownies, waffle cups, whipped cream, hot fudge, nuts and a soft serve ice cream machine.

Best Mother's Day Gift ever.

3. At ward prayer last night, they had us go around the room and tell what our mothers taught us. Most people said things like "how to show compassion" or "how to reach my goals" or "that I am loved unconditionally". Then one of the last girls was like, "my mother taught me not to be afraid of death." I wonder if there's a story there....

Funerals lead to nose bleeds

2009-04-29T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was good. And by good I mean, good for me spiritually. And by that I actually mean horrible.

Sister Hinckley said, "I laugh because crying gives me a headache." Problem with that policy: what about those situations where you can only cry? -Like me at a funeral.

I went to a funeral yesterday. A good funeral. A long funeral.

Here is my conclusion about funerals:

me + Funeral = Crying

me + Crying = Headache

me + Headache = Vomiting

me + Vomiting = Nose bleed

I would like to apologize to Davis (the passenger in the car I was driving) and everyone driving in Downtown Salt Lake at rush hour who had to witness me puking my brains (which were pink from the jello I ate) out in the middle of South Temple and 2nd East. Also, lest you think throwing up isn't embarrassing enough, just wait until your nose starts bleeding while you are throwing up. Ah...good times. Definitely one of the simple pleasures in life.

About the funeral: It was definitely one of the best funerals I have ever been to. So many good things were said. Elder Cook said some very good things about the sting of death. Funerals have a way of helping you get to know the person in a way you never would have. Like the picture of Derek on the back of the program with his hoodie, slightly crooked basball cap, flashing his cell phone next to the scripture Mosiah 2:41 "And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual."

Perfect.

me + week of simple pleasures

2009-04-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

I want to turn a new leaf. A positive one. I have been noticing that nice things are happening to me. Mostly little things. I think what kickstarted it was my trip to Cambria, CA. That place is just blooming with pleasures of the simplest kind.

1- Stopping at H & M in vegas and just as I look at the mall map and mutter "I wonder if they have a Fossil..." having Stacey poke my shoulder and point to the fossil store right in front of me.

2- Tearing a hole in my new shirt from H & M the first time I wore it...and wearing it again anyway.

3- Taking a walk on this road on Easter Sunday and running into an Indian man from South Africa (yup...they still talk just as much as ever, even in the U.S.).

4- Missing Easter bonnets and then seeing a 12 year old girl wearing gloves and a bonnet at church.

5- Realizing later (when she was teaching R.S.) that she's probably my age.

6- Sitting on a cold windy beach in my new swimming suit trying to stay warm and having the blowing sand exfoliate my skin.

7- Seeing these paint splotches while canvasing the surrounding hills of Cambria for good photos and knowing exactly what they mean.

8- Upon arriving home, finding out that my landlord fixed the rattle in the pipe to my bathroom. It's nice to wash my face with warm water again....

9- Driving my car for the first time after returning and having the annoying clicking sound my car had been making for 2 months just magically stop.

10- Having everyone fawn over my new hair style that took a lot less longer to do than the one no one ever commented on.

i should watch my back (and rib cage...and inner thigh)

2009-04-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today my brother IMed me and said that he had a dream the other night that I died from anorexia...he wanted to just double check that I didn't have it.

"heck no! In fact...I feel like I've been gaining weight...."

About a month ago, a random girl in my ward came to me and said she had a dream that I was really sickly and so weak that she had to help me walk from one room to another.

Could it be?

Are those dark circles my eye sockets?

here comes 30

2009-04-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone has warned me that with the turning of the three-Ohhh your body starts doing weird things. It hit me this week... And yes, I know my birthday isn't for like 3 months but apparently I was born 3 months late because my body is already acting like it's 30. And this post is me protesting that it isn't fair. I guess I am technically in my "thirtieth year".... but I'm still 29!!

Here are some things that have screamed in my quickly deafening ears that I'm becoming an old lady:

1- I swear I have gained weight in the last couple weeks...I now I know why people hate trying on clothes when they feel fat. Yes...I have felt fat. mock all you want, but it's true. Maybe it's just my body performing its 30 year remodeling project and moving the fat from the entire body to my back side and hips, whatever it is, I don't like it. (btw...I'm working out...this is NOT supposed to happen!)

I really really did not want to post this embarrassing picture of my red, heat/cold rashed body after running from a jacuzzi to our cabin in 15 degree temperatures (please please keep that in mind), but I promised I would so that those who thought the model looked like me would see how different we look. For one: she does not have british moles on her arms like I do. For two: see how long my sternum is?! Hers is a lot more appropriately proportioned to her legs/body/life.

2- I have to use the bathroom more. There might be a few other things related to that that I will not mention here (purely for your sake, trust me). Looking at Stacey's healthwise book last night, it recommends purchasing easy to remove, elastic waist band pants to facilitate emergency toilet trips. I firmly believe elastic waistband pants are the new black so count me in.

3- Memory loss. This weekend I realized I have lost any ability to spontaneously say something witty. The culprit is always some word that I can't um... what's that word?... oh yeah... recollect.

4- Loss of patience for poor customer service. The other day, I went in to the watch place in the mall to have them put a new battery in my watch (I just needed to drop it off for heaven's sake). I stood in line and when it was my turn the guy told me he needed to go help these girls try on watches for a while...and he proceeded to stand there and just chat with them while they tried on a million watches...while another man in the back just stood there doing who knows what. I guess I'll be driving up to park city to get my battery replaced.

These pre-symptoms of turning 30 frighten me for what will happen when it actually comes.

frasi lolop = April Fools

2009-04-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Well, we all thought/feared that this was coming. My work just called us all into a meeting to tell us that in a week all of our clients will be transferred to the company that we sold our coaching department to about 6 months ago...thus I will be out of a job.

So, if you hear of anybody needing a graphic designer, let me know! ~Much appreciated

who is mother nature, anyway

2009-03-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and was greeted by this:

I have not been this stunned in a long time. Sure it has been cold lately, and I heard it was supposed to snow yesterday...but after about 2 flurry flakes in the early afternoon, I thought that's all it was referring to. Then, this?! What is that, 6 inches of snow?! Ok, maybe 5....

What in the world is mother nature up to?

Also...speaking of mother nature...(get ready for blond Melissa to reveal herself)...who is she? Growing up I learned that she was the magical force behind the weather. But then people started referring to "the curse" and "aunt flo" as "mother nature's monthly gift". There's even that new commercial that shows mother nature magically appearing to a woman and bringing her a wrapped package with a bow (I know that's how I feel about it...'sweet! it's like my birthday every month!') Then last night someone told me that mother nature was calling so I assumed she meant it was her aunt flo calling...but I never did clarify with her and I think she was actually just referring to needing to use the bathroom. It seems that mother nature is one busy lady covering all those different aspects of our life all around the globe.

I think perhaps when it's just a normal bathroom visit, it's just under the heading of "nature's calling"...am I right? Ugh, I'm so confused.

Whatever she does, this morning's gift was pretty darn amazing.

working on my 4 year food storage

2009-03-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's payday today and thank heavens. I have been spending the money a little bit too much lately. That's why I decided not to spend any this week (those cheez-its from the vending machine and buying gas yesterday don't count). I came to this conclusion on Sunday when we only had an hour of church and I decided it was high time to "cook" something to eat in all that free time. I opened the pantry door and I swear moths flew out. Then I took a good hard look at what was in there. There are things that I've had for at least 3 years...maybe 4. That was when I realized I was looking at my menu for the next week.

Here are some of the things I will be enjoying this week and reliving the fond memories of when I bought them (after dusting off the moth poop):

Capri Suns: I bought this box probably 4 years ago when I lived with Tracy and Angela and we would go meet at a park for lunch, eat and play frisbee.Schweppes Granadilla soda: Straight from South Africa...these are very special to me and I think I'll save the 2 remaining for a special moment. I bought them about 2.5 years ago and have fond memories of sharing them excitedly with friends who told me it just tastes like fresca...heartbreaking.

Mountain Home Potato soup: I got a pint-sized bag of this for Christmas 2 years ago... It was always too small to make for dinner group and not tasty enough to make just for me.

4 Boxes of Rice a Roni: I bought them 2 years ago thinking I would make them for meals...apparently not.

4 Boxes of Mac and Cheese: The Melissa Staple is back. I had it last night and quite enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure those boxes have been in there for a year or more.

1 Bag of corn meal: Perhaps my oldest item. Jon gave it to me during one of his many moves from BYU. I think 5 years ago.

Here's the short list of what else is in there:

4 boxes of Jiffy muffin mixes
4 Boxes of cold cereal
A 2 liter of Root Beer
1 Can of diced carrots
1 Can of black refried beans
1 Can of regular refried beans
1 Can Spaghetti O's
4 different kinds of Hot Chocolate. Why do I have this?! I don't even like it.
1/2 box of lasagna noodles...I can make the smallest pan of sauceless, meatless lasagna ever.
Various soup/gravy packets
One tiny box of red hots - not sure those are mine.

By all accounts it looks like I could actually live off my pantry for a few weeks...maybe I'll acquire a taste for hot chocolate...with red hots.

tighten those belts: signs of the bad economy

2009-03-17T13:12:00.000-07:00

Times are bad...we all know that.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that things really are as bad as they all say (thanks for your help with this, Tracy):

No parking at the rec center - People are buying rec passes instead of forking out the dough for the slightly cleaner, newer, more fashionable and less smelly gym memberships.

Gas prices remain relatively low - This has its own predictable side effect...people will start buying gas guzzlers again because - hey! gas is cheap! (the side effect to that? - GE and Ford will once again be selling their favorite SUV's and the economy will start to rebound...cha-CHing!)

Investing your money is actually throwing your money away (but don't you dare stop!) - I put $1650 dollars in my Roth IRA in the last 6 months. Guess how much is actually in there? That's right - $1568. I'm so glad I'm investing my money....

70% of everyone I know seems to be worried about their job or is currently looking for one -The other 30% are teachers.

The gov't is going into deeper and deeper debt - That's got to help, right?

Cheap food and entertainment is all the rage - There's no wait for seating at Bombay house but Fat Cats is at least an hour wait.

Starbucks closed 600 of its stores, if not more - What is wrong with this country?!

Cheaper prices on everything! - ok...everyone says this but I've yet to see it. I guess I'll continue to sit back and wait for all those deals to come around.

Old Navy has resorted to using mannequins in their printed ads to model their clothes instead of paying for real people/models

Arby's no longer serves homestyle fries

A new generation of depressionistic spenders - here's an article about that...and a quote from it:

"As many economists have noted, cutting spending is the worst thing people with means can do for the economy right now. But that argument seems to have little traction, especially because even those with steady paychecks and no fear of losing their job have seen their net worth decline and their retirement savings evaporate."

And the number one sign of the bad economic times:

No donuts at the 7 stake tubing activity - "budget cuts". Really...it was heart breaking.

Any that I missed? What are some you have noticed?

now I know why they ask "would you like anything else with your order?"

2009-03-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

I just went to Carl's Jr to celebrate Jack's up-selling me on 2 tires and an alignment after getting my oil changed.

Girl In Thick Spanish Accent: "Can I take your order?"

Me: "Hi, ok...."

GITSA: "ok let me know when you're ready.."

Me: Confused
"ok...can I have a cheeseburger kids meal?"

GITSA: "what drink you want?"

Me: "Rootbeer"

GITSA: "Ok, what else"

Me: Do I get another drink?!.... "er....fries?"

GITSA: "You want extra fries?"

Me: "No...sorry...that's all"

GITSA: "ok go to the window"

Me: Is this free? I pull up to the window.

GITSA: "$3.62 please....Fry sauce?"

Me: "Yes!" I didn't even know Carl's Jr had fry sauce! Finally, someone with Good customer service skills.

i forgot about the smiths

2009-03-11T07:54:00.001-07:00

Like...completely forgot. I even have one of their cd's somewhere...unless it was one of the ones that got stolen.

I was reminded of them while watching the trailer for 500 Days of Summer. I'm kind of interested in this movie and not just because it has the Smiths and Regina Spektor music in it. But that helps.

Listening to the Smiths again makes me want to paint a still-life consisting of an antelope skull, a jar of peaches, a rusted milk can and three shriveled apples (thanks for pretending it was beautiful and hanging it in the study for a while, mom).

ate things tag

2009-03-06T13:01:00.001-08:00

I will post, but I refuse to tag. I guess it's kind of like not getting married so that the family name dies. When I put it that way, it sounds more cruel than it actually is.

TV shows I 'Ate (living or dead):

Dallas
Sex and the City
The Glen Beck show
Dr Phil
The Batchelor
Big Brother
Judge Judy
Most other reality shows

Things I Ate yesterday:

applesauce
Easter candy
fruit leather out of the garbage
my pride playing foosball
EZ Take-out Burger
taquitos with sour cream, cheese and avo
chips and salsa
Probably a little bit of toothpaste while brushing me teeth

Things I Ate (ain't...this is hard, ok) looking forward to:

More Wrinkles
A slowed down metabolism
Looking for a job
Driving in the snow today
The stress of teaching my children correct things
My car dying
Socialism
Steep gas prices in the summer

Favorite restaurants I Ate at:

Bangkok Grill (of course)
Bombay House
Pizza Factory
Gandolfo's
Weinerschnitzel
McDonald's
Taco Time
In 'n Out

Things on my wish list I Ate:

Avocados
Mango Lassi
Fresh Spring Rolls
Chicken Satay
Costa Vida sweet pork
The South Hampton
Olallieberry pie and ice cream
Nandos garlic and herb sandwich

People I Ate:

Oops..no one..well wouldn't you know it.

I bought that dresser...strictly to support the crumbling economy

2009-03-05T12:19:00.001-08:00

I could stare at this all day

2009-03-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

....and I think I do. It's now my phone wallpaper.

I stumbled upon it on saturday, along with an $80 brown pea coat...too bad I had limited myself to only spending $40 (swimsuit sale at shade).

Speaking of which...here is what I will look like in my new swimsuit from shade:

That's right...no more wedgies. I have finally caught up to the rest of the world in figuring out that one piece swimsuits hurt. Especially for those of us with stubby legs and lengthy torsos.

That's right #2... I bought a gray top with brown bottoms. I love breaking rules. Though, as my friend Catherine pointed out yesterday: at the end of the sale, the store is going to have to figure out what to do with the rogue brown top and gray bottoms. I'll have to check back and see if they're on clearance and they can sell them to me.

Back to the dresser: Actually...only the bottom two drawers are actually drawers. The top "drawer" is actually a pull down desk...how cool is that?!

I want it so badly it hurts...but it's $500. Everyone (except those who truly love me, of course) is telling me that's too expensive. But, it really seems like quality solid wood and for heaven's sake, its for sale down from $1000! You have to admit, 500 sounds pretty good compared to that.

So...give me advice...should I get it? Be honest...its ok.

I can just picture it in a simple room with a flat color on the wall....

happy birthday, february

2009-02-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

February is a special month. Here are some special things that I have found about February:

Black History Month: Since I am as white as they come, I celebrate this by making countless "BHM" mix cd's with such ethnic artists as: Tracy Chapman, Miriam Makeba, Taj Mahal, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Otis Redding and Michael Jackson (mental note: remove vanilla ice off my BHM mix...it turns out he's not black).

Only 28 days: You would think February being shorter would make winter seem shorter too, but no.

Month of birthdays: 3 of my favorite people (not including me) celebrate their birthdays in February. That makes February the month with the most birthdays of my favorite people...so...Happy Birthday, my favorite people! (you know who you are). Actually, June maybe takes the number one spot because it is also full of birthdays and one of them is mine...sorry February. But, I also know several people my age who have given birth to all or most of their children in February...not sure what that means...maybe that May is the new Valentine's month?

Abandoning of new year's resolutions: It's the first real month of the year where I can begin to relax on my resolutions again...and the gym crowds start to dwindle...scratch that, I just went to the gym and it was as busy as ever...let's replace that with temple crowds start to dwindle (this I have noticed for sure).

So...February, now that I have proven how special you are, please feel free to come around again in 12 months. But this time give me more warning so I can go out and buy birthday presents.

anger: one letter short of danger

2009-02-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it, I have a short fuse. I've already reviewed for you (in my previous post) how I patiently wait through automated systems for customer service reps...needless to say, I have long felt like I have the shortest fuse in my family. Bless them for being so constantly patient with me.

You may think I hide it well, but that's just because you don't know me well enough to have witnessed one of my moments. Moments that cause those in my presence to shrink in the presence of danger. Moments I am not proud of.

Last week was my week to park under the covered parking. Twice, as I was driving up to park, I would be halted by some sort of dodge mini suv that had stolen our covered spot. Of course, both times it snowed overnight while my car was not nestled under it's protective overhang. Feelings of unhappiness and begrudgement followed. My roommate Judith seemed pretty sure that it was our upstairs neighbors who were the culprits, even though they wouldn't claim responsibility.

Fast forward to yesterday: I...

1. Stopped by the library to pick up the next book on my book list: The Dance of Anger.
2. Drove home to my apartment to begin reading: The Dance of Anger.
3. Parked in uncovered parking (it's stacey's turn for covered).
4. Saw that another car had once again stolen our covered spot.
5. Steam flew out my ears and my body writhed as I did: The Dance of Anger.
6. Did The Dance of Anger up the stairs to our neighbor and pounded on their door.
7. Went inside my house and began to read: The Dance of Anger.

somehow I look like a boy, even on the phone

2009-02-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

Just to follow up on the last post...last night I had to call Verizon about 12 times because we were trying to upgrade our phones online and it seems that Verizon hates our account. By the time I had put in my phone number and secret password for about the 20th time and then waited on hold for 20 minutes once again, it was hard to mask my thinly veiled anger to the unsuspecting agent on the other end. (My poor family that had to hear me rant and rave while waiting on the line...my anger wasn't so thinly veiled around them).

Then, when the customer support agent finished our conversation and asked for me to validate them: "Have I successfully helped you with all your questions today, sir- er...ma'am?

the irony of a decision

2009-02-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, about a month ago, I decided I was going to grow my hair out. During my 9 or so year stint with "boy-short" hair, I didn't have too many embarrassing moments caused directly by my hair...well, if you're not counting how bad I look in pretty much every picture ever taken of me. I'm certain that's due to me (please, remind me to open my left eye, everyone), not my hair.

Here's a look back at one of my favorite short hair awkward moments circa 2000:

Walking down the streets of new york at night with 4 other girls who also had short hair (art-school field trip...that might explain it) and we walk by a guy smoking on the sidewalk...as we walk by, he says: "Is you a girl? cause you looks like a dude!"

....................................

So currently, I am in the awkward mullet-like stage of growing it out. Still, I was looking forward to being more girly and attractive to the opposite gender. But 3 experiences in one week's time have deterred my faith in my decision a bit (they might also qualify as awkward melissa moments...AMM). Maybe it's like the trial of my faith...only after will I receive a witness that I made the correct decision.

1. On our way home from Texas, the flight attendants were going by getting our drink orders and the attendant looked up from my mom to me and before really looking at me (this is how I rationalize it so I feel better) said “and for you, sir-ma'am?”

2. The next thursday night, I was leaving my mom's house at dusk and the neighbors were going in their front door with their kids. Suddenly I hear one of the kids yell, “Hi, grandma Cox!” All I could do was pretend to be a 60 year old lady and say “hi” back and then jump in my car and drive away real quick. Flash-back: This was likely the same child that came to me more than a year ago while I was washing my car in front of the house and asked: "are you a girl or a boy?"

3. The next day, as I was driving to Hurricane with Stacey and Carla, we stopped in Nephi to get some taco time. We ordered and then sat down to eat, and a few minutes later, the tiny 15 year old that took our order came over and he said, "my boss wanted me to give this to you....I don't know why..." It was a piece of paper upside down...with Stacey and Carla eagerly watching, I flipped it over:
When telling my family the story when I got home on sunday, my mom's response was: "she thought you were a boy?..."

"yeah, mom...that's what she thought...."

ugly outfit day

2009-02-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

It was stacey's idea. Sometimes, I think she just comes up with these things because she knows it makes my day to do stuff like this. I told her it reminded me of Katie's "ugly betty day". We should have gone and got mom's ponchos to complete the ensemble. A few things I learned from our day of adventure:

1. My camera sucks at inside pictures...look how blurry and grainy this one is.

2. Stacey doesn't own any ugly pants. I had to let her borrow my pink ones (psst...I wore them to work today), which made them perfect because they are about 4 inches too short for her long legs.

3. I have lots of options for combining clashing colors and patterns. Look at my awesome socks, even...thanks, ange!

4. It's sad when it's ugly outfit day and your roommate doesn't even notice... (me and stacey eagerly listening to judith opening the door... "hi girls....why you smiling so big?....") I wonder what that infers about my everyday (not ugly, might I add) outfits.

5. Fashions are crazy enough right now that only one person mentioned anything to us as we went shopping ("I like your pants..." to me).

6. Dressing insane doesn't stop anyone from thinking you work at barnes and noble:
"hey, do you ladies know the children's book about (some weird name)"
"no...don't think I've heard that one"
some big long story about how his kids got it from the library once and now he can't find it
me: "I would try googling that phrase in quotes and see what comes up"
"oh...I could try that...where's your computer?...I can't find anything in your store..."
"er...I don't know where any computers are....sorry (do barnes and noble employees always dress like this?!)"

7. Even sitting at home doing nothing is a party on ugly outfit day.

8. Winner ugly outfits don't necessarilly give you guitar hero super powers.

9. The excitement of your own ugly outfit can cause you to forget what you're doing when filling your car with gas (ten minutes later...."oh....I should have selected "midgrade" before I pulled the pump trigger.... I get how this works!")

Here's to any future Ugly Outfit Days...(maybe tomorrow?)

irrational fears; shower edition

2009-01-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

I forgot one of the main irrational fears in the last similarly named post, so I decided to do a whole blog about it. My whole life I have had this fear and it is only alive because of my house; the house I grew up in. I don't have a picture of it, but it's a typical, orem, split-level home...sort of like this, but not really at all, actually (ours has snow around it and not tacky dead leaves...and what are those weird shades on the upstairs window?!). Do you see the part that overhangs over the lower level? In my house, that is where the bathtub is. I was probably 8 or so before I actually figured that out, but when I did my fear was instantaneously born that at some unsuspecting moment when I was sitting in the bathtub starkly in the buff, the bathtub would fall through the weak (termite infested, maybe?) floor and I would be sitting on the south side of 200 North fully visible to all who would drive or walk by.

Irrational fears are titled that for a reason...why would I think that I would be the one (with my substantial 40 lb 8 year old body) to cause it to give way and not someone like, say, my father?

Just so you know, I still have that fear. I was reminded of it when staying at my mom's over christmas and taking several showers and baths in that tub. Each time I do, I plan in my head how I will respond to such an emergency. You know fire escape plans?...this is similar. One plan involves laying down as flat as I can in the tub, hoping no one notices me (that's as far as the plan has gotten...pray that's not my only resort at go time). Another relies on my hearing some timbers creaking before the breakthrough, allowing me time to grab the large towel that I always hang super close (so it's available for emergencies) and wrap it around me while I run briskly into the house. As you can see, I don't really have any great plans, yet I spend my whole shower or bath trying to think of them...that's why it's a fear, folks.

You may have also guessed that I have the fear of people seeing me naked. But I don't think that one's irrational.

my 12 favorite texas moments of the weekend:

2009-01-21T07:32:00.000-08:00

The two guys in their late 20's that jumped ahead of us in line to get on the plane (southwest...sigh) and when my mom pointed out that they were supposed to be 10 people behind us, they just ignored her. They will forever be known as "those skinheads" by my mom, even though they both looked clean cut...but one of them was bald. She thought those skinheads might hunt her down for giving them a bad time.

The 7 Ladies in the Las Vegas airport who looked like they just touched down from India. Their accents were thick, they were taking pictures of each other all over the airport (I took a group picture for them thinking I was being so helpful to the novice american tourists.) and even a picture of one of them holding a dollar bill (american money!!). As I boarded our flight, I passed one of them sitting at the front of the plane and she thanked me for taking their picture. I asked if they were headed to Dallas (our flight was continuing on to dallas after lubbock). And she was like "no, we're from Lubbock." Ha.

After Rob's family picked us up from the airport, we were driving to their house on the freeway and a car came zooming along in the fast lane...in the opposite direction!

watching mystery science theater...and only now that I am looking up the particular movie that we watched, do I realize it was rated "R". Good thing my brother fast-forwarded lots of it.

Going to the science museum with the kids

Trying shrimp again, and re-affirming that I don't like it.

winning the "bird watching trivia game" even though I feel I know the least about birds in our family (thank you, life list cards...and Rob for the hint on the Northern Cardinal).

Playing games with Andrew every free second... "Aunt lissa...play game me". Then he'd grab my hand and fake grunt while trying to help me up off the couch.

Learning what playas are at the science museum and then seeing millions of them on our flight from Lubbock to Dallas.

The singing flight attendant: "we are cle-eared for depa-arture...you are getting sle-epy...very sleepy. you don't want anything to drink. you are not hungry for peanuts...the lights are dimming... ok now stop annoying us and let us go to sleep."

Discovering that Southwest offers complimentary hot chocolate.

Flying through 5 different airports for one trip to Lubbock.

it's an american institution

2009-01-12T14:26:00.000-08:00

I live right across the street from this place and I have to say, I've never seen the parking lot this full. This picture must be photoshopped. I live in constant amazement how this place stays in business. Right in the middle of the Christmas rush I ventured in because I had heard they sold cocomotion machines. I've never seen it so busy! At least two lanes were open and I saw a smattering of people with carts as I walked up and down the isles. I think there was someone in line in front of me at the register, too...a serious Allen's christmas rush!

The sign is the same, the parking lot is the same, the two splotches of red painted shingles are the same, the cash registers and squeaky conveyer belts have to be the same. It has been around my whole life. Infact, here is the Allen's time line for my life:

Ages 5-15 (estimate): I accompany my mother every 4-6 months to do her "month's shopping" at Allens (or the old Macey's that used to be in Lindon by the Purple turtle, or food4less in provo). Month's shopping was just that, shopping for a whole month's worth of groceries. Generally two carts piled high with stuff. You would love to be behind us in line. When it was my month to go with mom that meant I got to chose the "sugared" cereal my family would eat that month.

Ages 16-25: I forget that Allen's exists. Actually, I probably just assume that it's gone out of business by now. It's at least 2 miles away...in the wrong direction.

Age 26: I move to 12th west and about 16th north in Orem and Allen's becomes the park and ride for my family trips out to highland to see the cousins. 12th west is too far out of the way for my family to come pick me up, so I drive to Allen's; park; and then ride with them the rest of the way.

Age 27: Our dog, Mustache' (moo-stosh-uh), in a haze of senility, wanders from home (200 N, 400 E) and is found at Allen's (2000 N and state) smelling of sewer and having a mysterious ear injury that would plague her the rest of her life and haunt my dreams the rest of mine.

Age 28: I move across the street from Allen's and every few months afterward notice it as I drive home and think, oh yeah...Allen's!

Age 29 (saturday): Having left my car in several pieces the night before at my mom's, I figure I'll have to walk to Albertson's to do my shopping. But then I remember...Allen's! It's right across the street! So, I borrow my roommate's gloves and bundle up for my 20 yard walk to Allen's. As I walk I remember that my mom mentioned to me just the day before that she figures Allen's is able to stay in business so long because they now own the building they are in. No house (er...store?) payment! I imagine that helps. Let me just say: You never know what you will find at Allen's. That's what's so great about the place! I love to just go roam the isles and discover. In the soda isle, this product, Couronne, caught my eye and my curiousity got the better of me...I had to buy it. Mainly, I thought it looked alcoholic...or at least like cleaning solution. Turns out, it wasn't either, but just the sweetest, creamiest soda you'll ever taste. Really...it's too sweet and creamy. It's sick. Actually, I think it smells and tastes exactly like circus peanuts.I go to check out and the total bill is $18.03, so I give the guy a 20 dollar bill and watch him very kindly type that he received $20.03. I decide then and there: this place must stay in business.

find the rhyme in '09

2009-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

Back in October, I decided that (having successfully failed on my 'find a mate in 08' goal for the year) it was time to move on to the slogan for '09. I knew it had to be "get a spine in '09" the moment I came up with it. I figured, however, this might not be as marketable as "find a mate in 08" because, really, I felt it didn't really apply to many others (t-shirts not forthcoming, as of now). The meaning is three-fold:

1. I have never had a spine. I cannot say 'no' when people ask me to do things, no matter how silly, or unreasonable. Thus when a door-to-door salesman shows up, I wind up with newspaper subscriptions or a 4 year (no cancellation possible) subscription to 5 different magazines...thank heavens that one is almost over; I am certain my mailman hates me...though I will miss the reader's digest.

2. Being brave to do things I wouldn't usually do. I resolve to step into the unknown and try things like: Seafood, driving in the snow, being friendly to others at church, and possibly even swimming without any board shorts on over my normal suit...this is the big time, folks!

3. Most of you are aware that I have been closely in touch with my spine issues this year (and bored you with them). I want a new spine...a real spine. One that will allow me to do sit ups like a real person (not some outer-space life form); one that won't collapse and re-injure just from jumping on a trampoline. At the same time, I realize that my spine issues are not bad. Many others have far far worse pain and limitations from their spine...so maybe I just want my body to heal a bit. Maybe if I never exercise or do anything strenuous...I like the sound of that goal.

There you have it. When I told my sister at the first of December what my goal was for '09, we then went on a rampage of finding what else could possibly help us rhyme our way into '09. Here's what we came up with. Since most of you probably already have spines, please feel free to use one of these for your goal this year:

lookin' fine in '09
be mine in '09
clean the grime in '09
marry for time in '09
toe the line in '09
in my prime in '09
or...depending on who you are: past my prime in '09
also...for me: passing my prime in '09
looking for a sign in '09
resign in '09
graduate on time in '09 (for my sister)
patsy klein in '09 (i dunno)
swingin' on a vine in '09
see the Rhine in '09
raise swine in '09
work in a mine in '09 (you never know with this economy...)
be on time in '09
or...for me: stop being on time in '09

2008-12-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the posting drought...I've been thinking. Thinking about my irrational fears. I have a few:

1-My stories are dreadfully boring. I had a district leader that was a bit jerky (understatement) and told me once (right after I finished telling a story that I thought was hilarious, of course) that I tell the most boring stories...thus the foundation of my fear.

2-That my fear that my stories are boring is not actually irrational...

3-My teeth crumbling. Someone told me once that that means that I fear losing something permanent in my life. You would think that I would actually floss with this irrational fear that might turn out to not be irrational afterall.

4-Change (to go along with the previous). My routine, my family, my job...don't change it. Every time I go through what I think is a big change, I do a mini panic only to find out in the end that it wasn't really a big deal.

5-My car tires will "twist their ankles" if I turn a corner too tight. I think this stems back to the worst injury I've had. A few years ago I tore a couple ligaments in my left ankle when came down from a rebound on someone's foot...wait...was that story boring?

6-Spiders underneath my toilet seat. That is a very vulnerable spot for a spider to have access to.

7-I have every deadly disease known to man. I'm 95% positive this one is actually true...also, is that a lump on my neck?

8-There is a man hiding in the back seat of my car.

bailout benefits and bull

2008-12-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Ok, I realize that I don't know much about this subject, so I'm asking for everyone's opinion on the matter. Is it just me, or is the big three bailout a bunch of bull-arky? I knew the gov't bailout of the large financial yahoos was a bad thing...because as soon as that happens then every other large American buisness comes crawling to the government with the claim "well you helped them...why not us?". Foreign automakers have been more on top of making cars that are fuel efficient, thus going along with our sudden desires to be trendy and drive conservative cars. So should we reward our nation's automakers who have been ignoring that trend? Hopefully this isn't just a trend, though...I have to admit I find the big gasguzzlers pretty dang irksome, and I don't think it's bad for the companies that built them to have to pay a price for it. If the government helps them, then will they even try to invest in future technologies? Will they actually make their cars more fuel efficient? Why is it that new cars get just as bad or worse gas mileage as the same car 20 years ago? Have they made no improvements in that time?! Sounds like they need a wake-up call, not a handout.

I didn't vote for mitt romney in the primary, but I think he knows his stuff about business and I think I agree with him on much of what he says here.

So what are the benefits of a bailout?

1. temporarily save a lot of jobs?

that's all I got.

I think I have a boyfriend

2008-11-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

He just keeps hanging around. I try to get rid of him, but apparently my magnetic personality just keeps drawing him back to me. Don't you love when a suitor is completely clueless to your blatant attempts to get rid of him? Maybe I should just give up and welcome him in.

What? oh...you want to know his name? ok, but I'm trusting you not to google him, find out all his bad qualities, and then try to point them out to me...trust me...that never works. We all know that once someone's blinded in a bad relationship, there's no reasoning with them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting Trojan horse BHO.GJK for lunch to discuss possible marriage plans.

That's right...I have a computer virus...we've been on the dating path for almost 2 weeks now.

financial peace....check!

2008-11-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's book, Financial Peace. Ah...my life feels so much more secure already...like wrapping myself in a big warm blanket made out of sewn together $100 bills and then flopping down for a nice nap on my straw tick mattress...but it's not straw, it's $10 bills which are more comfortable than straw. But what isn't, really.

I actually did enjoy the book. And I have to admit, I'm trying out his (and my mom's) "envelope method" of budgeting. So far I've done really well except for those times when I've just pulled out my debit or credit card to make the money in the envelope last longer....which is totally working...I still have $20 in my envelope for this pay period which ends on the 25th!

The last chapter had some good "baby steps" as he calls them for achieving financial peace. So that you don't have to actually read the book yourself, here's what he says:

1. Get $1000 in savings. Until you do that, pay the minimum that you can on everything else.
2. Get mad at debt and kill it with the debt snowball. If you want to know what that is, ask me :)
3. When your house payment is the only debt left, work further on an emergency savings fund. That is 3-6 months worth of your expenses. Keep this money untouched but available...don't invest it.
4. Max out your 401k and other investments as much as possible; check all your insurances to make sure you are getting the best deal.
5. Start a college fund for your kids (whatever...my kids are paying their own way just like I did)
6. Scrape your extra funds together to pay off your house early.
7. Now nothing is left but to build your investments to wealth and give it away.

Notice that the last step wasn't "move into a bigger house and start all over again..." It was to give money away. That's one thing I like about his book. He strongly promotes generosity and especially paying a tithing. Interesting, eh?